**From Textbook to Triumph: Lessons in Connection, Failure, and Building an Authentic Life**
*“If the golden egg is a prospect, a potential customer, I can spend tonnes of money trying to get all the golden eggs I can in traditional ways like everyone else… or I can go deep with the geese who lay the golden eggs each day.”*
That line from my conversation with Joanne Lockwood still rings in my ears. The truth is, whether you’re building a business, a movement, or a life worth living, it’s never really about the quick win or the next shiny object. It’s about relationships—nurturing the right ones with intention, humility, and a lot of patience. When you genuinely care for others, invest in the community, and show up without expectation, the returns—financial, emotional, and reputational—compound in ways you can’t spreadsheet.
That’s what we dug into on Inclusion Bites. And it’s why the story that began as a discussion about “relationship marketing” quickly morphed into something more vulnerable and vital: how we confront failure, embrace our own development, and support the next generation to do the same.
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### Why This Matters to Me
For years, I’ve worn the labels: driven entrepreneur, best-selling author, community builder. I’ve also worn the less glamorous badges: self-doubter, late bloomer, father who nearly missed the joy for the grind. The world tells us success is about following a well-trod path: do well at school, get the right title, keep your head down, and aim for certainty.
But anyone who’s built anything meaningful knows the real story is messier. It’s less “top of the class” and more about resilience, experimentation, and trusting that the right relationships—internal and external—will support you when the market (or life itself) throws you an unforeseen curveball.
Helping the next generation see this, guiding clients and teams to trust the process, and demystifying what it really takes to thrive beyond the textbook—that’s become my mission.
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### Inclusion Bites and Joanne Lockwood: A Community for Challenging Conversation
Joanne Lockwood’s Inclusion Bites podcast has become a genuine sanctuary for boundary-pushing discussions about inclusion, belonging, and societal change. She brings an authenticity that’s rare in an age of surface-level “D&I” chatter. As founder of SEE Change Happen, Joanne’s work is grounded in lived experience, real vulnerability, and relentless curiosity. She doesn’t merely host guests; she forges connections that challenge and inspire.
More than [INSERT_VIEW_COUNT] people have already watched our interview on YouTube, with many more tuning in via Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
If this conversation sparks something for you—questions, pushback, or agreement—I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. I read every one.
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## The Value of Staying in Your Lane—And Knowing When to Pivot
One of the most profound shifts in my thinking over the years has been accepting that I don’t need to have all the answers. Early in my career, I felt compelled to weigh in on every topic, to appear competent and in control no matter the reality underneath. There’s a certain cultural script in business—especially in risk-driven fields like insurance and finance—that discourages vulnerability. If you don’t know, act as though you do.
But time (and humility) have taught me otherwise. Joanne’s phrase “stay in your own lane” resonated with both of us, but we also both acknowledged the importance of stepping beyond those boundaries from time to time, if only to challenge stale thinking. The crucial distinction is knowing the difference: when to stand firm in your expertise, and when to admit, “That’s out of my depth, and that’s okay.”
As I told Joanne, “Now I’m comfortable with the ‘I don’t know’. The older I get, the more comfortable I am knowing what I know and staying in my lane.” It’s a lesson for leaders at every level—integrity beats bravado, and real strength comes from discernment, not omniscience.
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## “Who Are the Geese?”: Relationship Marketing in a Digitally Disrupted World
When I started my first business—no cash, two newborns, fresh off redundancy from the 2008 meltdown—I was forced to get scrappy. Traditional advertising was out. So I did what felt almost radical: I doubled down on relationships. I asked myself, “Who are the people already doing business with my dream clients? Who do they trust?”
Rather than invest in mass marketing to chase “golden eggs,” I decided to nurture the geese—small business owners, school officials, service organisations, my star customers, and eventually, a carefully cultivated network online.
