[Joe Rogan] JRE - 10 Years in Review

Hello, freak bitches.

How'd they get how'd the pedophiles get in control of you?

The pet the pedophiles

Come here. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Say hi to people. Hi. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the sweetest dog in the world.

Seriously.

You've been asking for him to be on the show forever. He's just gonna he'll do the rounds. He'll go to you.

Hi. What are you doing in here?

Everybody, for years, it's a guy had a whole series on my Instagram page of people doing the okay sign

Of course.

Including me back when I had earrings Yeah. In the news radio days.

And the

other thing is we're at a point now where it's more easy to give the finger to someone than to say okay.

Yeah. Because you blur the finger out, nobody cares. Yeah. But if you do that, like, oh, what is he doing? He's touching his fingers. You can't even do, like, you're holding a joint because that's like a white power joint. Like, if you're, like, doing that like a roach, that's bad. That's bad. How do you do you have to use a roach clip? No.

It's a ploy by the roach clip industry. She was drunk and I was just trying to avoid her. I was trying to avoid her. I was just trying to avoid her. And she goes to me, you think you're a fear factor?

He's she got in my face with this fucking thing and the fingers moving. You think you're a fear factor?

Listen, bro. I feel what you're saying, and I was only fucking around. I was feeling some dead space where we're trying to recalibrate our reality due to your circumstances and your story being paradigm shifting.

Joe, you're so fucked over.

I'm not that fucked up. Listen. I wanna tell you, Matt. Man, I'm giving you a shout out. I love you. Pressure. We love you too. We love

you too.

Oh, no gay stuff. This is a late night podcast.

There's a lot of dudes that are listening to this

in the shower.

To bat, Ruskin, I didn't do this to be mean. I just did this because that's my nature. I am the scorpion. You are the frog. This is how shit goes down.

Have you ever watched a rodeo and felt sorry for the bulls? What's that? Nothing. So originally, taurine was extracted that way, but it is an an ingredient in bull semen. Okay. So the taurine in Red Bull probably doesn't come from bull semen, but taurine is in bull semen. Okay. So Hitler was getting his taurine right from the tap.

From the source.

You just suck the bull stick.

The the best way

is to suck upon it.

Suck the dick?

You get it from the tap when it is fresh, and it's 700% more

potent.

The Fuhrer just gets down there. They they hold the bull back with straps and buckles. It's kicking. And Hitler gets his sloppy Nazi mouth right over that fat, oh, hog. And that is apparently the origin of that upper lip mustache. And that upper lip mustache was to catch all the succulent drops when he's choking on Jays. The flavor's saver and that giant bull dick is pummeling the back of his throat and fills it up. That when he comes out of his nose because a lot of the jizz comes out of his nose, that's just enough mustache to catch to catch the jizz.

So that's why he had that mustache. A lot of people don't know. Imagine if women had dicks and men had pussies and we were just really into big dicks. That's just as possible. Shit. That's entirely possible. Isn't it entirely possible that all these futurists, all these technological innovators, they all see the same end game, but isn't it entirely possible? I mean, like, I mean, it's entirely possible. I think it's entirely possible the Clintons are murderers.

I think it's entirely possible, and people like John Anthony West and yourself and some other folks like Graham Hancock are proposing that it's entirely possible that there were many different eras of construction in Egypt, and it's entirely possible. And I think it's entirely possible that Lee Harvey Oswald well, you can't be good at everything. Yeah. That's a fact. It's not possible. If you had a magic wand and, someone said you could do whatever you want to fix this, what would you do?

You know?

Like, if you were the king of the world. I said, Ed, what are we gonna do? Let's say you become president. You gonna become president? What do you think?

I think we're gonna shout at it.

Got shot. Alright. President Bernie, what do you do? So fascinating. Yeah. I've always thought that was fascinating. It really is fascinating. That's fascinating. There's actually a documentary, a fascinating documentary.

This stuff is so unbelievably fascinating. It's like I look at things that are fascinating to me. Absolutely fascinating. Roosevelt, fascinating. I'm fascinated by wolves. I'm so fascinated by animals. So fascinated. That is a fascinating book.

Alaska is a fascinating place. The mind is a fascinating solution. That's fascinating. It's really fascinating, man.

Prison doesn't begin and end at the gate. Prison is in the mind. It's locked in one world that's dead and dying or it's open into a world that's free and alive.

Hold on. This guy sounds like me. Yeah.

That can sound like crazy.

Dude should have a podcast. Well, do you know the story of Fritz Haber. Right? The guy who works? Yes. You know, that's one of the, really cool things, this Dan Carlin, thing on, on the history of the Mongols. To the risk of repeating myself over and over again which I do all the time, but, when you eat marijuana, it's processed by your liver and it produces something called 11 hydroxy metabolite. Smell is a weird thing, man. It's really weird that we all accept that there's some invisible shit that we can take in with a hole in our face. And what I say is the fart theory.

And the fart theory is if someone farted and you couldn't smell it, you'd have no idea that there's something around you. It's totally completely invisible. But if someone farts, you fucking smell it. But if you didn't have a nose, you'd be just sitting in someone's stench.

How do we not

know that there aren't an infinite amount of things that we just can't detect? I have a theory on that. It's called the fart principle.

I have no understanding of how that principle could relate this, but I'm all ears.

Well, this is why. This is a bad example. This is a bad example, but it's not a bad one. If you fart and you didn't have a nose, no one would know. If we didn't have a sense of smell if we didn't have a sense of smell, we could still get along in this life.

No. I agree.

There was a way to visually see if food It's not

an individual hallucination. There's all sand.

But what I what I'm saying is it's entirely possible that there's multiple dimensions or multiple things that we can't perceive that we haven't we don't have the senses for.

No. I I kinda Pull this

thing, like, right up like a fist from your face. There we go.

I always do battle ropes

to just take a look at how

Pull this microphone up too fast.

Keep it

about a fist from your face.

Alright. Let's place it away.

Try to keep this like a fist from your face. Pull this microphone like a fist from your face. There we go. Grab this, mic and keep it like a fist from your face. That's a good reference point.

Is this good?

Perfect. 1. Boom. And we're live. Settle on up to that microphone, young lady.

Especially the comics where they go when they get that sitcom.

Grab that microphone.

Oh, sorry, buddy.

Universal basic income. This is what this is all about. Yes. Yeah. That's what my campaign for president is all about. It's, Springfield, Missouri. Talk in the microphone. It's in Springfield, Missouri.

I read The God Delusion in in preparation for this. Can you pull that microphone right up to your face? Just get it about a fist away from your face. You don't have to move.

Okay.

The microphone will move for you. Okay. Psychedelics give me hope. For real. Not joking. It sounds ridiculous because people associate psychedelics with with non realistic things, with hallucinations. They they they they they don't look at it the way I look at it.

I'm weighing with, okay, do I try it or do I not? Or,

you know If you wanted to do

something, what I would recommend is, going to Peru and doing like an Ayahuasca retreat. Do one of those.

After you recommended for me to do Ayahuasca, I'm sitting at the table one time, Joe, and I'm people are like, well, why are you down here? You know, I'm like, oh, well, a a good friend of mine had suggested to go. And and I had mentioned your name, and they're like, but Joe just never done Ayahuasca. And this is before my first drink, and I'm thinking, what the hell? I just took advice.

I'm all

the way in the Amazon.

I'm like, never.

You should go to Mars.

Yeah. Like, what?

N n dimethyltryptamine, which is the active ingredient in Ayahuasca. Have you done that? Alex, have you ever done DMT? No. Do you want to? You've done regular DMT too. Right?

Yes.

Does the experience mirror taking synthetic 5 me o DMT? Have you ever had psychedelic experiences? I had a crazy dream last night that was, I had DMT trip in my dream. So if you just fed DMT, synthesized to sheep, it wouldn't be toxic. What I'm gonna tell you about is your brain produces a chemical while you're sleeping.

But I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you something. I'm gonna be honest about it.

You actually are the one that, that turned me on

to it, the, the DMT. The story of Moses and the burning bush to the Acacia bush and the Acacia tree which is rich in DMT.

You know, once I did, I wanted to do it again and again and again. And I said, you shouldn't do it too much, my my wait. I gotta you know.

I don't think you

should listen to people say you shouldn't do it too much. I think you should do it as much as you want.

That's what I agree with too. Yeah. I agree.

You

could handle it.

So my whole life since I was about my first memories were every night was a DMT trip. So I basically, I don't want this to sound arrogant. It's not. I've seen everything. Listen. We all know about Jerry Epstein. Okay? And that's I don't know about Jerry Epstein. The Lolita Express.

Just Google that. And What is that? Bill Clinton was, like, on 20 flights. 1st, it was settled.

That's right. Okay.

To the Spanish, the island that has a temple in it. And then he was also flying to this this Middle Eastern country with this chic, that's admitted pedophile, with with multimillion dollar checks and Bill Clinton on the plane. And Bill Clinton is a known sexual predator. Okay. So all this stuff's going on and shall they start bringing up lawsuits against Donald Trump with Jane Doe's claiming he'd been with Epstein even though there's no proof in the law? Because they make you log even on private jets. None of it was ever true.

So this is place Bohemian Grove, and the idea was that, all the elites would go there and they would engage in these occult rituals.

This is in America?

Yeah. There is. There does seem to be amongst the American ruling elites. There does seem to be a proclivity for ritual.

