Ep 85 I'm Not Supposed To Be Here

Hello. Thank you for listening to. I'm speaking with Elizabeth West. I am your host, and this episode will be about. Will probably be titled, I am not supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be here. And I will talk more in more context so you can understand what I mean. So many times in my life, I've had this nudge that I'm not supposed to be here.

I'm not supposed to be somewhere. And right now, I am going through that once again, and I am speaking about my day job. So, yeah, it can actually count for a few things that are going on in my life right now, which I am not supposed to be here. And so I'll start talking. I've heard this quote, and I don't have the name of the woman offhand. I heard it on a podcast episode recently, and she says something to the effect of, my energy here is done. My energy here is done. So that's how I feel right now.

And it's really when I start to feel like I'm being kept small, there's a lot of things that are included in that. It's being kept small. It's a combination of being kept small. It's a combination of people that are not grateful for you. They're ungrateful, they're unappreciative, and it's, you know, you. You're. So I'm just gonna speak about, you know, so. So how I am and who I am.

You know, I'm a hard worker. I always have been, always will be. I was raised to never do things half ass. So I have to put the explicit, the e explicit for this, because I'm going to be cussing a little bit or some quote unquote curse words will be in this episode. So, yeah, I was raised to never do things half ass. My mom was widowed, so she raised me. And that's the way I was raised. And my family, that's just the way we are.

We don't do things half ass. We don't do things. You know, we do. We. There's no such thing as being bored. That's another way I was raised. There's no such thing as boredom. Like, there's always something to do.

That's what the way my mom said, and it's true. And I've always had that. So all these things together, I've always been since my first job. Since my first job. But just with everything that I do, that's just the way that I was raised, and that's just the way that I grew up that I was taught and raised that you don't do things half ass. Now, another thing is that being a woman, and I'm going to say it because it's real, I'm going to keep it real. I always try to keep it real with you all being a woman and being a woman of color, you have to do extra. Just because when you're a woman, you have to do extra.

When you're a person of color, you have to do extra. If you're a woman of color, you really are doing extra. Even more. So you have to do extra. You're working your arse off, right? So I didn't say the actual word. I'll say arse. You're working your arse off. And then you have other people around you that are not doing shit.

They're not doing. Let me change it. They're not doing ish. I should have said ish. I still have this thing, like, I don't want to be looked down on because I'm using curse words. It just came out. But I'll change it to ish. But this will be an explicit episode because I have a feeling I'm going to be saying certain terms.

So there's people that are around me that are not doing ish, and they have that luxury is the word, because they are not of color. So when you're not of color, you have that luxury of not having to work as hard. That's just the way it is. That's the way the world we live in. We live in a patriarchy. Patriarchy. Patriarchy. I can't say it right now, but I'm going to get it.

Patriarchy world. We live in a patriarchy society, especially the United States of America, was based on the patriarchy. Still is. The world is based on patriarchy. Still is. And I have another episode, and I cannot think of the title right now, but I talked about it, how I wasn't meant to fly. I was meant to fail. This world is not meant for me.

I was just talking to a friend the other day, a woman. I was explaining to her, and she had said something to the effect of another entrepreneur friend of mine, and she was speaking to something to the Effect, why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to do these things? Why is it so hard? And she was speaking about society. Why is it so hard? And then also her internal trauma. Why is it so hard for us to push past out? And what I had to tell her is, I mean, I'm no, I know enough to know that? Because it was not meant for us to fly this world, this society, was meant for us to fail. You know what I mean? Me in particular. My ancestors did not ask to come here. A lot of my ancestors did not come. I mean, I'm just going to keep it real.

They didn't ask to come here, so I'll just leave it at that. You can figure it out. They didn't ask to come here. And so anyway, I digress. I'm not going to go down that road. We're here, so we're here. That's that. And then there was never, how do you say, opportunity? Or there was never the idea of, let's set them up so that they'll fly.

It's the opposite. Let's set them up so that they fail. You know what I mean? And just look at society. Everything is set up. It's not set up for women. Women are included in this. White women are included in this, too. You're included in this, too.

It was not meant for you. That's why we have so much impostor syndrome and we have so much second guessing ourselves and so much am I doing this right? And so much trauma. You know what I mean? And so that's if you're a white woman. So if you are of color, you're going to have more traumatic issues and more to push through, more to accomplish, more to. You have to work extra hard, right? And then if you're a woman of color, you have even more to, quote unquote, prove yourself, right. Which there's never a such thing as really proving yourself because the goal line is not the same. So it's not balanced. It's not the same.

