Dana Nygaard.mp3 - email linkedin scheduled

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Are you fed up with the corporate bullshit holding you back? Welcome to Invest in Yourself, the digital Entrepreneur Podcast. The ultimate launchpad for entrepreneurs ready to seize control and unleash their creative genius. Hosted by Phil Better, the podcast mogul. Each week he's breaking the chains of conventional work with bold strategies, raw insights, and inspiring success stories from the entrepreneurs who took the risk and invested in themselves. This is your call to arms. Invest in yourself. Break free from someone else's rules and build the empire you deserve. Now let's dive headfirst into today's explosive episode.

Welcome back to another episode of Invest in Yourself, the Digital Entrepreneur podcast with your host, me, Phil Better, the podcast mogul. Today, we're going to be diving into a topic that that is both empowering, transformational, especially for single women ready to step out and start building a fulfilling relationship. We have a guest who's not nothing short of extraordinary. A trailblazer dedicated to helping women embrace their worth and make wise, intelligent choices in love. Our guest is a seasoned psychotherapist, relationship coach, and national speaker with a powerful mission. She equipped single Catholic women with the confidence and strategies to break free from unhealthy relationship patterns. Guide them to recognizing when a man is worthy of their time and when it's time to just simply walk away. She's not just here to talk about theory, she's lived it.

Drawing from her previous personal journey to find her husband David and heal from her past, she's here to share strategies that empowered her and countless women's, reclaimed their lives and their hearts. So, listeners, be prepared to learn how to inspire yourself with this inspiring session with the one and only Dana. Dana, thank you so much for being here.

Thank you, Phil. I'm excited to be talking with you today.

So we're going to just cut straight to the choice. I know you're helping women across the world, which I love because I used to help men under, well, teens, if you will, understand how to talk to women. Because apparently we men don't know how to talk to women, which don't want anybody to know that, but we don't. I love that you're taking on helping women because I think they need to. Women are the future, of course. But I would love to know, why did you become an entrepreneur? What for? What made you decide to throw the shackles of nine to five and become that entrepreneurial spirit that we all love?

Well, I think I inherited that spirit, spirit of owning my own business from my father. He worked for corporate America and he decided I've had enough of making other people money. I'm going to be in control and make my own money. And so I began my professional life as a teacher, a secondary education teacher. And it was so constraining. And as much as I loved working with my students, they were just so endearing and adorable for the most part. Most of the kids, the administration that had not been in a classroom in, in years as a teacher, school board members who had never been teachers, you know, people at government level, state, federal, that had never been teachers, and were telling us what to do and just constraining us where we actually couldn't do our job well. And I was so tired of it.

And I went to my husband, I said, hey, I want to go to graduate school and I want to get a master of art in counseling. And he said, what do I need to do to make that happen? And that's how it began.

Oh, I love the support. Right off the bat, your husband's already a gold star giving you the support for that. And when you decided to go back to school, to school, in essence, become a student again, how would, how did that fit with you? Because you were teaching first, now you have to go back to be taught. Now, I know being a podcaster, learning from other podcasters is a little difficult because you got your stubborn little ways. I want to know, for you, being a teacher who is dealing with students who are much younger going into university, again, where this students are a little more evolved, if we will, they're a little more upstanding, what was that like for you?

It was quite the transition because I wasn't able to just quit my teaching job. So I taught full time, going to grad school. And at the end of the first year of grad school, I was diagnosed for the second time with cancer. And I. I had had colon cancer at 40, and then I had. Was diagnosed six years later with breast cancer. So horrific. Surgery after surgery, treatments, just really rough stuff.

So that was crazy. But you're so on target with. When you're on podcast, you have your ways, and it's, it's hard not to judge the other folks when you're thinking, what are you doing? Why are you doing that? That's not appropriate. That makes no sense. And I had some great professors, but I think a lot of people, if you look back at your college days or any kind of, they're skilled and they're experts in their field of knowledge, but it doesn't mean that they're trained to teach. I'm actually trained to teach because of my Bachelor of Secondary education. And I remember I had one class. I left this university, and she was part of why I left it.

