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From Chaos to Calm
The Inclusion Bites Podcast
From Chaos to Calm
SB
Speaker
Sally Bisbee
JL
Speaker
Joanne Lockwood
00:00 "Inclusion Bites: Spark Change" 05:40 Balancing Parenthood and Personal Life 09:20 Parenting Different Personalities 10:02 Sibling Bonding Across Age Gap 15:35 Sharing the Load as Mum 18:28 Addressing Gender Roles at Home 20:21 Mental Load of Motherhood 25:54 Priorities Shift with Age 27:21 Importance of Everyday Communication 32:39 Simplifying…
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Featured moments
Highlights
“Inclusion and Belonging: "Remember, everyone not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone.”
“You're like, nothing is the same for you as it was for the other two. And so it's just a constant, like, game as a parent. Right. Figuring out what works and what works for this kid and what, you know, what, what does this kid need from Me and what, what do I need? And all those constant things we have to figure out.”
“It took us till I was in my late 30s, maybe 40s, to finally get on the same wavelength. Because when you were younger... It's really hard to create relatable experiences, but once you get past about 35ish, then your experiences are kind of, kind of the same, aren't they? You've got the same sort of. You're a parent, you're married, you've got a house, you've got commitments, you've got all that sort of stuff.”
“The Mental Load of Motherhood "I did it all because as a mom I think we just feel like we need to do the laundry and the dishes and all the things.”
“The Mental Load of Working Mothers: "And I think that there is a big rewiring that needs to happen in our brains to know that when you're both working, why is, why is it that you both work full time, but then all this stuff still falls on the mom, right?”
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Full transcript
Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuary for bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood, your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart of inclusion, belonging and societal transformation. Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a world without Remember, everyone not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone. Join me as we uncover the unseen, challenge the status quo and share stories that resonate deep within. Ready to dive in? Whether you're sipping your morning coffee or winding down after a long day, let's connect, reflect and inspire action together. Don't forget, you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk to share your insights or to join me on the show.
So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites.
And today is episode 182 with the title From Chaos to Calm. And I have the absolute honour and privilege to welcome Sally Bisbee. Sally is a mum life simplification coach who helps overwhelmed mothers create calm through simple routines and guilt free self care. When I asked Sally to describe her superpower, she said that it is turning everyday overwhelm into empowering ease for busy mums. Hello Sally, welcome to the show.
Hello. Thanks for having me.
Absolute pleasure. And from the accent, I can tell you not in the uk, so whereabouts in the world are you?
I am not. I am in the United States. I live in Minnesota, which is. Which is in the central northern spot of the United States.
So the Canadian wall is just above. Is that.
Yes, yes, we are. We. We live in south of Canada.
Yeah. Wow. I forget how big the states is. You know, six hours for me is a long way up the country. So. Yeah, you forget.
Yeah, the states are very big. To get from, from Canada down to Mexico is probably, I would say 30 or 35 hours if you were to drive straight from top of Minnesota, the bottom of Texas.
Yeah, I tried driving from LA once down to San Diego and then from San Diego I ended up in Mexico. That took a long drive and I also tried to drive from LA to San Francisco and I gave up 3/4 of the way there. It was just too far. Just like.
Sure, everything's much closer for you. There it is over in the uk it's much more contained.
So did you have a good Easter? We just come back for an Easter break, haven't we?
Yes, yes, we had a wonderful Easter. We hosted and two, two of my three kids are young still six and nine, so they're in you Know, just the, like, Easter is so fun still. And yeah, it was a really great weekend.
So you've got, you just said there you've got two young, youngish children. They're not babies, but they're youngish.
Yeah.
Have you managed to reclaim your own calm?
I have, I have. It's been a process, but I have, yeah.
So what made you realise that maybe you weren't calm, which meant you had to try to develop this way of helping other mums?
Yes. So just a little background. So those. I have the two quote unquote younger kids, they're six and nine, so they're not little, little anymore. But my oldest, I have a third, she's 22, so big gap. I've been doing this mom thing for a long time and when my third came and she was about 2, I would say they were 2, 5 and 17. I just went through this period of time in my life where I was so overwhelmed. I woke up every morning just feeling like.
Just overwhelmed and behind for the day already, before the day had even started. And I just finally thought, I can't, I can't keep living this way. Right. Like, I've got another 16 years of these kids for sure, being in my house. And probably more, as most of us moms of olders know, they. My. My oldest is about to graduate college and move home for a little bit, so they, they come back and I just thought, I can't. I can't keep living this way.
And so I just decided to start making some changes in my own life and really just simplify my life. So it wasn't just a ball of stress all the time. And I just really wanted to be a present happy mom for my kids because I know that they deserve that I deserve that, all the things. So that really was kind of what started my journey of. Of my own stuff and then turned into. Into my passion for helping other moms do the same thing.
Wow. Yeah. I mean, our kids are. I say kids, they're not really kids anymore. They're. They're grown. They're grown people.
Okay.
Our daughter's in their 30s and our son's 30 as well. So, yeah, we went through the kid zone in the early 90s, so it's been a while.
Sure.
But I do remember because you think you've got your. You think you got it all together with the first one, you come out the first one, you kind of get used to it and they're two or three years old, as our daughter was, and suddenly you have the second One. You think, wow, this is a lot harder than I remember. Yeah, you forget quickly, don't you?
You do, you do. Which I always laugh. That's why we have multiple kids. Because you do it, you get a couple years into it and you're like, oh, it's another one, another one spot. And then you add a couple more and you're like, oh my goodness. And you know, for me it was my, my husband and I are both, you know, one of the things that's always been important to us is that we, we keep our life outside of just being mom or dad. My husband is an avid fisherman and hunter and does his own thing, which I love. I am super social and so finding time with friends is super important.
And I feel like when I was at that stage where I was like, so overwhelmed that like, the thought of finding time for myself was so hard. And it's just a common thing. I talk to many moms about, like, finding any time for themselves seems impossible. And I thought there's, you know, there's got to be a way because I'm not going to wait until these kids are 18 or, you know, even, you know, 15, when maybe life gets a little bit easier to like get back my own time in life. So it's been, it's been a fun journey figuring out how to find the calm amidst the chaos.
Do you think some of it is just the, the perfectionism in us that we want everything just right or I want the house tidy, I want my kids to look the part, I want to keep my schedule. I've got to maybe do some work. I've got to look after my partner or my partner's got to look after me. And we're going to try and try and box everything in and we end up overstressing ourselves. Is that, is that what's going on?
Yes, a lot of it. So much of it. And you know, I'm myself, I'm a super type A person. I will say I'm less type A now that I have three kids. Because they do that to you, right? Okay. It's been, it's been a blessing of that. I will say that I've let go of a lot of my type A ness because you just realise that life doesn't happen the way that you want. You can plan, plan as much as you want and kids, you know, laugh at that.
So. And I think, you know, all the things of societal norms and societal pressures and you know, now social media and you see all these picture perfect families and they got it all together and you're like, you know, I always tell people, like, people don't post the bad stuff. Like nobody, nobody has it all together. Right? They just don't. And so it's just finding, you know, finding what works for you. And, you know, when I talk to other moms, it's always about, you know, I always tell people it's not about having a perfect house or perfect life or everything cleaned up. It's about what works for you that keeps your stress level down and allows you to be that present mom. And, you know, I have the, you know, benefits of really.
Everyone knows how fast time goes as the older we get, the faster time goes. And you know that. But with me having a 22 year old and then a 9 and a 6 year old, my, my youngest is in kindergarten and my oldest is weeks away from graduating from college. And so I have that big gap. And so it just has really given me that, like, perspective to really just be present to figure out, like, what do I need to do to simplify my life so I can really, like, be here to enjoy these little years before I blink in there. And they're actually out of the house.
So there's such an age group that they are effectively different generations. Millennial versus Gen Z.
Yes.
Or Gen Alpha even, I guess.
Yeah. I don't even know what they are, but it's. Yeah, they're. There's 15 and a half years between my oldest and my youngest. So it's, it's a big gap, but. But it's also pretty awesome. You know, I always tell people, like, it wasn't if I would, if you would have asked me when I was, you know, teenager if this is how my life would be, I would say, no way. But it happens how it happened, and it's such a blessing.
My oldest is super, super close with my two youngest. And just like watching the bond and I think as a parent too, you know, like having two, you go through that stuff with your first one and then you have a second one who you're like, wait, now the stuff that I, that worked for the first one doesn't work for the second one. And then for us, we threw in that third who's a total. I love her, but she throws everything out the wind. You're like, nothing is the same for you as it was for the other two. And so it's just a constant, like, game as a parent. Right. Figuring out what works and what works for this kid and what, you know, what, what does this kid need from Me and what, what do I need? And all those constant things we have to figure out.
I was the eldest of three and my, my youngest brother is six years younger than me. I would say it took us till I was in my late 30s, maybe 40s, to finally get on the same wavelength. Because when you were younger and you. I was in my 30s, even his 20s, or I was in my 20s, even in his teens. It's really hard to create relatable experiences, but once you get past about 35ish, then your experiences are kind of, kind of the same, aren't they? You've got the same sort of. You're a parent, you're married, you've got a house, you've got commitments, you've got all that sort of stuff. So is your, as your elders found the challenge of being not a surrogate mum, not a surrogate sort of babysitter and, you know, trying to resist that, I'll take over and give you freedom or something like that? Was it. Are they allowed to be themselves still?
Yes. Oh, yes. Yeah. I mean, my oldest certainly helps. You know, Easter weekend, she happened to be home from college, so she babysat for us, which was wonderful. And we're very blessed to have that ability to have her do that. I also joke to people having little brother and sister is about the best form of birth control you can have. Because I'm like, this is real life.
It is not cute baby cuddles and kisses all day long. It is, you know, kids that have their own opinions and don't always want to listen and, you know, are annoying at times. And I love them with all my heart. But kids are kids, right? It's, it's, it's fun. She gets to. Our oldest gets to see really like real life of like, what it's like in the throes of being a busy parent and, you know, they're, they're in sports and all those things that are. Our schedule is busy all the time. So she, she loves it and gets, you know, gets to love on them.
She certainly is helpful for us, but she also gets to go do her own thing too. And she's old enough that if she needs a break and needs to get away from these kids, she can hop in her car and go do whatever she wants, which is great too.
So when you help other moms, how do they come to you? Are they already in burnout? They're already struggling to cope. What's the sort of things that normally triggers them to say, I need some help? Is it postpartum Is it. Is it all that?
Yeah, I will say, you know, it's mostly. It's usually moms that have. Have been doing the mom thing for a little bit. So I really, you know, my kind of sweet spot is. Is midlife moms, moms that maybe aren't in the throat. You know, the throes of little, like a toddler and a baby are a lot, but. But it's all new and. And all that stuff.
It's the moms that have, like, been doing it for a while and are like, something's gotta give, right? I can't. I can't keep going on living this way. One of the biggest things moms say to me is like, I never have enough time. I never have enough time. And I'm like, I get that. I get that. But I also like to tell people like, I. I own three businesses.
I have three kids. I have a husband who's gone a lot because I let him go do his hunting and fishing and all his things he loves. And I still find time for myself every single day. I just have been intentional about carving out the time and really making my life to a part where taking care of myself comes naturally. And that wasn't easy for me. It took time. But it is those moms that are just like, something's got to give, and I can't keep going on this way of just feeling constantly overwhelmed and, you know, so it's just great to be able to. You know, so many of my moms that I've talked to are like, you know, it's just great to have somebody to talk to that, like, gives you permission that it's okay to take care of yourself.
I think as moms, we all know, like, we're supposed to take care of ourselves, and, yes, we need to, but moms are so good at pouring their all into their kids and their family that we so often forget to take care of ourselves and put our own needs first. And I always tell people, as cliche as it sounds, you know, you can't. You can't pour from an empty cup, right? Like, we. We have to take care of ourselves first. And when we do that, we're better able to care for our kids and our spouse and all those around us that we love. And I just love being able to help moms see that and realise that they're worth that.
Is that the kind of biological imperative, if you like the nature of being a mum, that you have to be that the person that takes all of the weight of the family on their shoulders and feels they're a failure if they leave a dirty plate or if they. The child isn't self pressure. Often people often are. Well, I suppose you do get judged by others, don't you? You're a bad parent, you're a bad mum, you're whatever I don't want to be. I don't want my friends to think I'm a bad bum. So you're all these pressures there all the time, isn't it?
Yes. Yeah. And I mean I think it's so much self pressure, I think, I mean I think that self. Sometimes there's judgement from people. I also tell people, you know, at my age, which most of the moms I hang around, I'm 44, I don't mind saying that. But you know, being this age, you kind of get to that point where you're like, I don't, I don't care what other people think. Like if, if you're going to judge me, that's on you. But it is, it is just that pressure of, you know, moms want to.
We feel like we need to pour in our everything to the kids, we got to take care of them, we have to. It has to be perfect. It has to. And you know, it. It took me a long time to get to this point where I am now, but it really is in the last five or so years that I was like, wait, I have a husband who's amazing. My husband is amazing. I love him, he's a wonderful guy. But he's a guy and he doesn't.
Things don't click the same as as a mom. I think there's this difference of how men and women are wired, of how we think and care for people. But he's very willing to help. And one of the things I finally realised that he and I sat down and had a big talk about was like, this is our family and this is our house and why, why am I doing so much of this stuff and he's not? And because. And it wasn't that he didn't want to, it was just that I did it all because as a mom I think we just feel like we need to do the laundry and the dishes and all the things. I need to start passing off some of that stuff to my husband who was very willing to help. And so that's another thing I really help moms with is just seeing that need that we feel like we need to do. It all is on us.
And the only person who can change that is also us. And we need to, you know, ask for help and delegate and simple things like my husband now does the dishes every single day, I do all the laundry, but he puts all the laundry away and just divvying up those things to realise that even though there's still those things of like, you feel as a mom that you should be doing it all and you should be able to do it all, it's like, well, it's not realistic. How do you work full time, care for the kids, keep up on the house, find time for yourself? Like, it's just, it's not realistic to do it all. So I think learning to let go of some of that need of perfection and needing to do it all is, is the biggest move moms can take to really better their lives.
You said, you said your age. So I'm not outing you from an age.
No, I'm totally open.
I'm 60. I'm 60. So awesome. I grew up, I grew up in a world where my mum was a stay at home, full time mother, homemaker.
Me too.
And so we've been brought up in an era where that's kind of the, the plan and the expectation, but the realism today and probably many of the mums you, you help have also grown up in a world where mums were full time mums, stay at home homemakers. So that's not the reality anymore is that we need to have dual incomes. We need, and also, even if we don't need the money, we want a different passion and purpose. We want our own lives, we want our own careers. So we're trying, we're trying to have everything. We're trying to have our own life, our own passion, our own careers, our own friends and be an amazing mum. That's where the best, where the conflict happens, isn't it?
Yeah, so much. Yes. And I think, I mean that is a huge thing. I was, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad owned a business and worked crazy hours and all that stuff. And so I look at like, well my, my mom did it all. She cooked and cleaned and made, you know, did the laundry and brought us to school and all those things where my dad worked and made the money and you know, now it is, it's a, it's a different world. And I always laugh like I'm, I'm the least feminist person there is. I'm all about girls having strength and doing their own thing.
But I, but I think that there's, there's just that difference now too of women are out there and we work and we have our own passions and all that stuff. And I think that there is a big rewiring that needs to happen in our brains to know that when you're both working, why is, why is it that you both work full time, but then all this stuff still falls on the mom, right? And I think again, a lot of us is that we just do it. Like, I look at, you know, mine and my husband's relationship, and I think, well, why would he think he needs to do X, Y, Z? Because I just automatically do it. And so he doesn't want to step on my toes because he knows I already do that. Well, he's not going to do it unless if I ask or mention, like, hey, it'd be super great if you could start emptying the dishwasher every day. He's like, oh, I'd be happy to do that if that's what, you know, that's what would help. Like, great. You know, he's so great about it.
But I think just. We just do. We feel that, like, well, our moms did it all, we should be able to do it all, but we forget that factor in that, like, our moms were not working full time while also doing it all.
Right, so do you think part of the problem for that is a failure to communicate with your. Your partner, your husband, your wife, and actually saying, this is how I feel. This is where I am right now. And often when you have this communication, you must go, what if what you said? And then you expect the other person to be a mind reader and it's, why didn't you just step in? Well, I thought you were coping, etc.
Yes. Oh, a hundred percent, 100%. I find that with many of the moms that I talk to, I know it was something for my husband and I for a long time. Communication is a huge thing. And, you know, I always tell people, my husband and I sit down once every a few months, four or five months. We'll just sit down and have a real come to Jesus talk. Here's where I'm at. Here's what I'm feeling.
And, you know, we've talked a lot about just the differences of, you know, we hear a lot about it these days, the mental load of motherhood and what we take on. And I say, you know what? At any given time, my brain is going with a million things. What do the kids have? What do they now in, you know, in Minnesota, it's almost summer, so it's like, oh, do they have all their Summer clothes because we switched from snow to kneading shorts. So do they have clothes? What sports do they have? What? You know, all those things constantly going through my brain that my husband does not have going through his brain on any given day. And so just sitting down and having those talks with my husband has been very helpful of, like, hey, I'm just going to download and tell you a little bit of, like, what is constantly going through my head. And here's some things that would be super helpful if you could take off my plate, because I'm already doing all these things. I have this. And he's like, great, that's great.
And, you know, at our house, I always laugh like, I'm super type A, so I like things done a certain way. So my husband, who's very, like, laid back and go with the flow, he also. It's always a game of, like, you know, he doesn't want to, like, step in and do something that I might be like, oh, you didn't do that, right, honey? Which I've also learned to let go of a lot of. But, you know, just finding that communication. And I do I really talk to moms about, you know, does your. Does your spouse even know how you feel? Do they know that you're doing all this? Your husband might work full time, you might work full time, but why are you working full time coming home and doing all the stuff with the kids and all the stuff for the house while your husband comes home and doesn't do that? Like, does. Does he even know how you feel? And they're like, well, he should. And you're like, well, have you talked about it? Like, yeah.
And, you know, I always look back to. I had. I had a friend years ago that she used to get mad that her boyfriend didn't just know what she wanted. And I was like, okay, well, here's. Here's what you can look at. You can say, I'm bummed that he didn't just read my mind, which he's not going to do, or you could tell him what you need, and then. And then if he doesn't do something with it, then you. Then you have a right to be bummed about that.
Right? If you tell them your needs and they're not being met, then you could be sad. But I'm like, isn't it just easier to say, like, here's what I would love if. If you could help with. Or here's what I'd love if you could do. And then they do it, Then you're Like, great. That works great yourself. Yeah.
I think there's also a, I think we touched on it is a desire not to step on the other person's toes. You know, if you've got a routine, if you, if you go and do it your way, as you say, you're a type a person, you go, actually, you've done really good. But I'm, I'm now stressing because that's not the way I would have done it.
Yes.
Yeah. You haven't quite dressed the children in the way I would address them. I wouldn't have put those socks on them, you know, so suddenly you're, you're inheriting more stress because you want to control the plan, don't you?
Yes. And I think, you know, one of the things that, that I learned so a little, little also backstory to me. I was a single mom. I had my oldest my senior year of College. I was 22 when my oldest was born and oops as I hit my mic. And we got married when My daughter was 11. And so I was a single mom for many years. And then my husband came in and he adopted my daughter and we had two more.
And it's, it's all awesome and great, but it was, I was very set in my ways and used to being it just my daughter and I, so everything was my way. And then he came in and I had to learn how to parent more kids with having a spouse. And so it was a thing. And so one of the big things for me that I constantly remind myself of is he's not doing it wrong. He just does it different than I do, which doesn't make it wrong. You know, he, he puts away all the laundry and still to this day, bless his heart, I love him. He puts some of my daughter's clothes in the wrong drawers. And she's six, so she calls them out on it every time.
She's like, dad, why are my pyjamas in my T shirt drawer? And I was like, hey, like he's putting clothes away and mom's happy about it. So just, just switch it. It's all right. You can fix it. You know where they go. So I think just, you know, again, the type A ness. I think as a mom or as a parent or grown up or anything, like just learning to let go of some of that. That once you have kids and a spouse, like, things are not going to be 100% your way anymore.
And the greatest thing you can do is just learn how to let go of some of that need to have it all be perfect or just your way and know that if you're going to ask for help, you're going to have to be okay with it being done. Maybe a little bit different way than you would do it.
Yeah, completely. Completely. Yeah. I was just thinking there that, you know, it is this sort of not wanting to overstep or not fully understanding what the other person's doing, feeling the other person's in control when really their feet are flapping under the water. They just look like a calm swan on top of the water. So yeah, it's a challenge. And I guess again, without putting words into your mouth, you get 40s and your body changes again, doesn't it? And you have other needs and other challenges with perimenopause, menopause, which also affects how you interact with each other as husband and wife or even the children.
Yeah.
And that's another dynamic that people don't realise that when it hits you it really changes dynamics between people.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I will say I'm lucky enough that I knock on wood somewhere. I haven't experienced a lot of that yet. I'm like super careful that I won't. But it is at my age it is talked about all the time. All my girlfriends talk about it. So it's a very common topic of conversation at this age. But for sure, stuff, stuff changes. And I think even just you know, outside of that, I think, you know, constantly as you grow in age, right.
Stuff just changes in life. You realise what your priorities are and where your time and energy should be and stuff that mattered to you in your 20 or 30s maybe doesn't matter as much in your 40s. You know, I always tell people like I've always been a person that I haven't, I've never super cared a lot what people think. Like I'm not, I'm not affected by like, I don't need to wear name brand things to be cool or any of that stuff. I want people to like me and you know, those common things. But I think something about turning 40 was a really like eye opener to me of like, you know what? This is my life. Like I, I don't need to live for somebody else. I need to live for me and what makes me happy and what works for me and my family and just really, you know, living that life that like works for me, what, how I live my life might not work for somebody else.
And I understand that, you know, a lot of my friends, I've been with my husband for 14 years and he is gone a lot. Hunting and fishing and people like, how, how do you do that? How do you let him be gone? I was like, oh, that's actually why I married him. Like, I love that he has a passion that like, lights his fire. Like, lights his soul on fire. Like, he loves that and it makes him so happy. And I love having like, I'm super independent, so I like having that me time or just time with the kids to go do what I want, but just really, you know, doing what works for you. Right? And. But back to that communication with spouse.
