Well, hello there. And welcome to this episode of the Terri Cole Show that I wanna start with a question. When you're in the heat of a fight, do you have a tendency to either explode and say things that you don't mean or withdraw in anger and become silent? If you're nodding your head, this is a very common, common experience where people will choose these sort of communication blocking techniques, not on purpose. It's just more of a reaction. So in today's video, I'm actually going to be breaking down the top four communication blockers, what you can do instead, instead of withdrawing an anger or whatever you're doing. And I'm going to give you some scripts and sentence starters so that the next time you are in conflict, you can actually solve the conflict instead of having it sort of devolve into a complete and total brawl. So before we get into today's episode, if you are new to this channel, please introduce yourself in the comments below because we are really a friendly group of people. And I want to make sure that you subscribe.

So hit that bell icon so you can get notified every single time that we roll out a new video, which is every Tuesday Thursday to up level the quality of all of the relationships in your life. If you are new here, my name is Terri Cole. I'm a licensed psychotherapist, a relationship expert, and the author of Boundary Boss, which you can get at boundarybossbook.com. I also wanna say thank you so much for your questions and your comments. You leave so many. I read them all. I love it, love it, love it, and completely appreciate you. And I love to highlight your comments.

So Mahoidia says under the episode, How to Overcome Adversity with Doug Bobst. Thank you, Terry. Great interview with Doug Bobst. Congratulations, Doug, on your recovery. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am truly inspired and amazed by your determination and drive. I now have the 3 A's in my pocket to utilize when needed. Best wishes to con to your continued success.

Well, thank you so much for taking the time to write a comment. If you guys have not seen my interview with Doug Bobbs, go find it on my YouTube channel right here, because it is a good one. All right. Let's move into today's effective communication. Now this is something we hear a lot about. A lot of times, I don't even think we know what it actually means. This is difficult to do in regular times when life is normal. When we are in a conflict, it is especially challenging to effectively communicate.

That is one of the hardest parts of being in a relationship is either not blowing up the conflict or not sort of walking away from the conflict because we don't know how to deal with it. It is really crucial for you to understand yourself. How do you respond when you are feeling threatened, when you are activated, or when you are in a disagreement or a conflict with someone else. So I would say we're going to go over right now the 4 top conflict communication blockers. So I'm going to talk about the unhealthy action that many of us take. It's super duper common. And then what you can do instead. So the difficulty or the issue, the first one we're going to talk about is the inability to express your own needs.

Right? If in the heat of the moment, when you want to talk about what you want, but instead your mind, let's say goes blank and it can really like render you speechless, a lot of times for many folks, depending on your background, being in conflict with someone can really be threatening. It can kick up your fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. Sometimes you feel like you can't talk, right? It's almost like you get frozen. So you've got to gain clarity yourself on why is it that however you're responding, why is that? Right? And we want to figure that out before we find ourselves in these heated conflicts. So it's sort of what is the unmet need when you are feeling angry, upset, hurt in your relationship, let's say, or any relationship. I want you to write it all out in your journal. Right? It might feel awkward at first to write it all down, how you're feeling, but it can be so effective so that once you approach the person, you've already written out what you're upset about. You are super clear about what need in you has gone unmet.