I knew nothing about grad school. A teacher I worked with had become an lpc. And I said, where'd you go? And she said, I went over here. And I was like, okay. I mean, I had no idea. And again, Lump was busy at that point. And one day this teacher walks in and she goes, I don't know why they have me teaching child development. I don't know anything about this.

You have your master's in counseling. I don't know what your Undergrad is. A PhD from this university, which does not speak well. Right. And you don't know, or you don't have the sense to be a chapter ahead of us. So instead we were all given a chapter to teach. And those were so painful because, like, you know, pointing at the bullet points and reading verbatim, and I'm, like, smiling and thinking, oh, Lord Jesus, save me from this. And then it's my turn.

And the teacher, she's terrible. But she actually looked up from her work. She never looked up from work at the back of the room. And she actually looked up. I thought, because that's how you teach. Like, you have to be. Not everyone can do that. Like, don't ask me to do math for you.

Higher math. Don't ask me to give you directions anywhere. I'll say it's next to McDonald's. I don't know left or right. I don't know these things. Right. I know left or right. But, I mean, you don't know.

Easter West.

Thank you. That's what it is. And so it was fascinating, but I love. It's crazy. Actually loved writing the papers. We'd have to write the. The research papers. Because I like taking information from all these sources, pulling it together.

Because part of my training is I know how to write lessons and curriculum, which helps me today in the program I have for single women.

I love that. Oh, I. Unfortunately, you had that bad experience, but I think we have all had those bad teachers or professors or educators. Educators. When you finally did get your. You finished, you got. You graduated, you know, you did Your grad school, you got out of there. I'm not sure if you get.

You get a master's in grad school, right?

Not a master's. Yeah. You would be a clinical psychologist. That's a whole other level. It involves statistics and math. And I was like, no, that's God telling me that's not for me.

Yeah, I, I remember having to do statistics as a sociology major. So yeah, those math periods were not fun for me. Why? I'm a podcaster a lot less. I just need to know how to go up to 30 and that's it. When you, when, when you did go back to grad school, did you have an idea that you wanted to help women, specifically single women, or were you just going to. You know what? I just want to further my education because I'm, I'm at a point that I want a new challenge.

I really wasn't sure. I knew I liked working with adolescents at that time because my favorite age group, I enjoyed them 6 through 12 for different reasons. But I love the juniors and seniors because you can actually have a conversation them. Like probably some of the teens you worked with, they actually grasp things versus throwing spit wads and just being goobers and laughing at, you know, bathroom humor. You know, I had to be careful. I wouldn't say something that a kid could say. That's what she said.

Thank you, Michael Scott. Thank you so much for that.

I would just have to turn around because I can't have them going home like Mrs. Nygard, laugh when we said. I'm like, no. So I turn around and I'd have to breathe real deeply side story, but okay, so, so I really wasn't sure. And when I went to that original school that I transfer out of and I graduated from Dallas Baptist University, which was a great experience. And what I, what I first said was, oh, I want to be a Christian therapist. And in the world of therapy, most of the people that are in it aren't Christian based. That's, that's not their perspective.

It's just a very small percentage. So they would actually look me up and down like I was a crazy person. I was like, okay, you're not my people. So between you and these other people that are doing these, these, these teachers, I need to leave. And so I went to different program and then when I began my internship, which was a fabulous experience at the Children's Advocacy. Sorry, Children's Advocacy center of College County. It's one of the premier centers in the US and that's from anywhere from three to adults. Because any trauma, any event that you see on the news that you think, what happened to that kid? Those were the kids that would come to us.

Well, why parents? What if you're the parent of the child who was hurt and you're innocent, you need therapy to help your kid through their stuff. So that's when I realized Oh, I really love working with adults. And then after a while in my private practice, once I opened that, I kept seeing these wonderful young women that I would think, you're so delightful. Why do you not have a good man? And what they would tell me again and again is, okay, Dana, I'm dating a guy. Let's say it's John Doe. Okay, I'm dating John. He brings me flowers and he holds car doors open for me. Oh, that's lovely.