Joanne and I found pockets of shared history here, recalling the era of printed brochures, franking machines, and the delicate ballet of BNI meetings. But what stood out most from this discussion was not nostalgia, but the timelessness of the underlying principle: human connection is irreplaceable.
Digital tools amplify reach, no doubt, but they can never substitute the sincerity of “eyeball to eyeball.” As I put it during our talk: “In this digitally dominated world, what was once old is new again. The power of loving on people—AI can’t replace that.” Joanne added her own spin on relationship-driven growth, emphasising the importance of giving authentically and trusting that the ecosystem (not necessarily the recipient) will return the energy in time.
If you lead people, manage accounts, or serve a community, pause and ask: are you chasing the eggs—or nurturing the geese?
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## AI, Adaptation, and the Enduring Edge of Humanness
As much as I’ve built my business on relationships, I’d be naïve to ignore technology’s role in rewriting the business playbook. Joanne and I had a lively exchange about the accelerating impact of AI, recalling the sudden obsolescence of Blockbuster and the inexorable march of software that now writes our websites, drafts our pitches, and analyses our markets in minutes.
But what kept surfacing was not anxiety, but adaptation.
“I’m embracing AI every day,” I said, “but as a tool. The people who’ll be replaced aren’t those using AI; it’ll be the ones refusing to adapt.” Joanne painted the picture with even more urgency: “The latest GPT and Canva updates are existential to swathes of industries.”
Yet for all the disruption, I remain convinced there will always be a premium on relationships. If tomorrow’s restaurant is run by robots, there will still be a market for a human waiter, for the small acts of empathy and recognition that no machine can replicate. AI doesn’t ask, “How’s your mum?” AI doesn’t listen when you confess you’re scared about your future, your retirement, or your business falling apart.
So, yes, we both use AI (even to draft parts of this piece, if I’m honest). The difference between leaders who thrive and those who perish isn’t the tool—they’re the same for everyone—it’s the perspective and creativity you bring to their usage. Control the technology; don’t let it control you.
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## Trust, Empathy, and the Fragility of Reputation
There’s a phrase I return to often: “Trust is hard fought but lost in an instant.” Especially in my world—risk management, financial advice, protecting assets and livelihoods—people don’t buy products, they buy trust. AI might be able to copy a strategy, but it cannot build the sort of empathetic relationship that guides someone through crisis, or calms a panicked client at midnight.
Joanne was sharp on this as well: “Do I trust ChatGPT with my family, my home, my car? No. Do I trust a human? Maybe not at first, but I can ask questions, I can check references, I can look them in the eye.” We agreed that while digital assistants might enhance our efficiency, authentic relationships built on empathy still underpin the most important decisions people make.
It’s not just about logic and data. It’s about “I hear you. I know what you’re going through.” In an era of mass personal branding and algorithmically curated personas, the leader—or the friend—who shows up authentically, listens deeply, and is willing to say “I don’t know, but I’ll help you figure it out” is irreplaceable.
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## The Power and Peril of Personal Brand in a Hyperconnected Age
We both agreed: it’s no longer about what you know, or even who you know. It’s who knows you—and, critically, what do they say about you when you’re not in the room? Your Google reviews, your LinkedIn recommendations, the unfiltered word of mouth cascading through networks that can be global in a heartbeat.
Joanne shared her journey from LinkedIn “stalker” to recognised thought leader—stepping from anonymity to engagement, then to authorship of opinion pieces that get quoted and debated by others. What struck me was her intentionality: “I want to leave a room with 50 people knowing who I am, even if I don’t know any of them.” That’s the crux of building a meaningful reputation at scale.
But there’s a shadow to this. Every post, every comment, every casual like is a fingerprint on your permanent record. I see this acutely when mentoring young people: their digital brand can unlock unprecedented opportunity—but a single misjudged post can haunt them for years. My advice to students is to cultivate self-awareness: “How do you want to be seen? What’s your digital North Star?”
As business leaders, the same holds. The deeper your relationships, the more intentional you must be with everything you associate your name with—online and off.