I think that, that, that is a huge thing for every aspect of life, really is, you know, letting them know what's going on, what are you feeling, what, you know, and it doesn't have to be a big sit down, one hour deep conversation. It can just be those, you know, my husband and I have gotten really good of. You know, we try to have family dinner as often as we can and just really like, how was your day? What's going on? You know, is there anything you need from me? Just having those simple conversations really is, is a game changer. And not only parenting, but, you know, that whole effective marriage thing and making sure that, you know, I always tell my husband, I'm like, I'm only doing this once, so we're gonna, you know, make sure this works forever. And I'd like to still like you when the kids get out of the house. So having that communication is a big thing.
It is. And I, I remember when our, our son, the last of our two to leave and move out, even though he was 25, I think 22, 23, 24, 25. He was quite a, an adult when he left. So there's still, there's still a kind of an emptiness in the. We had an apartment at the time. My wife not worrying about buying him pies for his food or not having to strip his bed, or not having to this, that and the other. There's a whole load of things you realise you're just not doing and then you're sitting there watching telly in the evening and you feel. Even though he never spend time with us, he was always playing on his Xbox, his Game Boy or something in his room, does not start having his heartbeat.
Yeah.
10Ft away from you. Just. There's a real emptiness. And it took us longer than we thought. It was a sadness. It was just. You just feel that lack of human vibration, don't you? Or the energy.
For sure. Yeah. Definitely a readjustment. And I think you know, I think that's one of my big things, too, of something I really work with moms with right now is. Is remembering that you are something outside of being a mom. A mom is part of you, but it's not who you are. It's part of your identity, but it's not your whole identity. And I think so often as moms, we get so lost in.
We're a mom, and we have to do all the mom things, and we have to. And, you know, that's great. And it's a season of our life, a long season. Right. But you also want to remember who you are so that when they do finally leave the house, that you remember who you are and what you like outside of that. And then I also think that whole thing, you know, with your spouse, like, that's something big I talk to people about. And, you know, one of my big things, my. My parents are a week away, eight days, I think, but a week away from selling.
Celebrating their 48th wedding anniversary, which is so amazing. And they have a great marriage. They love each other. It's, you know, far from perfect. I mean, they certainly have had moments, you know, 48 years with the same person. Yeah, you butt heads at times, right? But I just always tell my mom, like, I. I want that. I want to make sure, like, you know, my parents, they work together, they live together, all those things, they really enjoy each other's company.
And I really want that for my husband and I, you know, we. We really do still enjoy each other's company. But I think that's such a hard thing in the. When you're in the depths, like the throes of parenting and little kids and stuff, that sometimes that. That marriage part gets so pushed on the back burner, and you're like, well, then. Then what happens when those kids are out and you are finding your footing again, right, with that. And, like, if you can figure out now how to make sure and nurture that marriage and that have that open communication and all those things. I think it's such a benefit to setting yourself up for when those kids leave.
I mean, I think you'll still miss them, right? Because that's just. That's just something, having them not in your house anymore and not there to just check in on every single day. But I think those things are such. Such important things to remember, to really remember when you're in the depths of. Of the parenting, in the little years, to really keep on top of that stuff. So you're good to go when they do Move out finally.
Well, I think I've noticed, you know, in my life, as I say, I've 60, I've had. I've had a fair bit of 23 years of being an adult, I suppose. 43 years of being an adult. No, 60. Oh, God. A long time being an adult. I've even lost it. I can't work it out.
43 years of being an adult. Yeah. Anyway, a long time. I forgot what I was gonna say now. Blimey, I'm having that senior moment, so. Yeah, well, I think what I've learned, what I've learned over those years is you don't realise how full you are until you. And until you allow the load to come off. Because sometimes you're so over capacity, you're 20%, 30%, 40% over capacity, reducing by 5%, you're still over capacity.
So sometimes you got to strip right back to realise how busy you actually were. And that's the challenge, isn't it? Because we got to let go of stuff to realise that we have to let go of stuff. And I remember doing some coaching with a person in business saying that they were trying to carve out time. They had their boss demanding this, they put people putting stuff in their diary. This, that and the other. I said, you need to create this firebreak where you can actually take control of your schedule. If you can't do that, you can never see what's really going through your head at any one time.
So important. And that, I mean, that's a big thing that I did in my own life. And now I help other moms figure out, you know, my, my whole thing is how, how to simplify your life as a mom, as a parent, for sure. But as a mom, like, there's there's so much stuff that we take on and there's so much unnecessary stuff we take on. You know, I always tell people, like, what. What are the things causing you stress? And what, what can you a do about them? What can you let go of? I mean, you know, his joke. As, as silly as it is, laundry is one of the things that gets talked about the most. You're like, okay, could you.
I mean, sure, in a dream world, could you like pay somebody else to do your laundry? Sure. But not many people do that. And I, you know, know whatever. But I think, you know, for me it's a lot of. It's acceptance. Right. The laundry is always going to be there. So figure out a system.
You know, for me, I do one load of laundry every day. That way I don't spend my weekends doing laundry. I just keep on top of it. Again, my husband puts away the laundry. So that's a big thing of like learning, okay, I can wash it, dry it, fold it. He puts it away. It's great, it's done. I think acceptance of some of those things, like, okay, this is the stage of life I'm in.
There's a lot of laundry. I gotta do it, move on. But also things like schedule and stuff. I look at a lot of people who just have crazy busy schedules. And I think as a mom too, we think that, that, that busyness, constantly being busy is like a sign of like, we got this, we're doing this. And you're like, no, like, where's. Where's the white space in your life? Right? We have to create those. Those down moments and having that space that we can take care of ourself and have those moments to breathe and, you know, not over committing to things is such a huge thing.
And then suddenly the kids get a bit older. You become a soccer mom, you become a. A base, a basketball mom or whatever. You're suddenly traipsing around, driving them here, driving them there.
Yes.
And all the extracurricular mum stuff or dad stuff. Dad's. Dad did some of it as well. But, yeah, you suddenly take on label, don't you?
Yes. Yeah. And I mean, you know, that's great too. I mean, I look at. We. We grew up, you know, in. In Minnesota, hockey is a big thing. So my older and younger brother both played hockey.
I actually played hockey real briefly. Turns out I'm not super competitive. So it wasn't. I love the game, but not the competitiveness of it. But, you know, my. My parents were hockey parents and they're like, best friends were all hockey parents, and they love that. And so I don't think, you know, having those new identities is ever a bad. Doesn't have to be a bad thing.
But it's. I think it's just important to, you know, I look at some of. I have friends that have, you know, kids that are in five sports at a time. And you're like, how do you have a moment for yourself or your marriage or anything when you are just constantly running kids to sports all the time, you know, So I think that sometimes it's important to look too of like, okay, what's our capacity for? Okay, our kids can do two sports at once because the schedules. The schedules work. And, and maybe volunteering for the event that you really want to volunteer for is just not in the books right now because of knowing your capacity and needing some of that just space to have some downtime in your life. I think is. Is such a important thing for, for us to remember just to.
To not over schedule ourselves.
I'm gonna say mums come to you. You know, when parents come to you. It doesn't have to be. Could be a dad, it could be a mum, it could be someone. However you want to describe yourself. What do they really want to do that they haven't got time for? Because you said at the beginning, they come because they haven't got time. I haven't got time. I've got time.
Time for me is always about priority. So what, what can't they prioritise in their life? What's the biggest thing that go, I want time to do this. What is it?
Yeah, I don't know that I have an answer for that. I mean, it's definitely that. There's never enough time to get everything done. You know, it's. I have this to do list and I can never get through it. And then I also know that I'm supposed to fit in self care and people are like, I don't. I can't even imagine the last time that I've taken, you know, a day for myself. I always.
I always laugh. One of my former life coaching clients came to me and she was. She was working crazy hours. Her husband is. Oh, okay, there's one of those. Sorry, someone's at the door. I thought I wouldn't be bothered at.
All, but that's okay.
Okay. We're all right.
I thought it was.
I thought it was my husband. It's. It's not. Some. Somebody dropped.
We're just talk. We're just talking about him. It's okay. Don't worry.
It's fine. I also run a craft business, so people drop stuff off when my friend stops. So that is what that is. Um, my former coaching client, her husband was a fire chief, so he worked, you know, 24 hour shifts and he was gone a lot. She was working crazy hours. And. And so one of the things really was just that teaching her to put better boundaries around her time and what she spent it on and all that stuff. And so I really encouraged her to just.
I'm like, find one night that you can go to dinner with a girlfriend. And she's like, I just. I don't like that sounds hard. I'm like, okay, like, let's just. Just one night, you know, Two hours. It doesn't even have to be at bedtime. And like a week later she sent me a text and said, I, I just booked a trip, we're going to Florida. So instead of just a one night dinner, she booked a like four day girls trip.
Which was great, but really just like being intentional of, of finding that time, I think is, I think finding time for yourself is, is one of the biggest things that moms come to me with of like, like I can't stay on top of everything I'm supposed to do. Raising the kids and laundry and keeping the house clean and decluttering and all the things, much less find time for myself. So it's super fun just to be able to walk alongside moms and be like, okay, I can look at your life from an outside view and be like, tell me what you have going on. And here you know, why, like explain to me, you know, what's, what's the importance of why you're putting your time in over here and, and them seeing like, maybe that's not where I should be putting my time. And that's right, I could gain back some time and actually use that time for something I love that refreshes me and fills me up again.
Go back to I mentioned earlier, is it, is it nature or nurture or just being a mum? I read something somewhere, a magazine or online or something popped up and it talked about when, when a woman sees a bit of mess in the toilet, they immediately go, germs must clean it. It has to be down now, now, now. A man goes, it's all right, it's fine, it'll keep. And so is there a different sense of urgency? And again, I don't want to stereotype here. I'm not trying to say that men are this and women are this, but is that sometimes what happens where your husband, a man may not see the problem, but a woman, the mom sees it and thinks I have to do that now.
100%. I mean there just is, I think there is just, there's just a difference on how people see it. And you know, again, I think that that's something I love about being married to my husband, is that I try sometimes to see it through his eyes. I'm like, okay, why do I like feel that? Like, oh, it like works me up and it has to be done now where, where he can just like look at it and walk by and it doesn't bother him. I'm like, like I would give anything to like not be bothered by some of those things. Like that's, that's an amazing thing to have, but I do. I just think that, you know, I think each. You know, and maybe man and woman, but also just each person I think is bothered differently.
I have. I have a real good girlfriend who is not type A, and her house is messy. Every time I go there and I walk in and she's like, oh, you. You must just judge me every time you walk in here. And I'm like, honestly, I don't. I said, part of me is honestly jealous that you can live like this. Because she's just accepted that that's how her life is. She's got two boys, they're busy.
She's just accepted and she's okay with it. I'm like, I physically couldn't do this. Like, my skin would crawl. Like, it just. The feeling inside me is so horrible that I couldn't do it. But it. But because I'm so type A, I can't imagine being so type B that you could just be okay with the mass. And I think, you know, that's.
I have a degree in psychology because I love how the brain is wired and how everyone thinks differently and does things differently. And it just fascinates me in that sense of like, everyone does things differently. And just because, I mean, my house is always sparkling clean at all times. And I've accepted that that's okay. That's. That's how I want it. And it's not because I feel like it needs to be like that or I think that that makes me better or anything. It's just what makes me happy, and it's how I like it.
But I don't ever expect that from anybody else.
You know, I think it's for self. You know, when I. When I talk to my wife about things sometimes, or she talks back to me or whatever, if I was to say to her, it's okay, just leave it, let it go. What that's not doing is understanding her imperatives. Me saying, let that go, leave it, don't worry about it, doesn't reduce the stress levels, doesn't reduce the anxiety, doesn't. So what we're trying to do here really is when you talk about how to simplify someone's life or overcome the overwhelm it's trying to de. Trigger some of these things that create this high level of anxiety in people. Is that.
Is that what you make them more manageable?
Yes. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And I think, you know, again, like I said, I think for me, helping people figure out how. How to let go of some of it, you know, it's hard. I think some of it is just naturally how we're wired. Right? Something that bothers me might not bother you. And, and so I mean that again, that's a great example.
What you just said about you and your wife is that that's something for my husband and I that we've talked about. Like, I get this doesn't bother you, but it does bother me. And so how, how can we find like a middle ground where, like, just because it's my thing and it's not your thing doesn't mean it has to go my way. Because if it doesn't bother you, then, you know, it's finding that middle ground. But also, I think, understanding and, you know, I. It's just a constant, right? It's a constant ebb and flow of what, what works and figuring it all out.
I think you said it earlier, it's trying to learn what matters to the other person, what doesn't matter. The other person, what needs to be a big deal and really what doesn't. If you, if you want to load the dishwasher your way, it still washes the dishes. It doesn't matter if the glasses aren't all the right way up and the spoons are in the correct way order. And it doesn't matter. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. So it's not taking on the, the extra anxiety of trying to fit the other person into your definition of right and wrong as well, isn't it?
Yes. That. That is huge. One of my favourite lines, my mom has always told me, is pick your battles. Which is a lot about the kids, but, but also with, with the spouse too, right? She, early on to being married, she said to me, pick your battles. Figure out, figure out the things that matter to you that like, yep, you really want things done this way because of xyz. And let him know and make sure he's on the same page. Other things, the dishwasher per se, not being loaded correctly, Let it go.
The dishes are being cleaned. I'm not doing it. It took it off my plate. Great, right? And so that is one of those things that I really learned and I try to help other people see that too. Like just because they do it differently or not the same way. You know, people say, oh, like I asked him to wash towels and he washed them, but he folded them wrong. And you're like, well, it's, it's a towel. Is it clean and put away in the linen closet? They're like, yeah.
And you're like, then it, it shouldn't matter. Right. Like if that's where your energy is going, then we probably have bigger issues that we need to work on of figuring out where, where is your stress and anxiety being focused on. I just, you know, better ways to spend your energy than being upset that something like that isn't done correct correctly.
Yeah. One of the things I often say to people is you in a marriage you can't always be right and happy. Sometimes they're incompatible. So you don't. Once you realise you don't have to be right. Yeah, you can be, you can be a lot happier for sure.
Yeah. I mean it is, it's. It's that constant ebb and flow and compromising and figuring all those things out and makes it run a lot smoother when you can figure that part out for sure.
Do you think you're obviously got kids of different ages, children of different ages. Do you think they're learning a new way as pre parents? Maybe they'll be parents one day in their life. Are you bringing them up in a way that teaches the skills you're talking about now?
I hope so. I hope so. I mean that is a big thing. Somebody once said to me, I can't remember exactly but you know, it's our job to raise our kids not to stay home but to, you know, to spread their wings and fly right to. The thing is you want them to leave the house and be good people in the world. And I think, you know, it's fun Talking to my 22 year old just the things that she sees. You know, like I said, I, I run three businesses. I have my, my coaching business and organising business and a crafting business and so I'm busy all the time but I, I run three businesses and do a lot of the mom stuff but just, just showing her, you know, she'll say, you know and, and I actually for the last eight years I just recently retired from this.
I ran an in home daycare so that I could be home with my little kids and be the ones to raise them. And you know, I always. She knows and the little kids will know eventually. Like wasn't ever my dream to be a daycare lady. Like that wasn't grow up and be a daycare lady but it wasn't my dream to be a mom and to be able to be with them but also to still to earn that income and have money and those things. And so I think showing these kids that and also that my husband is so involved and stuff, you know, my dad is an Amazing man. And I love him and I'm still super close to him, but he was, he worked 70 hours a week, six days a week. Like, we didn't see him much as a kid because he was the, he was the breadwinner.
My mom stayed home and did the stuff with us and growing, you know, raising these kids in a family that they see like, dad is home and dad does stuff. And like when I leave and go have my girls night with my friends, dad isn't babysitting. You know, that's one of those, like when people say that, oh, my husband's babysitting, you're like, it's not babysitting when it's your own kids. Right? Like, nope, he's just home with his kids. Much like parenting. Parenting for sure. And so, you know, I love that my kids get to see that, that dad gets to go do his thing. Mom does her thing.
We have life outside of them. We both work. You know, I am running these businesses on my own, following my dream and my passion and all that. And so just showing them all those things is just such a cool thing. And so I do, I think that they're going to grow up in a, in a different way that we, that you and I especially were raised with. Having stay at home moms will forever be grateful that I had that and love that my mom was a stay at home mom. And as much of why I run my own businesses is because I want to be able to be home still and be here for my kids. But I love that they get to see that me being a mom didn't mean that I got to give up on my, on my dreams and my passions just because I was a mom.
So I'm glad they get to see that for sure.
Talk about raised by our mums. I was just also thinking there that I'm now hitting that sandwich generation. You know, where I'm now. Look now, both my wife and I, we're now becoming more responsible for our parents. My wife lost her mother two years ago. I lost my father three, three months ago.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
They, they had a fantastic life. They, they didn't suffer. They, they were, they were old. They part, they passed when they were old. They had a good life. And my wife's father at the moment is, he's 92.
Wow.
And he's, he's, he's, he'S a fantastic 92. But he's just getting to the point now where he spent some time in hospital. Yeah. We almost have Our own parking spot accident in emergency. The ed. Yeah. Or we, we hear in the car park again we go, oh yeah. We're back to our overnight hotel where he's, he's in the bed, we're sitting in the chairs waiting all night to be seen.
And my, my, my mum's a few years younger so she's quite, she's 86 and a good 86, I love it. But we're recognising that we've now got to go back through that parental cycle because we're now having to manage our parents not as if they're baby children, but they, they need help, support, worry and also you need to persuade them to do the right thing, to get it right, to regard themselves. And persuading our father in law to stop driving was a real challenge because a proud man. I can still drive. It's when he says it's okay, I take it really, really careful when I'm driving. I thought you should be taking it really, really careful anyway when you're driving. Not so. So fortunately, fortunately he decided on his own.
Okay, good, stop driving. He got to the point where I think he'd had a fall and he didn't drive for about a month and he went to try and drive. He said, I've realised now, having not driven for a month, I can't. Here's my licence. But so yeah, we sold his car and it was fine. So yeah, it's. You become a parent again, don't you?
Yeah, yeah, I, I'm not there yet, thank God. But I can only imagine that, that, that, that's just a whole thing, right? You gotta watch out for them and care for them and there's a way more fine line there because like you said, I mean those things of like you can't be driving, you shouldn't be driving anymore. But to tell a grown adult that, I mean, I always think like I don't ever want to be told that ever. But you know, eventually I, I hope I'm blessed enough to get there, you know, 92 years, that's. That's awesome, right? To be afforded that. You got to live a great life that long. Like great. But yeah, that's a whole new, a whole new responsibility.
It's completely different conversations, you know, you go around, they're making sure they've eaten properly, checking on their food in the fridge, is there anything mouldy in the cupboard? It's like, it's like in some respects it's like dealing with a two year old again in some Respects. It's like dealing with a teenager again because they're petulant, they're fighting back, they go angsty about the whole thing, don't want to be told. Sometimes they're just, they just need to be treated like a child. So it's, you know, think about your simplification coach. I'm guessing that some of your, your mum. Mum friends are about to hit that part of their life as well. You know, got kids, got menopause, got elderly parents. But nobody trained you to be an elderly parent carer.
Because when you're, you're going through your pregnancy, when you're going through starting a family, everybody's got the manuals, the books, the tools, the antenatal classes, scans. When parents suddenly become old, there's no guidebook. People just go, wow, it is what it is. And then you find that social services, support services are just. You have to fight for everything. It's like a nightmare.
Yeah, yeah, it's. Yeah, that's a whole new, A whole new thing that I'm not super versed in experience yet or. No, but, yeah, whole, whole new thing. But I will say if you simplify your life and get rid of that, you know, I always tell people, like one of my big things just in the overall thing is when you simplify your life and get rid of any unnecessary stresses, when new stresses come up, then the thing is you can just focus on that new stress and you don't also have to focus on that new stress along with all the other stresses. Right. When you, when you have all those other things figured out and taken care of, then, then you're able to just deal with that new stress of figuring out how to navigate that, the ageing parents or whatever, without also having 80 other stresses still in your life.
I think that's important. You're right, because when we, when we speak from a position of stress, the wrong brain chemicals are flowing. We're not in our prefrontal cortex, we're not calm, we're often not completely rational. So sometimes it's being able to step back because some of the stresses come from our employer, the environment, society, not just the children or the husband. So being able to say how I feel to others, that's a really good technique to learn, isn't it?
Yes. Such a good one, Sally.
It's been absolutely fascinating. I mean, we could do a volume two on. And I'll. You can, you can interview me on, on elderly parents with my, my new special subject.
I love it.
How do people get ahold of you. How do people get hold of you?
Um, sure. So my website is simply sallyco.com you can find me on Facebook or Instagram at Simply Sally Coaching. And that's, that's where I'm at.
And you're Sally Bisbee.
Sally Bisbee.
Are you on Instagram, places like that?
Yeah, the, the Simply Sally Coaching is my Instagram and Facebook. Both of those and Facebook.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah. So people want to Google you, track you down, search for you.
Yes.
Wave, say hi. Like a few of your posts.
Yeah, I would love that.
Do you do kind of a bit of ad hoc messenger support type stuff? So if someone's having a bit of burnout struggle, can you give them a bit of. A. Bit of a bit of a sample coach over the. Over the dms?
Sure. Yes. If someone wants to message me. Yep. And I've got free free resources on my website. Different, you know, time saving hacks and just different things like that. I host free workshops every once in a while for people to hop on and learn different. Just ways to get more time in your life and different things like that.
So awesome to check out Sally.
It's been a blast. It's been lovely to talk to you for just over an hour, so thank you so much.
Yes, thank you so much for having me. It's been great chatting with you too.
As we bring this conversation to a close, I want to express my deepest gratitude to, to you, our listener, for lending your ear and heart to the cause of inclusion. Today's discussion struck a chord. Consider subscribing to Inclusion Bites and become part of our ever growing community driving real change. Share this journey with friends, family and colleagues. Let's amplify the voices that matter.
Got thoughts, stories or a vision to share?
I'm all ears. Reach out to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk and let's make your voice heard. Until next time, this is Joanne Lockwood signing off with a promise to return with more enriching narratives that challenge, inspire and unite us all. Here's to fostering a more inclusive world one episode at a time. Catch you on the next bite.