And the other day, he called me the blank word and screamed at me for 10 minutes because I was late because there was a wreck on the highway. So I said, okay, well, those last two items, I know, right? It's crazy. It's just crazy. And I would say. And they would just tell me like it was normal. They wouldn't go, dana, this thing happened. What do I do? And I would say, okay, well, those last two things he did that falls under the category of emotional abuse. And they would immediately.

It's like they'd all gone to the same school and gotten the same script. They would all say, dana, I feel terrible. I misrepresented him. He's a really good guy. So I now call that the good guy fallacy. And it's a confirmation bias. You know, a lot of this from your sociology background. It's.

They have this idea in their head, okay, he's a good guy. These are the things. This is him. So when there's new information that says that may not be true, their brains simply don't want to see it. So I have two fridge doors and my therapy office. This is my podcast studio, but my therapy office. And I'll say, okay, let's say I have post it notes. And this are on this side.

These are healthy behaviors. On this side, unhealthy behaviors. Where do I put brings you flowers case? We go through this. And when I would ask them where to put the posters for these really horrible behaviors, they would just stare and blink at me. And it's the confirmation bias in their head. And so I had to gently disavow them of that fallacy, that that's not a good guy. And what I would use is what I call the matchmaker. My matchmaker analogy.

Okay? So I would say to them, all right, let's say I was a matchmaker. I'm not. People, please do not ask me to miss. That's not going to happen. I know a great matchmaker. I can connect you, but that's not me. And so if I would say, okay, if I was a Matchmaker. And you tell me what you wanted.

Tall, dark, handsome, Whatever. Green eyes. Okay. And I had a folder, and I said, oh, here he is. And, oh, he has all these wonderful traits. Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm so sorry.

That's actually meant for another client. And even though this is imaginary, their faces fall at that moment. Even though this is totally mad. They do. Their faces fall. They're adorable. They're so precious. And I'll say, okay, here's your folder.

He's short. He has brown eyes instead of the green eyes you wanted. And he hunts and fishes. You didn't want someone who hunts and fishes. You wanted someone who reads. He's not a reader. And he's going to call you vulgar names and scream at you. What would you think about me? Oh, Dana, I'd be so upset.

Would you fire me? Yeah. Would you ask for a refund? Yeah. Would you write a really bad Yelp review about me? Yeah, I would. Okay. But you're your own matchmaker. You're doing that to you. And that's you. That right.

Powerful. That's what usually brings them out of that confirmation box. But I have to lead them. I can't point my finger and say, well, you should have known. I don't want people, as we jokingly say in counseling, shoulding all over themselves. That's as close. The cursing is on.

I love it. I love how. Because as. As a sociology major, I realize the confirmation bias is very hard to. You can't Even if you push it in their face, like, slam it right in someone's face, they'll be like, no, you're wrong. That's right. That's everybody else. That's not me.

I'm the exception to the rules that they think. You're not, honey, you're not.

You're the. You're right in the middle of the rules.

That's right.

And you have. And I like how you slowly lead them out. What you have to do with when someone has these confirmation biases. You have to. You have to plant the little seeds and have them follow it along. And then they go, oh, you're right. Yeah. And.

And it's more powerful when they get it on their own because they real. They realize it's inside of them, and it came from them. It's. It's how I used to trick some of my bosses to get what I wanted. I didn't really say that. I'm gonna have to. Dana, I want to talk a bit, because now that you're helping Women, which I think is fundamental. I think we need more women helping women, less men talking to women and more women talking to women.

Because what do we know about. And when I say we, I say men. What do men know about women? Right. But I would love to know, because a lot of single women find themselves falling into that familiar relationship patterns. Right? Because they see the confirmation bias. They go, oh, he's a good guy. Right? All want that. Good guy.

We want that Ross Geller, which I am not a fan of Ross Geller. I like the show Friends. Don't get me wrong. Ross is always been a little contemptuous for me, but I'm with you on that.

Yeah, he's a bit of a male.