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## Building Confidence and Grit: Lessons We Should Teach (but Rarely Do)
If there’s one thing I wish had been in my schoolbooks, it’s this: Confidence isn’t learned. It’s earned. Real confidence is the residue of action—of taking risks, failing, standing up again, and realising that the world didn’t end.
In my youth, I was plagued by self-doubt, fuelled in part by the high expectations of a loving but demanding father. For years, I internalised the idea that unless I was perfect, I wasn’t worthy. There are countless high-achieving adults who carry the scars of a similar journey, still battling issues of self-worth tied to someone else’s script.
Joanne framed a hard truth: “Maybe that’s the problem. We’re trying to fast track our younger generation to have resilience without letting them earn it the hard way. We have to let them fail a bit. We’re not creating environments where they can.”
If you oversee teams—or, God help you, teenagers—you know the temptation to preempt pain. But real growth demands the opposite: empowerment with support, not protection from adversity. As I tell students, “You’re always going to have self-doubt, an inner critic, a sense you don’t belong. It’s standard equipment in the human brain. The trick is not to eliminate these voices but to acknowledge them, prove them wrong with action, and silence them in the moment.”
Winning is easy—character is forged in defeat. That lesson might not be in the syllabus, but it’s the one every entrepreneur and leader worth their salt learns sooner or later, scar by scar.
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## The Microwave Society: Why Slowing Down Is a Radical Act
We are breeding impatience. I see it in my own kids, in the start-up “move fast and break things” culture, in the “viral today, forgotten tomorrow” rhythms of social media. I call it the “microwave society”—the expectation of instant results.
But here’s the counterintuitive truth: all good things take time. Building a reputation, discovering your unique value, creating an authentic network—none of these can be hacked or rushed. Every overnight success I’ve met was years in the making, invisible work, discipline in the face of setbacks, hundreds of doors closed before the breakthrough.
As a parent and a leader, I have to fight the urge to “protect” by smoothing every path. Sometimes the most loving act is to step back, let them stumble, and be there to help unpack the lesson afterwards.
If you’re racing now—through a career pivot, a scaling phase, a personal reinvention—ask: are you creating space for the inevitable detours? Are you building the stamina to keep climbing long after the hacks have run out?
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## Digital Loneliness, Genuine Belonging, and the New Community
We closed our dialogue circling one urgent challenge: in a world supposedly hyper-connected, we are facing a staggering crisis of loneliness and surface-level relationships. Young people may have thousands of “friends”, but when asked who would show up for them after a failure or tragedy, the numbers dwindle to a handful—or fewer.
Joanne put it plainly, reminiscing about the Facebook era: “You might have a thousand friends, but if you ran into them at a shop, would any say hi? Are they really friends?”
What we both agreed on is this: the single greatest asset you will ever cultivate is a set of real, mutual relationships—built on empathy, challenge, and radical honesty. These are not just business contacts or transactional allies, but the small circle who’ll critique you in private, champion you in public, and turn up even when you fall short.
If you’re in leadership, create these environments. If you’re an emerging professional, value depth over breadth. Less is more, in business and in life.
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## The Punchline: Scarred, Not Scared
Looking back, the phrase that keeps surfacing isn’t about triumph, or even skill. It’s about scars. I’m proud of mine—not because I fetishise suffering, but because they’re proof of resilience, curiosity, and a willingness to try again.
If you take anything from this conversation, let it be this: Trusted relationships—nurtured patiently and authentically—are the real force multipliers. They outlive technology, bypass credentials, and sustain you in the moments when every plan falls apart.
Go deep with your geese, not wide with your eggs. Become the kind of person that the right people know, remember, and recommend long after the transaction.
And if there was ever a reason to step out from behind the textbook and take a shot, it’s not for the trophy, but for the confidence and connection you earn when you do.
I hope you’ll join the conversation. As ever, I’m listening.