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"Lending Money Advice: And listen, PS, my 2¢ on lending money, never do it. Just don't. Just have a policy and said when someone asks you to borrow money, even if you have a lot of money, it's never just about dollars and cents. It will always become some kind of a shit show, like, 98% of the time. So I just have something you can say."
"Understanding Boundaries: We are the one who knows what is our preference, our limits, and our deal breakers, and those are your boundaries. You have to take responsibility for your part, for being clear, for precisely, right, accurately, transparently communicating your boundaries, which is why it's so important to be proactive."
"Overcoming Fear of Confrontation: Now this goes under the category of a lot of times the lies we tell ourselves, right, I call it, to avoid speaking up, to avoid having a conversation that might be difficult or maybe that we feel like we are not, we don't have the skills to have. We're like I just don't know what to say to this person and I'm worried that they're going to be angry, upset, reject me, that I won't be liked."
"Gender Roles and Self-sacrifice: We're supposed to care more about how other people feel and other people's comfort or discomfort than our own. That's what we learned. Now, of course, we know that is a recipe for endless self abandonment, and the least satisfying life possible is let me just make sure everyone else has what they need because what ends up happening when we prioritize the wants, needs, desires, preferences, likes, dislikes of all the other people in our life above our own is that that literally is a one way you know, what do I I like to say it's like a slow train to Bitterland. There's no other stop on that train."
"Understanding Honesty in Relationships: It is literally giving the people in your life corrupted data about who you are, about what you like, even the small things."
"Understanding Unresolved Injuries: So what was adaptive in childhood? Perhaps our silence in childhood protected us from abuse. Perhaps our our silence got us the love that we needed, got us the care that we needed. So super adaptive makes sense. Like, wow. Go you, little person, that you somehow figured that out with nobody telling you it."
"Mastering Boundaries: This is just about you. You want to become masterful of boundaries. It's becoming the observer without judgment of yourself and your reactions in real time."
"Understanding Transference in Relationships: So what do we do when we realize, oh my gosh, I'm having a transference? We go to the original injury. Let's talk about what situations from your past with your sister are still painful to you. What have you not processed? Tell me everything. Let's talk about it, write about it, journal about it."
"Emotional Awareness and Response: And understanding that all of us, I mean, this is the way the human mind works, that we will have transference, but your awareness of what happens to your body and, like you said, having the amplified response, that is the red flag to go, hey, hit pause, who does this person remind me of? But now I have a choice because I took a break, like, took a little pause, and I can respond in a mindful way, taking into consideration my life experiences because we're all so unique, you know."
"Setting Healthy Boundaries: When someone's like, you did this, I'm always like, hey. I'm actually not taking that on, but I'm very interested in what your experience was, and I care that you feel that way. Please stick to your side of the street. Tell me about you."
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