I have other words for him. But anyways, we'll go with faded male. Yeah. But they're falling into those similar relationship patterns despite their desire for that change. What strategies can you share with us so that they can help recognize these damaging, if we will, patterns? And how can they kind of redirect them so that they can find those serious relationships that are meant for them? With what I like to call the, the. The kind guy. Because a kind guy isn't good. He will have his faults.

He's like, most women want those. The knight in shining armor. The knight in shining armor is bad because he. They've never gone through the dirt. I like to say that I'm a dented, you know, hedge knight. I'm a hedge knight. I. I've been dented.

I'm. I don't have new gear. There's. There's scratches, there's dents. I've been to war, you know what? And, and I consider myself at least a kind guy because I, I like to take care of people. What can women, young ladies, do to recognize the, the bad, bad processes they go through when they're looking for these serious relationships?

I love your question. So there's two ways I'll come at it. Okay. I'm writing down my second way to make sure I can actually remember and go back to it. So part of it is, well, I teach women how to do what I did to get healthy, to go from an insecure attachment style to a secure attachment style. So one thing that I recognize this is, hmm. Out of these different men in my life before I met my sweet husband David, I'm the common denominator. So I have the women go through a relationship timeline, and then they describe these men, the good, the bad, the ugly, to see what's the pattern.

And what is interesting is if a Woman breaks up with not a guy who's just not the right guy for her. She's not the right fit. No, these are. I'm speaking of men who are abusive and manipulative when they break up with guy A and they think, well, I'm never going through that again. My anecdotal experience, I don't have research behind this. I don't know if it's ever been researched, but that the next guy, Guy B, will be worse than guy A. Because now they're actually more vulnerable, more damage, more dented, as you gave in your kind guy example, there's more damage to overcome. So instead of like, okay, here's where I am, and there's this deficit, but they've dropped because of the trauma.

And so now there's a bigger deficit. So that's part of it. The other part of it is, I thought this was so fascinating when I heard this. Women outnumber in a large degree as watchers of true crime. I thought, how odd is that? And they want to see women being, you know, kidnapped, assaulted. Like, what the heck? It's because women. This is what the research shows. Women want to know, wait, what are the warning signs? Oh, if someone says, hey, come down this dark alley, meet me at this motel out in the woods next to a shop that sells chainsaws.

I'm not going. Okay, like that commercial. There's a commercial with that, right? I'm not going to go there because I remember Lisa did it, Sandy did it, Mandy did it. So I'm going to learn. So part of what I do is I help women to know the red flags. But it's not just checklists. Like, if the guy has of outrageous jealousy, that's unwarranted. You're not there, like, you know, kissing up to some guy and he should be jealous.

Like, why are you doing that? Then you should break up with you. Okay, that's not a fix. That's like a thank you, goodbye. But when there's unwarranted jealousy, that's the number one sign that you're moving into an abusive relationship. And it will just get worse in there. So it's more than checklists. It's true stories from women. So I actually bring in women who have been through these things.

They can share their name, they can be anonymous, but they tell these single women, this is what I went through, so that if that happens to them, they can go, oh, this is just like, you know, Patricia went through. Oh, my gosh, she's gaslighting me. So I just think that's a neat way to bring things together.

Oh, I like that. I like that. Also, as a podcaster, I know how huge female ladies are in the. The True crime, because I haven't seen an explosion of true crime podcasts since ladies started going into the podcasting world. And nearly every lady I know has at least one true crime podcast. Either they host it, or they listen to at least a dozen of them. And now, thank you for letting me know that they're looking for the warning signs, and they're not looking. How to bury my body makes me feel safe.

Maybe 5%.

Take the 5%. I'll take the 5% instead of 95%.

You're safe.

Now. I just need to watch you learn the warning signs for that 5%. And that's. That's. I'll talk to my therapist about that. I like. I'm having a great time. I'm wondering, in your experience, what are some of the biggest misconceptions women have about relationships? And how can they reframe these ideas to make those healthier choices so they can find they're, you know, the hedge knight, if you will, or what they like to call the knight, shining armor who may have a few dents and maybe less of a good guy and more of a kind guy.