So Alex Films, these people worshiping Moloch the owl god. There's a there's a photo over there.

Yeah. It is.

This is real. Yeah. I mean, they really do have a giant owl and they really do burn some sort of a sacrifice in front of this owl. This is real. Like, this isn't, like you hear things like that. Like, well, that's nonsense. Right?

Because, you know, we went in separately to to, because Alex got it into his head that maybe I was part of the Bohemian Grove.

No. You're

like deep deep inside. Yeah.

Like the wicked man that I was like luring him in, so he would be

the ones out of the house

to the belly of the owl.

Oh, no.

So

he went in separately to me. He went and filed the undergrowth.

But when you see that video, you have to go,

okay. What is this?

It's been in the newspaper that the cell towers are being used for mind control. That sounds like a schizophrenic.

The significance of the research he explained is that although the cell phone power is low, electromagnetic radiation can nevertheless have an effect on mental behavior when transmitting at the proper frequency. What is this article, Jamie?

Scientific American. Okay. Okay. Remember how I told you in the BBC article in 96 about human animal hybrids with pigs and cows? Yes. You gotta make you part cow so the cow keeps you and doesn't reject it or part pig.

MIT MIT Technology Review estimates that about 20 pregnancies of pig human or sheep human chimeras have been established during the last 12 months in the US. Total I watched in 2016. I I 100% believe it. China has made pig monkey hybrids. Alex Jones says they're doing pig humans. Yeah. I bet he's right. I bet I'm I'm I guarantee he's right.

And I've talked to hundreds of people now, not on air, but I'm gonna make a film on this, who've taken Ayahuasca and DMT. I've not taken it. And for obvious reasons. And and it's unbelievable because, I mean, they, a 100% in San Francisco, is the main project site. Literally have an alien base, and they are literally communicating. And they've got, like, astronaut level people taking super hardcore levels of drugs and going into meetings with these things and making intergalactic deals.

And Rick and Andrew have together developed a a technology, for releasing DMT into human volunteers in a very slow drip that will keep them in the DMT state, if they wish, for hours on end. And and the intention the intention is to use this technology to explore and map the DMT realm.

There was It's like 34,000 of them.

Yeah. There was a lot of fucking Nazi scientists brought over there.

On YouTube, it says operation paperclip was anywhere from, like, 1200 to 1500 scientists.

Search engines. The total number of admitted congressional hearings in the 19 seventies. Only the paper clip. Frank Church Committee in the seventies released it. I believe the number's 34,200 and something.

Look it up.

That's why we grabbed those Nazis. We were like, if we don't get them, the Russians will.

I get it.

And the Germans, actually, some of their scientists went to the Russians. Technology, operations,

all of that was to beat back the Russians.

Remember when the Russians tried to build their space shuttle and was half the size?

Mhmm. That

was actually the German plan.

The defectors or those who come over from the other side who we learn from, and they just disappear into I mean, they disappear as sort of the CIA's version of witness protection.

There's a lot told you, they gave you both samples. You pulled it up.

But I mean It is fascinating. They brought those people over here, and that's where the the space program came from.

Well, that that's why I wore this shirt, not as a sick joke. They already have the CIA that was OSS. Okay.

That The CIA is OSS?

That's all on record. Okay. I'm glad you questioned me. No. But I didn't

pre press your

CIA. What is OSS again?

Office of Special Plans

or Office That was before the CIA. And then the CIA came up. Office of Strategic Services.

So to like,

the Office of Strategic Services.

What is this right here? You bringing it up, Jamie? Jamie, pull up some video of Al Jolson in blackface.

Right. But since since you brought

up the Al Madripoli Pull

up hermaphrodite. Find out if that's true. I need to know.

I much prefer yours is too.

What the fuck is this, Jamie? The Korean grandmothers who sell sex. How do you pull these up so quick, and what what do you have on tab? How strange is it that we put, like, an a monetary value on actual life itself? Wow. It's a just such a strange, strange concept. Yeah. Did you see that guy accidentally hit that moose with his car? No. Holy shit. Jamie, pull that video up. Pull it up.

Jamie, pull up pull up. Well, Jamie, pull up that video. Pull it up, Jamie. So he has to do it.

Look that shit up, Jamie.

Pull it up sweet today. So he has to do it. He has to do it. He has to

do it. He has

to do it. He has to do it. He has to do it. Pull it up.

Pull it up.

Jamie, pull that video up. But, yeah, Brian, pull up how Earth sounds from space on YouTube. Come on, man. Type this shit in. I am. You don't know that it's impossible.

Way more people butthole.

Never get viruses. I have no issues. It's it's a little more expensive. Yes. It is. You're right.

Steve Jobs didn't die from a virus, Joe. Are guys that do reenactments just gay hunters?

Gay hunters? Yeah. How does that work?

Work? You know, like like the civil war guys, like, what do they do? Like, the gay ones, like, reen do reenactments or who does these reenactments?

It's not gay people. It's just people who are war nuts. What do you think why do you think they're gay? Because they're dressed together?

Yeah. They're dressed up in makeup and stuff like that. They're, hey, let's alright. This time, let's go around this side

and Would you take AIDS ridden loads on your face?

It depends on the if the guy was white or black.

But that was the that was

the What exactly are trans fats?

I think trans

fat is. With penises.

No. I think trans you're a hyperspoke.

Brian just knocked it out of the park.

You know what they should do? Instead of having tasers, they should have, like, herbs. They should have little necklaces with, like, little vials that are just, like, filled with AIDS blood, and then everyone knows what that is. And so if somebody's attacking me, like, hey. I got my AIDS blood.

When we all know this. We all knew this growing up. Who were the slutiest girls? Catholic schoolgirls.

Fuck. I was

gonna say black, but

When I was growing up,

the slutiest girls were the girls.

You know what he's like as if this is a a contradiction in terms. He's like a a really bright retour. You know?

Is this retardo mothabom over here?

You know, English people write things different.

World is spelled w r o l d instead of

w o r l d. Yeah. Like wrong.

Did you just make that up?

I always get I I say world, and everyone gives me shit.

So you

make that up? No. It's not spelled w r.

No. See, I don't mean it.

You made that up. Yes. You motherfucker. There's words that come out, like oh, like, say world. Say world. World. What the fuck is that?

You ever draw pictures of what you want your baby to look like or anything weird like that?

No. Who does that?

Okay. What the fuck, Brian?

Brian is, like, the the oldest child I've ever met in my life.

You wanna see my drawing of Mohammed?

No. Yeah. There's my drawing right there.

That's master, Brian.

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. You're probably not even allowed to do that.

Yeah. If I said that, that yeah.

That's probably probably, like, some sort of a thing that you can cut off before. Oh, Lee. What we're saying about, building 7 or or the other building, like, terrorists could have done it. I mean, I I guess they could have, but how the fuck are they gonna get in there and put all those explosives in? It's like the glove.

Up a time. Those red sticks of dynamite, one up a time up your ass. You're working the fucking thing 5 years. Every day, you're fucking putting it into this closet. My,

ex girlfriend

had a

putting it into this closet. My, ex girlfriend

had a perfect circle tattoo, and I always had to look at it every time

Did you have a jizz on it?

Yeah. Kaitlyn's always right on her butt. So every time I I'm not very comfortable with this guy. Kiyoshi no Tande, no Hoto.

Nice try. What what did you just look up?

Hot for a teacher.

What is that? It's from gangster movies. And who do you think you're talking

about? You,

My real name's Jacob. Of course, all listeners, you don't know. My true name not my true name's Tito, but my real name's Jacob, my birth name.

And Do you have a true and a real name? Oh. I only have a real name.

I I have a fake name.

What's your what's

your fake name? What's your stage name? Burbank Bad Boy

Brian Redman. Yeah. Tell me when it starts.

Oh, you're doing a wrist lock as well. Oh, I see.

What? Did you

tap too soon?

Knock on. You just came on me.

Outrageous.

I, I'm going to dinner with my girlfriend.

Oh, snap, son.

I'm a nerdy.

Yeah. How dare you? The one fucking day, there was no All Garden reference this cunt.

Oh, no. It's

just I'm

not gonna do it. How many seriously, how many podcast do you think you've said Olive Garden in?

When was the last time you were at the Olive Garden?

The last time? You motherfucker. You did it.

I would have to go there for me to be my first time. Oh, you have never been. Do you like the bread breadsticks and salad at Olive Garden?

Brian, you had to.

So what

do you think about the, Olive Garden?

Eat 30 freaks. We'll see you soon.

Bye. I love you.

Olive Garden. They're occupying everywhere.

Occupying Olive Garden. No. You meant to say

Olive Garden. Came up with the Olive Garden. Olive Garden. Yeah.

Olive Garden. So then, I went to Olive Garden.

It has to suck

though, that constant paranoia almost like you're at, you know, Olive Garden and you hit some emotion.

Like I said, I'm

not like, everybody's out to get me, but it's like

That's no. How dare you?

Oh, is that the joke? That's my

earliest headshot. That's my I was 20 years old.

Put up a link. Come

to the Olive Garden.

When was the last time we went to Olive Garden?

Last Sunday.

Be honest.

Seriously, last Sunday.

Be honest.

Last Sunday.

Alright. That's what you wanna stick to the story?