So even for me to work extra hard, that puts me in a lot of society's eyes. And in a world with capitalism and patriarchy, it still puts me, like, for me to work extra hard, it doesn't even put me equal to someone that's not of color, just because that's just the way the world that we live in. So I can work my arse off all day, every day, and it's still not gonna. I'm still not gonna be, like, equal. But, you know, anyway, I digress. Nothing I can do about that. I was born in this body. What am I going to do? And I know I was not meant to fly.

I was meant to fail. So now that I know that, I kind of knew it my whole life anyway. Just because when you're born in this world with this capitalism and patriarchy, you can't help but to know it. Everybody knows it. Every race knows it. You know what I mean? That's why you got people that act elitist, because they're like, well, I'm better than you. You know what I mean? It's like they were raised to think that they're better than someone that's of color, because that's the way they were raised. Anyway, I can go on and on and on.

So anyhow, I'm not supposed to be here. Let me get back to the point of the title of the episode. I'm not supposed to be here. And I speak about this on episode 35, titled are you diminishing your light? Because, yeah, I'm being kept small. I am dimming, diminishing my light. I have been, and don't get me wrong, I've already been in moves. I'm listening to that whisper like it was on Oprah. She talks about this a lot, on a lot of her.

I remember now she has her own network. Of course, everybody knows that. Before, when she had her show, she would talk about this. She would say this quote, a lot, which is, listen to the voice when it's whispering. Don't wait for that voice to scream and yell at you. Listen when it's whispering. Because when it's screaming and yelling, then that means that everything is a hot mess at that point, because it's trying to stop you from doing something. So I'm listening to it.

It's whispering, and so I'm listening to it. I talked about this in an episode, too, recently. I don't have the number offhand, but talk about how I was talking about how I ignored that voice. It was screaming at me at the time. And that was when I. Another instance in my life that I didn't listen to it, and it was screaming, and basically, I blew up my life. Right. So, anyway, I digress.

That's another subject, another episode. And I don't remember the episode number to that one offhand. Unfortunately, if I think of it, I will definitely add it to the show notes for this episode. So, going back to. I'm not supposed to be here. I was raised to be a hard worker. I don't do things half hazard, okay? That way I don't have to cuss. I don't think you do things half hazard.

I was raised to not do things half hazard. You do things 110 extra, like 110%, 110%, if not more. There's no such thing as, like, 90% or 80%. No, you have to be over 100%. You should be right. That's the way I was raised. Do a good job all the time. There's always something to do.

There's no such thing as boredom. My mom, I remember her saying that several times and I believe it. It's true. She's right. There is no such thing as boredom. I'm always moving and I have adhd, so I'm always moving anyway. That helps with that because I'm always moving. So I'm always doing things.

I'm always getting things done, getting things accomplished, which is, there's pros and cons to that as well because I never, and I'm not going to go off on a tangent, but I never reward myself for what I've accomplished. That's another story. That's another tangent I could go off on, but I'll keep that for when I'm talking about more about ADHD. We are known to go check the, check the, check it off, what we've done, but we are not known to give ourselves a pat on the back or a reward for what we've done. We just go on to the next thing like, okay, next. That's the way we are. And a lot of women in general are like that. Not to say men are not like that.

Not to say that. But yeah, anyway, I'll leave it at that. Being a woman of color, we have to work extra hard. And it's just, you know, I see, I see those that are not of color that, that can just kind of basically shoot, shoot the breeze. I was going to say another curse word, shoot the breeze. And they can shoot the breeze whenever they want. They can work half hazard. They can work at 30% out of 100%, even 20% if they want to.

And they will not get dinged for it. They will not have any repercussions. Now, me, on the other hand, or someone that looks like me, we would be called out half a second like, what are you doing? Are you working? What are you accomplishing? You know what I mean? But if I was not of color, you have that opportunity to shoot the breeze and, yeah, just kind of like, take it easy. So another, another, what's the word I'm looking for? Another, another point for me to make in that I am not supposed to be there. The people are not grateful. They're not appreciative. They don't see anything of what I'm doing. There's no good job.