That's right. I love that. So it's. I think one of the misunderstandings is people think I went through a bad thing or things in my past, things that happened to me I wasn't involved in directly, but indirectly I was hurt it wasn't of their own doing. And they'll say, that's in the past. And I want to shove that out of here. That doesn't work. The other thing.

And I'll tell you what does work, and the other thing that doesn't work is catharsis, in the sense of. I just want to giggle at these companies. Actually, they're brilliant, the companies. I just want to giggle at the women who pay money to go to. I don't. What do they call these, like, anger places where you destroy things? Like, I'm going to take these old, you know, laptops and throw them, and I'm going to take a stick, sledgehammer and beat. This research proves all catharsis does. It doesn't work.

It makes you more angry. And I saw a video online the other day, and I was like, how much are they paying this person? Like, oh, my gosh. They were standing in a country road lined with trees, women lining each side, facing into the road to Each other, and they're, I don't know, 10ft apart, and they're just leaning over and they're screaming at the top of their lungs to get their anger out. What? That was scream therapy. That felt in the 70s like that is. That is just a terrible thing, and it doesn't work, and it actually makes you worse. So here. Here's what works.

So let's pretend, okay? My glasses are a past memory, so I have a backpack on my back, right? People think no one can see what all is back in there. Okay? But if you take out what's in there and you examine it and you say, well, it was really rough. It was terrible. I cried, it was hurt. My arm was broken. I was yelled at, humiliated, whatever it was then, that no longer has power over you. And when you take it out, your backpack shrinks. So now I could put these on a shelf.

And if someday I meet a lovely, kind man, a sweet new girlfriend, someone I volunteer with, and I build. Will they really build trust in me? Then I can say, hey, here's what I've been through. And I can share that story, but it no longer owns me. Because as a Christian, what I know is Satan wants us to keep our mouths shut. Well, that doesn't work, because he wants us to feel alone and isolated. Now, if I take these out and I talk to everyone and their dog about it, hey, lady on the bus next to me, let me tell you about my trauma and abuse. Hey, lady. Or guy in the doctor's office.

No, no, you examine it and then part of it. Because the number one block to healing of any type of is unforgiveness. And people will tell me all the time, I harbor no unforgiveness. Okay? You may not sit there and be like, ha, ha ha, you know, if John or Jane Doe, you know, falls. Right? I know, right? Maniacal falls into a deep hole and doesn't survive. No, you do carry unforgiveness if you haven't acknowledged that this person hurt you. And I don't mean you need to call them up. Sometimes it's better to stay the heck away from them.

But if you say out loud, and for me, I would say it in a prayer format, and I would say out loud, what? I'm forgiving. I'm forgiving Jane Doe for the time she yelled at me in the fourth grade. Because when people say no, I don't harbor anything. Has anyone ever been mean to you? Let's just say your formative years. Oh, yeah. I had a cousin oh, he was rough. Okay. I had a third grade librarian.

Oh, she was terrible. Have you forgiven them, Dane? I haven't thought about them in 30 years. That's not the point. Have you? Because if not, that stuff is in your backpack and whatever the size of my backpack is, I'm going to attract that. And I don't mean law of attraction. I'm not speaking that ones attract ones. Tens attract tens emotionally. So like attracts like.

So if I get rid of this junk and process and doing the things I need to do to go from an insecure to secure attachment, I'm no longer going to be at this unhealthy emotional quotient, emotional intelligence. I'm going to level up because let's say someone is an emotionally healthy, let's just say 10, okay. They're, they're fabulous. If they are set up with a one, it will take them two and a half minutes to realize this is not a good fit because they don't have to put up with someone who's all over the place, who can't focus, who can't carry on a conversation, who shoulds on themselves, who says I'm sorry all the time when they haven't done anything wrong. And so we scream to the world who we are like a little flashing neon sign. And that's what predators go for. They want vulnerable women and it happens to men also. I just feel led to work with women.

No, it's understandable. There's, there's enough work out there for men to find their the right period. But we need to, we need to uplift those, the ladies in the world. I have a couple more questions, but this one is one I love asking. How do you invest in yourself? Obviously the name of the show is Investing Yourself, the Digital Entrepreneur podcast. But I want to know what do you do when you're not working? How do you invest in yourself to become a better version of yourself?