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Episode Category
Primary Category: Wellbeing
Secondary Category: Female Empowerment
🔖 Titles
Simplifying Mum Life: From Chaos to Calm and Finding Ease in Modern Parenting
Navigating Overwhelm: Practical Routines and Guilt-Free Self Care for Busy Parents
The Mental Load of Motherhood: Strategies for Prioritising Wellbeing and Family Harmony
Creating Calm: Empowering Overwhelmed Mums to Balance Self-Care and Family Life
Reclaiming Time: Breaking Free From Perfectionism and Overcommitment as a Parent
The Power of Communication: Delegating Household Tasks and Nurturing Healthy Relationships
Beyond the Chaos: Embracing Imperfection and White Space in Modern Family Living
From Type A to Acceptance: Realising What Matters Most in Parenting and Partnerships
Rediscovering Yourself: Maintaining Identity and Purpose Amidst Family Chaos
Unpacking Multigenerational Parenting: Lessons in Boundaries, Balance, and Self Compassion
A Subtitle - A Single Sentence describing this episode
Sally Bisbee explores the journey from parental overwhelm to empowering ease, unveiling practical strategies for simplifying family life, nurturing self-care, and fostering authentic communication to enable mothers to thrive amidst modern challenges.
Episode Tags
Life Simplification, Overwhelmed Mothers, Self Care Routines, Family Dynamics, Parental Burnout, Work Life Balance, Modern Motherhood, Delegation Strategies, Parenting Across Generations, Building Calm
Episode Summary with Intro, Key Points and a Takeaway
In this episode of The Inclusion Bites Podcast, Joanne Lockwood invites Sally Bisbee to navigate the transition from chaos to calm in the realities of modern family life. Joanne explores how mothers face the pressures of societal expectations, work, family routines, and self-imposed guilt, all while trying to carve out space for themselves. Sally shares her own story of overwhelm—juggling children of widely differing ages and rediscovering her identity outside motherhood—and demonstrates practical methods for reclaiming tranquillity in the relentless swirl of family life. Together, they unpack the impact of perfectionism, the invisible “mental load”, unspoken assumptions between partners, and the crucial role of open, honest communication in creating balanced shared responsibility.
Sally is a mum life simplification coach based in Minnesota, USA, specialising in helping overwhelmed mothers develop sustainable routines and guilt-free self-care. With experience spanning over two decades of parenting—including a 22-year-old and two younger children—she brings both lived wisdom and a nuanced understanding of how family dynamics shift across generations. Sally, who also runs multiple businesses, is driven by her passion for empowering mothers to shed the myth of needing to “do it all” and find joy through intentional boundaries, flexible expectations, and supportive habits. Her practice extends beyond generic advice, illustrating how bespoke routine changes and shifting perspectives on partnership can dramatically improve familial wellbeing.
Joanne and Sally examine the legacy of traditional gender roles, the challenges of maintaining both independence and connectivity in marriage, and the evolving responsibilities of the “sandwich generation” caring for children and elderly parents. They discuss acceptance, setting priorities, and the need to reframe self-worth away from domestic perfection towards authentic presence and fulfilment. Their conversation is both relatable and transformative, offering tools to rediscover calm and nurture inclusive, supportive family cultures.
A key takeaway from this episode is the transformative potential of self-awareness and communication—by recognising personal needs and openly sharing them with family, mothers can move from daily overwhelm to genuine calm, benefiting not only themselves but everyone in their household. Listeners will come away with actionable insights for fostering gentler, more resilient family life.
📚 Timestamped overview
00:00 "Inclusion Bites explores inclusion and belonging through bold conversations led by Joanne Lockwood, encouraging societal change and collaboration."
05:40 Balancing parenting with personal interests and social life is important for the speaker and their husband.
09:20 Parenting is a dynamic challenge, adapting to each child's unique needs and personalities.
10:02 Elder sibling struggled to relate to younger brother until shared adult experiences brought them closer in later life.
15:35 Mothers often feel responsible for household tasks, but sharing responsibilities with a willing partner is essential.
18:28 Women often juggle full-time work and domestic responsibilities, requiring communication to balance household roles fairly.
20:21 Motherhood entails a significant mental load, often unshared by partners, making communication and task-sharing essential.
25:54 Priorities shift with age; turning 40 brings clarity to focus on personal happiness and living authentically.
27:21 Communication through simple conversations strengthens relationships and improves life.
32:39 Helping mums simplify life by identifying and letting go of unnecessary stressors.
35:21 Prioritise downtime by managing commitments within your capacity.
38:15 Helping mums prioritise self-care by reassessing how they use their time.
39:43 People perceive things differently, and the author admires her husband's calm approach compared to her own urgency.
45:28 Raising children to become independent and good people while balancing personal and professional responsibilities.
47:24 Balancing work and motherhood, pursuing dreams while being present for children shows a different upbringing from stay-at-home parenting.
51:51 Simplify life by eliminating unnecessary stresses to better handle new challenges.
54:44 Thank you for supporting inclusion. Subscribe to Inclusion Bites and share to amplify impactful voices.
📚 Timestamped overview
00:00 "Inclusion Bites: Spark Change"
05:40 Balancing Parenthood and Personal Life
09:20 Parenting Different Personalities
10:02 Sibling Bonding Across Age Gap
15:35 Sharing the Load as Mum
18:28 Addressing Gender Roles at Home
20:21 Mental Load of Motherhood
25:54 Priorities Shift with Age
27:21 Importance of Everyday Communication
32:39 Simplifying Motherhood and Stress
35:21 "Prioritising Downtime and Balance"
38:15 Finding Time for Yourself
39:43 "Perspective Differences in Marriage"
45:28 "Parenting, Growth, and Life Balance"
47:24 Balancing Motherhood and Ambitions
51:51 Simplify Life, Manage Stress
54:44 "Join the Inclusion Journey"
Custom LinkedIn Post
🎙️ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗪𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗼𝗻 𝗜𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗕𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀: 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗼𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗺 🎙️
🤔 Ever felt like the daily juggle is more chaos than calm? Is it really possible to simplify life and find peace amidst the whirlwind of family, work, and endless to-do lists? Listen in – this 60-second audiogram might just be your game-changer!
This week, I’m delighted to welcome Sally Bisbee, a mum life simplification coach dedicated to supporting overwhelmed mothers (and anyone feeling the strain of busy life) to reclaim calm through simple routines and guilt-free self-care.
Together, we delve into:
🔑 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝘂𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 – How striving for ‘doing it all’ often leads to guilt and overload
🔑 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗦𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗬𝗼𝘂 – Practical steps to create time for yourself without the guilt trip
🔑 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗘𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗛𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘀 – How open conversations at home can transform more than just your schedule
Why Listen?
"Inclusion is about understanding, and this episode is packed with insights to help you create more #PositivePeopleExperiences."
About the Podcast
As host of Inclusion Bites, I bring new episodes every week to inspire, educate, and challenge perspectives on inclusion and belonging. This quick clip? Just the start. Imagine what you’ll discover in the full episode.
What’s your take? 💭 How do you create calm in life’s inevitable chaos? Drop your thoughts below 👇 or share your top tips for managing overwhelm.
🎧 Listen to the full episode here: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
#PositivePeopleExperiences #SmileEngageEducate #InclusionBites #Podcasts #Shorts #WorkingMums #MentalHealthMatters #SelfCare #WorkLifeBalance #ParentingSupport
Don't forget to like, subscribe, comment, and share the love with your network.
with SEE Change Happen and Sally Bisbee
TikTok/Reels/Shorts Video Summary
Focus Keyword: Culture Change
Title: From Chaos to Calm: Empowering Culture Change for Positive People Experiences | #InclusionBitesPodcast
Tags: culture change, inclusion, positive people experiences, family dynamics, mum life, parenting coaching, self care, resilience, mental load, gender roles, communication skills, emotional wellbeing, routine building, social norms, belonging, inclusive cultures, family routine, societal transformation, work-life balance, present parenting, stress management, personal growth, mindset shift, authentic conversations, empowerment, family support
Killer Quote: "The only person who can change that is also us. We need to ask for help and delegate...learning to let go of some of that need for perfection and needing to do it all is the biggest move mums can take to really better their lives." – Sally Bisbee
Hashtags: #CultureChange, #PositivePeopleExperiences, #InclusionBitesPodcast, #Inclusion, #FamilyDynamics, #Parenting, #MumLife, #Empowerment, #SelfCare, #Resilience, #Belonging, #Routine, #MentalLoad, #WorkLifeBalance, #AuthenticConversations, #SocialNorms, #SocietalTransformation, #Support, #PersonalGrowth, #StressManagement
Summary Description:
Step into “From Chaos to Calm” as Sally Bisbee joins me, Joanne Lockwood, to unpack what Culture Change really means within families and work-life. Why listen? If you’re seeking genuine, actionable paths towards Positive People Experiences, this episode delivers. We challenge the status quo around parental overwhelm, gender roles, and finding time for self-care—proving that reclaiming calm is not just possible but transformative. Sally and I share approachable strategies for delegating at home, shedding perfectionism, and reshaping inclusive cultures—whether you’re a parent, partner, or simply navigating societal transitions. Join us in driving culture change that puts wellbeing and belonging at the centre. Ready for real change? Subscribe, share your thoughts, and start your own journey from chaos to calm with us.
Outro:
Thank you, the listener, for tuning in to this episode. If you enjoyed our conversation on Culture Change and Positive People Experiences, please do like and subscribe to the channel. Want more practical insights or to listen to the full episode? Visit SEE Change Happen: https://seechangehappen.co.uk
Listen to the full episode here: The Inclusion Bites Podcast
Stay curious, stay kind, and stay inclusive – Joanne Lockwood
ℹ️ Introduction
Welcome to another enlightening episode of Inclusion Bites, hosted by Joanne Lockwood, where we dive into “From Chaos to Calm.” This week, Joanne Lockwood is joined by Sally Bisbee, a mum life simplification coach from Minnesota, whose mission is to empower overwhelmed mothers to reclaim calm through simple routines and guilt-free self-care.
Together, they unpack the invisible pressures modern parents face—juggling work, family expectations, and the relentless pursuit of perfection. Sally Bisbee shares her own journey from daily overwhelm to personal ease, and offers a refreshingly candid look at the challenges of managing blended-age families, the evolving dynamics of marital partnership, and the necessity of open communication at home.
Whether you’re a busy parent, a champion of inclusion, or just searching for practical ways to carve out more peace and presence in your everyday life, this episode offers relatable stories, actionable tips, and gentle reminders that you’re not alone on the journey. Tune in and discover how small shifts and honest conversations can spark profound transformations—at home, and beyond.
💬 Keywords
Inclusion, Belonging, Societal transformation, Mum life simplification, Overwhelm, Calm, Simple routines, Guilt-free self care, Present parenting, Perfectionism, Societal pressure, Social media comparison, Stress management, Self pressure, Delegation, Communication in relationships, Mental load, Gender roles, Dual income families, Boundary setting, Prioritisation, Time management, Self-identity, Ageing parents, Sandwich generation, Menopause, Parenting challenges, Capacity management, Family dynamics, Life transitions, Support for mothers
About this Episode
About The Episode:
In this episode, Sally Bisbee brings practical wisdom to the challenge of transforming parental chaos into meaningful calm, sharing her lived experience as a life simplification coach for mothers. Drawing on a unique family dynamic spanning generations, she explores the social and psychological drivers of overwhelm, perfectionism, and parental identity. Listeners are offered refreshing perspectives and actionable tools for reclaiming time, setting boundaries, and fostering more inclusive family paradigms.
Today, we’ll cover:
The root causes of overwhelm in modern parenting and how societal expectations, social media, and generational norms shape daily stress.
Techniques for identifying and prioritising what truly matters, enabling a shift from perfectionism to self-compassion.
Strategies for effective communication within households, focusing on partnership, sharing the mental load, and reducing resentment.
The significance of establishing and maintaining boundaries for self-care, including practical scheduling and delegation methods.
Insight into how flexible routines, routines adapted for each household’s unique needs, can unlock regular moments of calm.
The evolving nature of parental identity: how to remain more than ‘just a mum’ or ‘just a parent’ and model independence for children.
Preparation for life transitions, including the ‘empty nest’ and ageing parent responsibilities, with tips on future-proofing family relationships and well-being.
💡 Speaker bios
Joanne Lockwood is the passionate host of Inclusion Bites, a thought-provoking podcast dedicated to sparking bold conversations about inclusion, belonging, and societal change. On her journey, Joanne guides listeners as they uncover unseen narratives, challenge the status quo, and share powerful stories that inspire real action. With a warm invitation to connect, she encourages everyone not simply to belong, but to thrive. Whether you’re starting your day with a coffee or winding down in the evening, Joanne’s engaging style fosters meaningful reflection and community. Always eager for fresh perspectives, she invites listeners to join the conversation and share their insights directly, making Inclusion Bites a true sanctuary for those seeking to make a difference.
💡 Speaker bios
Sally Bisbee is a lively, social individual who brings humour and warmth to family life. Together with her husband, an enthusiastic fisherman and hunter, Sally values maintaining their identities beyond just being parents, even as their family has grown with multiple children. Sally delights in socialising and cherishes time spent with friends, balancing motherhood with an active and connected personal life.
❇️ Key topics and bullets
Certainly! Here is a comprehensive sequence of topics covered in the transcript of the “From Chaos to Calm” episode of The Inclusion Bites Podcast, including relevant sub-topics under each primary theme.
1. Podcast Introduction and Framing
Introduction of Inclusion Bites Podcast and its ethos
Role of host (Joanne Lockwood) and invitation to join the conversation
Welcoming guest (Sally Bisbee) and her background as a Mum Life Simplification Coach
Geographic introductions: UK vs. US (Minnesota)
2. Personal and Family Context
Sally Bisbee’s experience as a mother of three with significant age gaps
The realities and logistics of parenting across generations
Differences in domestic geography and cultural expectations (UK containment vs. US scale)
3. Journey from Overwhelm to Calm
Sally Bisbee’s personal turning point, realising chronic overwhelm
Strategies for reclaiming calm and simplification in family life
Importance of being a present, happy parent
4. The Challenges and Dynamics of Parenting
Adjusting to multiple children and the complexities introduced
Forgetting the difficulties quickly, leading to surprises with subsequent children
Importance of retaining identity outside the parental role (social life, hobbies, individuality)
5. Societal and Internal Expectations
Perfectionism and the pressure to “do it all”
Impact of societal norms, social media portrayals of perfect family life
The difference between what’s presented online and reality
Advice: find what works personally, rather than aspiring to unrealistic standards
6. Generational Perspectives and Family Structure
Navigating children across different generational identities (Millennials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha)
Varied needs and approaches to parenting for children of different ages
Sibling relationships and age gaps
7. Delegation, Partnership, and Domestic Roles
Evolving household responsibilities between partners
Effective communication as a route to partnership balance
Delegating tasks and sharing the “mental load” of family management
Recognising and resisting traditional gendered expectations in the division of labour
8. Self-Care and Prioritisation for Parents
Common challenges: lack of time and overwhelm
Permission and importance of self-care for parents, especially mothers
Methods for carving out time and setting boundaries
Examples of coaching strategies to help parents prioritise their personal needs
9. Navigating Identity and Life Transitions
Shifting roles as children grow and leave home (empty nest)
Coping with the emotional impact of changing family dynamics
Maintaining one’s identity and nurturing relationships with partners beyond active parenting years
10. Communication Techniques for Healthy Relationships
Approaches to discussing needs and feelings with partners
Differentiating between implicit expectations and explicit requests
Overcoming communication barriers and mind-reading assumptions
11. Managing Perfectionism and Type A Tendencies
Letting go of control and perfection, especially when delegating tasks
Accepting alternative approaches by partners and children
The emotional and psychological aspects of different personality styles in the household
12. Ageing, Menopause, and Parental Care
Changes in needs and dynamics during midlife (perimenopause, menopause)
The “sandwich generation” challenge: parenting older children while caring for ageing parents
Lack of societal guidance and resources for elder care compared to early parenting support
13. Simplification Strategies and Stress Management
Techniques for simplifying routines and decluttering physical and mental space
Creating ‘white space’ and boundaries in schedules
Prioritising activities and commitments to manage overwhelm
Acceptance of imperfection and shifting focus from “busyness” to well-being
14. Role Modelling and Intergenerational Lessons
Teaching children life skills, balance, and non-traditional gender roles
Modelling independence, entrepreneurship, and pursuit of passions
Navigating family life in the context of work, business, and changing social norms
15. Community, Support, and Resources
Sally Bisbee’s resources and support tools (website, social media, free workshops)
Encouragement to reach out and join the conversation
Value of peer support and sharing experiences
This structure captures the breadth and depth of the episode’s conversation, highlighting not only practical strategies but also the nuanced realities of modern parenting, partnership, and personal identity throughout life’s transitions.
The Hook
Feeling like you’re spinning a hundred plates... and STILL missing something? Ever wondered what actually happens when you step OUT of overwhelm and INTO intentional calm? Trust me, it’s not just “another mum story.” It’s real strategies, the everyday nitty-gritty, PLUS a jolt of clarity on how your self-care shapes EVERYTHING. Ready to reclaim a sense of ease in the chaos?
“You can’t pour from an empty cup”—but honestly, how many times have you tried? If you’re stuck in the constant swirl of to-do lists, family demands, and, well, LIFE, here’s an idea: What if the real secret is SIMPLIFICATION, not perfection? The messy truth (and laugh-out-loud confessions) are right here. Ready to FINALLY draw that boundary with guilt-free confidence?
Is your calendar screaming BUSY... but your heart whispering, “give me a break”? Maybe you’re not burnt out—just overloaded with expectations, schedules, and ALL the invisible stuff nobody sees. What if there’s a way to clear the clutter, quiet the mental chatter, and make space for YOU (without letting anyone down)? The answers might surprise you...
What REALLY happens when you stop chasing the impossible standard and just decide to let some things go? Not just tidier cupboards. We’re talking connected relationships, reclaimed energy, and a radical kind of self-worth. Hungry for honest real talk about thriving while life keeps throwing curveballs? This is where it gets practical—and personal.
Pause for a second—when’s the last time you did something for YOURSELF that wasn’t just another tick on the endless list? If your life feels like a constant race, what if that “calm” you’re craving is closer than you think? Get ready for minimal fluff, maximum insight, and a conversation that might just change what you expect from tomorrow.
🎬 Reel script
On this episode of Inclusion Bites, I sat down with Sally Bisbee, a life simplification coach who turns chaos into calm for overwhelmed mums. We explored the realities behind parental perfectionism, the struggle for self-care, and how to carve out time for what truly matters. From reshaping family dynamics to embracing authenticity and empowering ourselves to let go of impossible standards—this conversation is essential for anyone seeking balance in a demanding world. Join the movement, challenge norms, and ignite the spark of inclusion with us.
🗞️ Newsletter
Inclusion Bites Podcast Newsletter – Episode 182: From Chaos to Calm
Welcome back to Inclusion Bites, the home of real conversations that drive real change! This week, Joanne Lockwood welcomes Sally Bisbee, the inspiring mum life simplification coach from Minnesota, to explore what moving "From Chaos to Calm" truly looks like for overwhelmed parents.
Inside This Episode:
Joanne and Sally dive deep into the complexities of modern motherhood. Sally shares how, after years of juggling parenting, careers, and life’s pressures, she realised the need for more than just surviving the daily grind—she started thriving. Her superpower? Turning everyday overwhelm into empowering ease, especially for busy mums who rarely put themselves first.
Key Takeaways:
Permission to Prioritise Yourself: Sally challenges the notion that mums must do it all. Why do we pour everything into our families, often leaving our own needs behind? She reminds us: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
The Importance of Delegation: Communicating openly with partners is crucial. Sally recounts how dividing household responsibilities—like her husband taking on daily dishes while she manages the laundry—transformed her stress levels and family dynamic.
Letting Go of Perfectionism: Both Sally and Joanne reflect on the struggle with societal expectations, the hidden pressures of social media, and the internal drive for a perfectly organised home. Letting go of these ideals is a constant but necessary journey.
Family Dynamics Through the Life Stages: With children spanning from age 6 to 22, Sally offers a unique perspective on raising children across generations, the changing roles within the family, and preparing for the "empty nest" phase without losing your own identity.
Simplify to Manage New Challenges: Life never stops throwing new challenges—from children’s sports schedules to caring for ageing parents. Sally advocates for simplifying routines so you’re not buried by stress when new pressures emerge.
Practical Tips From Sally:
Carve out dedicated time for self-care, no matter how busy life gets.
Create open dialogues with your partner about workload and mental load.
Accept help—and accept that things may not always be done your way.
Regularly reassess family schedules to keep "white space" for downtime.
Remember, being a mum is part of who you are, but it’s not all that you are.
Connect With Sally Bisbee:
Visit her website Simply Sally Coaching, or connect on Facebook/Instagram @SimplySallyCoaching for free resources, workshops, and community.
Join the Conversation:
Share your story, ask a question, or become a guest on the show! Email Joanne at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk and become part of our inclusion journey.
Catch Up on Previous Episodes:
Find all episodes at seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen.
Whether you’re winding down after a busy day or seeking a moment of calm with your morning coffee, thank you for tuning in and making inclusion a priority. Let’s keep challenging norms, nurturing belonging, and connecting through the stories that matter.
Here’s to fostering calm, inclusion, and positive change—one bite at a time.
#InclusionBites #FromChaosToCalm #MumLife #Belonging #PositivePeopleExperiences
🧵 Tweet thread
🧵 1/ What happens when the chaos of daily life collides with the pursuit of calm? In episode 182 of #InclusionBites, Sally Bisbee shares her journey from overwhelm to empowerment, offering wisdom for mums everywhere – but it’s so much bigger than motherhood.👇
2/ We all know the pressure, don’t we? The ‘shoulds’ from society, spotless homes on Instagram, and endless to-do lists. But, as Sally Bisbee said: “Nobody has it all together.” It’s time to normalise real life over perfection. #Authenticity
3/ The game-changer isn’t another productivity hack. It’s courageous communication. Sally Bisbee and her husband took that leap—sitting down, sharing mental load, passing tasks instead of silent suffering. How often do we really say: “Here’s where I’m at”? #MentalLoad
4/ Mums (and dads, and humans): the myth of ‘doing it all’ is toxic. Sally Bisbee reminds us, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Boundary-setting isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Say it aloud: My needs matter. #SelfCare
5/ Dual income households, changing gender roles, and evolving ambitions mean we’re rewriting the rulebook every day. As Joanne Lockwood observed, the ‘mum as homemaker’ is history—but expectations haven’t always caught up.