And I went with somebody that's never been there before, and it was their first time. And they had prejudged

I don't really wanna talk about the off guard, you guys. Are you fucking kidding me here? Why are you obsessed with 7s?

Like, why

is your shirt?

It came from the JRE. I started talking by the way, I'm gonna start talking, like, dropping a 1 or a 0 in normal conversation just to put code into actually communication. One time, we were talking about how we were in a simulation theory and how everything's made out of ones and zeros, And I said something like, I'm gonna hack it. I'm gonna start saying sevens or something. I can't even remember what it was.

It's not 7, dummy. It's 1 or 0.

Yeah. Because he can't do anything now because it's been over, what, 7 years.

Like, when you said there's, like, 5 guys or something like that. Yeah.

How many would it be before you just got work?

Like,

7. 7 8th? Yes. There's 7 8th Timber Wolf and 1 8th 6 kids. No. He does not have kids.

Okay.

But Make sure it's a monostat. Bring the monostat.

That's 7.

I could buy them.

I've never smelled a bad fucking pussy.

You know what I'm saying? Like, we don't have an agenda. There's no agenda.

But it will be a utopian beautiful place.

It's impossible that they're gonna be abducted by aliens. And so when they are sleeping, which is when all these fucking things take place

I have a 7 on my shirt. Do you?

I don't know.

I might. I don't give a fuck. How about that?

I don't know. You have a 7 on your

hat? Brian.

Because I was, like, going through the cupboards trying to find sugar.

Oh, well, that makes sense.

Yeah. It was but I don't remember any of it.

How long were you keto for?

7 months. Oh, that reminds me, Joe. I got you a present when I was in AVN. I brought it for you.

I'm scared to open this. It's what is this? It's dudes with their hard dicks in their pants.

Oh, let me see.

Do you think you're funny? Is that what it's supposed to be funny?

I think they're boners sticking through their underwear.

Why? You paid money for this. You really wanted it. This is one of those things. Oh, well, if you don't want it, I'll take it. But it's good artwork. We're gonna bring you with Brian in between all of your climbing. You're gonna hang out with Brian and all of his porn star friends.

Does he get porn star friends?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He dates porn stars. Oh, yeah? Kid's a mess.

Oh, I can hear you call the best and worst. They would like you.

They would. They

would they would be like

Climb up and down them. Yeah.

What I think is the most impressive style of artwork, that reproduction Portraits. Of portraits. Yeah.

Freaks me out.

It's yeah.

That it really does.

I saw this girl. I I saw this girl last night that had her father on her arm as a child, though. And so there's this little child on her arm, and I'm like, has you know, anyone ever tried to, like does it is it messy? Is it weird when people are, like, you know, like, I tried to make him blink, you know, like, as a baby and, like, fuck her with the face. And it's, like, is that weird to you? She goes, no. This guy's come down it before, and I made him lick it off. And I'm, like, what? Like, that's just crazy. Like, those realistic tattoos.

Oh my god.

Well, I

I Okay, Brian. Oh,

man. Oh, man.

He went real close to murder. Now mind you, sergeant She got Nick Riddle.

He got Nick Riddle.

He got Nick Riddle. No. No. Before She

got Nick Riddle.

No. No. Before because before because before anybody says nothing. Because before any say anybody says nothing.

I have

to get out of here.

Get out of here, bitch. I

love you guys.

We support

the fuck out of you. Alright? Come back again. Alright? Don't get too big for your britches, for us.

Oh, wait. What are you saying?

I'm saying don't because I don't mean don't get way.

Can't say that for a girl. A girl, you can't say that. A guy, you can say don't get too big for your britches, and they they're like, I got it.

Yeah.

I see. Girl.

Joe, did you hear what happened on, America's got talent?

Who the

guy that stole material?

Comedian, Greg

Wilson.

The Greg Wilson, apparently, he stole a bit, and it just so happens that the guy's bit was the fucking warm up guy. Yeah.

I mean, if you do,

like, the dick pills and use the, like, ZMA like I've been doing, I think

I do not do those if I was gonna do a dick pill, I would get the real chemical. I think you're you're you're taking a crazy gamble. But, I mean, what could it be that your your dick doesn't work without that stuff? Is that possible?

I I think with dick pills, it's better to burn out than to fade away. I

mean, obviously, it wasn't going to be if Jon Jones didn't test positive for something. Right. I get it. But, because he did.

He probably took boner pills because that's they have all that shit in them.

So I took a

I took an off brand Cialis pill.

Off brand.

I've never seen these rhinos.

Known for his love of the boner pill. He is what you would call a boner pill connoisseur. Right. But didn't you think there might be some sketchy shit? Some Chinese No. Castration rhino dick pill?

I I, what do you know about the rhinos?

My friend Ryan. My friend Brian called it. Uh-oh. He was on on the podcast. He he said, you know, John likes to party. I bet he took one of them dick pills.

No. That's funny. He called it.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, he he was he was on.

I have a really dumb, stupid what if MMA question for you. What if Anderson Silva put on right before the weigh in, he put on, like, really heavy mercury fillings in his mouth? Is that legally,

like Why would you do that?

Just so he could be make weight without actually

doing Get fuck out of

here. No. I mean,

like, legally, could he You know

how big those fillings you'd have to

be No. I mean, if he had, like, one

ultimate over grand moment. Look. No one could stop you from taking a a a a big lead pipe and stuffing it up your ass to make weight. So if you can Wow.

So why don't

they do that?

Lead up your ass? Because nobody wants to get heavier. They wanna be lighter.

No. But somebody like that that doesn't wanna put on the I guess so. What are

you talking about? Brian. Brian, you're confusing the shit out of me because you're you're you're posing this as if it's a

real question. Well, you would take it out right after

waiting. At night,

you're How could you take it out?

Why are you answering them, Joe Rogan? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Someday, you're gonna shoot this fucking kid. And the cops are gonna come, and you're gonna go and shot And they're gonna go, we heard the podcast. We're gonna hear the shooting to put another fucking bullet in. Why are you answering him? If it's 2 in the afternoon and you ain't high, go fuck yourself. Get out of my face. I want you around me like I want cancer in my ballsack. You know what I'm saying? You're gonna come around here looking at me with your fucking wide eyes, thinking that, you know, I'm gonna I'm gonna reform. Go fuck yourself.

My morning starts at 5:30 AM. Either you're there or you're square. You know what I'm saying? I hate that fucking ranch shit.

Don't put it close to me. Don't put it

around me. It's either blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother. That's the next shirt. Alright? Please.

Oh, GHB. GHB.

Yeah. And she'd bring it to the Comedy Store, and I'd be hosting on Sundays, and she'd give me drinks to the GSP. Whatever the fuck. GSP? I think fucking steopic would fucking wreck him. You pissed that motherfucker

off in

Cleveland, and he'll fuck rock left hook. Because I was saying, you better do the fucking steroids. Stiopic is crazy. I love that motherfucker. I love him. I love him too. Immigrant mentality.

Bring him

on. He's bloody America. Give him more fucking steroid. What's that?

You are another born America.

Yeah. Whatever the fuck he is. That's what it's that's Meochik. Definitely born busy

in Cleveland, Ohio, but whatever.

He's got that fucking crazy blood in him.

Who's he supposed to fight?

He's supposed to fight that fucking Khala Khabib and Khabib already. So Freddie came up to me at the Comedy Store and he goes, hey, man. Mark Baba is looking for feature. I send him a tape. I refuse to send the tape, especially if I'm at the motherfucking Comedy Store. K? I'm not sending you no fucking tape. I rather know where I stand than get fucked with. That's the leg I'm talking about.

Really? You need a tape of me. You just saw him at the store. What the fuck do you need?

Oh my goodness.

If I'm good enough for Mitzy Shore, why do you want a tape? Who the fuck are you in your fucking shit town to want a tape from me? I'm at the fucking major league of fucking comedy, The comedy store. You called me and you want a tape, go fuck yourself. I'm not sending you a fucking tape.

We got we got down, Joe Diaz. We went deep. We just kept smoking.

Just fucking smoke because it didn't do shit to me. What? You gotta break out the yaweed when I come up here, dog.

What are

you talking about? That weed we just smoked, don't do shit to me. If you make me dry 40 minutes up, you gotta get me stoned, bro. That Susquehanna weed I've been telling you about that shit. Susquehanna. Yeah. You brought that shit to the ice house too. That shit don't do nothing to you.

You're so crazy.

It's true.

You need

to go to a doctor.

What the fuck, dog? You need to get some stuff for

a week.

What are you

talking about? Shit don't do nothing

to you, dog. You gotta bust out some good weed, dog. Enough is enough with this shit.

Joey, it's the best around like Jack Ferrara. And that's the weed.

No. It's not. Look at my fucking eyes. Do I look high to you guy? Yeah.

You look high

to you guys.

Suck in times because I I smoke on the way because I know you're gonna give me that Susquehanna fucking weed.

And, you know, the idea is that, like, really, why do we have to have this giant fucking footprint of house that we live in?

You know?

And Because you're getting paid, bitch.

If If I

wanna live in

a fucking cell, I'll live in a fucking cell like a monkey. I'm gonna live in a fold up bed like I'm James Bond, like some fucking Puerto Rican that gets a check on the 5th. Go fuck your mother. If you're getting paid, you live in a fucking house. I'm gonna live in a micro fucking house with a little kitchen to cook like I got a black guy banging me in the fucking ass. I don't need that. You spread out. Even me, I'm no millionaire.