And again, I talk about this on, I believe it might be on diminishing on the episode 35. Let me look at this. You might hear a page turn or so 35. Are you diminishing your light? And I talked about it on a few other episodes. I might have also talked about on the episode born an entrepreneur. I am not sure, but I can also put born an entrepreneur. I don't have that episode number offhand, but I can get it now that I believe I did talk about it on there on that episode as well. So, yeah, I'm not supposed to be here, so making moves.

I've been making moves already that I'm already going to be getting out of the place that I'm at. And so I'm listening to the whisper, but I've already been in taking steps for that already. So not for too much longer. I just have to grin and bear it, right. And just do what I need to do. Do what I need to do. And so I am doing what I need to do. And yeah, it will be nice.

It'll be right on time. Another thing I would like to mention is, and I feel like I was planning on having another podcast episode on this as well, which is I am grateful. I should have started off with that. I'm grateful for a to, number one, to have health, to be able to have health, to be able to go to a job, and also to have a job, because a lot of people don't have those two things. So I'm grateful for those things. And I'm also grateful that my current day job gives me the opportunity. Well, my current day job is basically an angel investor for my side hustle, which will one day be my main hustle. But right now it's my side hustle because I'm building it right.

So I am very grateful and thankful for my day job because I have one, I have the health. I have my health, many other things to be grateful for. And so I'm very grateful for it. And that it is angel investor. And I just keep reminding myself of these things, and it keeps me humble, and I'm grateful. With that said, the universe will also let us know when it's time to leave somewhere when our energy is done. So, yeah, my energy is kind of like it's time. So with all that said, I'm having this podcast episode to ask you, do you feel like that where you're at now, maybe one of your, maybe your day job that you're at now, do you feel like that? Have you felt like that? Are you listening to that voice, to that whisper? Have you listened to that whisper? Or are you planning on listening to that whisper? Now that you're kind of like listening to this podcast episode and you're thinking, you know what, I've had those nudges as well.

So that was my hopes. My hopes is that you listen to it as a whisper before it gets to the yelling and screaming. And so, like the Oprah quote, I wrote it down. The Oprah quote, it starts as a whisper, then it's like a regular voice, then it's like yelling, then it's like screaming. It just gets louder and louder until. So don't let it get to the screaming and yelling. Want to the whisper. You just want to listen right away.

And so again, Oprah talks a lot about that. And yeah, I would just hope that in listening to this episode, that if you're in a place, whether it is a day job, whether it's a situation, whether it's a relationship, friendship, if you feel I am not supposed to be here, I just hope that you will get out of that situation, because we really should feel, and I wrote this down because I know I'll probably, let's see here. Oh, this is something else I wrote down in my notes before I started recording. Says, when we belong, when we belong somewhere, there's a sense. It could even be when we belong. It doesn't even have to be somewhere. But when we belong, there's a sense of calm and comfort and ease. And I wrote that down.

That's my own words that I kind of wrote out. But that's how we should feel. We should feel a sense of calm, a sense of comfort, a sense of welcoming, a sense of invitation, and a sense of ease. And when we're feeling the opposite of that, which is how I feel right now, then it's like, okay, I'm not supposed to be here, right? We're feeling the opposite of that calm, that comfort, that ease, that sense of belonging. Then it's time. It's time to go. And another thing that I'm going to say, a quote that my mom has that is just so lovely and that I think about all the time is something that she said. I don't know if it's a quote, but to this effect, which is there will always be people that you do not mesh with, basically, is what she's saying.

There will always be people that do not mesh with you. Look for the ones that do. Look for the ones that do mesh with you. And she would always say this, like, don't focus on the ones that are not meshing with you. Focus on those that do want to be your friend or that are friendly to you, that are welcoming to you. Right. And so with that said, and that is what I do do and what I have been doing, although I'm looking forward to having that in a day job until I can build my side hustle to be a main hustle in which I'm not getting that in my day job. So, although in the defense, I do have a lot of lovely people that are my friends that are there, which is amazing, and I'm grateful for them.

But on the other hand, it is time for me. It's time I hear the whisper. I'll just leave it at that. I love that quote that my mom has. There's going to be people that are going to be going back to my mom's quote. There's going to be people that do not mesh with you. Don't focus on them, focus on those that do. There's going to be some people that you have basically a negative vibe.

You don't even have to talk to some people, you don't even have to talk to you. You just feel it. You just feel it, that vibe, like you don't mesh. And it doesn't matter what you do, they're not going to see you. They're not going to hear you. It doesn't matter. Sometimes I think, like, how can you not see me? I'm right in front of your face. But they still don't see you.