6/ The secret to less stress? Radical simplification. Sally Bisbee didn’t just shuffle tasks—she cut out the noise. Daily laundry instead of weekend marathons, delegating jobs without obsession over HOW they’re done. Accept ‘good enough’ and reclaim joy. #LifeSimplified
7/ There’s a lesson for all relationships. Choose happy over right. Let go of folding methods, dishwasher patterns, and control—the dishes are clean, the towels are folded, and you’re free. What battles are truly worth energy?
8/ Teach the next generation a new way. As Sally Bisbee shows her kids, being a parent is a chapter, not the whole story. Pursue passions, independence, and deep partnership—it’s the best legacy we gift.
9/ And let’s not forget the bigger arc. Life throws unexpected ‘sandwich generation’ challenges, caring for elderly parents, shifting identities, changing bodies. The only constant: communication, adaptability, and giving yourself permission to ask for help.
10/ Want more insights, real talk, and bold conversations? Hit up Joanne Lockwood’s #InclusionBites Podcast for new episodes weekly: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
11/ To every overwhelmed soul: You are not alone. Start the conversation, prioritise yourself, drop the perfection, and let community lift you up. 💬 #InclusionIgnited #PositivePeopleExperiences
— End of Thread. RT if you’re ready to thrive, not just survive.
Guest's content for their marketing
Reflecting on My Inclusion Bites Podcast Experience: From Chaos to Calm
Being invited as a guest on the Inclusion Bites Podcast was a brilliant opportunity to share my journey and expertise as a Mum Life Simplification Coach with a dynamic and thoughtful audience. The episode, aptly titled From Chaos to Calm, enabled me to explore, in honest conversation with Joanne Lockwood, the realities of feeling overwhelmed as a mother, and the strategies I’ve developed to carve out calm amidst the daily chaos of modern parenting.
I was able to unpack my own path—balancing the demands of motherhood, entrepreneurship, and family life across continents (hello from Minnesota!)—and discuss the big gap between my children’s ages, from 22 down to six. This multigenerational perspective has truly reshaped my approach, broadening my understanding of how mum guilt, societal pressure, and the pursuit of perfection affect so many of us.
Throughout our discussion, I shared practical routines and the mindset shifts that helped turn my own overwhelm into a more empowered sense of ease. We delved into the importance of transparent communication between partners—delegating tasks, asking for help, and debunking the myth that mums must shoulder the entire mental load of the household. It was empowering to help listeners realise: you can’t pour from an empty cup, and it’s not only acceptable, but necessary, to make time for yourself alongside parenting and work commitments.
Our conversation moved from practical hacks (such as my ‘one load of laundry a day’ system) to deeper reflections on identity: embracing who we are beyond motherhood, nurturing ourselves, our marriages, and friendships. We even touched on the evolving definition of family roles—how today’s parents juggle careers, passions, and raising resilient children, and the impact this has on building inclusive, supportive family environments.
I truly appreciated Joanne Lockwood’s ability to ask insightful questions that opened up space for authentic, non-judgemental dialogue on topics most people prefer to gloss over. We even compared experiences of parenting with caring for ageing parents—a reality fast approaching for so many in our generation.
Being part of Inclusion Bites aligns perfectly with my own mission: to support overwhelmed mums in embracing self-care without guilt, and to champion honest conversations that drive real change. I encourage fellow mums, parents, and carers to tune into From Chaos to Calm if you:
Feel buried by perfectionism or societal expectations
Want to learn practical steps to simplify family life
Wish to communicate more effectively with your partner
Are seeking reassurance that prioritising wellbeing is neither selfish nor impossible
Big thanks to Joanne Lockwood and the Inclusion Bites community for making space for stories that matter. If you would like to continue this conversation or find time-saving tips, guilt-free self-care resources, or information about upcoming workshops, please visit my website at simplysallyco.com or find me on Facebook and Instagram @Simply Sally Coaching.
Let’s keep driving the change, embracing ease, and celebrating inclusion—one courageous conversation at a time!
Pain Points and Challenges
Certainly! Here’s a focused content piece addressing the specific pain points and challenges discussed in the “From Chaos to Calm” episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, featuring Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood:
Turning Pain Points into Possibilities: Addressing Challenges from “From Chaos to Calm”
1. Overwhelm and the “Always Behind” Feeling
Sally Bisbee recounts waking up already feeling behind, overwhelmed by the never-ending responsibilities of parenthood and family life. This is a common problem for many parents—particularly mothers—with routines that leave no space for individual needs.
Addressing the Challenge:
Begin by inventorying household and personal responsibilities. Acknowledge tasks that contribute to an endless cycle of stress.
Prioritise what truly matters and set boundaries to safeguard time for yourself, not merely your family or work.
Create gentle but consistent routines that build in moments of calm at the start or end of the day, such as ten minutes of mindful time before tasks commence.
2. The Perfectionism Trap and Societal Pressures
Perfectionism and pressure to maintain a “picture perfect” home and parenthood surfaced as a root cause for stress. Social media exacerbates this, displaying only the positive side of family life.
Addressing the Challenge:
Redefine what “good enough” means for you and your household, rather than chasing arbitrary perfection.
Practice self-compassion: when mistakes or messes occur, remind yourself these are normal.
Disconnect from comparison cycles with others, especially online. Surround yourself with affirming, realistic voices.
3. Difficulty in Prioritising Self-Care
Parents—mothers, in particular—often place themselves last. Sally Bisbee documents how finding time for herself seemed impossible amidst the chaos.
Addressing the Challenge:
Restructure the narrative so that self-care isn’t a luxury, but a non-negotiable. Even the smallest daily act—reading a book, having coffee alone—can reset your sense of balance.
Communicate openly with family and explicitly schedule “protected” self-time, enlisting support from partners or older children.
4. Imbalanced Domestic Labour and the Mental Load
Despite shifting societal roles, much of the domestic work and “mental load” of parenthood still falls on mothers. The expectation to work full-time and manage the home leaves many feeling they’re failing at both.
Addressing the Challenge:
Delegate and redistribute household responsibilities openly. Use direct, honest conversations with partners about what support looks like, as Sally Bisbee described with her husband.
Let go of the illusion that everything must be managed individually; collaboration lightens the load for all.
5. Strained Communication in Relationships
Many misunderstandings and resentments stem from unspoken needs or partners not recognising when help is needed.
Addressing the Challenge:
Schedule regular check-ins with your partner, not only about logistics but about feelings, pressures, and mutual support.
Don’t expect mind-reading—speak up about what you need, and listen actively.
6. The Struggle with Letting Go of Control
Type-A personalities, as Sally Bisbee notes, often find it particularly challenging to let go of control, which can create even more stress when things are done differently than you would prefer.
Addressing the Challenge:
Choose your battles—identify what truly matters and where you can accept “done” over “perfect.”
Value outcomes over methods; a completed task, even if not done your way, is a win.
7. Losing Your Identity Outside of Parenthood
There’s a risk of self-identity becoming subsumed by the role of “mum,” leaving women in particular with a sense of loss when children grow.
Addressing the Challenge:
Invest consciously in your passions, hobbies, social connections, and interests outside of parenting.
Recognise motherhood as part of your identity, not its totality.
8. Navigating Life Changes: Children Leaving Home & Ageing Parents
Transitioning into the “empty nest” phase and caring for ageing parents introduces a new set of challenges, often unaddressed or unsupported.
Addressing the Challenge:
Proactively build connections and routines that fulfil you outside the childrearing years.
Seek out peer support or coaching for navigating the emotional journey of parenting adult children and caring for older relatives.
Key Takeaway:
The journey from chaos to calm is ongoing and requires re-examining entrenched beliefs, sharing the load, carving out intentional time for self, and realigning household expectations. By taking both practical and emotional steps, women—and all parents—can foster resilience, presence, and joy, not just for their families but for themselves.
If you recognise these challenges in your own life and want actionable support, you can connect with Sally Bisbee via her website or social channels, and engage with the Inclusion Bites Podcast community for more empowering conversations.
Questions Asked that were insightful
Certainly! The conversation between Joanne Lockwood and Sally Bisbee was rich with practical insights and honest reflections, making it ideal for a series of FAQs. Below are specific questions that were posed during the interview, each matched with responses that offer meaningful guidance and could easily form the bones of a helpful FAQ section for listeners seeking advice on finding calm amidst parental chaos, simplifying daily family life, and nurturing inclusion at home.
Frequently Asked Questions Inspired by the Episode
1. What made you realise you needed to reclaim your calm as a mother?
Insightful Response:
Sally Bisbee described waking up each day feeling overwhelmed and already behind, recognising that this was unsustainable for both herself and her family. She decided change was necessary—both for her own wellbeing and to be a present, happy parent.
2. Why is it so difficult for mums to find time for themselves?
Insightful Response:
Sally Bisbee observed that overwhelmed mothers often find the idea of carving out personal time almost impossible. The challenge lies in societal pressures, personal perfectionism, and a deeply ingrained sense of responsibility to “do it all”—from household management to emotional labour.
3. Does perfectionism play a role in parental overwhelm?
Insightful Response:
Both speakers agreed that perfectionism is a significant driver of stress. Sally Bisbee noted her own former “type A” tendencies and described how letting go of unrealistic standards—and comparing oneself to social media—led to greater calm.
4. How should household responsibilities be shared to help reduce stress?
Insightful Response:
Sally Bisbee advocated for open communication and a fair division of labour. She mentioned that she and her husband divide chores intentionally (e.g., she does the laundry, he puts it away), which required explicit conversation and willingness to relinquish sole control over outcomes.
5. What is the impact of self-pressure versus external judgement for mothers?
Insightful Response:
Most of the pressure, Sally Bisbee believes, is self-generated. With age and life experience, she has cared less about external judgement, encouraging mothers to set boundaries and prioritise their own needs as valid and necessary for the whole family’s wellbeing.
6. How does communication with your partner affect the load you carry as a parent?
Insightful Response:
She stressed the importance of “come to Jesus” talks to realign expectations and openly express when things feel unbalanced. She highlighted that clear requests for help are more effective than expecting one’s partner to read minds or intuit needs—a frequent stumbling block for couples.
7. What practices can help mums find more time for themselves?
Insightful Response:
Being intentional with time, setting boundaries, and learning to say “no” were mentioned. Sally Bisbee provided practical examples, such as batching household tasks, delegating chores, and accepting that certain things do not need to be perfect.
8. How do you teach your children about balance, boundaries, and equality at home?
Insightful Response:
By modelling behaviour—ensuring children see both parents sharing household duties, pursuing passions, and communicating openly about needs and responsibilities. Sally Bisbee reflected on how her blended family and entrepreneurial life have offered real-world lessons in self-worth, independence, and mutual support.
9. How do family dynamics evolve across life stages, particularly with adult children and ageing parents?
Insightful Response:
The conversation touched on the “sandwich generation” challenge—managing one’s own household while supporting ageing parents. Joanne Lockwood’s reflections underscored the ongoing need for adaptability, empathy, and simplification, especially as life’s caregiving demands change.
10. Why is simplification so important—and how can it be done effectively?
Insightful Response:
Sally Bisbee shared that stripping away unnecessary activities, clutter (physical and mental), and unhelpful commitments creates space to focus on what truly matters—whether that’s self-care, relationships, or wellbeing. This intentional simplification prepares families to better navigate new challenges when they arise.
These questions and answers speak directly to concerns many listeners will recognise in their own lives, offering reassurance and actionable tips that celebrate inclusion, balance, and the journey “from chaos to calm.”
Blog article based on the episode
From Chaos to Calm: Reclaiming Your Space as a Parent—Inspired by Sally Bisbee’s Journey
What if the quiet chaos in your home is more than background noise; it’s the silent thief of your wellbeing? Parenthood, modern life, and the relentless pursuit of perfection all have a way of piling up—until one day, you wake and realise the overwhelm isn’t a passing moment but a daily reality. This week’s episode of Inclusion Bites, titled “From Chaos to Calm,” brings us wisdom from Sally Bisbee—a mum life simplification coach whose radical, yet attainable approach to calm offers liberation to every parent feeling under siege.
The Overwhelm Epidemic—Are We All Drowning in Perfection?
As Sally Bisbee shares, her own wake-up call arrived in a blur of routines, self-expectation, and the grind of everyday life with three children spanning widely different ages. With a 22-year-old, a nine-year-old, and a six-year-old, she described waking up “overwhelmed and behind for the day already, before the day had even started.” It’s a sentiment familiar to countless parents. The pressure starts young—raising infants, managing careers, endless commutes, extracurricular clubs—and seems to never let up.
But what truly underpins the chaos? Sally Bisbee and host Joanne Lockwood explore the two-pronged challenge: the internal pressures we place on ourselves, coupled with external societal expectations. The echo of previous generations—where mums stayed home, managed everything, and did so without help or complaint—still reverberates, often clashing with the realities of dual-career families today. Add to that the filtered perfection streaming across social media and it’s little wonder that parents, mums in particular, wage war against their own needs, seeking an unattainable “balance.”
What’s at stake if you ignore the overwhelm? As Sally Bisbee puts it, “You can’t pour from an empty cup” (a phrase that deserves more airtime than any Instagram motivational quote). The relentless push for perfection doesn’t just rob parents of time; it erodes presence, joy, and the relationships at the heart of the family.
The Everyday Agitation—Is This Just ‘Nature’ or a Case of Learned Behaviour?
Rhetorically, we might ask—is parental overload simply the natural consequence of caring too much, or is it a learned response to the world’s shifting demands? As the conversation unfolds, it becomes clear that both factors are in play. There’s a biological imperative, often manifesting in mums, to “carry the weight of the family,” ensuring every plate is washed and every child is in perfect order. Yet Sally Bisbee challenges this norm—advocating that it’s not necessary nor realistic to “do it all.”
The gender divide still persists. As Joanne Lockwood muses, communication, or rather the lack of it, amplifies stress. Many partners simply don’t know what pressure looks like from the other side: “Your spouse even know how you feel... do they know that you’re doing all this?” Sally Bisbee emphasises the cathartic power of open and direct conversation—“If you tell them your needs and they’re not being met, then you could be sad about that. Isn’t it easier to say, here’s what I’d love if you could help with?”
Actionable Steps—Carving Calm from Chaos
The episode’s brilliance lies in its collection of solutions—simple, actionable, and rooted in lived experience rather than theory.
Simplify Routines
Sally Bisbee is clear: the point isn’t to have a spotless house, it’s to design systems that work for you. If laundry is a major stressor, consider the daily load tactic—one load, every day, evenly distributed. Accept that some tasks will be perennial and devise manageable habits around them.Delegate and Communicate
Stop trying to be a mind-reader—communicate. Schedule recurring conversations with your partner to review what’s working, what isn’t, and how household responsibilities can be more evenly shared. Accept that help might look different than your own methods (the towels may be folded incorrectly, but if they’re clean and put away, the job’s done).Redefine Perfection and Prioritise
The battle is rarely about the unfolded towels; it’s about expending emotional energy where it truly matters. As Sally’s mum said, “Pick your battles”—define what genuinely requires your attention (children’s wellbeing, quality time, self-care) and let go of minor irritations.Schedule Self-Care as Non-Negotiable
The most frequent complaint from parents: “I never have enough time.” Sally Bisbee insists, time for yourself won’t magically appear—you have to carve it out intentionally. Start with small wins: a 30-minute walk, a dinner with a friend, an uninterrupted coffee. With practice, these acts become habitual, protecting against burnout.Create White Space
Overcommitment is not a badge of honour. Actively limit extracurriculars and unnecessary obligations; enforce “white space” in your family calendar so everyone can breathe. This “firebreak” in your schedule gives you an honest sense of what’s manageable and where unnecessary stressors lurk.Empower Your Family
Teach children—regardless of age—how to contribute around the house and to respect boundaries. Let them see that parenthood is but one facet of your identity, not a lifelong sentence to self-sacrifice.
The Wider Lens—Why Does Calm Matter for Inclusion?
On Inclusion Bites, every conversation loops back to the theme of societal transformation. What does parental overwhelm have to do with inclusion? Everything. When we learn to communicate, delegate, and make space for ourselves, we model healthy boundaries and resilience for our children, partners and, crucially, for society at large. These small domestic revolutions reverberate outward, shaping a culture where everyone’s needs are heard and valued.
And as Joanne Lockwood reminds us—integrating compassion and inclusion isn’t limited to our homes. The skills honed by simplifying life as a parent are foundational to workplaces, communities, and beyond.
A Call To Action—Reclaim Calm in a Culture of Overwhelm
Ready to replace chaos with calm? Take inspiration from Sally Bisbee’s journey. Start today—reflect honestly on your own sources of overwhelm, initiate an unfiltered conversation with your partner about the household mental load, schedule true downtime with no agenda, and remind yourself that self-care is not optional.
To go deeper, listen to this week’s Inclusion Bites Podcast episode, “From Chaos to Calm,” online at seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen. Reach out to Sally Bisbee via her website or social channels for practical coaching, or connect with Joanne Lockwood at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk to share your own story. Join the Inclusion Bites community—subscribe, engage, and help drive positive change.
Inclusion starts at home. The journey from chaos to calm is possible—and necessary. Take your first step today.
Inspired by Sally Bisbee’s insights on Inclusion Bites, Episode 182: From Chaos to Calm.
The standout line from this episode
The standout line from this episode is:
"I always tell people, as cliche as it sounds, you know, you can't pour from an empty cup, right? Like, we have to take care of ourselves first. And when we do that, we're better able to care for our kids and our spouse and all those around us that we love." — Sally Bisbee
❓ Questions
Certainly! Here are 10 discussion questions inspired by this episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, "From Chaos to Calm," featuring Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood:
What factors contributed to Sally Bisbee’s realisation that she needed to reclaim calm in her life, and how does her experience resonate with your own or others you know?
How do societal expectations, such as perfectionism and traditional gender roles, intensify the sense of overwhelm that parents—especially mothers—often experience?
In what ways does the pressure to maintain a 'picture perfect' home and family, particularly via social media, impact the mental wellbeing of mothers and parents?
Discuss the importance of prioritising self-care for parents. Why do so many mothers feel guilty about carving out time for themselves, and how can this pattern be shifted?
How does effective communication between partners help redistribute the ‘mental load’ and create healthier family dynamics, as described by Sally Bisbee?
What role does acceptance play in simplifying daily routines and relinquishing control, especially for those who are ‘type A’ personalities?
How can parents better prepare for major life transitions, such as children leaving home or managing ageing parents, so those changes feel less overwhelming?
In what ways are younger generations of children learning about healthy boundaries, delegation, and self-care through the evolving parenting styles modelled by their parents?
How does the transition from traditional single-income families to dual-income households complicate expectations around domestic responsibilities, and what strategies help address these changes?
Reflect on your own strategies for creating 'white space' in your life, as mentioned by Sally Bisbee. How can limiting commitments and simplifying schedules contribute to a more fulfilling and present family life?
These questions are designed to encourage thoughtful dialogue about the themes of overwhelm, self-care, communication, and evolving family roles as explored in the episode.
FAQs from the Episode
FAQ: From Chaos to Calm — Inclusion Bites Podcast Episode 182
1. What is the main theme of this episode?
The episode "From Chaos to Calm" explores how overwhelmed parents, specifically mothers, can simplify their lives and reclaim a sense of calm amidst family chaos. The discussion centres on guilt-free self-care, the importance of routines, and practical strategies for managing competing demands from children, household responsibilities, careers, and personal ambitions.
2. Who is the guest and what does she do?
The guest is Sally Bisbee, a mum life simplification coach based in Minnesota, USA. She specialises in helping overwhelmed mothers move from stress and chaos to a place of ease through routines, self-care and the delegation of household tasks.
3. What personal experiences led Sally Bisbee to focus on life simplification for mums?
Sally Bisbee recounted her journey of parenting across two decades, with children aged 22, 9, and 6. Experiencing intense overwhelm after the birth of her youngest, she realised she was constantly behind before each day even began. She decided to redefine her approach, focusing on simplifying life, delegating responsibilities, and intentionally carving out time for herself.
4. Why do mothers often struggle with overwhelm and self-care?
Both Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood highlighted societal and internal pressures on mothers to “do it all,” ranging from household perfectionism to parental guilt. Social media amplifies unrealistic standards, and many mothers internalise the belief that prioritising themselves is selfish.
5. Is the pressure mothers feel mostly self-imposed or external?
The episode revealed it is largely self-imposed but often rooted in cultural expectations and childhood modelling, such as witnessing previous generations where mothers were stay-at-home homemakers. While outside judgement exists, most pressure comes from mothers themselves striving for an ideal that is often unattainable in modern dual-income households.
6. How important is communication in sharing the load at home?
Extremely important. Sally Bisbee discussed the necessity of open communication with partners to divvy up chores and responsibilities. She emphasised that many partners are willing to help, but clarity and regular discussions about needs and capacities are essential to avoid resentment and burnout.
7. What advice does Sally give for creating more time for oneself?
The key is intentional prioritisation and boundary-setting. Sally Bisbee recommends identifying non-essential stresses, delegating tasks, developing routines that fit your actual needs (not a perfected ideal), and firmly scheduling personal time. She underscores the importance of self-care, affirming that “you cannot pour from an empty cup.”
8. How does perfectionism play a role in parental stress?
Perfectionism can be a significant driver of overwhelm. Mums often feel compelled to keep the house immaculate, maintain picture-perfect appearances, and manage an overloaded schedule. Sally Bisbee encourages letting go of unattainable standards, sharing tasks even if others do them differently, and accepting that “done is better than perfect.”
9. What impact does generational gap have in parenting styles?
With children spanning Gen Z to Gen Alpha, Sally Bisbee reflected on the adaptability required in parenting. She reported that each child needed a different approach and that age gaps resulted in a broader perspective on time and presence, reminding listeners to cherish parenting moments and accept individuality in each child.
10. How does one manage the transition as children become more independent?
Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood spoke about the emotional shift when children grow up and leave home. Both agreed it’s vital to nurture your own identity and marriage alongside parenting, so you maintain a sense of self and healthy relationships after children have moved out.