I got a big fucking kitchen, a micro house. What are you fucking people talking about? A fucking house with a bed upside down? Fuck that shit.

You know what I'm saying?

To save energy. Fuck you. You get paid. You fucking live like a normal person. Go to Trump and say, hey, wig. Move into a fucking thing to save energy. See if you don't bitch slap you. If you don't have a Russian bitch slapping you in the fucking mouth of fire.

The fuck are these people micro houses in the fucking desert? You play it out to the world then it's like a doctor. And, our friend Mike was selling weed.

But at

one time he worked at CAA, and he goes, listen. One of the interns over to me blew up. He ended up being Whitney Houston's manager and, you know, and the tour manager, and he he's looking for powder. So every day, they would come over, and I would sell Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. You know, they would come over with, like, $1100, which was per diem money. I was taking Whitney's per diem money. Right? Every day, they come over with a little white envelope and give me the per diem money. And I go up to the Martell cartel, and I'd buy 14 grams of blow, take an 8 ball out, and cut it, and then give it to Whitney Houston.

I get a call on a Monday morning after the Grammys at 9 in the morning. And they're like, is your boy up? He'd have to be. Come get me. And they pull up to my fucking house where I live by the YMCA, and it was the manager, Whitney Houston, and Ricky Martin in the fucking back. And they're all going. They're going from the Grammys. That jaw all them jaws are fucking going, Jack. And I get in the car with them.

I drive for the Martell Cartel. I'm sitting there like, oh, I don't even know it's Ricky Martin. I just looked out the window. I was more paranoid than he was. I got in, bought it, brought it back to the car. I drove that's the

last time I fucking seen him. Did you ever have

a girl you dated kill herself? No.

They shoulda.

After I put that fucking helmet, ratted, chlamydia, fucking dick in you.

You should kill yourself you

should kill yourself the first time and when you get to your destination.

Did you steal my change jar in the late nineties?

Probably did. No. No. I don't steal

a fucking change jar. A fucking change jar?

What's a change jar?

It's just like

the body had

your change.

Out of the fucking

blues. Just talking about Robert. Yeah.

He was just thinking about the nineties and we where we lived on Curzon, and there was a fucking change jar. I go, that probably is fucking I called you Joey Jingles for a while.

No. No. I would never run the

chains. I'd wrap something up.

That's so it was someone who just fucking I

A chain jolly a fucking cup of chains? Yeah. No.

Yeah. It was just a

weird bought this a line to my aunt. Oh, you know? No.

Now now I'm I smoke pot, which I never do.

The fuck is wrong with your job? I'm a professional.

Oh my god. The best was the

man who took a shit in Fabian's backyard after a 5 hour drive from Colton or some weird town.

Did he not talk to you after that for a while?

Yeah. For a while. I took a shit, and then he ran over it with his car. And the whole backyard smelled like sewage waste.

I go over

to the next day.

He goes, it smells back here.

Let's talk in the house. He just

I don't know what happened. And you can see

the brown shit. He smooshed it with this tire, and a bunch of flies.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He didn't talk to me for a month after that. Who

takes the

shit in somebody's backyard?

Don't have

it in the car.

Find out it was you.

Because I told

him the truth.

I I felt bad. I oh, am I gonna lie

to the guy?

I don't know. I I remember I was telling you guys at one time my freshman year, I didn't take a shit for a week and a half. I used to I was addicted to steak. It was American cheese

and a

ride of

French fries.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Listen to me.

How long is that? 10 days?

That's a long time, man.

When I was with Freshman, I played freshman ball and we were playing Patterson Eastside. That's just a jungle of a school, like, you gotta be careful when you're going there. And, we went there to play the Christmas tournament.

Wait. What kind of ball are we talking right now? Basketball. Oh, basketball.

And I hadn't taken a shit for, like, 10 days. I was fucked up something. I took acid. Something fucked my stomach up. I didn't tell nobody. In those days, I was really scared of doctors. I wouldn't say shit to nobody. And on the way home, we got on the bus, And while we were waiting there, my stomach started hurting.

And I said, Jesus Christ. I don't know if I'm gonna shit myself a fart, but let me just take a chance. Mhmm. Good move. And I blew this fart, Joe Rogan. That was so bad. Right? We were on a bus and people started running, you know, the school buses, people started running to the windows, right, to swing down the bus windows. But here's where it gets better, I fought it again and the teachers were going, oh my god, he's changing flavors.

But the

worst but

the worst

He's changing flavors.

But the worst thing was the cheerleaders were crying. That's how bad it felt. They were sitting in front of the bus going, oh.

Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait. He's changing flavor.

One of

the teachers yelled, oh my god, he's changing flavors.

They were talking about Lee Lee Sayat and they were like, what Joey has done to that poor guy. He's like every time he sees him, he's forcing him to eat mushrooms, he's gotta take acid, he's giving him pot, he's giving him edibles, he's lying to him about the dosage. When you first started having him on your show, when you guys first started doing your show I

had smoked pot maybe three times. He's not a freak, man. I turned him into a functioning savage.

I get this. Look at him. Look at him. This the Joey Diaz costar in the church of What's Happening Now is completely asleep at the wheel.

The other day I called him, I go, what the fuck is wrong with you? Because what are you talking to? My god, you just got a letter from the state. Why is your fucking phone tapped? I I tormented him for 20 minutes about his phone.

Why why would my phone feel tapped?

I go, do you work for the CIA? Is that what the fuck it is that made you come over and take my acid so you can report back to them?

He said it too.

What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't work for the CIA.

He would let you fly a fucking plane on those things. He doesn't give a shit. He's just like,

you'll figure it out, cocksucker.

But, anyways

So when did it hit you? Like, you did a podcast. Like, how how deep

into it? 15 minutes into it, and I couldn't speak. I had to stop.

Yeah. I got a text from Brian in capital letters.

Do not eat Joey Diaz's banana bread.

You can never eat edible marijuana that Joey Diaz gives you.

Unless you

have Thorazine on hand, don't take that stuff.

Unless you have a fucking big hypodermic filled with adrenaline that you could stuff into your chest.

Stick in

your jugular vein. Just oh, dude. Joey Diaz gave me, once gave me, like, some breath strips. I guess this is the first time I've taken breath strips, and he was like, eat 2 of these. And I'm like, I only took half of one of these knowing him, and I was driving home on the interstate and, was like, well, it's it's definitely the apocalypse. The world is ending. I see that clearly now. I'm in the last days, and, and, there was a McDonald's, and I was gonna stop my car and run to the McDonald's to get a burger because traffic wasn't moving.

That's how bad the logic was working in my mind. Just get them fucking I know I can make it there to get a diet coke and back. But, anyway, I get home. I'm having the most terrible marijuana trip. I'm laying in bed. Oh my god. The world's in my heart's pounding. Phone rings.

Phone rings. Joey Diaz. I answered. He's like, welcome to my house, motherfucker.

Oh, the bubble machine of profundity.

We got a bubble machine for 13.13.

Yeah. Whenever we're talking about

Oh, that's so much. Keep it rolling.

The, yeah. The so, you know I think

you caught up in popping them, though.

The when

you I know. That's a problem of getting too high. You're,

like, stuck talking.

What do we do? Let's just pop bubbles. It looks like

The 666 podcast, Duncan. You could do whatever you want. There could be only one for the 666

podcast. Yeah.

To be you. It has to be you.

This is my new theory. Identify the vampire in your life. Find the vampire. If you're walking around with those fucking vampire blues, you've got the fucking heavy heart and you and you can't feel happy and you feel bad. There may be an action that you need to take that you're afraid to take. That's the vampire.

I love my country. Guns. A country boy is good enough for me. Like, we

are as evolved as I need.

Let's stop

right here.

That's how

cancer cells talk. Exactly. If you can listen to a cancer cell,

that's what it would sound like.

It's just so fucking stupid.

I love my earth in the center of the universe.

I love my earth.

I love my sticks and bows and arrows.

I love I love

the Sears.

I love

my slang.

I love my slave.

I love my

curse. Burning witches.

Anybody trying to take my catapult away,

gotta come through me.

I love my scroll. I love my car I love carving in rock.

I love walking. I don't need to ride any horses. I don't need domesticated animals. That's complicated. Anybody who wants to domesticate horses gotta come through me.

I love being a hunter gatherer. I love having a lifespan of

horses. A single cell organism. There's no need to expand.

We're all having a good time down here

in the bottom of the ocean floor. Anybody wants a change, gotta come through me.

I love being a carbon molecule.

I love existing in pre big bang conditions.

I love my

family. I love my protons. If anybody wants

to change that, god comes to me.

And then I had to ask myself, well, where could that knowledge have come from? And through Egypt, we then start to find that Egypt itself looks back to an older time. The ancient Egyptians didn't regard themselves as the beginning of their story. They regarded themselves as quite a late point in their story. And they looked back to the time of the gods, which they called zeptepe, the first time when there was a golden age. And they speak, and there are texts, the Edfu building texts, which speak of the gods living on an island, a gigantic flood coming. Most of the gods are killed. Odd thing to happen to gods. And then they, come and settle in Egypt.

The survivors come and settle in Egypt. And,

So Egypt is the product of an even far earlier civilization, but but the history of Egypt goes back way, way further than people think it does.

That's my view.

