**Title:**
Beyond the Be Like Me Syndrome: Embracing the True Complexity of Personality Type
**Subheader:**
Why identifying and overcoming unconscious assumptions about personality is essential for ethical, effective, and integral type work.
---
## Introduction: The Unseen Disease in Type Practice
Quote:
*"Have you ever caught yourself expecting others to think, act and react just like you do, only to feel frustrated when they don't?”* – Olivier Caudron
As practitioners and passionate enthusiasts of personality typologies, we know the power and clarity that frameworks like the MBTI, Essential Motivators, and Interaction Styles can bring to the intricate tapestry of human experience. Yet, in our quest to understand and guide, there’s a hidden “disease” that can subtly infect our thinking and practice: the unconscious expectation that others should think, feel, and act like we do—a phenomenon that Dr. Linda Berens and colleagues dubbed the *Be Like Me Syndrome*.
This blog explores key insights from Episode 9 of the Beyond Personality Types podcast, diving deep into the roots, dangers, and remedies for this invisible syndrome. We will also draw on methodologies and resources from InterStrength.org to help you develop an ethical, efficient, and integrative approach to using type—one that truly honors the complexity of each client and context.
---
## Discovering the Roots: What is the Be Like Me Syndrome?
Quote:
*"We go around expecting people to be like us even in everyday things...It just really, really struck home."* – Linda Berens
The Be Like Me Syndrome isn’t just a practitioner pitfall—it’s a universal human tendency. It shows up when, knowingly or not, we assume our way is the obvious or correct one, whether it’s how to load a dishwasher, solve a problem, or approach change at work. These assumptions sneak into our type work, our relationships, and our professional interactions.
Linda Berens recalls the origins of the term:
*"One of my colleagues…came up with this phrase that people have BLM syndrome, be like me. That just took off the whole idea…It is still the foundational understanding we have of one of the reasons that just learning about your own personality patterns and recognizing that other people have different patterns that we can get out of this syndrome."*
For practitioners, failing to address this syndrome can lead to biased coaching, limited growth, or even harm—by unintentionally steering clients toward inauthentic paths, or projecting our values and patterns onto those we support.
---
## The Trap of Type Labels: Names as Tools and Traps
Quote:
*"Having a name is a two edged sword because names are nouns. If we name something, we can misidentify. The worst part is that a name can become a limiting label."* – Linda Berens
Whether we use MBTI codes or archetypal labels like Theorist, Catalyst, Stabilizer, or Improviser, type language gives us a shared way to describe core motivational energies and behavioral patterns. But as Berens warns, “names are nouns”—they offer convenience but also the risk of misclassification, rigid labeling, and stereotyping.
Crucially, an ethical typology practice must avoid reducing clients or teams to “types.” Instead, cultivate a dynamic language:
- Default to “preferences for” rather than “I am a…”
- Always inquire about unique experiences within a shared pattern.
- Use the InterStrength™ Essential Motivators and Interaction Styles frameworks (available at [InterStrength.org](https://interstrength.org)) to illuminate, not limit, individual development.
---
## The Ethical Mandate: Avoiding Harm and Stereotyping
Quote:
*"It does harm when people don't explain the like me syndrome. When people don't look at the different patterns and they describe them, but they don't describe them in an unbiased way and they don't give equal weight to each one."* – Linda Berens
When type knowledge is applied unethically, or without sufficient self-awareness, it can be deeply damaging. Harm can occur by:
- Presenting patterns as better or lesser than others.
- Allowing personal bias to color descriptions or recommendations.
- Failing to address “blind spots” in both practitioner and client.
As Linda notes:
*"People may not have enough information to have a clear picture of who they are at their core. So they go around taking on an identity that doesn't match themselves, and then they never measure up in their minds."*
InterStrength Institute’s resources, particularly their certification trainings, emphasize “integral” type work that is:
- Deeply self-aware and reflective about practitioner biases.
- Committed to holistic, development-oriented facilitation.
- Designed to empower clients to find authenticity, not conformity.
---
## Building Awareness: Internal Work and Continuous Self-Reflection
Quote:
*"The notion of individual differences is such a part of me that when I'm having difficulty with someone, I tend to shift my perspective more quickly. I start to notice cues or catch myself saying, oh, I think I'm expecting other people to be like me."* – Linda Berens
A core ethical competency for practitioners is relentless, compassionate self-reflection. This means catching the subtle moments where “be like me” creeps in and deliberately shifting to curiosity.
InterStrength provides several tools and exercises (see their [Resource Library](https://interstrength.org/resources/)):
- **Type Bias Inventory:** An exercise to identify unconscious preferences or judgments about certain types.
- **The Four Essential Motivators Self-Reflection Guide:** Helps practitioners track which patterns they may unconsciously favor or undervalue.
- **Case Consultation Groups:** Encourage regular sharing and challenging of assumptions with peers (offered through InterStrength’s community forums and workshops).