11. How does simplifying life help with unexpected challenges, such as caring for ageing parents?
By streamlining one’s day-to-day and focusing on essential, manageable routines, individuals free up emotional and cognitive resources to cope with new stresses as they arise. When additional demands—such as parental care, employment pressures, or health changes—enter, there’s less risk of cascading overwhelm.
12. What resources does Sally Bisbee offer for overwhelmed parents?
Sally Bisbee provides free online resources and occasional workshops via her website (simplysallyco.com) and social channels (Simply Sally Coaching on Facebook and Instagram). She also offers messenger support and practical “time saving hacks” for parents seeking immediate assistance.
13. Where can listeners access the podcast and reach the host?
You can listen to Inclusion Bites at seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen. To contact the host, email Joanne Lockwood or Joanne Lockwood at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
If you have more questions or would like to share your story, join the inclusive conversation by connecting with the podcast family via email or social media.
Tell me more about the guest and their views
The guest for this episode, Sally Bisbee, is a “mum life simplification coach” based in Minnesota, United States. She specialises in helping overwhelmed mothers (and parents more broadly) transform their daily chaos into a more empowered sense of calm. Sally Bisbee describes her core philosophy as turning “everyday overwhelm into empowering ease for busy mums”, and her approach centres on practical, guilt-free self-care and the development of simple routines that fit modern family life.
Drawing on her own extensive experience—raising three children with significant age gaps, running multiple businesses, and having previously been a single parent—Sally Bisbee presents a nuanced understanding of both the psychological and logistical pressures mums face. She candidly shares her personal journey, admitting that she too felt chronically overwhelmed and “behind for the day already, before the day had even started” until she had a critical realisation: she could not continue this way for the years ahead. This prompted her to explore practical strategies to simplify domestic life, allowing space both for her children and for herself.
Key themes in Sally Bisbee’s outlook include:
Rejecting Perfectionism: She argues that much stress derives from societal and self-imposed pressures—be that the need for a perfect house, perfectly scheduled days, or perfectly turned-out children. Through both humour and hard-learned wisdom, she urges mums to let go of unattainable ideals, especially those perpetuated by social media’s false standards.
Proactive Self-Care: Sally Bisbee stresses that meaningful self-care is not a luxury, but foundational to effective parenting and personal happiness. She repeatedly returns to the idea that “you can’t pour from an empty cup”, emphasising that parents—especially mothers—must intentionally carve out time for themselves, even when it feels impossible.
Intentional Delegation & Family Teamwork: A recurring motif is the importance of open communication at home. Sally Bisbee describes how she and her husband now routinely share household responsibilities, moving past traditional gendered expectations and learning that “just because it’s not your way, doesn’t make it the wrong way.” She highlights that this problem is often compounded by a failure to clearly communicate needs and boundaries, both between partners and with children.
Perspective Across Generations: With children spanning from primary school to young adulthood, Sally Bisbee brings a unique generational lens. She observes the value in striking a balance between being present for young children and preparing for eventual empty-nesting, encouraging mothers to retain a separate identity and nurture their own passions alongside parenting.
Acceptance & Simplicity: Instead of aspiring for total control, Sally Bisbee advocates for acceptance of life’s messier aspects—whether that's laundry ever waiting to be done, or the fact that not everything will be done exactly as one would. Her practical tips often involve establishing routines that simplify recurring tasks, helping to create precious “white space” in the week.
Sally Bisbee makes it clear throughout the episode that her goal is not to preach unattainable standards, but to walk alongside other mums, helping them to design home and family life in ways that bring more calm, confidence, and authenticity. She places a high value on transparency, adaptability, and compassion—both for oneself and for fellow family members. Through her insights, she encourages listeners to interrogate what really matters in their own homes, and to build support systems that foster individual wellbeing and collective harmony.
Ideas for Future Training and Workshops based on this Episode
Certainly! Drawing from the themes, challenges, and insights discussed in this episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, From Chaos to Calm featuring Sally Bisbee and hosted by Joanne Lockwood, here are targeted training and workshop ideas that would offer meaningful development for individuals, parents, workplaces, and community groups:
1. From Overwhelm to Empowerment: Simplifying Life for Working Parents
Core focus: Practical strategies for reducing parental overwhelm, time management, and building self-care into daily routines.
Interactive elements:
Guided exercises on identifying “invisible labour” in the home
Time-audit activities: Where does the day really go?
Group sharing of self-care practices that suit different family structures
2. Redefining Roles: Modern Parenting Partnerships
Core focus: Exploring gender roles, expectations, and effective communication between parents (regardless of gender or family structure).
Interactive elements:
Case studies: Delegation and negotiation within families
Role-play: Courageous conversations around “sharing the load”
Worksheets: Mapping out household responsibilities and rebalancing them
3. Breaking the Perfectionist Trap: Embracing “Good Enough”
Core focus: Overcoming societal and internalised pressure to “do it all” perfectly—at home and work.
Interactive elements:
Perfectionism self-assessment
Techniques for letting go: Cognitive reframing & practical experiments
Social media myth-busting: Analysing curated online lives versus reality
4. The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Kids, Caring for Elders
Core focus: Navigating the unique challenges of midlife carers who support both children and elderly relatives, as mentioned by Joanne Lockwood.
Interactive elements:
Panel discussions with lived experience
Tools for boundary-setting and expectation management
Resource mapping: Locating and tapping into community support networks
5. Building Inclusive Family Cultures: Teaching the Next Generation
Core focus: How to instil values of equity, open communication, and self-advocacy in children.
Interactive elements:
Intergenerational workshops (parents and children attend together)
Exercises in expressing needs and listening skills
Creating family charters that value everyone’s role and voice
6. Mental Load Matters: Recognising, Sharing, and Reducing the Invisible Work
Core focus: Identifying the cognitive labour so often shouldered by women and solutions for balance.
Interactive elements:
Visual mapping: The “mental load” inventory
Partner exercises for distributing tasks and checking assumptions
Strategies for ongoing dialogue and maintenance
7. Resilience & Connection: Maintaining Partnership Through Life Transitions
Core focus: Tools for sustaining healthy relationships amidst life’s upheavals—children growing up, career changes, ageing.
Interactive elements:
Group coaching: Nurturing the couple relationship at different stages
Problem-solving: Handling shifting family dynamics (e.g., children leaving home, parents becoming carers)
Reflection: Values in partnership and individual fulfilment
8. Boundaries & Burnout: Recognising, Respecting, and Rebuilding
Core focus: Signs of burnout in parents, techniques for honest self-expression, setting boundaries with work, family, and self.
Interactive elements:
Burnout symptom checklists
Creative practices for saying “no”
Building and sustaining a “well-being toolkit”
Delivery Considerations
Workshops could be tailored for specific audiences: corporate working parents, community groups, educators, or mixed groups.
Include digital/remote options to increase accessibility for overwhelmed or geographically diverse participants.
Potential guest speakers: Individuals with lived experience, psychologists, and life coaches like Sally Bisbee.
These ideas are directly rooted in the lived realities explored in the episode, prioritising empathy, practicality, and the cultivation of inclusive, supportive communities at home and at work.
🪡 Threads by Instagram
Overwhelm isn’t a badge of honour. Sally Bisbee shows how mums can reclaim calm by letting go of perfection and sharing daily responsibilities. Simplicity is powerful—ease doesn’t mean you’re doing less, it means you’re living better.
Why do we expect mothers to do it all? Sally Bisbee’s story reveals the impact of communication—ask for help, share the mental load, and let go of guilt. Inclusive families thrive when everyone pitches in.
Self-care shouldn’t require a crisis. Sally Bisbee urges mums to put themselves on the schedule, not at the bottom of the list. You can’t pour from an empty cup—presence starts with looking after yourself.
Family roles are evolving. Sally Bisbee reflects on growing up with a stay-at-home mum and now running three businesses. Inclusion at home comes from flexibility, honest dialogue, and allowing each other to grow.
From chaos to calm isn’t just a slogan. Sally Bisbee teaches that simplifying routines and setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential. When mums thrive, the whole family does too.
Leadership Insights - YouTube Short Video Script on Common Problems for Leaders to Address
Leadership Insights Channel: Overcoming Overwhelm as a Leader
Feeling constantly overwhelmed is a common problem for leaders. Ever start your day already behind, weighed down by endless tasks and expectations? You're not alone.
Here’s the issue: Perfectionism and the drive to do it all leads to chronic stress and often burnout. Leaders push themselves, trying to keep everything tidy, schedules running smoothly, and everyone satisfied—while neglecting their own wellbeing.
Here’s how to turn chaos into calm:
1. Communicate Clearly: Don’t assume your team knows when you need help. Share what’s on your mind and be open about your workload. Invite honest conversations—it’s not weakness, it’s effective leadership.
2. Delegate and Empower: Trust your team to take on tasks. Let go of the ‘my way or the highway’ mindset. What matters is completion, not perfection. Allow others to contribute, even if results differ from your expectations.
3. Establish Boundaries: Carve out time for yourself. It’s critical to recharge so you can support others. Set boundaries around your time—prioritise pauses, reflection, and self-care, just as you prioritise tasks and meetings.
4. Accept Imperfection: Focus on impact rather than appearance. The best leaders are flexible and resilient. Decide what really matters and pick your battles.
By modelling these behaviours, you’ll build a healthier, more inclusive culture, inspire trust, and foster outstanding results. Remember: leadership is a marathon, not a sprint. Make space for yourself as you lead others—because everyone benefits when you’re at your best.
Subscribe for more Leadership Insights.
SEO Optimised Titles
From Overwhelmed to Empowered | 3 Kids, 3 Businesses and Everyday Calm for Busy Mums | Sally @ Simply Sally Coaching
Time-Saving Hacks for Parents | How 44-Year-Old Mum Simplifies Life After 22 Years Parenting | Sally @ Simply Sally Coaching
Breaking Mum Burnout | 5 Proven Strategies to Reclaim Calm and Self-Care in Midlife Motherhood | Sally @ Simply Sally Coaching
Email Newsletter about this Podcast Episode
Subject: 🎧 From Chaos to Calm: 5 Keys for Finding Ease in Everyday Life (Inclusion Bites Ep. 182)
Hello Inclusion Bites Family,
Ready for a breath of fresh air? Episode 182, "From Chaos to Calm," is here to help you reclaim your peace, no matter how hectic life feels right now. Our wonderful host, Joanne Lockwood, sits down with the inspiring Sally Bisbee—mum life simplification coach, business owner, and self-professed advocate for guilt-free self-care—to break down how overwhelmed parents and carers can create a little more calm (and a lot less chaos).
What’s in it for you? Here are 5 keys you’ll take away from this candid conversation:
Redefining Perfection – Discover why letting go of perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards, it’s about prioritising peace over pressure.
The Power of Communication – Learn how open, honest chats with your partner can transform not just your home life, but your sense of wellbeing.
Intentional Self-Care – Get practical strategies for carving out guilt-free time for yourself, even when you feel pulled in every direction.
Simplifying Routines – Hear how small, sustainable changes (like sharing chores or realistic scheduling) can make your daily life sparkle with a bit more ease.
Healthy Boundaries – Uncover the secret to saying “no” to overcommitting and “yes” to what really matters, from kids’ sports to caring for ageing parents.
Did you know?
Sally Bisbee has a unique parenting perspective: her children span a 15-year age gap, which has gifted her with generational insight most of us can only dream of. She’s raised littles and navigated uni send-offs simultaneously—and yes, she’s still smiling!
Ready for more?
• Hit the Inclusion Bites home: seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
• Fancy sharing your own story, or have thoughts on this episode? Drop Joanne a line at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
🌟 Whether you’re a mum, dad, carer, or ally, you’re bound to find nuggets of wisdom to lighten your load and brighten your week. Listen now—your calm awaits, and you deserve it!
With warmest wishes and a generous sprinkle of inclusion,
The Inclusion Bites Team
#InclusionBites #FromChaosToCalm #SelfCareRevolution
Potted Summary
Episode Intro
This episode of Inclusion Bites welcomes Sally Bisbee, a mum life simplification coach, as she joins Joanne Lockwood for a frank exploration into turning family chaos into calm. They dig deep into the realities of modern motherhood, shifting responsibilities within families, self-care, and nurturing identities beyond parenting. Practical, honest, and relatable—this conversation offers insights for anyone seeking to bring ease and balance into their daily life.
in this conversation we discuss
👉 Letting go of perfection
👉 Sharing home duties
👉 Time for self-care
here are a few of our favourite quotable moments
"We have to take care of ourselves first. And when we do that, we're better able to care for our kids and our spouse and all those around us that we love." — Sally Bisbee
"Things don't click the same as as a mum. I think there's this difference of how men and women are wired, of how we think and care for people." — Sally Bisbee
"Just because they do it differently or not the same way... There are better ways to spend your energy than being upset that something like that isn't done correctly." — Sally Bisbee
Summary
Discover practical strategies and perspectives for creating calm amidst the demands of parenting, partnership, and modern life. If you’re seeking inspiration and actionable tips for greater family harmony and self-care, listen to this episode of Inclusion Bites. Tune in at https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen and ignite the spark of positive change in your own life.
LinkedIn Poll
Poll Opening Summary:
On episode 182 of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, “From Chaos to Calm”, host Joanne Lockwood sits down with Sally Bisbee, a life simplification coach, to explore the real pressures and hidden mental loads faced by parents and caregivers. The conversation uncovers the importance of self-care, shared responsibility, and letting go of perfectionism to create meaningful “white space” in our lives.
What do you think is the biggest barrier to reclaiming calm as a busy parent or carer?
Poll Question:
What most blocks your sense of calm as a parent/carer? 🤔 #InclusionBites #Wellbeing #Parenting #MentalLoad
Poll Responses:
Perfectionism 🎯
Lack of self-care ⏳
Poor communication 🗣️
Not prioritising time 🕰️
Closing Why Vote:
Cast your vote and help us spotlight the most common challenges. Your insights could inspire employers, families and communities to foster real inclusion, belonging and support for everyone juggling life’s demands!
Highlight the Importance of this topic on LinkedIn
🌟 Why Every HR & EDI Leader Should Tune Into Conversations Like From Chaos to Calm on #InclusionBites 🌟
Listening to the recent episode with Sally Bisbee, hosted by Joanne Lockwood, was a stark reminder of why holistic inclusion goes far beyond the workplace. 🚀
We all advocate for employee wellbeing, but how often do we truly acknowledge the juggle parents—especially mothers—face outside work? Sally’s insights into turning overwhelm into empowered calm, and breaking the myth of “doing it all,” highlight the real-life impact of inclusion both at home and in the workplace. 🏡➡️🏢
Key takeaways for our profession:
Perfectionism and societal pressure still shape how many employees—including senior leaders—show up each day.
Open communication and equitable delegation at home are just as vital as at work.
Creating space for self-care shouldn’t be an afterthought, but a priority embedded in our people strategies.
These conversations are essential. As HR and EDI professionals, supporting flexible cultures and embracing the full reality of life’s demands will drive true belonging—on and off the clock. ✨
Let’s disrupt old norms and champion what matters. Highly recommend a listen: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
#HR #EDI #Leadership #EmployeeWellbeing #Belonging #Inclusion #ParentingAndWork
L&D Insights
Absolutely! Here’s a concise Learning & Development report for Senior Leaders, HR, and EDI professionals looking to extract core insights from the Inclusion Bites Podcast episode: “From Chaos to Calm”, featuring Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood.
Key Insights for EDI, HR & Senior Leaders
1. The Myth of Having It All – and Who Pays the Price 🧩
The conversation vividly exposes the unrealistic expectation that modern parents—especially mothers—should seamlessly juggle careers, childcare, household duties, and self-care. This echoes a wider workplace truth: many employees are battling hidden domestic burdens, often in silence.
Aha Moment: The belief “I should be able to do it all because my mum did” is deeply ingrained and damaging—especially as the context for today’s workforce is entirely different.
Practical Application:
Acknowledge, don’t ignore, invisible loads in your teams.
Foster open conversations about personal and work boundaries, and actively dismantle the stigma around asking for flexibility.
2. Communication as the Critical Enabler 🗣️
Sally Bisbee repeatedly stresses that partners and households often falter not due to lack of willingness, but due to unspoken assumptions and the absence of explicit conversations about roles and needs. The same is true in workplaces: assumptions fuel inequity.
Aha Moment: “Your partner isn’t a mind reader.” Neither are managers! Without explicit dialogue, inclusion gaps widen.
Practical Application:
Institute regular “check-ins” or “pulse” conversations—not just annual reviews.
Coach managers to initiate supportive 1:1s focused on both professional and personal load.
3. Delegation & Letting Go of Perfectionism – A Leadership Imperative 🎯
The episode challenges the detrimental perfectionism that can pervade both home and work. Sally Bisbee notes that redistributing responsibilities is not ‘lowering the bar’—it’s creating a more sustainable, empowered environment.
Aha Moment: Delegation is courageous. Insisting on personal standards for every minor task is the enemy of wellbeing (and productivity).
Practical Application:
Model vulnerability: leaders should openly delegate and accept good-enough outcomes.
Recognise and reward teams for collaborative, not just individual, heroics.
4. Redefining Self-Care as Organisational Health, Not Individual Luxury 🛁
Self-care was reframed not as indulgence, but as an organisational necessity. The podcast encourages guilt-free prioritisation of personal wellbeing as a precondition for sustainable high performance.
Aha Moment: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” When leaders champion wellbeing, it signals psychological safety and genuine inclusion.
Practical Application:
Integrate wellbeing metrics into performance frameworks.
Build practical nudges and prompts for self-care into organisational culture.
5. Addressing Intersectional and Lifecycle Challenges 🌱
From caring for young children to ageing parents, the ‘sandwich generation’ pressures emerge, highlighting the different stages and intersections of life that impact workplace capability and inclusion.
Aha Moment: Life events don’t happen in isolation from work—they shape every engagement, performance, and sense of belonging.
Practical Application:
Design policies that expect and accommodate lifecycle events.
Avoid a one-size-fits-all approach; flexibility must adapt across career stages, genders, and personal circumstances.
What Should You Do Differently?
Move beyond “family-friendly” policies to develop proactive, empathetic, and intersectional support structures.
Train leaders to spot invisible labour, encourage honest conversations, and actively offer adjustments—not wait to be asked.
Shift organisational culture from “coping” to “thriving”, where role-modelling imperfection isn’t a weakness, but a collective strength.
Create shared ownership of both home and work responsibilities—challenge traditional gender norms and default expectations.
Hashtags for Social Media
#InclusionBites #InvisibleLoad #WorkplaceWellbeing #LeadershipForChange #EmpathyInAction
Shorts Video Script
Attention-Grabbing Title for Social Media:
How to Go From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Simple Steps for a Calmer, Happier Family Life #ParentingHacks #SelfCare
Hashtags:
#ParentingTips #MumLife #MentalLoad #SelfCareMatters #LifeSimplified
Text on screen: Overwhelmed by Family Life? 🧠
Let’s talk about what actually works to shift life from constant chaos to genuine calm. Feeling buried under laundry, schedules, and unrealistic expectations? You’re not alone! But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Text on screen: The Myth of Doing It All 🙅♀️
First, ditch the myth that you need to do everything perfectly – it’s a trap! Perfectionism and societal pressures often fuel our stress. Focus on what works for your family, not the picture-perfect ideas you see online.
Text on screen: Share the load! 🤝
Don’t try to carry the burden solo. Open communication is key. If you’re struggling, have those honest conversations with your partner or support network. Delegate tasks where you can. It’s not just about asking for help – it’s about truly accepting it, even if things get done a little differently than you would.
Text on screen: Make Yourself a Priority 🌱
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Carve out daily moments just for you – even if it’s just a walk, a coffee with a friend, or twenty minutes to read. Boundaries and routines are the secret to protecting your peace.
Text on screen: Manage the Mental Load 🗂️
Recognise the invisible mental load you’re carrying. Make lists. Simplify routines. Focus on what genuinely matters and let go of low-priority stressors. Kids, work, home, ageing parents – it’s impossible to do it all. Let go where you can!
Text on screen: Be Present, Not Perfect ✨
Ultimately, the goal is a life you’re actually present in—not just surviving, but thriving. If you can find calm amidst the chaos, your family will benefit, and so will you.
Thanks for watching! Remember, together we can make a difference. Stay connected, stay inclusive! See you next time. ✨
Glossary of Terms and Phrases
- **Sanctuary for bold conversations**
Implied as a safe, welcoming space for open and transformative discussions, particularly around inclusion and societal change.
- **Mom Life Simplification Coach**
A specialist who supports mothers in streamlining daily routines, reducing overwhelm, and promoting sustainable self-care within family life.
- **Overwhelmed mothers**
Refers specifically to mothers experiencing persistent stress and feelings of being unable to cope due to the demands of parenting, work, and personal expectations.
- **Empowering ease**
The transition from constant stress to a state where daily challenges are manageable and mothers feel in control, supported, and able to thrive.
- **Guilt-free self-care**
The practice of engaging in self-nurturing activities without feeling ashamed or selfish for not prioritising others, aimed at fostering wellbeing.
- **Type A person/type A-ness**
Shorthand for individuals displaying organised, perfectionistic, and highly driven traits—here, used in the context of parental pressures.
- **Mental load of motherhood**
The invisible and ongoing burden of managing a household, anticipating the needs of family members, and orchestrating daily life—often unrecognised by others.
- **Societal pressures/norms**
The expectations imposed by culture, community, and media regarding parenting, appearance, and family roles, which can contribute to parental overwhelm.
- **Simplify your life**
An intentional process of decluttering routines, commitments, and possessions to create more time, space, and calm.
- **White space (in life)**
A metaphor for unscheduled, restful time, essential for reflection, self-care, and avoiding burnout.
- **Delegating/domestic delegation**
The proactive distribution of household and family responsibilities among all family members, reducing the mental and physical burden on mothers.
- **Boundary-setting**
The practice of defining limits around one’s time, energy, and responsibilities to protect health and well-being—critical for self-preservation as a parent.
- **Perimenopause/menopause**
Biological life stages for women often affecting physical and emotional health, with implications for family dynamics and parental self-care.
- **Sandwich generation**
Adults (often in midlife) who are simultaneously caring for ageing parents and their own children, creating a complex web of responsibilities.
- **Present parent**
A parent who is emotionally and mentally engaged with their children and family, not just physically present.