You have been at the front of the line, for decades talking about these lost civilizations and from reading your work, I mean, I think I first read your work in the 90s, you exposed me to a lot of these what were at the time controversial ideas that have now been substantiated by actual evidence particularly Gobekli Tepe and I mean the the the all the water erosion stuff on the Sphinx and I've since had doctor Robert Chalk on the podcast to talk about that as well. But all this stuff, was at one point very controversial and now far less.

Yes. There have been a great number of changes in the last, 20 years, which which, have worked generally in favor of the arguments that I've that I've proposed. As you know, I had my own long term relationship with cannabis. I smoked cannabis for 24 years. I overindulged. I undoubtedly abused my relationship with cannabis. I don't blame the cannabis for that. It was me.

I was I I I was just

You're crazy.

I was crazy.

Yeah. A little crazy.

I mean, it's very crazy to to smoke it from 9 in the morning until 2 o'clock the next morning, 7 days a week, or rather vaporize it as I as I did. And and I reached a point, thanks to a series of Ayahuasca journeys in October 2,011, where I made the decision that I wouldn't smoke cannabis. Now it's 3 years have come since then, but I want to live in a society where I and fellow adults are free to choose either to use cannabis or not to use it because So you

wanna spark up a joint right now? I'm a tell them if you want to. Do you, of course, wanna dive in right now?

Of course. Joe, you're like you're like the serpent in the Garden of Eden.

Sure. You want yes?

That's such a nice feeling.

That's that's He's back. Are we are we seeing

that on the screen? Yeah.

That is, you're going in for

another baby hit. Look at you. Jeez.

Slow more. Slow more. Just a tiny.

You're good. That's it. Stop right there.

Right.

Don't need to get confused on the way back.

We will see. That's so here it is. Lebanon.

Joey is one of those guys, like, the first, I think we have 1st Easter we invited to him him too. Him and my dad got along really far. He gave my dad my my dad marijuana. Fucking I

was there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I sipped him edible marijuana. Did he dose him or did he tell

him what he was doing?

He offered him offered him some popcorn. Yeah. And then Joey just starts laughing. Mister k is going deep, motherfuckers. Jesus. And so I go I go over. I go, Joey, did you just give him marijuana? He goes, he took it. No.

I didn't give it to him. He took it. The doors kick open and Tracy Morgan is launched out of the club by the back of his neck and the seat of his pants just up onto the street.

Shirt on

him?

No. Up on the street shirtless laying at my feet on the sidewalk. Doors close. 2nd later, doors kick back open and Tracy's shirt comes out end over end and lands on his head, and it's silent. And we're looking at Tracy like, fuck. This is crazy. All of a sudden, he looks up, stands up, takes his shirt, snaps it, and he goes, now that's how you get out of paying a check.

That's a fucking fantastic story, dude. That was one of the funny stories ever.

Next time, I'll tell you about when I was in the Russian mob and we were

at robbed a train. Really?

It's a true story, but I'm not gonna tell it now. All the phrases I had in my head that I was trying to say, all disappear, and all I say to Igor in Russian is, I am the machine. No. Hip hop dancing, if you're gonna get good, you're gonna be dancing every single day.

That that okay.

I did tell you, I don't like doing it, but that

that reaction was a good response. It is. Because that's how he felt about everything, Joe.

Joe. Somebody showed me a tweet I made recently, like,

a year ago. I'm like, how did we get from Bert can't run a marathon to all gonna go straight edge for a month?

Bert, can I please see it? Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god. So you're doing the prints. Hold on. How many tweets did you get calling you a Welsh?

A lot of them. I know Welsh.

It's a Mickey Mantle gene.

Yeah.

It's not a Mickey

Mantle jean.

I'm joking. I'm joking.

That's Lou Gehrig's design.

You are the champion of sober October.

Thank you, Ari.

This year's sober October physical challenge.

Like, it's gonna be good.

Hip hop dance. Oh, shit. Hip hop dance. Joe, hear me out. Let's start with with Ari slipping me Molly. What? Start there.

You slipped him on?

Yeah. Dude, what are you doing? What are you doing?

How much?

It's on now. Yeah.

It was great. No. It wasn't. It was great. It was not.

They're making me go on this fucking stupid shit.

Yeah. Joe, what kind of sociopath are we friends with? He did it to punish me.

You don't think it's fucking crazy that you would do that?

A bit. Joey said something to me that he goes, you would have already had your stroke. It would have already happened. Fuck, man.

But Joey's a doctor? No. But but in those moments in those moments Maybe that's your new thing. Instead of, like, taking your shirt off, people just spike your drink. Oh my god. He just started going Why would you say that? Oh my god. No.

I decided to forgive Ari so that the people I hate know how much I really hate them.

Oh, I like that.

I thought, like, I was like, oh, we're gonna do this podcast. I was like, I thought we might talk about this. I kinda wrote down some feelings. Can you read it or Brent?

My dearest Brent.

You're a fucking cunt.

Just tell him how you feel.

Friendship is more important to me than anything. Even more important than is important. Tom is deep fried pizza. More important than Tom than Joe is, you know, killing animals. Friendship is more important to me than, like, than Eliza's

Oh, wow. Oh, fucking talk.

Living without you will be worse than Tony Hinchcliffe living without the mural above his bed of him blowing Joe Rogan as Jeff Ross fucks him in the ass.

I don't think he has that.

He does have that I've seen in his apartment. I didn't know all the fallback was gonna happen. I didn't know your friends your your kids were gonna come home and say, you know That I got raped. That you got raped by all which I don't know why they here's what I don't know. Why they wouldn't think you have better stamina and strength than me?

Why they wouldn't think that

you would

rape me?

That's a

good point. Yeah. Interesting. Kids

are intuitive.

Maybe they saw something in you that I I don't see. A fanciness or something, but I don't know.

I was like, he wanted to kill sober October, but now he's gotta do it for the rest of his fucking life.

Yeah. You kinda have to.

Now

you drugged him in front of his kids.

You drugged me in front of my children.

First of all, what drug? It's MDMA. It's has to be

like a roofie.

Fucked up his brain for, like, weeks. Yeah. I'm still doing

I'm still doing the deal with OCD shit.

I I will.

You know what? You literally spiraled him. And I think you could do this. You could chloroform him.

Shut the fuck up and listen.

Okay.

I think that Mickey Mantle gene

Thank you.

He didn't

say anything yet.

To I wanna say this to the Sandy Koufax gene. I wanna say Yeah. That that Mickey Mantle gene

There you go.

Have you seen King Ash Ripper's work? Excuse me? He makes videos. Oh, no. Not of himself. This is him? Yeah. King Ash Ripper. Oh, please give me some volume.

Can you imagine dating that guy?

No. He doesn't have a girlfriend.

He doesn't

have a girlfriend.

No. There's no

miso. Makes you think that? He scrapes up his

YouTube, like, ad video money Uh-uh. And then then he gets a hooker. And she's like, no. He farts on her.

You like that?

He's like, no. I hate it. He's like, you fucking loser. My videos have 200,000 tits. People love

You wouldn't be lip right now.

What? No. You don't. I don't have the Internet.

Shut up. Oh. Oh, shit.

Those are the most confusing porn videos

I've never seen that.

Where guys are, like, laying there and girls are, like, you like to fart, you dirty bitch, and they fart in their face. Yeah, mommy. Give me that fart, mommy. And they fart in their face. Oh, it's so fucking it's so confusing. It makes me shut my laptop

and walk around the block.

That's fucking great.

I've seen a bunch

of those.

You never

seen one of those?

But I I met this prostitute in, Lake Tahoe. She she had come to my show, and she was like, you know, in Nevada, it's it's all legal. And so she I go, what's the weirdest client that you ever had? And she goes, well, I don't know if you're ready for this, but room service shows up. Guy's got a tray. He's got 4 plates of hamburger meat, uncooked, just hamburger meat. Tips the guy, he leaves, and he says, what I want you to do is take this meat. I'm gonna get naked, and you're gonna take handfuls of it and shove it up my ass.

I didn't think it was going there.

£5 of hamburger meat.

And he

just stood there, and she kept stuffing it up, stuffing it up. Woah. At the Faneuil Hall Comedy Connection, a black woman called the club, and she said, who on the show tonight? She was from, she was from the 1800. And, and they said, well, it's Anthony Clark, Jackie Flynn, and Greg Fitzsimmons. And the lady goes, is Grapefruit Simmons the headliner?

Yeah. My stepmama has a geese on her front porch that if it starts to rain, she puts a raincoat on it. And then if it's like Halloween, she dresses up in a little costume. It's like this just big ceramic geese. And then I, I was I always make fun of it. And then somebody came broke it recently, and she was so sad about it. So now she has all these stupid geese outfits, and she can't find another one of them. So she That's stupid.

Are you kidding me? No.

I'm not.

Ceramic geese. What happened today?

It was the worst day of my life. Someone cracked my ceramic bird. I had that one that I leave. It makes me so happy. I come home. I see my ceramic duck.

I got him at the Toronto World Fair

in 62.

It's act and they don't make him that much anymore.

He's beautiful. He defined my yard.

I swear he used to look at me.

He was my friend. I know that sounds retarded. I don't care.

Fuck. They're

delicious over here with these meatballs.

They got meatballs and soy. They got monigot. They got

good noodles.

Peppers. They got the good peppers they put on the top there. Sausage. Like my mother. God bless her soul.