Well, part of it is outsourcing things that I don't have to be in charge of. So like the coaching sessions. That needs to be me in my, my membership group. But there are other things that I have a VA who actually lives in Europe. I'm in Texas and she does a lot of work for me so that gives me more freedom to do things. And my husband and I, and he's dreamy and delightful and slightly dented, as am I. That's my new all the D's and his name is David, so I love the alliteration. We antique other.

So we love going across the United States. We want to go to Europe and antique there. We're history buffs, and we just have so much fun, and it's so cool. Also, not just to learn to, like, flip a tag over and be like, what is that? I didn't know that's what that was used for. We love that. But we also like the nostalgia from our childhoods. And so we'll come across things that be like, I had that doll. I had that game.

And we just learn more about each other. And that's a great way to connect with your inner child. And that's part of that healing. From insecure to secure is acknowledging your inner child. That if you've ever been to the Texas or the State fair of Texas, it's gigantic. I think it's largest in the nation. I get cotton candy every year. Why? It's my inner child having fun with those things.

And I love. What else do I love? And Dave and I, we love Jigsaw puzzling together. So sometimes we have friends come over. It's simple. And we listen to True Crime podcast. A lot of the times.

David's sitting there wondering, am I going to be the next one of this podcast episode?

Does she have a shovel out? What's happening in our backyard?

How big is our backyard?

He handles all gardening. He would know.

Wow, There's a new garden patch. Oh, God. With. With that said, like, I love how you saying, you take care of your inner child, make them feel loved, which I think is very important. We all need to be the person we should be, who our little child, our younger version, would love to be with. But during your journey of overcoming those personal insecurities and to empower others, what was one of the hardest truths you had to confront about yourself?

That I came from a normal family. And normal is subjective, right? No. I came from a really toxic family. And when you grow up in a home where there's ongoing gaslighting, it's very hard to come out of that because. Let's pretend that this is like our little feelings, you know, contraption in our brain. So when a situation happens and it's. Well, that makes me angry because that was inappropriate. No, ma' am.

You're not angry. I'm not. Okay. I'm hurt. My feelings are hurt. That was mean. That wasn't that mean. Wait, but the thing just happened.

I never said that that never happened. What. What's a person do when you're told that? You start to think, am I dreaming? Am I nuts? And it took me a long time to come out of it. Because when I first went to therapy, I've told this story before, so someone may have heard it, possibly. When I first went to therapy, I said, okay, I'm going through a divorce before my sweet husband David. And I said, but I teach psychology, So I know just enough psychology to be dangerous because I wasn't a therapist then. And I said, I know that the presenting problem, the thing you say, hi, therapist, I'm in therapy for this. I know that's not the problem, but I don't know what the problem is.

And after, I don't know, a couple sessions, she looks at me, she goes, it's not this divorce, really. It's your family of origin. And I remember, let's pretend their names are John and Jane Doe. I was like, john and Jane. It's like my bro. Like, what? Because my confirmation bias is parents love their children, parents protect their children, and parents provide for their children. And so I just had my parents in that. In that box.

You know, my father died recently in May, so God rest his soul. I've done all the forgiveness, and I've had to do it on my end because not everyone is safe enough to have that sort of conversation with a person.

I love that. That's very true. It takes a lot to be able to go into that place of forgiveness to and realize how our past really affects our future. And I think therapy one is one of the most important things. If I didn't have therapy, I wouldn't be having this show. So I'm very thankful to my therapist for helping me guide me on my journey of healing. With that said, I want to look to the future. I know you've been doing this for some time.

I want to look 10 years into the future. I'm snapping my fingers for 10 years in the future. Dana, what are you doing? Where are you? Are you antiquing in Europe with David? Enjoying the castles of Europe?

Yes, definitely doing that, for sure. More travel, because we're the easiest travel buddies. We're best friends, so even if we go grocery shopping, we just have fun together. You know, one of my top five qualities that I wanted in a husband because, you know, some women have a list of like, 50 or 100. Girl, no one on earth exists like that. You don't have the female version of all those. Like, let's get over ourselves. So I had my top five, and one of them was funny, meaning I want.