- **Nature or nurture debate**
In this context, questioning whether certain parenting behaviours (e.g., urgency to clean, feeling responsible for the household) are inherently biological or learned from upbringing and society.
- **Parental identity**
Recognising ‘mum’ or ‘parent’ as a significant but not exclusive component of one’s sense of self.
- **Emotional labour**
The effort involved in managing one’s own and others’ emotions and needs, often disproportionately performed by women in family contexts.
- **Girls trip/self-prioritisation**
Taking dedicated time away from family for personal enjoyment, reinforcing the importance of prioritising one’s own needs alongside family responsibilities.SEO Optimised YouTube Content
Focus Keyword:
Life Simplification for Overwhelmed Mums
Video Title:
Life Simplification for Overwhelmed Mums: From Chaos to Calm | #InclusionBitesPodcast
Tags:
life simplification, positive people experiences, culture change, overwhelmed mums, parenting routines, self-care for mums, family wellbeing, mum burnout, inclusion bites, guilt free self-care, time management for mums, creating calm, household routines, mum mental health, women in midlife, balancing family life, marriage communication, delegating at home, career mums, social expectations, emotional resilience for parents, inclusion podcast, work-life balance, parent's mental health, community support, see change happen
Killer Quote:
"You cannot pour from an empty cup, right? We have to take care of ourselves first. And when we do that, we're better able to care for our kids and our spouse and all those around us that we love." – Sally Bisbee
Hashtags:
#LifeSimplification, #PositivePeopleExperiences, #CultureChange, #OverwhelmedMums, #SelfCare, #InclusionBites, #SeeChangeHappen, #ParentingSupport, #FamilyWellbeing, #MumLife, #MentalHealthMatters, #WorkLifeBalance, #EmpoweringWomen, #RoutineMatters, #ResilientMums, #CommunityCare, #PodcastUK, #GuiltFreeSelfCare, #CultureShift, #InclusivePodcast
Why Listen
Welcome to a deeply personal and truly transformative episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, where we shine a spotlight on “Life Simplification for Overwhelmed Mums.” I sit down with the inspiring Sally Bisbee, a passionate mum life simplification coach, as we explore the journey from daily chaos to genuine calm. For anyone interested in Positive People Experiences and meaningful Culture Change, this conversation offers an authentic, practical roadmap for reclaiming joy and balance amid contemporary parenting pressures.
Discover the Root Causes of Overwhelm in Modern Motherhood
Sally and I take you behind the scenes of those unspoken, internal battles that mothers—and indeed all parents—face. The struggles aren’t just about logistics or busyness; they are deeply interwoven with societal expectations, internalised perfectionism, and shifting cultural norms. As Sally recounts her own story (navigating a 22-year-old, a nine-year-old, and a six-year-old), we unpack the unique pressures of parenting across generations, the contrast between our own upbringings (often with stay-at-home mums) and the dual-income, multi-role realities today.
Practical Strategies for Finding Calm & Self-Care
This episode is brimming with actionable techniques to reduce stress and create sustainable routines. Sally shares her approach to integrating daily self-care without guilt, emphasising intentional time management and the power of saying ‘yes’ to oneself. For mothers who feel they have “no time”, Sally disproves that myth with her own story—balancing three children, three businesses, and still carving out moments for personal fulfilment.
Cultural Narratives and the Invisible Load
We dissect the hidden, mental load that disproportionately falls on mothers—remembering what season it is and sorting out the right clothing, the never-ending stream of laundry, the school forms and activities, the emotional energy spent orchestrating family life—and how that burden is shaped by culture. By addressing those invisible or ‘unseen’ pressures, Sally advocates for not just redistributing chores, but for a whole Culture Change within families—moving away from martyrdom, toward collaborative, open communication.
Rewriting the Story: Moving Beyond Guilt and Perfectionism
The episode challenges traditional gender norms and societal pressures that dictate what a “good mum” should look like. We talk frankly about letting go of perfectionism, embracing imperfection, and reframing what it means to “do enough”. Sally offers wisdom on learning to delegate, communicate openly with partners, and acknowledge the incredible effort already being made. It’s about empowering women to live authentically and bravely, not in comparison to filtered social media standards.
Middle Life, Menopause, and Sandwich Generation Realities
We delve into the unique pressures faced by women in midlife—dealing not just with children, but also supporting ageing parents, navigating menopause, and maintaining marital connection. These compounded challenges are rarely discussed openly, yet Sally offers compassionate, practical advice for facing them head-on—reminding listeners that simplification isn’t just a parenting issue, it’s a lifelong necessity.
Positive People Experiences at Every Age and Stage
At the heart of the conversation is the belief that Positive People Experiences begin at home: in how we treat ourselves, in how partnerships are built on mutual support, and in how children are raised to model new patterns of self-worth and inclusion. Sally’s perspective integrates the need for self-advocacy (speaking up about our needs), building resilient support networks, and celebrating the micro-wins of daily calm amid chaos.
For Listeners Seeking Real Change, Not Platitudes
If you are seeking real-life advice, not just inspirational but practical, about how to instigate Culture Change in your family, workplace, or wider support network, this is your place. This is about moving beyond “just coping” and toward living—and parenting—with intention, agency, and authenticity. Sally articulates a powerful message: you don’t have to do it all alone, and you can honour your own needs without apology.
Whether you are a parent, partner, adult child of ageing parents, or simply someone invested in creating a fairer society, this is an essential listen. It’s about reclaiming time, recognising your worth, and sparking small changes that ripple out into Positive People Experiences for everyone. Join us for a candid hour that will encourage, equip, and embolden you to foster real change in your own world—one conversation at a time.
Closing Summary and Call to Action
This episode, rooted in Life Simplification for Overwhelmed Mums, offers a wealth of insight and immediately actionable strategies for anyone seeking to move from chaos to calm. Here are the key learning points and practical takeaways to carry forward:
1. Recognise and Name Your Overwhelm
Identify what triggers your daily sense of stress or dissatisfaction.
Accept that feeling overwhelmed is not a personal failing, but frequently a signal that your environment or expectations are out of balance.
Use this awareness as the starting point for intentional change.
2. Challenge Perfectionism and Societal Norms
Confront and consciously question the unrealistic standards for parenting perpetuated by society, your own upbringing, and social media.
Understand that the ‘perfect mum’, ‘perfect house’, and ‘ideal routine’ are myths that rob us of joy and peace.
Give yourself permission to do things your way—to redefine what “enough” looks like in your context.
3. Foster Open Communication and Teamwork at Home
Initiate honest, regular discussions with your partner about needs, struggles, and division of labour.
Acknowledge the crucial role of communication in building a balanced household culture—stop expecting silent mind-reading.
Be specific about the help you require and accept support, even if it’s not done your way. Let go of control for greater collective ease.
4. Implement Time Management and Boundaries for Self-Care
Schedule daily or weekly ‘white space’ for yourself—non-negotiable time devoted to rest, joy, or simply being.
Explore routine simplifications, such as breaking chores into smaller daily tasks, delegating appropriately, and pushing back against overscheduling.
Understand that self-care is not selfish; it is foundational to family wellbeing and forms the bedrock of Positive People Experiences.
5. Prioritise and Delegate: You Don’t Have to Do Everything
List your routine commitments and obligations. Which ones truly serve your family’s wellbeing, and which are rooted in habit or outside pressure?
Be ruthless about letting go, outsourcing, or sharing tasks wherever possible.
Make delegating part of the new family culture—children and partners all have roles in maintaining a harmonious home.
6. Embrace Your Identity Beyond Motherhood
Remember that being a mum is a vital aspect of your life, but not its totality. Your passions, friendships, and ambitions deserve space too.
Encourage independence in children and value time alone or with friends—these refuel you far beyond the immediate moment.
7. Adapt to Life’s Seasons and Sandwich Generation Pressures
Recognise that needs change as children grow older—or as parental responsibilities shift toward caring for ageing parents.
Prepare for these transitions by streamlining routines and strengthening support networks ahead of time.
Apply the same self-compassion and positive experience-building to yourself as your family matures.
8. Model Culture Change for Future Generations
Understand that Positive People Experiences and long-term wellbeing start with what children observe at home.
By prioritising self-care, open dialogue, equity in the household, and flexible gender roles, you model resilience and inclusion for your children.
Shift the culture away from martyrdom and towards a balanced, empowering approach for all.
9. Build Community and Seek Support
Accept that seeking help—whether from family, friends, community, or professionals—strengthens, rather than diminishes, your parenthood.
Know that many are facing these same transitions; reach out and connect around shared challenges and solutions.
10. Take Action Today
Identify just one area where your current routine is unsustainable or unfulfilling.
Commit to making one small change—whether delegating a task, blocking out self-care time, or having an honest conversation at home.
Celebrate every micro-win. Culture Change and Positive People Experiences are built from the ground up, one action at a time.
Through these steps, you’ll not only reduce your own overwhelm but also lay the groundwork for a new family and societal culture: one where the mental load is shared, self-care is celebrated, and everyone, including yourself, truly thrives. Remember: you are not alone, and real, lasting change always begins with the decision to start.
Outro
Thank you, the listener, for tuning in to this special episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast. If these insights resonated with you, please like, subscribe, and share this conversation—let’s spread the message of life simplification, Positive People Experiences, and true Culture Change.
For more episodes, resources, and to join our growing community, visit:
SEE Change Happen website: https://seechangehappen.co.uk
The Inclusion Bites Podcast: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
We’d love to hear your stories, feedback, or questions—just reach out via email jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
Stay curious, stay kind, and stay inclusive - Joanne Lockwood
Root Cause Analyst - Why!
Certainly. Let’s use a Root Cause Analysis (specifically the Five Whys technique) to examine the central problems discussed in this episode, “From Chaos to Calm”, featuring Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood.
Key Problem Identified:
Many mums (and, by extension, parents) experience chronic overwhelm, struggling to find calm and self-care within the pressures of modern parenting, household responsibilities, and personal ambitions.
Five Whys Analysis
Problem:
Chronic overwhelm and inability to attain a sense of calm among mums.
Why do mums feel chronically overwhelmed?
Because they perceive that there is never enough time to manage all responsibilities: work, household, children, and self-care. (Sally Bisbee explicitly mentions overwhelm, not enough time, feeling constantly behind—see opening segments.)
Why is there never enough time to manage all these responsibilities?
Because the load is not evenly distributed, and societal as well as internalised expectations often place the burden predominantly on mums. Many feel compelled to ‘do it all’—work, manage the home, care for children, maintain a social life, and support partners—simultaneously.
Why is the load so unequally distributed and why do mums feel compelled to ‘do it all’?
Because traditional gender roles and generational patterns persist. Many mums, as Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood discuss, grew up with mothers who were sole homemakers. This “model” becomes the subconscious standard, even though family and economic structures have shifted.
Why do these generational patterns persist and why aren’t they adjusted given the changing social context?
Because there’s insufficient conscious communication and renegotiation of roles within households. Many partners don’t realise the extent of the ‘mental load’ or default to the status quo unless explicitly asked to participate or challenged to share responsibilities.
Why does such communication often not occur, or why isn’t the mental load visible?
Because of a combination of factors: reluctance to appear ‘failing’ or not coping, social and internalised stigma around asking for help, lack of role modelling for healthy negotiation of household labour, and a tendency to normalise overwhelm as simply part of the ‘mum’ identity.
Summary of Root Causes
Entrenched cultural and generational expectations that mums should manage all aspects of home and family life, even as economic and social roles have evolved.
Lack of open, structured communication about the distribution of responsibilities and the emotional burden (‘mental load’).
Social comparison pressures exacerbated by social media, leading to perfectionism and reluctance to be vulnerable or voice difficulty.
Limited self-permission to prioritise self-care, stemming from the belief that good parenting equates to self-sacrifice.
Potential Solutions
Promote Structured Dialogue on Roles:
Encourage regular, deliberate conversations within families about division of labour. Both Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood advocate for sitting down with partners to articulate needs, negotiate chores, and demystify the invisible ‘mental load’.Normalise Imperfection and Self-Prioritisation:
Challenge the myth of parental perfection prevailing in family and media narratives. Normalise the importance of self-care as foundational rather than selfish. Share stories, as in this podcast, that reveal the real, often messy, nature of family life.Develop Practical Systems:
Implement simple, tailored routines (e.g., daily laundry, scheduled downtime, task sharing) that support manageable workloads and create ‘white space’ for breathing and reflection. Facilitate toolkits, checklists, or workshops to help parents declutter both physical and mental space.Conscious Modelling and Teaching (for the Next Generation):
Actively model shared responsibilities to children—regardless of gender—so they grow up with a contemporary, balanced template for partnership and self-care.Peer Support and Professional Resources:
Facilitate access to coaching, workshops, and support networks that focus on redefining roles, building boundaries, and collectively problem-solving. Sally Bisbee’s coaching approach is an example, providing both permission and tactical help for mums to reclaim calm.
Conclusion
Addressing chronic parental overwhelm requires both individual and collective change: reframing inherited expectations, improving communication, implementing simple systems, challenging idealised narratives, and creating robust support frameworks. These shifts, modelled and championed by people like Sally Bisbee, aim to enable all parents to move “from chaos to calm”—with self-worth, calm, and joy at the core.
Canva Slider Checklist
Episode Carousel
Slide 1:
🌪️ Are you living in daily chaos, craving a moment of calm? 🌿
Is the pressure to be a “perfect parent” leaving you burnt out before the day’s begun?
Slide 2:
Sally Bisbee reveals what triggered her journey to reclaim peace — waking each morning overwhelmed, feeling behind before the day even started. Sound familiar?
Slide 3:
Let’s challenge the myth: You don’t have to do it all, and you certainly don’t have to do it alone. Learn why communicating and delegating at home can transform the family dynamic.
Slide 4:
From guilt-free self-care to prioritising your own happiness, discover practical strategies for finding white space in a busy life — because being present matters more than being perfect.
Slide 5:
Ready to go from chaos to calm? Listen to the full episode of Inclusion Bites Podcast with Joanne Lockwood and Sally Bisbee.
Tap the link in bio and join the conversation that’s changing lives. 🎧✨ #InclusionBites #FromChaosToCalm
6 major topics
From Chaos to Calm: An Inclusion Bites Reflection on Mum Life Simplification
Meta Description: Dive into a firsthand account of a transformative conversation with Sally Bisbee, exploring mum life simplification, overcoming overwhelm, and nurturing inclusive family cultures. Discover practical wisdom from the heart of inclusion.
As your host, I've always sought to bring authentic conversations to light—this time, it was with Sally Bisbee, a mum life simplification coach whose insights into easing the everyday overwhelm of parenthood were as empowering as they were refreshing. Together, we unravelled what mum life simplification truly means, why inclusion and belonging matter in the family context, and how tackling chaos is all about prioritising wellbeing, communication, and support.
Below, I’m recounting the richest themes from our hour together, inviting curiosity about how small changes can ignite inclusive transformation—not just in our homes, but across our relationships and identities.
Sparking Change Through Mum Life Simplification
Mum life simplification was our guiding light—a recurring motif in our exchange that challenges the expectation of perfection, whether it's the tidiness of the house, the children's behaviour, or the pursuit of personal fulfilment. Sally shared her own journey: waking up every morning feeling already behind, before she'd even set foot out of bed. What prompts us to reflect and reset? Might it be the relentless pressure to be everything to everyone, or the realisation that our children and partners deserve a present, less-stressed version of ourselves?
Sally piqued my curiosity when she explained that simplification isn't about denial or resignation; it's about crafting routines and boundaries so that guilt-free self-care is possible. She insists that reclaiming calm isn’t an unreachable goal—but a deliberate shift in mindset, patience, and acceptance. Can we really pour into our families if our own cup is empty? What does it take to start letting go?
Challenging the Burden of Perfectionism and Societal Pressure
Our dialogue quickly turned to that notorious nemesis of mums everywhere—perfectionism. There's a certain societal narrative at play: mums should manage the household, excel at work, cater to everyone’s needs, and do it all with exemplary grace. Add in the relentless scroll of social media, and it’s easy to see why so many feel inadequate.
Sally openly discussed the need to relinquish strict ‘type A’ tendencies, acknowledging how her children had taught her to welcome ‘good enough’ and dismiss illusions of control. I found myself intrigued by her advice: what if the quest for perfection is itself the root of our overwhelm? Why do we judge ourselves so harshly, fearing that an untidy home or missed appointment brands us as "bad mums"? This conversation highlighted how mum life simplification is as much about mental decluttering as it is about practical strategy.
Communication and Delegation: The Unsung Pillars of Inclusion
Reflecting with Sally, I realised just how pivotal communication and delegation are in fostering inclusive family cultures. Why do so many of us struggle to ask for help from our spouses, partners, or children? Sally admitted her own learning curve—her instinct was to do it all, like so many women raised in households where mums managed everything, especially if they were stay-at-home carers.
We explored the tension that arises when mental loads aren’t shared, and the transformative effect of holding honest conversations about who carries which responsibilities. Sally’s marriage became stronger when she began to delegate tasks, and let go of needing things done her way. Isn’t inclusion at its core about recognising different strengths and letting everyone contribute? How can we rewire our own expectations, so inclusion thrives not only at work but at home?
Reframing Identity Beyond Parenthood
A particularly compelling strand of the discussion was how mum life simplification connects to identity. Sally argued, and I agreed, that motherhood can both enrich and obscure who we are as individuals. If we pour everything into our children and neglect our passions, friendships, or personal goals, what happens when the nest is suddenly empty? There is curiosity, even a touch of anxiety, in exploring who we become once daily parenting is no longer our dominant narrative.
Sally taught me the importance of nurturing identity outside of motherhood. Let children see their parents as whole people—adults with dreams, interests, and agency. Isn’t it a form of inclusion to role-model for our children that their future can be multidimensional? How can we gently prompt ourselves, and others, to keep a candle burning for passions beyond family life?
Sandwich Generation: Navigating Multi-Generational Inclusion
Our conversation veered into the unexpected terrain of the “sandwich generation”—supporting both growing children and ageing parents. I shared my own experience of becoming a carer for my parents, observing how roles reverse, and new forms of inclusion are required. Sally noted the absence of guidebooks for these transitions. When systems and services are slow or inadequate, how can simplification strategies help us remain present, compassionate, and less overwhelmed?
It raised profound questions about societal support, personal boundaries, and adaptability. How do we strike a balance when contemporary families face competing demands from younger and older generations? What can inclusion look like in the twilight years of our loved ones?
Letting Go: Building Resilience and Space for Self-Care
Ultimately, mum life simplification stood as both a keyword and a philosophy of resilience. Sally’s core message was that, to thrive, we must strip away non-essential commitments and anxiety-inducing routines, cultivating white space for joy and rest. Together, we mused over the art of picking our battles, assessing what truly deserves our limited energy.
What triggers our stress and why? Can we create firebreaks in our schedules to finally see what’s weighing us down? Sally insists that mums—and partners or carers of all kinds—must give themselves permission to rest, to be imperfect, and to ask for help. Isn’t this precisely how we break the cycle of overwhelm and nurture positive, inclusive family cultures?
Conclusion: Mum Life Simplification as a Pathway to Inclusion
Through this rich, thought-provoking exchange, mum life simplification emerged not as a minimalist trend, but as a holistic, actionable framework for inclusion, belonging, and wellbeing. We challenged norms, shared curious observations, and left with a simple promise: reclaim calm for ourselves and our families, so each person’s needs and identities are valued.
Curious to share your story or insight into the world of inclusive cultures and belonging? Email me at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk and join the growing conversation. For more on these themes, subscribe and explore our ever-evolving community at Inclusion Bites—where sparking change begins with one bold conversation at a time.
TikTok Summary
✨ Feeling overwhelmed? Ready to flip the chaos into calm? ✨
In this taster from Inclusion Bites Podcast, Sally Bisbee shares seriously eye-opening insights with host Joanne Lockwood about juggling life, motherhood, perfection, and those pressures no one talks about. Want to discover how to reclaim time, simplify life, and actually enjoy the little moments?
Curious for more real talk that challenges norms and sparks genuine change? Dive into the full episode here 👉 https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
#InclusionBites #FromChaosToCalm #PodcastTaster #LifeSimplified #MumLife #RealTalk
Slogans and Image Prompts
Certainly! Here are some memorable slogans, soundbites, and quotes from the episode "From Chaos to Calm" that would be perfect for merchandise or as hashtags. Each includes a detailed AI image prompt to inspire stunning designs.
1. Slogan/Soundbite:
"Turning everyday overwhelm into empowering ease."
Source: Sally Bisbee describing her superpower as a mum life simplification coach.
AI Image Prompt:
Create a serene illustration of a busy mum surrounded by swirling chaos—laundry, children’s toys, to-do lists—transformed around her into gentle pastel clouds. She stands confident and glowing at the centre, radiating calm, with bright rays signifying empowerment breaking through. Discrete text overlays the transformation: “Turning everyday overwhelm into empowering ease.” Style: Contemporary, soft edges, family-friendly.
2. Quote:
"You can't pour from an empty cup."
Source: Sally Bisbee reinforcing the importance of self-care for mums.
AI Image Prompt:
Design a hand-drawn ceramic mug overflowing with colourful motifs—flowers, hearts, suns—but beside it, an empty mug sits, faded and barely visible. Above, the phrase “You can't pour from an empty cup” is lettered in flowing calligraphy. Background: Watercolour wash of gentle blues and pinks. Style: Warm and comforting, easy to visualise on actual drinkware.
3. Hashtag/Slogan:
#SimplifyToThrive
Inspired by repeated themes of simplification and thriving in modern family life.
AI Image Prompt:
Show a minimalistic, decluttered home interior—bright, airy spaces, a smiling family, plants, sunlight streaming in. Overlay the hashtag #SimplifyToThrive in bold, modern typography. Accent elements: Subtle icons of checklists, calm faces, and tidy shelves. Style: Scandinavian design-inspired, clean lines, aspirational.
4. Quote:
"It's not about having a perfect house or perfect life. It's about what works for you."
Spoken by Sally Bisbee when discussing letting go of perfectionism.
AI Image Prompt:
Illustrate an imperfect, lively home with children playing, a little mess about—a spilled crayon box, books askew, laughter. The quote is presented in a relaxed handwritten font across the top. Emphasise individuality and warmth rather than neatness. Style: Whimsical, heartwarming, cartoon-style, colourful.