God bless her. She died of a heart attack at 51. She weighed 300 pounds. I know when I walk, my the fat on my feet spills over the outside of my sneakers. I like how that looks.

I like a little waterfall at

the end of my heel. I love my step down. It just just pulls over, just rolls over.

I like ice.

I like to waddle because my fucking gun my gun's sticking out. My legs can't stay stuck.

The way the back of

my head looks, the the the

hot dog roll look. I like fat sausages that are growing out of the base of my skull. Just you it looks like it

makes you hungry for the fucking the the fucking But it's

a sauce.

A nice sausage.

Yeah. A nice fucking Italian sausage.

Look at my face. You see a wrinkle in my face? You see any spider marks by my eyes? Fuck no. Because the flesh is pushing out against the skin all the time.

My grandmother, like, moans. Like, she's she's hurt so bad. She can't move. She had an aneurysm 12 years ago. So she's just lying in bed like

So from the aneurysm on, she was in just pain all

the time. Jesus Christ.

She's done.

From the aneurysm on. They gave her 72 hours to live. She lived for 12 years. Yeah. And it wasn't a good 12 years. It was a good 12 years.

So your grandfather was getting zero action?

He probably did whatever he wanted to.

See? You can't even

help yourself. Hey, mama.

This is exactly See?

You can't even help yourself. Hey, mama. This is exactly

what I was saying earlier. Mama, roll it over.

Put that fucking gagoosh up in the air. Grandpa's coming in. You can you can hide the fucking cannolis, but you're not hiding that fucking gagoonga.

The gagoosh. The gagoosh. Hey.

She's got a big hairy gagoosh. That's it.

That fucking gagoosh could sing.

Oh, she got a big, fucking, juicy gagoosh with a little margarong at

the end of it.

You know what I'm saying?

Margarong at the end. That's when you know you're done, when you hit the gaga gaga gagaon.

Oh, it's broad. When I fucking do your shit

inside of her, my brother.

I don't know if she's moaning because of the aneurysm because I'm hitting the gaggot.

There was just no one cares.

Conformed to Yeah.

There's no expectations from religion, no expectations from your community.

I'd be in.

Would you be in?

Fuck yeah.

Do you

think you'd be a top or a bottom?

Top.

That's what everybody thinks.

I'd be I'd be a screaming bottom.

A lot of crying.

Waterboarding. I'd be a running bottom.

It would be just like when you were waterboarded. You'd be fucking spasming uncontrollably.

And it turns out turns out that's what a lot of the guys are into, unfortunately. Just That's the biggest thing

in the community. Waterboarding. Dude, he's

a runner.

Butt fucked. Getting butt fucked by waterboarding. It's the new black. So what you're saying is a 10% gay, I'm open with it. What does that mean? Does that mean you're 10% gay?

Yes. I I came out on my podcast probably, like, 6 months ago.

You came out 10%.

Yes. What's so funny? Having fun matters.

It does. And that's why you should tell us about what happened in Thailand.

What? It wasn't fun. It was You enjoyed it No. To completion? Everybody people hung out.

You know, it's That's the cops come, fucking buildings on fire, bodies everywhere. What happened? People hung out.

And then you go upstairs, and then it's a little different. You're getting a little, like, woah. That looks a little different in there. That the bone structure is interesting, but I see some other people dancing. And then there's this one club that you go in, and it's like, I guess, the best one up there, and it's just they're having a party. It's fun. The girls look like girls, but you can tell, like, maybe some are guys, I guess, but it was one of these lady boy bars, and we're hanging out there having fun. And they'll you know, they they they will touch you.

They're very forward. They will touch your leg, but they they look like girls. They smell like girls. They look like girls. They've had the treatments, and you're sitting there, and you're alone by yourself. You're in you're in Bangkok. You're working on hangover 2. They, touch,

and it I I it's normal

to get aroused. And it was interesting, and I knew I was 16 hours away time zone from America. And I know comedians have gone down to Brazil or Thailand. There's a whole history of it. So I didn't really pursue it there, but I thought about it, and then maybe I came back on another night. I go, you know, people thought I was

Wait. You said maybe? No. You came back.

Right? Well, I was there for, like, 2 weeks in Thailand.

But why

are you saying maybe I came back? Because now you're making the story confusing.

Okay. Well, one one I came back another night. I said maybe I will come back.

It's not what you said. It's the reason why I stopped you.

So

I want this to be fixed.

At that point, I'm probably 3% gay, and that's based off getting picked on as a kid. Like, Brody, you walk like a girl. Do you understand, Joe?

Wait a minute.

They can Growing up in Tarzana, I got picked on a lot.

Are you saying that someone can

make you homosexual by if they picked on you enough, 3% would be a 100?

No. 3% would make it a 100. But if somebody as a child you're in 3rd grade, and there's a group of girls or even guys you go, oh, look at Brody. How he walks. He looks like he's gay. You walk like a gay gay kid. You're always smiling. And it was like, I was a nice kid.

And then I guess because I have a tilted pelvis, I walked weird, and I got picked on for that. So I always felt like, wow. I guess I think I I'm gay. Maybe I'm guess I'm gay. I don't know.

You know, if you found what is that? Transgender woman?

This is the picture that

She's sweet. With. What, Brian? Come on, man. What is the Internet? You can't do that. You're gonna ruin everything for everybody.

I will go on record saying, no. I did not, never have, don't want to perform oral on a man. Can I go on record saying that?

I gotcha. But what what happened?

Well, that didn't happen. Okay.

Okay. What didn't happen also is Kissing. Kissing happen. Wanna kiss a man. Let's be clear. There was no kissing. No kissing. No race car driving.

No meteorite impact. Many other things didn't take place.

Make it unromantic.

We're so close to getting him up to 25%. It's not Which is, I think, the real number.

Joe, know what is be honest. That's not. Not.

It's not look look

look look.

Come on, man. 25%. Here's why. It's an aggressive attack. This is what

I say. At that

I'm gonna be honest with you.

25? At that moment, okay, at the moment where that guy is sucking on your dick,

I think in prison all the time.

I think you're 40% gay.

Are you are you kidding?

No. No. For that moment. For that moment. This could mess with my head.

No. For that moment. What I'm offering you is a fluctuating scale of gayness. I don't believe those numbers.

Brian, what

do you think?

When you come in a guy's mouth, what are we up to?

I think Who's to say I did that?

I'm just assuming.

He's I would say definitely 25.

I don't like your numbers, Brian. That's a shocker. You've never brought that number up to me. I cannot believe that Joe said 40%.

Listen. I said 40% because I love you. So we're now at 35% gay. Our goal is 86. We got at least 20 minutes left to this podcast. We can do this, Brody.

Why?

For just a couple reasons. The other reason is that it is so public and

So what? Speaking of which, Dallas Buyers Club, I don't wanna just

That movie. Yeah.

String it up because it it has a lot of your people in it, but it's a great fucking movie. My people. Texans. Aren't you from Texas?

I've been to Texas. What do you mean my people?

I know you're you do sell well in Texas.

The the last movie Chris Farley ever did was Dirty Work.

So I'm in the movie now.

And after right after Dirty Work, right before he passed away, he hosted Saturday Night Live. So Norm was still doing weekend updates. So Norm called me up and said, listen. Farley's out of control with coke. Come to the party after the show because I got you gotta help me watch him. Like, that's how bad he was. I used

to watch him. Had to help watch.

That's what I had to help watch him. Okay. So this is this is how fast Norm is now. This is a testament to Norm's wit. So so I'm at the party, and Norm is talking to somebody. And I I'm watching Chris. I'm on coke. I'm coked up.

So so so I see Farley disappear into a bathroom with Andy Dick. Oh, boy. Okay. Him and Andy go into a bathroom.

Yeah. They come out

5 minutes later, like, giggling. Norm comes over to me and goes, what's going on with Chris? I go, bad news, bro. He goes, what? I go, he went to a bathroom with Andy Dick. I said, there's only two reasons a man goes into a bathroom with Andy Dick, and neither one of them is good. And Norm looked at me without mister Beat and said, holy fuck. I hope he's high. Good news he was gay.

But the thing that he

sent, Andy Dick?

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, man.

I was on a sitcom

with him.

That guy is nuts.

What happened with you and him?

He came is he openly gay? I know that's a secret. And he's, like, chasing me around the room, like, come here, little fucker. I'm gonna yeah. This and that. And I'm, like, jumping. I'm, like, woah. Woah. Look at that.

He's, like, hands fall down. I'm like, what the hell is going on with this guy?

But we always made up.

We always made up.

We never you know? To the point where

I remember I walked into your dressing room because I I saw it rocking. And you know what? If this if this trailer's rocking, don't come a knocking. But I took it, you know, I went

the other way.

If this trailer's rocking, I'm I gotta come in and see what the hell's going on in here

with his dick in his hand.

It's Joe. With his dick

in his hand.

Did not

have my

dick in my hand.

So, Andy. You were fucked up, and you had your dick not even hard. It was flaccid, and you're pulling on it in your hand right in front of me.

Oh, so this was like it was like later after the show. That's not No.

It was I was in the dressing room with my girlfriend. Right?

I

was in the trailer.

It was, like, after the show when we had

a party.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. That was At

the end of the night.

Then I can imagine me. I

mean, look.