Berens emphasizes the value of naming and exploring our own biases:
*"In all of our assignments and the courses, you have to talk about your biases and recognize your biases. I hadn't recognized that. And part of the source of that was my bias. The other part was the bias in the descriptions that I built my knowledge on someone else's bias."*
---
## Embracing Complexity: Beyond the Four-Letter Code
Quote:
*"Simply knowing your own type isn't enough. It's about expanding your awareness to appreciate the diversity of thought, motivation and behavior that exists even among people who share your four letter quote."* – Olivier Caudron
Two INTPs, explains Berens, can still differ widely—not only due to obvious elements like culture or gender, but also life experiences, careers, and development. “Type” offers a framework for understanding, not a fixed destiny.
True practitioner skill is found not in pinpointing a type, but in accompanying clients as they explore the full spectrum of their unique expression. Don’t assume, for example, that all who share a pattern will share preferences, skills, or values. Always contextualize type discovery, and use motivator and interaction style frameworks as scaffolding—not cages—for growth.
At InterStrength, frameworks like **Essential Motivators** and **Interaction Styles** are intentionally designed to be layered and dynamic. Practitioners are encouraged to:
- Help clients discover how their type shows up now, and how they’d like to develop.
- Incorporate integral perspectives—including stressors, culture, and stage of development.
- Explore “multi-lens” approaches: how does someone’s motivation, way of engaging, and cognitive process interact in their unique story?
Find more about these frameworks in [InterStrength’s Courses](https://interstrength.org/courses/).
---
## The Power of Inclusive Facilitation: Practical Steps
Quote:
*"Awareness of multiple perspectives is one of the things that people can do. The other thing is to not make assumptions because somebody has a particular pattern. Don't assume they're going to do that. They may be more enlightened than you are."* – Linda Berens
Ethical and effective practitioners foster teams and client sessions where difference is not only accepted, but actively sought and included.
**Steps for Practitioners:**
1. **Check for Diversity:** In team settings, actively ask, “Who can represent this perspective if our group doesn’t have it?”
2. **Name Missing Voices:** Build a habit of pausing to ask, “Whose perspective hasn’t been heard?” or “What are we missing by being too similar?”
3. **De-pathologize Difference:** Whenever conflict or misunderstanding arises, frame it as a product of different patterns, not as a personal failing.
4. **Model Self-Correction:** When biases or mistaken assumptions surface, name them. Apologize where needed and use these moments as learning opportunities.
Your impact goes beyond your own awareness—by modeling and teaching this mindset, you shape cultures that honor complexity, nuance, and true inclusion.
InterStrength training cohorts, peer consultation, and the Practitioners Community (details [here](https://interstrength.org/community/)) all offer opportunities for regular skill-building in these integrative practices.
---
## Growth Through Humility: Repairing Harm and Moving Forward
Quote:
*"Self awareness is one of those...You catch yourself. Now the downside of that is that might be what's needed. What usually comes into my awareness is that this isn't needed for more discussions and integration of the different perspectives is needed."* – Linda Berens
What happens when harm *has* occurred—when someone feels boxed in, misunderstood, or dismissed through clumsy application of type? Humility, self-correction, and honest dialogue are key.
- **Acknowledge your mistake.** It’s human to “be like me” at times, but essential to own it and repair—both for the individual involved and for your own growth.
- **Initiate conversations for understanding.** If a client or colleague feels misunderstood, revisit and invite alternative perspectives.
- **Strive for learning, not defensiveness.** The journey for practitioners is lifelong—each mistake is a doorway to deeper mastery.
---
## Conclusion: The Integral Path Beyond Type
Quote:
*"True mastery in personality type is about embracing complexity, seeking understanding and striving for unbiased, inclusive perspectives. That's how you will really help people move beyond type and beyond the be like me syndrome."* – Olivier Caudron
The real artistry in personality type isn’t merely in correctly identifying a code or a style. It’s in holding space for difference, complexity, and evolving expression. It’s about knowing that behind every pattern is a whole universe of context, history, and possibility.
**As you continue your practice, remember:**
- Always question your own assumptions.
- Let type be a tool for compassion and efficiency, not a shortcut to certainty or connection.
- Use frameworks like those from InterStrength.org to encourage authentic discovery, mutual respect, and deep development.
The “be like me” syndrome may never be fully eradicated, but with intention, self-awareness, and integral methodologies, we can keep it in check—and help our clients move into fuller, freer versions of themselves.
---
**Resources and Next Steps**
For further exploration, check out these resources from InterStrength:
- [InterStrength Essential Motivators Certification](https://interstrength.org/product/essential-motivators-certification/)
- [Type Bias Inventory Tool](https://interstrength.org/resources/)
- [Practitioner Community Events](https://interstrength.org/events/)
- [Understanding Yourself and Others Series](https://interstrength.org/books/)
- Join Linda Berens’ next [Online Workshop](https://interstrength.org/courses/) for transformative, experiential type learning.
Let’s keep striving for ever more ethical, efficient, and integral practice—helping others, and ourselves, go beyond type.
---
*If you enjoyed this reflection, be sure to subscribe to the Beyond Personality Types podcast, and connect with our learning community on Facebook and Instagram at @beyondpersonalitytypes.*