5. Soundbite/Slogan:
"Pick your battles."
Advice referenced regarding parenting and partnership.
AI Image Prompt:
Picture two people (parents) clad in casual clothes, calmly walking through a field of toy soldiers and laundry baskets, peacefully stepping over some while purposefully tending to others. The message “Pick your battles” stands in bold, playful font above. Style: Light-hearted, gentle humour, bright colours.
6. Quote:
"Busy isn’t a badge."
Echoing the discussion that busyness doesn’t equal happiness or success (Sally Bisbee, Joanne Lockwood).
AI Image Prompt:
Show a person weighed down by badges/stickers that say “Busy” whilst another stands lighter and joyful holding a single badge marked “Calm.” The slogan stretches between them. Design: Modern flat vector style, positive vibe, suitable for stickers or t-shirts.
7. Slogan:
"Create the white space."
A concept mentioned around finding downtime and prioritising oneself.
AI Image Prompt:
Draw a white sheet of paper surrounded by hustle—phones, children, laptops—and inside the centre, a peaceful scene of a person meditating or reading, with the words “Create the white space” encircling them. Minimalistic, with pops of colour in the busy border. Style: Zen-inspired, clean, visually striking.
8. Hashtag:
#GuiltFreeSelfCare
Reflecting Sally Bisbee’s coaching approach.
AI Image Prompt:
Present a joyful mum lounging with a cup of tea, surrounded by hearts and positive affirmations swirling in the air: “worthy,” “relaxed,” “present.” The hashtag is prominent in elegant script. Style: Inviting, warm, Instagram-friendly, pastel palette.
These words and visuals capture the inclusive, empowering spirit of the episode and would look fantastic on mugs, t-shirts, stickers, and social media assets!
Inclusion Bites Spotlight
Sally Bisbee joins Joanne Lockwood for this month's Inclusion Bites Podcast with the episode "From Chaos to Calm," offering a refreshing and candid insight into the realities of modern motherhood and inclusion. As a mum life simplification coach based in Minnesota, Sally dedicates her practice to supporting overwhelmed mothers in reclaiming calm through practical routines and guilt-free self-care. Her expertise emerges not only from her professional background but also from her lived experience as a mum of three across a striking generational gap—her children range from primary school age to a recent university graduate—giving her a rare longitudinal perspective.
Sally’s philosophy centres on challenging the social constructs and perfectionist expectations placed upon mothers, especially those grappling with the shifting dynamics of parenting, career, and personal wellbeing. She shares her journey from a place of daily overwhelm to one of empowered ease, demonstrating that finding time and space for oneself is not a selfish act but a foundational requirement for thriving families and resilient communities. Her approach disrupts the image of the all-sacrificing mother and invites open dialogue about distributing domestic and emotional labour within the family.
Through her conversation with Joanne, Sally surfaces the unspoken mental burdens that mothers carry, how intergenerational expectations shape our views on care work, and the need for robust communication between partners. She advocates for moving away from comparison-driven parenting, embracing “good enough” over perfection, and empowering women to carve out time for their own passions and identities. This is inclusion at home, as much as in the workplace and public sphere.
Sally’s story and practice echo the heart of Inclusion Bites: making bold conversations about belonging part of our everyday lives. Her practical wisdom offers hope and actionable strategies to those feeling ensnared by the endless to-do list, reminding us all of the power of simplicity, communication, and kindness—in our families, in our communities, and above all, to ourselves.
This feature is a must-listen for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of how inclusion begins within our most intimate relationships and ripples outward to shape a more compassionate world.
YouTube Description
Are you really in control of your chaos, or merely surviving it? In this compelling episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, “From Chaos to Calm”, host Joanne Lockwood sits down with mum life simplification coach Sally Bisbee to uncover why so many modern parents—especially mothers—are overwhelmed, and what it truly takes to find calm amidst the whirlwind of family, work, societal pressures and changing identities.
Explore the root causes of parental overwhelm, from generational expectations and the mental burden of perfectionism to the complex dance of partnership roles in contemporary families. Sally shares her personal journey from burnout to balance and offers practical, actionable strategies for reclaiming space and time—proving that self-care is not indulgence, but necessity.
Key insights and takeaways:
Why striving for perfection feeds stress, not satisfaction
The hidden “mental load” mothers often carry—and how to rebalance it
Communication as the cornerstone for equity and understanding at home
Simple yet effective routines to free up time for self-care and genuine connection
The importance of redefining identity beyond just “mum” or “dad”—for healthier families and happier individuals
Listen and reflect on how you might think differently about your daily routines, feel more empowered to ask for support, and act with intention to prioritise what truly matters—at home, with your partner, and within yourself.
Ready to disrupt the cycle of overwhelm and choose calm? Tune in now and take the first bite towards a more inclusive, balanced life.
#InclusionBites #MumLife #ParentalBurnout #MentalLoad #WorkLifeBalance #SelfCareMatters #FamilyWellbeing #ParentingRealTalk #WomenEmpowerment #InclusionPodcast
Find more profound conversations and resources at:
https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
Contact Joanne to share your story or join the discussion: jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
10 Question Quiz
Quiz: From Chaos to Calm – Insights from the Host of Inclusion Bites Podcast
According to Joanne Lockwood, what is the primary intention of the Inclusion Bites Podcast?
A) To discuss international travel experiences
B) To spark bold conversations that drive change
C) To focus on parenting strategies for mothers
D) To provide general entertainment
How does Joanne Lockwood suggest listeners can get involved with the Inclusion Bites Podcast?
A) By entering a competition
B) By emailing jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
C) By subscribing to a paid newsletter
D) By visiting a live event only
In the discussion, what does Joanne Lockwood reflect on regarding geographical perspectives?
A) Differences in weather patterns
B) The vastness of the United States compared to the UK
C) Popular sporting events in different regions
D) Currency exchange rates
What generational change does Joanne Lockwood note has affected the role of parents, especially mothers?
A) The rise of remote working
B) Shift from single-income to dual-income households
C) Development of new technologies for childcare
D) Availability of more educational resources
What coping strategy does Joanne Lockwood mention for parents experiencing overwhelming stress?
A) Ignoring the problem and hoping it improves
B) Communicating openly with one's partner about feelings and workload
C) Prioritising tidiness above all else
D) Completely outsourcing childcare
What phenomenon does Joanne Lockwood describe when discussing the emotional impact of adult children leaving home?
A) A sense of emptiness and adjustment for parents
B) Increased household productivity
C) Instant happiness and relaxation
D) Immediate financial hardship
How does Joanne Lockwood characterise the pressures faced by contemporary mothers compared to previous generations?
A) Pressure to focus solely on homemaking
B) Balancing career, passion, friendships, and parental responsibilities
C) Having more free time for hobbies
D) Being less involved in children's activities
According to Joanne Lockwood, what is a major obstacle to sharing household responsibilities in modern families?
A) Lack of household appliances
B) Failure to communicate and expecting mind-reading
C) Overly strict parenting guidelines
D) Unavailable support services
In her reflection on life phases, what does Joanne Lockwood identify as an important realisation for adults?
A) The need to invest in property
B) Understanding self-capacity and stripping back commitments
C) Pursuing further education at every stage
D) Building extensive social networks
What additional phase of caring responsibilities does Joanne Lockwood reference as another significant stressor later in adult life?
A) Caring for grandchildren full-time
B) Managing elderly parents in the ‘sandwich generation’
C) Volunteering in the community
D) Training for marathons
Answer Key with Rationale
B. To spark bold conversations that drive change
Rationale: Joanne Lockwood opens the podcast by stating its purpose is to ignite bold conversations that spark change and challenge the status quo.B. By emailing jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
Rationale: Joanne Lockwood explicitly invites listeners to join the conversation by emailing her.B. The vastness of the United States compared to the UK
Rationale: Joanne Lockwood shares personal anecdotes comparing driving distances in the US and UK, highlighting the relative size and impact on daily life.B. Shift from single-income to dual-income households
Rationale: Joanne Lockwood discusses how many mothers she speaks to grew up with the expectation of stay-at-home mums, which contrasts with today’s dual-income reality.B. Communicating openly with one's partner about feelings and workload
Rationale: The host emphasises the necessity of honest dialogue with partners about stress and domestic duties, noting pitfalls of failing to communicate.A. A sense of emptiness and adjustment for parents
Rationale: Joanne Lockwood describes the emotional readjustment when children leave home, likening it to a loss of energy or ‘human vibration’ in their space.B. Balancing career, passion, friendships, and parental responsibilities
Rationale: The host speaks to the multidimensional pressures modern mothers navigate, a marked change from solely focusing on homemaking.B. Failure to communicate and expecting mind-reading
Rationale: Joanne Lockwood identifies communication breakdown and unrealistic expectations about partners understanding one’s needs as obstacles in sharing workload.B. Understanding self-capacity and stripping back commitments
Rationale: Joanne Lockwood reflects on the experience of only realising one’s overload after letting go of numerous responsibilities.B. Managing elderly parents in the ‘sandwich generation’
Rationale: The host discusses her current situation—caring for elderly parents—as a complex additional layer of adult life stress that few are prepared for.
Summary Paragraph
Through the voice of Joanne Lockwood, the Inclusion Bites Podcast is designed to spark transformative conversations that instigate real societal change. Listeners are encouraged to engage via direct email, reinforcing the show's ethos of inclusive dialogue. The host highlights significant contextual shifts, such as the contrast between the UK's and America's geography when considering family life, and the evolution from single-income to dual-income households, which has amplified the pressures on modern mothers. Central to navigating the chaos of family and work is the imperative of open and honest communication, particularly between partners to address emotional well-being and the fair division of household labour. As children grow and leave, parents often encounter a sense of emptiness, necessitating personal adjustment and self-reflection. Contemporary mothers are now challenged to balance fulfilling careers, friendships, passions, and parental responsibilities—often with inadequate support and further complicated by poor communication norms. The ability to recognise personal limits and intentionally reduce commitments emerges as a vital strategy for achieving calm amid life's chaos. Finally, Joanne Lockwood unpacks how the adult caregiving journey extends into the ‘sandwich generation’, where parents find themselves responsible for both children and ageing parents—an overwhelming phase that underscores the importance of proactive support and simplification, evocative of the episode’s central theme: moving from chaos to calm.
Rhyme Scheme and Rhythm Podcast Poetry
From Chaos to Calm
In homes where little voices cheer,
The busy mornings soon appear;
A life where laundry never ends,
And self-care drifts around the bends.
The pressure mounts in every task,
Perfection is the subtle mask—
“A tidy house, the children fed,
No clutter piling on the bed.”
The heart of love, yet time runs thin,
Where overwhelm can just begin.
Society whispers, “do it all,”
Keep every plate, but never fall;
A woman strong, with dreams in tow,
As children’s needs and work-life grow.
She yearns for quiet, space to thrive,
A gentle pause where hopes survive.
But busy schedules blur the sky,
And guilt, for rest, will amplify.
Yet here’s the truth, by insight found:
Calm waits where choices are profound.
Through honest talks and softer tone,
We share the load—we’re not alone.
Delegate the laundry, seek support,
Release the myth that mum must sort.
There’s freedom shaped by self-care’s hand,
By presence, time, and friendships planned.
So let us cherish balance true,
Communicate our needs anew;
For life’s white space is not a crime—
It’s joy reclaimed, one breath in time.
From chaos, calm emerges strong:
Empowered parents shape the throng.
No shame in rest, no fear in “me”;
Let kindness spark tranquillity.
If these reflections resonate, let them be retold:
Share with friends, subscribe for stories bold.
With thanks to Sally Bisbee for a fascinating podcast episode.
Key Learnings
Key Learning & Takeaway:
The central insight from this episode of Inclusion Bites, “From Chaos to Calm”, is the transformative power that intentional simplification and open communication hold for creating a more harmonious family life—especially for mothers. By recognising the need to relinquish perfectionism, delegate responsibilities, and prioritise guilt-free self-care, parents can move from persistent overwhelm to a place of greater ease and emotional calm. The episode demonstrates that true wellbeing in parenthood is achieved not by doing more, but by doing less—selectively, communicatively, and with self-acceptance.
Point #1: Rewriting the Narrative of Parental Perfectionism
Both Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood discuss how societal norms, social media, and generational expectations fuel unreachable standards for mums. Letting go of the need for a spotless house or perfectly presented children allows space for joy, authenticity, and presence—making “good enough” genuinely good.
Point #2: Self-Care Is Essential, Not Optional
A recurring refrain is that mums can and must intentionally carve out time for themselves. The oft-cited maxim “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is reframed as an actionable strategy—creating daily self-care routines, no matter how small, directly improves a parent's ability to support their family and themselves.
Point #3: The Value of Delegation and Partnership
Delegating tangible household and emotional responsibilities to partners is not a sign of failure, but an intelligent adjustment to modern family dynamics. Open, honest communication—where tasks are divvied up and emotional labour is shared—helps both partners move past unspoken assumptions and silent frustrations.
Point #4: Adaptability Across Life Stages and Generations
The episode explores how parental roles evolve—whether moving through early childhood, teenage years, caring for ageing parents, or post-parenting identity. Establishing boundaries, maintaining “white space” in the schedule, and pursuing passions outside parenthood keeps individuals grounded, prepared for life’s next transitions, and reminds everyone that personal fulfilment isn’t just for one season of life.
Listen, reflect, and act: moving “From Chaos to Calm” isn’t about being perfect—it's about being present, intentional, and kind to yourself and those you share life with.
Book Outline
Book Outline – From Chaos to Calm: Transforming Mum Life Through Simplicity and Self-Care
Introduction
Setting the Scene: The reality of motherhood, the breadth of experiences, and the universality of overwhelm.
Purpose and Promise: How simplifying routines and prioritising self-care can turn chaos into calm.
Audience: Overwhelmed mothers, parents, carers – anyone seeking to reclaim calm amidst family demands.
Chapter 1: The Anatomy of Overwhelm
Subheadings:
Recognising the Signs of Burnout
The Unseen Mental Load
The Impact of Societal Norms and Social Media
Examples/Quotes:
“I woke up every morning just feeling like ... overwhelmed and behind for the day already, before the day had even started.”
Example of juggling three children across two generations and the added complexity this brings.
Interactive Element:
Self-reflection checklist: Spotting signs of daily overwhelm.
Chapter 2: The Myth of Perfection and Its Impact
Subheadings:
The Trap of Comparison
Letting Go of Type A Tendencies
Redefining ‘Having It All’
Quotes:
“People don’t post the bad stuff. Like nobody, nobody has it all together.”
Visual Aid:
Chart contrasting ‘Perfectionism’ vs ‘Realistic Expectations’
Interactive Element:
Exercise: Identifying and releasing unrealistic standards.
Chapter 3: Embracing Imperfection in Family Life
Subheadings:
Accepting Different Parenting Styles
Dividing Household Tasks: Communicating Needs
The Value of Delegation and Trust
Example:
The pyjama drawer anecdote: Learning to accept things done ‘differently, not wrongly’.
Reflection Question:
When was the last time you accepted help, even if it wasn’t ‘your way’?
Chapter 4: Identity Beyond Parenthood
Subheadings:
Rediscovering the Self Outside ‘Mum’
Modelling Independence and Passion to Children
Ensuring Healthy Marital Relationships Under Pressure
Quote:
“A mum is part of you, but it’s not who you are. It’s part of your identity, but it’s not your whole identity.”
Example:
Running three businesses while managing family commitments.
Interactive Element:
Journal prompt: What passions or hobbies have you put aside?
Chapter 5: Communication as a Lifeline
Subheadings:
The Power of Honest Conversations with Partners
“Mental Load” and Its Distribution
Learning to Ask for Help: Choice vs Mind-Reading
Quotes:
“Does your spouse even know how you feel? ... Well, have you talked about it?”
Suggested Diagram:
Visual of ‘Mental Load Balance’ – Mum vs Partner tasks.
Action Step:
Template for initiating a family ‘Come to Jesus’ conversation.
Chapter 6: Systems for Simplification
Subheadings:
Daily Routines That Reduce Stress
Time Management Tactics for Mums
Finding ‘White Space’ in Your Schedule
Example:
“I do one load of laundry every day ... I just keep on top of it.”
Visual Aid:
Weekly planner template with ‘me time’ slots highlighted.
Exercise:
Audit: Where does your time go each week?
Chapter 7: Boundaries, Priorities, and Saying No
Subheadings:
Prioritising Self-Care Without the Guilt
Boundary Setting With Family, Friends, and Work
Teaching Children to Respect Boundaries
Example:
Coaching a mum into booking a girls’ trip as an act of prioritising self.
Reflection:
What would happen if you said ‘no’ to one committee or activity next month?
Chapter 8: Navigating Changing Seasons of Motherhood
Subheadings:
Parenting Across Generations
Adapting to Teenagers, Young Adults, and Elderly Parents
Preparing for the ‘Empty Nest’ Transition
Quotes:
Insights on parenting as children become adults and shifts in marital focus.
Example:
Caring for elderly parents as a new form of parenting.
Interactive Element:
Worksheet: Preparing for upcoming life transitions.
Chapter 9: Science, Psychology, and Individual Wiring
Subheadings:
Understanding Personality Types and Triggers
Customising Solutions: No One-Size-Fits-All
The Psychology Behind Cleanliness, Order, and Stress
Example:
Contrasting approaches to household mess (Type A vs Type B).
Suggested Chart:
Personality spectrum applied to household management.
Chapter 10: Practical Tools for Everyday Calm
Subheadings:
Self-Care Habits for Every Season
Quick-Fix Calming Techniques (Breathing, Mindfulness, Microbreaks)
Free Resources and Further Learning
Example:
List of actionable time-saving hacks, referencing existing online resources.
Suggested Visual:
“Calm Toolkit” infographic.
Action Step:
Personal commitment worksheet for daily self-care.
Conclusion: Reclaiming Calm – A Lasting Mindset
Summary of key insights, encouragement to make lasting change.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup” as the book’s leitmotif.
Call to action: Take ownership of your self-care, let go of the guilt, and share your journey with others.
Supplementary Content
Recommended Reading: Further resources on mental load, parental identity, time management, and women’s health.
Discussion Prompts: At the end of each chapter, for book clubs or individual reflection.
Appendix: Templates, planners, and where to download resources mentioned in the text.
Title Suggestions
From Chaos to Calm: The Mum’s Guide to Simplification and Self-Care
Overflow to Ease: Reclaiming Calm for Mothers
Calm Within Chaos: Everyday Systems for the Overwhelmed Mum
Chapter Summaries
The Anatomy of Overwhelm: Explores the universal experience of feeling ‘behind’ as a mum, introducing the concept of the mental load and societal pressure.
The Myth of Perfection and Its Impact: Analyses how comparison, particularly via social media, distorts realistic standards and the need to embrace imperfection.
Embracing Imperfection in Family Life: Offers anecdotes and strategies for accepting help and letting go of the need for perfection.
Identity Beyond Parenthood: Focuses on rediscovering the self, modelling independence, and nurturing relationships beyond parental roles.
Communication as a Lifeline: Highlights the importance of honest dialogue with partners to redistribute family responsibilities and diffuse tension.
Systems for Simplification: Gives actionable routines and time-management tools that provide immediate stress relief.
Boundaries, Priorities, and Saying No: Empowers readers to set boundaries, say no, and prioritise meaningful activities and self-care.
Navigating Changing Seasons of Motherhood: Prepares readers for the transition from young children to adult offspring, including care for elderly parents.
Science, Psychology, and Individual Wiring: Examines why different mums respond uniquely to stress and household management, encouraging acceptance and customisation.
Practical Tools for Everyday Calm: Presents ready-to-use techniques and resources for sustaining calm every day.
Refinement and Feedback Process
Expert Review: Solicit feedback from psychologists, family coaches, and mothers representative of the target audience.
Test Readers: Pilot the outline with a small group; incorporate their suggestions and queries for clarity and completeness.
Final Edit: Smooth transitions between chapters; ensure the book’s actionable tone and supportive style are consistent.
This outline captures the essence, practical wisdom, and heartfelt encouragement from From Chaos to Calm, ready to empower readers to transform daily overwhelm into empowering ease as busy mums.
Maxims to live by…
From Chaos to Calm: Maxims for Simplifying Life and Welcoming Ease
Perfection is an Illusion—Progress is Power: Release the need for everything to be flawless. Embrace what works for you and your family, and let go of unattainable ideals.
Presence Over Perfection: What matters most is being present and engaged—aim to experience life with your loved ones, not curate it.
Communicate, Don’t Assume: Speak your needs and emotions aloud; those around you aren’t mind readers. Clear communication dissolves resentment and builds trust.
Share the Load—It’s Everyone’s Home: Household and family responsibilities aren’t the sole duty of one individual. Delegate, ask for help, and cultivate shared stewardship.
Learn to Let Go: Release control over the small stuff. Accept help, even if tasks are performed differently than you would do them yourself.
Prioritise Self-Care Without Guilt: Your needs matter. Carve out time for yourself daily, however small, and recognise that self-care empowers you to be there for others.
Find White Space: Schedule downtime and give yourself permission to be unbusy. True calm needs room to breathe.
Know Your Capacity—Honour Your Limits: Be realistic about how much you can take on. Learn to say ‘no’ without apology when necessary.
Embrace Change—Seasons Evolve: Roles and routines will shift as children grow, careers change, and parents age. Flexibility is your ally.
Model Independence and Partnership: Nurture your own passions, and support those of your partner. Independence and togetherness are not mutually exclusive.
Value Communication in Relationships: Regularly check in with those you care about. Honest, ongoing conversation is the foundation of enduring connection.
Nurture Your Identity Beyond Your Roles: You are more than your responsibilities. Cultivate interests, friendships, and ambitions outside your family role.
Recognise and Challenge Societal Pressures: Understand that external expectations—from social media to inherited norms—are not requirements for happiness.
Pick Your Battles: Conserve energy by focusing only on what matters most. Learn to differentiate the essential from the inconsequential.
Prepare for Life’s Transitions: Whether children leaving home or supporting ageing parents, anticipate change as a natural, even enriching, part of life.
Celebrate Imperfect Progress: Every step towards calm, simplicity, or self-compassion is valuable. Growth is neither linear nor neat.
Give Yourself and Others Permission to Rest: Rest is productive, and compassion for yourself is essential. Encourage it in others as well as yourself.