They still don't hear me. Even though I talk all the time. I'm not a quiet person. I'm a talk. That's why this one reason why this podcast is called I'm speaking because that's how I feel. Like, hello. Excuse me, I'm speaking, you know what I mean? And it's like, I'm not a quiet, quote unquote quiet person. I speak up.

I've always been like that. My mom will tell you, my family members will tell you, close friends will tell you of mine that have known me since I was a child. They'll tell you the same thing. They'll be like her. She's not one to not speak up. She'll say how she feels. You know what I mean? And it's funny because at my current day job, I get a lot of those that don't see me or hear me that are telling me, maybe you should speak up more. And I have to laugh at that because it's like, if you're not seeing me, it doesn't matter how much I speak up, you're not going to see me anyway, you're not going to see me anyway because I'm just not in your vision.

You know what I mean? Going back to that, I was meant to fail. You know what I mean? I wasn't meant to fly. My ancestors weren't meant to fly. They were meant to fail. So anyway, I digress. I'm not going to go there further. So, yeah, my hope is that you listen to this episode and maybe that you don't let that voice, if it's giving you a whisper, if it's whispering to you, that you don't let it get to the screaming and yelling and that you look towards a place that's more welcoming and inviting and comforting. Ease.

Easy. Right? Calming, welcoming, inviting. That's what we should be. Because life is too short, y'all. Life is too short. Why are we in places where we're not invited to? We're not welcomed to, we're not seen, we're not hurt. Why? You know what I mean? Don't get me wrong. Like my ancestors, generations ago, not even that long ago, actually, they couldn't do anything.

They didn't have the Internet. They couldn't travel. They couldn't do anything. They didn't have any rights. They couldn't vote. You know what I mean? There's many things they could not do. So we can do a lot of those things. We can do those things now.

We have the Internet, we have Wifi. Right? We live in a first world country, which is I'm grateful for and thankful for. They couldn't do that, though, y'all. Our ancestors couldn't do this, what we can do now. So let's take advantage of it. Let's do it. You know what I mean? They're looking at us. They're looking down on us.

Not looking down on us, like in a negative way, but looking at us. And they're like, you can do it. You can do it. I feel like they're talked to. I feel that. I feel that energy, like they're saying, you can do it. I could not, but you can. I wasn't born.

I was born too early. I was ahead of my time, but you can. You can do this. So anyhow, I digress. I don't want to talk too much. I want to make sure I didn't forget anything. Yeah. So my hope is that you listen to that whisper that you get out of that place, that's not welcoming, that's not comforting, that's not inviting.

And that you go to a place and, or make moves and baby steps count. Baby steps count. And take some baby steps to get yourself out of that unwelcoming, uninviting, easy, comforting place, right. That you can go to a place that's. I'm sorry. That you can go to a place that is comforting, that is inviting, that is welcoming, and get yourself out of a place, situation, relationship, friendship. That's the opposite of that, right? Uninviting, unwelcoming, hard, difficult. Right? The opposite of all the ease, the comfort, the welcoming, the inviting.

Right? So that's what my hope is for you. If this episode is of value to you, if any of my episodes are ever of value to you, if you wouldn't mind rating me a five star review on your podcast platform of choice. Apple podcasts are more sought after, but I'm not mad at any rating that you give me anywhere, right? I don't think any podcaster would be mad at any rating. Wherever you give it, wherever you're able to give a rating. So Apple podcasts are more sought after. So, of course, I think we all know that most of us do. Apple podcasts are more sought after. You can also rate on Spotify.

Since 2022, you're able to rate on Spotify five stars, if you would be so kind. And you can't write anything out for Spotify as far as, like, writing something out. You can on Apple Podcasts for the reviews, but you cannot write it out for Spotify. But that's okay. Five stars. Hey, we'll take what we can get, right, you all. And I have the episode, and I wrote it down. Episode number 42, I give steps in audio.

So it's a podcast episode. But then I also write the steps out because I understand it's a podcast episode. You're going to be like, hey, what are those steps? So I did write the steps out. I typed them out in the show notes for episode 42, which is titled, can you rate my podcast? Here's how to in Spotify and in Apple. And again, I have the steps written out in the show notes below the episode. Episode 42, can you rate my podcast question mark? Here's how to in Spotify and in Apple. So thanks again for listening. Cheers to speaking up and for making your voice heard close.