Healing Begins with Belonging: My Journey Through Complexity, Connection, and Self-Awareness
“If you’re feeling frustrated with life, if you keep running into walls every time you try to move forward, there are things inside you that need to be healed—that’s not a sign of weakness, it’s the beginning of power.” It’s a truth that has shaped my life and my work as a mind, body, and energy facilitator, but it took real hardship—moments of pain, confusion, and radical self-honesty—before I could truly internalise it.
This isn’t a story about heroics or overnight transformation; it’s the lived experience of learning how belonging is the core of healing, and how the spaces we create—for ourselves and others—are the crucibles in which we finally release what doesn’t serve us. Recently, I had the privilege of exploring these ideas in conversation with Joanne Lockwood, host of the Inclusion Bites Podcast and founder of SEE Change Happen, whose career as a change-maker speaks for itself. Her fearless approach to disrupting norms and challenging the status quo draws out the best in her guests, and this was no exception. More than [INSERT_VIEW_COUNT] people have already watched our interview on YouTube, with many more tuning in via Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
If this conversation sparks something for you—questions, pushback, or agreement—I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. I read every one.
Why Healing and Belonging Are Inextricably Linked
Sometimes the most profound realisations strike in the unlikeliest moments. For me, it began in 2018, at what should have been a crossroads of celebration: my husband and our eldest were graduating college, our twins finishing high school, and we were moving into our dream home by the Chesapeake Bay. But beneath the surface, I found myself isolated, emotionally raw, and eventually, almost flattened by the weight of old wounds.
I came to understand that belonging—and the absence of it—is the crucible in which our emotional patterns are forged or broken. “I was looking for a safe space,” I said to Joanne, “but I couldn’t find one. Not at home, not in my social circles, not even within myself.”
Joanne’s response was characteristic: “It’s all caught up in stigma and shame, guilt, not being strong enough… Having to admit it makes me feel more of a failure.” She highlighted what so many of us face: to show up authentically means facing a wall of judgement—from others, but first and foremost from ourselves.
This is where the conversation sharpened: the real work isn’t in hiding pain or avoiding discomfort. It’s in making space for imperfection, for emotion, and for the tangled, often messy reality of what it means to be human. Belonging, I learned, is not about fitting in—it’s about giving ourselves permission to feel, to heal, and ultimately, to thrive.
The Trap of Suppression—And the Slow Road Out
How much of our pain comes down to what we repress, avoid, or self-medicate away? In my case, the answer was staggering. After a particularly fraught falling-out with my mother, I found myself slipping back into old patterns—smoking after years of quitting, drinking to numb my anxiety—and justifying every transgression as “what people do at the beach.”
But the truth, as Joanne gently observed, is harsher. “If you sit on the sofa looking at each other going, what are we going to do now? It’s a real strange feeling… It’s important to reconnect, isn’t it?” Her words echoed a broader truth: until we confront the discomfort and the stories underneath, we’re just chasing symptoms.
There’s a pattern I see in high-achieving leaders and change agents—the conviction that “having emotions makes us feel broken,” as I put it candidly. Even now, expressing vulnerability carries a weight. In public, I still catch myself stifling tears, fearing attention or discomfort.
But healing is not found in denial; it’s in acceptance and expression. Joanne summarised it well: “Are we leaning into that, or are we leaning out from it? How are we feeling if we’ve lent into it?” The way forward involves self-awareness—step by difficult step.
Inherited Trauma and the Power of Personal Belief
As Joanne and I delved deeper, the subject of inherited trauma emerged. With a family history of bipolar disorder, I spent years fearing what might be passed down—the genetic ticking clock, the predisposition to pain. But I had a reckoning: “Whatever my mum gets starts with her and ends with her.” This belief, counterintuitive though it may seem, became my shield against the narrative of inevitability.
Joanne framed the issue: “Can you see the triggers and the steps that were sucking you in…? Looking back… these were boosting brain chemicals that made you feel better about yourself or less worse.” That capacity for introspection is invaluable; it teaches us that while we can’t change our inheritance, we can alter our relationship to it.
Energy work came into my life at this turning point—a method for identifying and releasing the “trapped emotions” lodged not just in the mind, but in the body and subconscious. I was sceptical at first, but I saw the results in real time. There was no purple Kool Aid, no chemical crutch; only the slow, deliberate work of reconnecting.
This is a lesson for anyone feeling stuck in generational patterns or narratives: your story need not be inherited. With intention, belief, and the right modalities, we can rewrite it.
Reprogramming Reality—Mind, Body, and Something More
Do we truly generate our own realities? Joanne posed that question, and it resonated at the deepest level. Our consciousness—the mysterious, electric soup that makes us human—transforms every experience, colour, flavour, and relationship through its own lens. “How I define blue in my mind isn’t necessarily how you define blue in your mind,” she mused.
It’s not just cerebral. Trapped emotions, trauma, and energies live everywhere—in our shoulders, our hips, even our organs. That’s not theory or spirituality for its own sake; it’s the lived observation that the body stores what the mind cannot process.