Live Authentically, Not Comparatively: Strive for what brings you fulfilment, regardless of how others do things. There is no universal script for a well-lived life.
Let these maxims provide a compass—guiding you from chaos toward lasting calm and empowerment.
Extended YouTube Description
From Chaos to Calm | Simplifying Mum Life & Unlocking Self-Care | Inclusion Bites Podcast #182
Welcome to Episode 182 of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, “From Chaos to Calm,” hosted by Joanne Lockwood and featuring mum life simplification coach Sally Bisbee. Dive deep into practical strategies for overwhelmed mothers seeking calm, balance, and guilt-free self-care. This episode is a must-watch for busy parents, wellbeing advocates, and anyone interested in nurturing inclusive family dynamics.
Timestamps for Easy Navigation:
0:01 – Podcast Introduction & Purpose
1:14 – Meet Sally Bisbee: Mum Life Simplification Coach
2:59 – Parenting Across Generations: Challenges and Joys
5:05 – Reclaiming Calm: Sally’s Personal Journey
8:17 – Social Pressure, Perfectionism, and Societal Norms
14:41 – The Self-Care Gap for Mums
19:32 – Communication and Delegation in Modern Parenting
24:43 – Type A vs. Type B Mum: Letting Go and Acceptance
32:07 – Recognising Your True Capacity
36:36 – Prioritising What Matters Most
42:12 – Dealing with Anxiety & Making Family Life Manageable
46:28 – Modelling New Approaches for the Next Generation
48:05 – The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Kids & Elderly Parents
52:01 – Simplification Strategies for New Stresses
53:06 – Wrap-Up & Sally’s Resources
Video Description & Key Topics
Are you a busy mum, a parent navigating work-life balance, or someone curious about the realities of modern motherhood? This episode is packed with actionable routines, expert insight, and inclusive advice—whether you’re seeking parenting tips, stress management techniques, or want to foster belonging within your family.
Sally Bisbee shares her proven techniques for simplifying everyday chaos and making self-care a non-negotiable part of your life. Discover how perfectionism, social media pressures, and societal expectations influence maternal overwhelm, and learn how clear communication, realistic division of labour, and letting go can transform your home environment.
Together with Joanne Lockwood, Sally explores how shifting family dynamics, generational changes, and transitions—such as stepping into the sandwich generation—impact wellbeing and inclusion. This episode highlights practical methods for setting boundaries, prioritising tasks, and finding the ‘white space’ essential for personal growth and family resilience.
Why Should You Watch?
Learn step-by-step strategies for carving out time for yourself, no matter your schedule.
Understand the psychological impacts of parental overwhelm and perfectionism.
Gain expert guidance on fostering healthier family communication and equitable sharing of responsibilities.
Discover how modelling self-worth and intentional living benefits children across generations.
Uncover unique approaches for managing both parenting and caring for ageing parents.
Whether you’re an HR professional, a diversity and inclusion champion, or a parent eager for positive change, these insights will help you build sustainable habits, strengthen relationships, and improve your everyday wellbeing.
Subscribe for more bold conversations on inclusion, belonging, and societal transformation!
🔔 Subscribe for weekly episodes: [YouTube Channel link]
🌐 Visit our website for actionable resources: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
💬 Share your experiences or join the conversation: jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
▶️ Watch another related episode: [Insert link to previous or recommended episode]
Relevant Hashtags for Reach:
#MumLife #ParentingSimplified #SelfCareForMums #InclusionPodcast #MentalWellbeing #WorkLifeBalance #FamilyDynamics #SandwichGeneration #StressManagement #PositiveParenting #JoanneLockwood #SallyBisbee #InclusionBites
Empower yourself and your family—watch now to move from chaos to calm and nurture true belonging at home.
Substack Post
From Chaos to Calm: Creating Space for Belonging in the Everyday
When was the last time you truly felt calm—at work, at home, or even out in your local community? If you’re anything like me, you’ll know that our modern lives rarely allow much room for serenity. Instead, the constant churn of responsibilities and unspoken pressures can leave even the most resilient among us feeling adrift. This week’s episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast gets to the heart of this issue: how we can move from chaos to calm, not just for ourselves, but to better nurture cultures of inclusion and belonging.
I invited Sally Bisbee—mum life simplification coach and passionate advocate for guilt-free self-care—onto the show. Together, we explored how simplicity and intentionality, even in the hum of daily life, aren’t merely personal luxuries but crucial levers for building truly inclusive spaces. Whether you’re steering a team, navigating organisational change, or striving to create greater equity at work, I believe you’ll find resonant, actionable wisdom in our conversation.
Navigating Modern Overwhelm—At Home and at Work
This episode, aptly titled "From Chaos to Calm," opens with an honest exploration of the overwhelm many of us feel. I learn from Sally’s lived experience as a mother of three, spanning a wide age gap—her oldest in her twenties, her youngest in primary school. Sally shares how her own journey through burnout and overload led her to champion simple routines and self-care, not just as nice-to-haves, but as necessary foundations.
Here’s why this matters to those of us invested in DEI: Whether at home or in business, invisible expectations, ingrained perfectionism, and societal pressures weigh especially heavily on those with caring responsibilities, women, and anyone who has felt the sting of “not quite keeping up.” If we’re truly to foster belonging and unlock every individual’s potential, we must create systems—be they household routines or organisational processes—that allow everyone to step back, breathe, and contribute their best.
Throughout our conversation, Sally illuminates:
The self-imposed and cultural weight of “doing it all”—and why letting go is not failure, but liberation.
The gendered dimension of invisible labour, especially in family life and its uncanny parallels in the workplace.
The vital role of communication and shared responsibility, whether between partners or across teams.
How carving out even small moments of self-care enables deeper, more authentic presence—for our families, colleagues, and communities.
Wisdom for the Workplace: What Sally’s Story Teaches Us
As I listened to Sally, I was struck by how closely the rhythms of family life mirror those of our professional worlds. Talent and HR leads know all too well the invisible load many employees carry—juggling workloads, caring duties, and the pressures of “having it together” whilst striving to climb the ladder or just make it through another working week. The cost for DEI is real: without breathing room, inclusion becomes just another chore, not a lived value.
For anyone working in HR, recruitment, D&I, or organisational development, Sally’s message offers a vital challenge: Are we designing systems that enable calm, clarity, and shared responsibility—or do we inadvertently perpetuate the cycle of overwhelm? This episode delves deeply into the practical, as well as the personal, offering blueprints for compassionate leadership at work and at home.
Building Calm, Building Belonging: Practical Actions to Embed
Here are key actions and reflections from our conversation that you can take forward in your own professional sphere:
Challenge the Myth of “Doing It All”
Let’s ditch the cult of busyness. Encourage your teams and colleagues to speak up about their bandwidth and boundaries—without fear of judgement or detriment. Share responsibilities and celebrate those who delegate effectively. Inclusion starts when people feel safe to not be “superhuman.”Proactively Redesign for Equity, Not Equality
Just as not every child or family member needs the same kind of care, not all colleagues face the same obstacles. Audit your systems: are there tasks or pressures disproportionately falling on women, carers, or other underrepresented groups? Adjust workloads and expectations with nuance—equity means the support fits the individual, not the other way round.Champion Open Conversations About Invisible Labour
Take the lead: talk openly within your teams about what’s unseen—whether that’s administrative load, emotional support, or the mental checklist that never seems to end. Make the invisible visible, then reallocate and recognise accordingly.Normalise Routine Self-Care as a Team Value
True inclusion means creating space for everyone to recharge. Build in proper breaks, offer mental health days, and model “switching off”—especially as a leader. This isn’t only a wellbeing issue; it’s a performance and equity one too.Use “Letting Go” as an Inclusion Lever
Sometimes, the drive for spotless execution—be it the perfect spreadsheet or the impeccable house—comes from a place of fear or internalised judgement. Create a culture where “good enough” is truly good enough, and where learning or even the odd mess is seen as a vital part of the process.
A Moment from the Episode
Curious to hear what these lessons sound like in practice? I’ve picked out a stand-out moment from my conversation with Sally—a one-minute audiogram that distils the heart of our exchange. Whether you’re a parent, a partner, or a people manager, her reflections on shared responsibility and letting go of perfection will resonate.
Watch the audiogram here and get a taste of what’s in store.
Listen for that spark of recognition; I guarantee you’ll see the parallels in your organisational life.
Listen, Reflect, Share: Join the Conversation
If this conversation strikes a chord—perhaps you recognise your own challenges in Sally’s story, or see new ways to ease the burden for others in your team—I warmly invite you to listen to the full episode. Tune in here for Episode 182: From Chaos to Calm.
I urge you: forward this episode to a colleague, your HR team, or anyone who champions equitable workplaces (and sane households!). The more of us who hear, reflect, and act, the closer we come to environments where everyone truly belongs.
Can Calm Become Our Culture?
So, here’s my parting thought: If we want inclusion to be more than a buzzword, how can we carve out more calm—for ourselves, our teams, and those we lead?
What would our organisations look like if we put genuine breathing space at the centre of our cultures, rather than on the margins?
To making inclusion not just an aspiration, but an everyday, lived experience. Until next time—may you find a little more calm, and a lot more belonging, in every corner of your world.
Warmly,
Joanne Lockwood
Host of the Inclusion Bites Podcast
The Inclusive Culture Expert at SEE Change Happen
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And if you’d like to talk about how I can help your organisation on its journey—from chaos to calm—my (digital) door is always open at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
What’s one thing you’ll let go of this week, so you or someone around you can breathe just a little easier?
1st Person Narrative Content
From Chaos to Calm: Reclaiming Self and Presence in Modern Motherhood
“You can plan as much as you want, but children will laugh at those plans.” That hard-fought wisdom, delivered with warmth and unfiltered honesty, has become both a guidepost and a gentle rebuke in my journey across the overlapping identities of motherhood, entrepreneur, and partner.
This isn’t a narrative about doing it all, or yet another hollow call to “lean in.” It’s an account of how I stopped searching for calm in the margins of my life and, instead, built routines and priorities designed to let me truly live—rather than simply survive. For years, I woke each morning already behind, my mind racing with a catalogue of to-dos I feared I’d never complete. Something had to give.
Recently, I explored these themes in depth with Joanne Lockwood on her Inclusion Bites Podcast—the home for disruptive, action-oriented conversations on real inclusion and belonging. Joanne is a thought leader on societal transformation: practical, sharp, and relentlessly focused on challenging the status quo. Her instinct isn’t just to ask “why?”—it’s to ask “What now? What works?” More than [INSERT_VIEW_COUNT] people have already watched our interview on YouTube, with many more tuning in via Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
Many of us have sat in that boiling water of low-level yet ceaseless overwhelm, wondering if the only escape is an act of surrender or heroic capacity. If this conversation sparks something for you—questions, pushback, or agreement—I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. I read every one.
The Illusion of Perfection and the Weight of Invisible Labour
It’s almost comical what we absorb about “success” in motherhood, especially if, like me, you grew up with a stay-at-home mum. The standard wasn’t just clean laundry and hot meals; it was never running out of milk, remembering every permission slip, and appearing unflappable while balancing a hundred priorities. The reality for my generation is profoundly different, and yet the ideal hasn’t budged. We shoulder paid work, entrepreneurship, and a desire for our own friends, ambitions, and space—yet the expectation that the school calendar lives in my head, that birthday presents are magically wrapped, and that I’ll remember which child likes which snacks never seems to go away.
I shared with Joanne my own inflection point—a time when my children were two, five, and seventeen. The scale of the overwhelm was breathtaking. I remember: “I woke up every morning just feeling… behind for the day already, before the day had even started.” The load wasn’t just visible tasks but the “mental load” that modern mums know all too intimately; a category of invisible labour that’s both constant and, at times, crushing. Joanne, herself coming from a background where the home and parental roles were sharply divided, reflected: “We’ve been brought up in an era where that’s kind of the plan and the expectation, but the realism today… we need to have dual incomes, and also passion and purpose. We’re trying to have everything.”
What finally moved me from frustration to action wasn’t a moment of clarity—it was sheer necessity. I could not live that way for sixteen more years. My kids needed a present, engaged mum far more than one who had ticked every box.
Redefining Self-Care: Presence Over Martyrdom
There’s a familiar refrain when I speak to mums—“I never have enough time.” It’s uttered with shame and resignation, as though there’s a universal secret that everyone else knows. The truth is, making time for myself wasn’t a matter of discovering some magic 25th hour. It was about radically re-prioritising and allowing myself, finally, to put self-care on equal footing with family care. I run three small businesses, have three children (two still in primary school), and a husband who’s frequently away chasing his outdoor passions. And still, now, I find time for myself every single day.
But this was hard-won. I used to be type A—organised, controlled, the classic “good mum” archetype. But nothing will strip you of perfectionism faster than having children who refuse to follow your script. “You can plan as much as you want and kids… laugh at that,” I told Joanne, and we both recognised the universality of this truth.
Self-care, for me, is less about bubble baths and more about boundary-setting and systems. One load of laundry a day, so it never spills over into my weekends. Carving out non-negotiable time for dinner with friends. Accepting that self is more than “mum” and rejecting the idea that my worth is found solely in sacrifice. Joanne, ever the challenger, asked: “Is it a biological imperative, or just the nature of being a mum—that you have to be the person who takes all the weight of the family on their shoulders?”
My honest answer: Much of it is self-generated, fuelled by old scripts and cultural inertia. But breaking that cycle is a radical act, and for many of us, it’s the first time we’ve questioned whether there’s a different way.
Partnership Not Parenthood Martyrdom: Sharing the Load
It took me a long time to admit that my identity as “the competent one” was both self-imposed and, frankly, unsustainable. My husband—easy-going, happy to help, but not a mind-reader—often waited for explicit signals before taking on tasks. For years, I did everything: dishes, laundry, keeping track of the family calendar. My own perfectionism perpetuated the imbalance. “He doesn’t think to do it, because I already do it all,” I confessed.
Joanne’s insight cut to the core: “Do you think part of the problem is a failure to communicate with your partner? You expect the other person to be a mind reader—well, I thought you were coping, etc.”
How often do we, as women and mothers, martyr ourselves on the altar of silent endurance, rather than have a straight conversation about capacity, need, and division of labour? Once I finally brought my honest overwhelm into an open dialogue with my husband, everything changed. Now, he does the dishes every day; he puts away the laundry. Does he always fold the towels “my way”? Absolutely not. But learning to let go means accepting “done” over “perfect.” My new mantra: He’s not doing it wrong—he just does it differently.
I encourage the mums I coach to open these conversations at home. Your needs may be invisible—until you name them. Your partner may surprise you with their willingness once you ask for what you truly need. It’s an antidote not only to resentment but also to the breakdown of connection that so often comes with quiet suffering.
The Myth of “Having It All” and the Power of Reprioritisation
I’m 44. Joanne is 60. Between us, we’ve lived through several eras of parental expectation: from the “mum stays home” model to dual-career households, with all their attendant tensions and aspirations. I was never anti-woman’s ambition—in fact, I have a fierce passion for my own work and pursuits. But the notion that both adults can work full-time, devote themselves entirely to their children, maintain a pristine home, have vibrant social lives, and never drop the ball? That’s a myth, and a destructive one.
So what goes? Joanne summed it up crisply: “Time for me is always about priority.” The flexibility to select what matters most is the product of clarity and, sometimes, hard choices. For example: my children do not do five sports per season. Our home isn’t show-home perfect. I say no to commitments that sap rather than sustain. This is not failure; it’s wisdom discovered through repeated brush-ups with burnout.
I love that my husband has his passions. I jealously guard my “me time”—whether it’s craft nights, social dinners, or simply the deep pleasure of reading in silence. Our older daughter, now 22, is watching and learning. She’s close with her younger siblings, sees the highs and lows of real parenting (not just Instagram-perfect snapshots), and has learnt that the reality behind the scenes is far more nuanced than the highlight reels.
For years, I defined myself as “mum.” Now, I design my identity to encompass, but not be eclipsed by, parenting. It’s a season—a long one—but not the sum total of my being.
Sandwich Generation Pressures: The Next Chapter
Just as I’ve begun to hit my stride in balancing motherhood, self, and partnership, I’m aware that a new season looms for many of us—the responsibilities that come with being part of the “sandwich generation.” Joanne spoke candidly about the emotional strain of caring for elderly parents, noting, “You become a parent again, don’t you?”
Here, life’s complexity increases once more. These obligations are almost entirely invisible until they arrive. We receive little warning, less guidance, and perhaps least of all, understanding from a society still fixated on youthful heroics and individual achievement. Yet they are every bit as consuming and critical as raising children—and, as I reflected with Joanne, the only way through is by pre-emptively simplifying everything else. Remove the unnecessary, establish routines that run without friction, and you free up capacity for whatever new challenge tomorrow brings.
The lesson is as stark as it is universal: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Nor can you respond to new stresses if you are already at maximum load. My counsel to other parents—mothers especially—is to strip back to essentials. The less you carry, the less brittle you become. The more honest you are with yourself (and with those in your household), the more resilient you’ll be when crises inevitably arise.
On Letting Go, Learning, and Living Fully
Perfectionism, I now recognise, is the ultimate adversary—not only to presence but to intimacy, growth, and even joy. Letting go is not about standards slipping; it’s about surviving and then thriving. “Pick your battles,” my mum always urged. Invest emotional energy only in what truly endures: connection, belonging, the permission to be wholly oneself.
Looking back, I see now that the catalyst wasn’t just my own discomfort—it was the realisation that my children need a mother who is whole, not just capable. They need to see me pursue my ambitions, nurture my friendships, and demand space for my own replenishment. That, in turn, gives them permission to become resilient, empowered adults who understand that love is not measured by sacrifice alone.
Above all, I share this in the hope that someone else—treading water at the edge of burnout—will find courage to pause, take stock, and ask if the burdens they carry are truly theirs to bear. The road out of chaos isn’t a straight line, nor is it ever fully free of detours. But there is space, through honest reflection and persistent reprioritisation, to move from simply managing chaos to truly finding calm.
If anything in this journey resonates, infuriates, or inspires you, I hope you’ll share your story below. This conversation—the collective wisdom of our successes and stumbles—becomes the very path by which we find a way forward, together.
Song Lyrics from Episode
Song Title:
Calm in the Chaos
Synopsis:
Rooted in the conversation between Sally Bisbee and Joanne Lockwood, the song explores the journey of reclaiming peace amid life's relentless demands and messy realities. It honours the struggle with perfectionism, the pressure of roles, and the invisible labour that comes with caring for others. With compassion and a grounded sense of resolve, it calls to let go, reach out for help, and build a life threaded with honest connection—reminding us we are never truly alone, however chaotic it gets.
Verse 1
I woke up most mornings already behind,
Stacked lists and laundry haunting my mind.
But the clock never cared for my panic and pace,
I looked at my hands, wondered how much I’d replaced.
Pre-Chorus
Was it duty or pride
That made letting go so hard?
I sifted through messes for meaning,
Searching for a brand new start.
Chorus
Calm in the chaos —
It’s more than a dream.
A song through the shouting,
A breath in-between.
If you’re drowning in perfect,
Let the water run clear.
You don’t have to do it alone —
I’m right here.
Verse 2
Folded time in baskets, gave away sleep,
Built a home on “should,” let my own peace seep.
There’s no finish line in striving,
Just the question: what do you need?
Pre-Chorus
You don’t need approval,
Or spotless review.
Speak your truth, ask for help —
Let somebody carry you.
Chorus
Calm in the chaos —
It’s more than a dream.
A song through the shouting,
A breath in-between.
If you’re drowning in perfect,
Let the water run clear.
You don’t have to do it alone —
I’m right here.
Bridge
Sometimes help looks like
Laundry folded wrong,
Or dinner made from silence
When the days feel too long.
You’re more than the titles,
More than you give.
If you only take one thing,
Know you still get to live.
Final Chorus (Lifted)
Calm in the chaos —
This promise I’ll keep:
When life shakes beneath you,
When you’re lost in the deep.
If you’re tired of “should haves,”
Let them fall — disappear.
You don’t have to do it alone —
I’m right here.
You don’t have to do it alone —
We’re both here.
Song Lyrics from Episode
Title
From Chaos to Calm
Synopsis
Episode 182 — Drawn from "From Chaos to Calm," this song captures the journey of mothers carving space for themselves amid overwhelm, shifting expectations, and generational change. The lyrics hold opposing truths: the love and stress of family life, the silent pressures to do it all, and the slow courage to ask for help. Set to a steady indie pop-acoustic blend with gentle percussion and female vocals, “From Chaos to Calm” is a compassionate anthem for anyone stepping out of self-doubt and into shared resilience, love, and new beginnings.
Vibe
Warm acoustic guitars, subtle atmospheric pads, steady indie-pop percussion, gentle country inflections, and heartfelt female vocals. Emotional but rooted, gentle builds, never melodramatic.
Lyrics
Verse 1
Started my day with that heavy breath,
Coffee cooling by the laundry pile.
Dreams tucked away on a dusty shelf,
Pulled by small hands, stretched for miles.
Mirror asks me, “What do you need?”
I barely whisper, “Just some peace.”
In the noise, I lost my own song,
Now I’m searching for what belongs.
Verse 2
Tidy houses in the pictures they post,
Shadows linger where the light won’t show.
Society says, “Wear every hat,”
But my edges wear thin, you know.
Learned how to ask, learned how to lean,
Spoke with honest words for me.
Shared the load, forgot the shame,
Made space for laughter in the rain.
Chorus
From chaos to calm, I found my way —
Breaking through the guilt they gave.
I don't need to be perfect,
Just present and true,
With every step, I choose —
From chaos to calm, I move.
Verse 3
Busy roads and hockey mums in winter,
Dads with dreams of open skies.
They call me brave for carving out time,
But every brave act starts with “why?”
Teaching my children what freedom feels,
That you’re more than the work you do.
If the world gets loud and the days grow long,
I hold myself — I stay strong.
Bridge
Can we let go, just for tonight?
All the plates, all the hidden fights.
It’s not weakness to reach for a hand,
Not failure to draw a new line in the sand.
Turn the page, breathe deeper in,
Give your own heart room to begin.
Final Chorus (Lifted)
From chaos to calm, through every storm —
Found myself, made this house a home.
There’ll be messy days,
There’ll be grace I claim,
No more standing small,
From chaos to calm, I came.
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