You were doing it for shits and giggles. It was fun. Mhmm. You know? I was half partying, half you were crazy.

Half half half I was attracted to you.

I'm not gonna lie. That was

the other fucking dichotomy for me back then. I was sexually attracted to you. That's so awesome. And and and just as equally fucking frightened of you. So I wanted to be with you sexually.

That's

why I was putting off all those barriers for you, buddy.

You really did.

You were like, it you knew. You knew.

You knew. You knew.

You knew. Well, do you remember the episode where

you guys wrestled and you're on the ground rolling around? Were you thinking that, like, this is the hottest scene ever?

I still I still jerk

off to it.

Yeah. I'm just kidding. No. I know. But listen. Well, I didn't get to the home.

Well, he took me he took me. No.

I was separated by a couch. Chris Farley showed up on the set of news radio one day to visit Andy. Yeah. And he had I'm sure he did. He had the complexion of wet cardboard. I've never seen a man look more unhealthy.

Dude, I went to a strip club with him in Toronto. We shot the movie in Toronto. We had chicks hanging. I mean, he was just like

Oh, out of control. Yeah.

Hey. Hey. Look at

look how sharp he is.

Wow. Look at the bell bottoms.

Oh, yeah. That's a day. That's a day, brother.

Wow. Wow. Richard Richard

played Richard played tennis. Did he? Yeah. He played tennis. Yeah. And basketball. We playing ball, Richard. He checking me and grabbing my dick. Richard, this bash them all.

But when I got

checked, I can check

the only way I know.

Bitch it, back

off me, brother. Oh, god.

So, you know, Rock was, like, had his role with The New. He was, like, fucking at the height of his game and shit. And so we go see the show, and and Carlin had a bit where he, it was like people I could do without. Like, guys named Skip, shit like that. Mhmm.

And

one of them was, people I could do without, any man over the age of 12 who wears their baseball cap backwards. So, you know, long before I met him, I'd always hear that gig, that bit and be like, So the night we're at the show, he's up there doing a bit and, and, you know, he's like, another person I could do without, Kevin, you're exempt from this. Guys over the age of 12 who wear their baseball cap backwards and Rock like, my eyes lit up and Rock's next to me and Rock goes, he knows who you are. Even though, like, we'd worked together on the movie.

Yeah. Okay. You you bring up a good point. Comedic hate Is a different kind of hate. Is a different kind of hate. Yeah. Communicate. Right.

Rest that means what you're saying.

Rest in peace. I remember when I would talk, and if I was saying something, you would just hear, ugh. And I would be like, what? What what you talking about? He's like, what? What are you talking about? He's like, just the way you talk, butts. I was like, what? But he would go after you, man. It was like you just wanna step back and watch. I remember telling this joke and a phone book comes flying on the stage. Patrice threw a fucking phone book at me. I'm talking all you heard was, and you sit back and hits the floor.

And I say, yo, what the what the fuck was that? And Patrice said, read it. There's better material in it than what you're saying now. Oh, Bill used to get so fucking mad. Beautiful thing about Bill Burr, but we'd be snapping. Bill Bill was the guy that get mad. It's not funny.

If you went after him. It's not.

None of it's funny. Y'all laughing, Bill's like, where's the punch line in it? There's no punch line. He was just so fucking mad.

Those are the guys who win. All these, who's that? Not Bill Bixby. What the hell is the name of that guy? The, the guy with the he's been riding a bicycle out here forever. Solar panels and, not Bill Bixby, Ed Begley junior.

Oh, Ed Begley junior. Bill Bixby.

I'm bad with the names. There'll never be another revolution. No. Other than you know who's doing it right is that guy out there in the Carolinas, the Blackwater guy or whatever whatever the fuck it's called.

What are you talking about?

Yeah. The the Bill Bixby guy out there.

You got the Bill Bixby.

And that's what my whole day was spent fighting in my head. Even if I wasn't fighting, I'd be fighting in my head. When I would when I was, like, I had girlfriends, we'd they'd sleep over,

and, I would I would They already loved what

they wanted to do. Throw kicks in the middle of the night. Like, boom. Like, my my whole body would jolt like a kick because I was having a fighting dream. So I was terrified. All I was constantly terrified.

That's the name of a good, Bruce Springsteen album. Make make my

own spirit?

No. When when when I threw kicks in the night.

Does it

make you more aggressive?

What? Elk.

No, Joe. You fucking lunatic.

Somebody gets in my face that might cause me to get more lunatic. I eat a little bit of protein. You had to beat the fuck out of people for, like, 3 decades before you could, like, chill, smoke a little weed, put on your little rascals hat, and just fucking chill out.

Can I say that, have you heard that study about, like, you know how they tried to figure out, like, if everybody they always say, like, anybody can be president of the United States? Right? Like, anybody everybody in America has the same opportunities. But what they found is that some people have one opportunity and other people have many opportunities, and that's the difference.

So are you saying the world isn't fair?

But you are saying yes. Of course. No. But you're saying

That's why ugly people are complaining so much. Like, they they won't take the time to develop a fucking personality, write some jokes, do what the rest of us have to do, like I don't get mad at Brad Pitt, you know. How come he fucking because he's fucking beautiful. I'm a fucking bald red headed male. I know where I am in the pecking order, and some of these fucking people who are complaining right now, who are mad that beautiful people get treated differently. I understand racially speaking, but you're not gonna do the beautiful thing.

So we have this mixed message going on, which is, like, I'm angry, me too, treat me equal simultaneously to I'm going to objectify myself in the most hardcore way more than in any time in history.

With spectacular results.

And it's really it blow for me as a female who's who understands both those sides a little bit, I it kinda trips me out.

I love when, like, there's

a supermodel, like, this is like an impossible standard of beauty to try and live up to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why she's on the cover of

a magazine. She's that level beautiful, and you're gonna try and sit there and tell me that that was learned. But at a certain point, you know, like, you've had Jordan Peterson on here many times. It's like biological signaling. It's like, like play aside at least, and also that that one side is super short lived. That's what I try to tell my girls. I'm like, yo, listen, if you're, you know, you're pretty girls, it's great, but if that's the card you're playing, your card's done. Like by the time you're 30, 35, it's done.

It's over. And you know, unless you're like 40 and you marry a 7 year old, I don't know.

Or whatever.

Get into MILF porn.

Is that such a thing? Yeah. Yeah. But even that, it's like they gotta put a filter on it and, like, all that stuff. I mean, come on.

Where, like, if you really look at their agenda, when they say the future is feminine, that's not inclusive. And they're and they're all about, oh, make this more inclusive. It's like, no. Let us in so we can take it over, and then we'll push you down. That so called progressives extreme left is think the way we think, say what we say, or we will fucking destroy you. Your platform restricts speech.

Our platform promotes speech unless people violate our rules.

And in a specific direction?

In any direction.

But uncle I don't wanna say his name. The guy who calls for death gets a suspension. The guy who insinuates death gets a permanent ban.

But, Tim, you're you're misinterpreting what I'm saying, and I feel like you're doing it deliberately. It's not about one particular thing. It's about a pattern and practice of violating their

own rules.

Pattern and practice of banning only one faction of people.

I don't agree

with that. Recently published an article where they looked at 22 high profile bannings from 2015 and found 21 of them were only on one side of the cultural debate.

But I don't

look at the political spectrum of people when I'm looking at their tweets. Right.

You you have a bias.

Who they are.

You're biased, and you're you're targeting specific individuals because your rules support this perspective.

No. I don't agree with that.

It's it's, it's partly a consequence of of the re of the rise of the new rise again of of, say, Marxist doctrine, I would say. It's part of postmodernism. Maybe it's postmodernism more than anything else. Because the postmodernist, that's a philosophical, community, let's say, believe that the entire point of human categorization is power and the dialogue between people is only a power dialogue and that there's no real reality outside of interpretation and that basically what we do is exchange interpretive viewpoints to ratchet up our dominance and status, and that's that. And there's no biology as an ideology, and the idea of the objective world is an ideology, and science is an ideology, and it's all interpretation all the way down, like turtles all the way down.

What what do you mean by it's all about power? Like in what way?

Well, you imagine that that there are groups of people who are competing in the world for resources, I suppose, and that the it's a zero sum game and it and it's every group against every other group. And the reason that we engage in dialogue isn't to establish the truth or move towards some some closer approximation of reality, but to structure this social interaction so that our group comes up on top. And, you know, one of the things I tried to learn when I was taking apart what happened in Auschwitz and trying to put myself in the position of an Auschwitz camp guard, which by the way you can do if you use your imagination a bit. I wouldn't call it exactly the world's most pleasant meditative experience, but you can call up parts of yourself that would be capable of taking someone who just got off a transport train and having them carry a 100 pound sack of wet salt from one side of the camp compound to the other and back. You can conjure that part of yourself up if you want and that'll teach you something about what you're like. People don't do it because it's too frightening. But I know perfectly well that I could do that sort of thing. And so once I learned that I could do that sort of thing and maybe that I could even enjoy it, I thought, okay, fine.

I get it. I'm gonna see if I can figure out how to live so that if that opportunity was presented to me, I wouldn't take it. And I think that's the lesson that people need to learn from the 20th century. It's like that's what human beings did. Okay? Well, we're all human. Okay? So how is it that we should live so that we don't do that again? Well, part of that is to try to say the truth. No matter what, because the alternative is worse, and it is worse, but I'm doing it as an aid to humility. It's like, well, I don't know how to start improving my life.