I wanted to laugh with him, not like, he was like, you know, the. You know, a priest and a rabbi Walk in a bar. Okay. I don't need it to be a comedian. Right. And so we laugh no matter what we do. I see myself outsourcing more things, but just the things that as my business grows, that someone could handle for me, that it doesn't change the fact that I'm not the one doing it because I've already set up the process and because I do write curriculum, that sort of thing I'm really good at. Do this, do this, do this, do this on Mondays, do this other thing, but then come back.

Like, I'll lay it out and keep it simple. Because I know from one of your past podcasts I've listened to on your episodes is I do like that idea of working smarter, not harder. So I want more time to relax and to be able to volunteer and to really travel because it just. You connect with people when you travel. And then Dave and I have more stories to talk about. Remember the time we were here and we did this thing? So it's fun planning and then it's fun being there.

I love it. Dana, we are coming to the end of the episode, which I despise. So much fun talking with you. Your laugh is infectious.

Oh, thank you. You're so sweet.

But I want to know, I have your 10 year old version here. Regardless of the toxic family that you may or may not have come from. She's a delight. She's beautiful, she's very polite. Which again, Southern charm, I'm guessing, is the part in that. What advice would you love to be able to hand back to your 10 year old self?

This is such a great, great question. I would tell my younger self to be authentic. Be me. Because I think especially when you go through junior high school and then someone in high school trying to meld ourselves into what other people think. But here's the thing. It's one of my favorite little bits of information I learned in grad school. So many great things. Had a wonderful professor, Dr.

Cohen, and he said, y' all know about the research. How? Tell us about this research. He says 10% of the people you meet, no matter what you do, are going to be on your team. Okay. And I started thinking about people in my life. Oh, yeah. David and friends. Connie, Betsy.

Okay, then there's 10% of people that will not like you no matter what you do. And we've all had those people in our life. We can just tell. Maybe they don't say, I don't like you, but we can tell they don't. And what do we typically try to do win them over. I'll smile more, I'll compliment them, and it doesn't matter. Those people don't like us in the end. Okay, I can think about those people.

And then the other 80% are just, meh. They're just neutral. Like, should Dana stay? I don't care. Should we make her leave? It doesn't matter to me. Dana. No, Dana does not matter. So, once again, that was as an adult, but that helped me so much to understand. You just have to be you.

You're not everyone's cup of tea. There are clients that, as a therapist, they think I'm the best thing that God ever created in the world of therapy. And there's some that are like, no, you're not the right person for me. Okay, bye. And I don't get crazy about it, but that was really hard trying to fit in as a kid. So I would say be authentic.

I love it. Very great advice that adults need to learn more about and not just children at 10 years old. Dana, I'm going to jump off stage here. I want you to let my audience know where they can connect with you. If they're in Texas, they're looking for a great therapist that can help them, you know, in their relationship lives or whatever else you offer. I'm going to jump off stage, let them know where they can find you, connect with you and all that fun stuff. The floor is yours.

All right. Thank you so much. So if you're interested in therapy and you live in the state of Texas, you can find me@danaygaard.com and the spelling of my name is right there on the screen. And I also am a public speaker. What I would really like to emphasize, though, right now is myclarityplease.com that's where you go if you want free tools on how to go from insecure to secure. How do you recognize those red flags? So clarityplease.com and if you think you keep dating the wrong kind of man and you want to turn that around, I have tools that can help you.

I love that. Dana, I want to thank you so much for being here. It was a pleasure chatting with you. Your advice about finding a kind man and not a good man was amazing. I want to thank you so much for this. I know a lot of ladies are going to get a lot out of this, so thank you so much.

Thank you. This has been so much fun. You're awesome, and I've had a blast. Thank you so much.

You're very welcome. To my audience listening and watching the show notes down below, we'll have all the notes for Dana to connect her clarity, all those fun things so that you can start your journey of healing and becoming secure in who you are. And as always, please remember to always invest in yourself.

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