Energy healing uses techniques like muscle testing—tuning into the body's intuitions to reveal what most needs to be released. The stories we tell ourselves, the automatic choices we make (that unwanted snack, that old habit), are often rooted in unconscious energies. To break free, we need to bring them into awareness, then offer ourselves the symbolic, literal permission to let go.
Joanne summed it up perfectly: “Moving it from unconscious decision making to conscious decision making.” When making choices, it’s about slowing down, checking in, and acting with intention. Sometimes, that means giving yourself permission to eat the chocolate bar—and sometimes, it means choosing otherwise.
Personal responsibility lies at the heart of change. Our bodies, minds, and souls collaborate; when we attend to one, we must honour the rest.
Self-Care, Boundaries, and the Five Pillars of Wellbeing
By the time the conversation turned to self-care, both Joanne and I had touched on the notion of foundational change. There’s a temptation in modern life—especially in achievement-oriented cultures—to focus solely on outward metrics: diplomas, promotions, relationships, milestones. But when we neglect self-care, the whole edifice begins to crack.
For me, self-care commenced in the emotional and mental domains: “My self-care was relearning how to be a emotionally intelligent and healthy minded person… It wasn’t about going for weekly massages or getting my nails done.” The process demanded conscious attention to boundaries, behaviour, and how I showed up for myself before others.
Joanne brought the point home with her own story: “You’ve got to find that why, their own why, why do I want to stop?” Transformation doesn’t happen because someone tells us to change—it happens because the pain of staying the same outweighs the risk of changing.
I’ve seen in my own family that self-care is infectious. When I made conscious shifts—quitting smoking, giving up alcohol, redefining my relationship with food—the ripple effect was undeniable. People around us begin to take permission from the example we set. We model that “better-behaved” isn't shame-laden; it’s possibility-rich.
Yet, this is never a solo journey. Joanne reminded me: “Put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.” For years, I played the role of carer, fixer, and rescuer—at the expense of my own needs. Only when I paused and set boundaries could I finally grow. It’s counterintuitive, even uncomfortable at first, but it’s the only route to sustainable change.
Recognising the Need to Heal—And the Moment of Power
What precedes every transformation? The recognition that healing is needed in the first place. There's no formula for this; sometimes it manifests as frustration, stagnation, or a persistent feeling that, despite apparent success, something essential is missing.
“You know, just sit back and just, just, just think, is there something in me that I need to address on a deeper level?” I asked. “Your conscious mind will say, ‘no there’s not.’ Your ego will say ‘no there’s not.’ But if you’re human, there’s something to heal if you’re feeling frustrated with life.”
After realisation comes the light bulb moment: not only do we need healing, but we possess the power to begin. Joanne put it sharply: “The first bulb: I need to do something. Second light bulb fires. I have the power to do it myself.”
That step from passivity to agency—the flicker of self-trust—is the threshold we all must cross. Whether the journey involves traditional therapy, energy modalities, medical intervention, or daily affirmation, it is only we who can take the first step.
Practical Steps: Harnessing the Power of Self-Healing
It would be negligent to talk transformation without also discussing tactics. Healing is neither accidental nor solely motivational; it’s grounded in repeatable practices.
For those unsure where to begin, here’s my distilled guidance: start with self-care in just one domain—emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, or energetic. Don’t try to master them all at once. Identify the pillar that feels most in need of attention. Then, commit.
Muscle testing, energy work, journaling, therapy—these are tools, but they are only effective when paired with self-honesty and consistency. “If that means you have to get up an hour earlier and go to bed an hour earlier, then that’s what you do.” It’s not about having time; it’s about making what matters a priority. Those who claim otherwise simply haven't reached the necessary pain point or awakening—yet.
Above all, approach the process with curiosity rather than criticism. If you slip up, don’t let shame take root. “Just take each day as it’s the first day. Really, don’t worry about tomorrow… Don’t worry about what you did yesterday because you can’t change the past.”
The Role of Community—And Where We Go Next
If this journey has taught me anything, it's that belonging is not passive; it's forged in connection, honesty, and vulnerability. Healing begins with belonging, but it expands outward—rippling through teams, families, and organisations.
Joanne Lockwood’s Inclusion Bites Podcast embodies this ethos. Her capacity to challenge, cajole, and create space for ambition without judgement is the mark of a true leader. SEE Change Happen isn’t just a slogan—it’s a call to arms. If you’re ready to begin, my invitation is simple: reach out, set the intention, and know that you are not alone.
We read stories like this to find ourselves reflected. Somewhere in this narrative, you may recognise your own moments of suppression, your inherited narratives, or the long-delayed acknowledgement that something must change. If so, you’re already halfway there.
The punchline, and my closing thought, echoes where I started: Healing is not a cure, it’s a process—a journey through complexity in pursuit of genuine belonging. Every day is a first day; every moment of self-awareness is cause for celebration. The spark of change lives within each of us, waiting for that flash of permission. Let it ignite.
If you’d like to connect further, discuss these ideas, or explore the world of energy work and self-healing, I welcome your insights, feedback, and stories in the comments below. The journey to inclusion starts with you—but expands infinitely once you choose to belong.