Someone might say that and I would say, well, you're not aiming low enough. There's something you could do that you are regarding as trivial that that that you could do, that you would do, that would result in an actual improvement, but it's not a big enough improvement for you. So you won't lower yourself enough to take the opportunity.

Incremental steps.

And I I don't mean don't aim, and I don't mean don't aim up. But you have to accept the fact that you can set yourself a goal that you can attain, and there's not gonna be much glory in it to begin with. Because if you're not in very good shape, the goal that you could attain could attain tomorrow isn't very glorious. But it it's a hell of a lot better than nothing and it beats the hell out of bitterness and it's way better than blaming someone else. It's way less dangerous and you could do it. It's like so I had this idea a long time ago because the world is a pretty dreadful place. I thought, well, what would the world be like if people stopped avoiding the things they knew they should do? You know, because the question is how much are we contributing to the fact that life is a is an existential catastrophe and a tragedy? How much is our own corruption contributing to that? That's a really worthwhile question. The things you leave undone because you're angry, you're resentful, you're lazy, you have inertia.

Well, you consult your conscience, and it says, well, you know, that place over there could use a little work. It's the same as working on yourself, and so you clean that up because you can, and then things are a little clearer around you, and you're a little better off because you've practiced a bit, and and so you're a little stronger, and then then something else manifests itself and says, well, maybe you could, like, take a crack fixing me up too. So you decide to do that, and then that gets a little bit more pristine, you know, and soon and it's it's humble because you're not exceeding your domain of competence. You know, it's like don't be fixing up the economy, 18 year olds. You don't know anything about the economy. It's a massive complex machine beyond anyone's understanding, and you mess with it at your peril. So and can you even clean up your own room? No. Well, you should think about that.

You should think about that. Because if you can't even clean up your own room, who the hell are you to give advice to the world? Like people think well, there's 7,000,000,000 of us and each of us is just this separate dust mote like floating in the cosmos and what the hell difference does it make what you do anyways? It's like that is not how we're connected. It's like you're the center of a network and you know well, you know way more people than this, but let's say typically, you know a thou you're gonna know a 1000 people in your life well enough to have an impact on them. Okay? And each of those 1,000 people is gonna know a 1000 people. So you're one step from a 1,000,000 and 2 steps from a 1,000,000,000 And we are network technically. That that's how human interactions work. And so when you do something that you shouldn't do, it's worse than you think. And when you do something that you should do, it's better than you think.

And so you think, well, this is why I've been telling people clean up your room. It's like well your room is actually networked too. It's not that easy to clean up your room, to set it. So you want your room to be set up so that when you walk in there it tells you to be better than you generally are. And so maybe all you have is this little rat hole of a room in some rundown place in the world. It's like fix it up There's more there than you think see what happens if you fix it up and you'll fix yourself up Simultaneously because you have to get disciplined in order to fix up the room Then you have a fixed up room and you'll be a more fixed up person. It's like you think that nothing will happen as a consequence of that? It's like all hell will break loose as a consequence of that.

Okay. But you seem a little oddly defensive about something that's scientific.

No. I have to say I'm good with the

But you you you are

because you're kinda defending it.

No. You can say, well, why does matter Why

do you need to know why?

Why does Why

does you're saying?

No. I'm saying why does matter and energy curve the fabric of space and time? You can ask that.

Okay, why?

And I don't have an answer if I can say

Well, that's all I'm asking.

Well, no. What I'm telling you is

Okay, you don't need to know what?

I got you to the point. Right. We had to walk to that point where your why got unanswered.

I understand that.

But

But before we got to that point, I answered otherwise.

But I'm not disputing that.

Good. Good.

There's different kinds of medicine attributed to different kinds of animals. Bear medicine. Fox medicine has been very powerful for me.

Is that what is one that makes your penis hard? Is that tiger medicine?

No. That could no. That's a squaw medicine.

Squaw medicine? Yeah. So, what

do you mean

by, like, bear medicine and, like

Fox medicine is is very important. I've had a couple of very powerful encounters with foxes. Fox medicine and Native American spirituality makes you invisible. In other words, I am invisible to the

powers that be. Do you work for the government? Because this is what's going on here. No. No. I'm just kidding. Yeah. I know. But you're saying crazy stuff now.

You're saying crazy stuff about foxes being invisible. No. And so if somebody thought that you were a disinformation agent, they would say, oh, here's the evidence. He says all this brilliant shit, and then he starts talking about foxes being invisible.

No. I didn't say fox is invisible. It makes

him invisible.

But this is, like, one of the coolest things that's happened to me in in in 30 years. That was Cooler than fox magic?

Yeah. Yeah. And they had fox magic.

Here's you what kind of music is that, Brian?

It's a

Fox magic song.

Oh, okay. Here's here's here's a funny thing. When you're worried about the end of the world, you're worried about the collapse of civilization.

Mhmm.

And in the meanwhile, people see you smoking cigarettes and they go, if you wanna stay healthy and happy, why are you poisoning yourself?

Deal with it.

You say 15%. D n deal with it, bitch. Thanks to onnit.com. Oh, wow. Nuclear reactors and everything. Thank you. That's onnit, o n n I t, maker of alpha brain. I love it.

There's there's a thing that's changed. There was an article in the times about this, and you might have even been mentioned in it. There's a, a playful space of conspiracy theories

Mhmm.

That it's taken me a long time to understand. My daughter is 14 and she talks about, you know, her, her father did a show called bullshit and she talks about how she loves conspiracy theories. And this is from Paul McCartney's dead to, we didn't land on the moon to all those things, but she sees it, which I so hard for me to understand. She sees it as not impacting reality, but as a playful inter intellectual exercise.

That's okay. That that isn't crazy. That that that's the craziest thing about all conspiracy theories. Like, people that, are not on that side. There's a conspiracy theory at the side, and then there's the people way on the other side. Those motherfuckers are totally into, man, we live in a computer. That is hilarious. That's not logical.

That's illogical.

Well, the the the reason why they think that is because someday, there's going to be a program.

But there's no one to go. May be true. It may be true. Maybe we do live in a computer. Right. But, dude, there's no evidence.

Well, don't they have an explanation for that shit?

No. Exactly. That's what every what you just said right now. What you just said now is what everyone's natural reaction. Because anytime someone says anything about space, you automatically think someone figured it out. You don't know the guy's name. You don't know the name of the experiment. You didn't look into it yourself.

You just think when someone tells you, how far is the earth from the sun? They'll say, oh, 93,000,000 miles away. Like, you just Right.

You you Google that.

Everybody relies on someone figured that out and someone double checked it. Dude, it's math.

Right.

It's science. It's math. But no one really knows. But

you figure

it out. You try to figure it out. I'm so obsessed with those details. I don't know why, but in general, it's history, science, education, energy. Everything has always been controlled by the government since day 1. Radio has been used as propaganda since since the day it was invented. Radio, TV, and the movies have always been about propaganda. There was a war on drugs.

We started a war on drugs. Turns out we're bringing it in. Then there's a war on terrorism. Turns out we created Al Qaeda. Do you understand why I'm crazy? I wanna know the truth. And when you know the truth, it's just like, fuck. You just wanna tell as many people as possible. We're this look.

George Bush, the singer gets busted Nash on national TV, with the Iran contra, situation. He becomes president after that. And then he's running all this shit and all his drugs in his arms through, Arkansas with, an unknown governor who Bill Clinton who's letting it happen, and then he becomes president after George Bush as a detective. I don't know the truth. I wasn't there. I don't know what their relationship

is like.

It looks like I'm like I'm like, that's a that's a fucking that's some gangster shit going on right there, and they're just playing with the public and all the the dumb motherfuckers who believe that there's, you know, this Republican Democrat, battle going on. You know, that's it's it's, fascinating and frustrating at the same time and very scary that, man, we're living with people there that just follow the official story and whatever they say, that's the truth. And all the other shit, that's not the official that's crazy. You know, that's scary. That kind of mentality is what I'm scared of.

Is it when do you think you started losing it?

I think I was you know, as soon as I found out when I was 11 that everybody wasn't Catholic

That was it.

That's when I started losing my mind. I'm like, wait a minute. I'm like, everybody's not Catholic? I thought everybody was Catholic. There's other religions. Then how do we know we're right? There's a bunch what's a Jew? Oh, shit. There's more Jews than Catholics. How do we know we have the right religion? I'm like, okay.

You saw

the right there. Yes. That's when I started going crazy.

That's so funny.

People that questions authority are usually looked at as crazy. His father, Prescott Bush, started the CIA. His father, Prescott Bush, financed the Nazis through Union Bank. That's not a conspiracy theory. The Sugar Association, they didn't want it to be labeled as for what it really was, a, an addictive toxin. They wanted to keep it. It ain't that bad in moderation. It ain't that bad.

It makes things taste sweet. It's about love. Flip out. I think I think the globalists like it. I think we need villains, and they probably help him out and fund him.

Well, let's see.

Mean? They like the shit he's doing. They they need a distraction. Anything happens We

don't really

Boom. They're testing missiles. Boom. For 2 weeks, we're gonna be all over North Korea a couple months, and then it's gonna be gone. Watch. North this is like the new Ebola. Remember that was Ebola, Ebola? Distraction, distraction. North Korea is perfect to distract.

You know when you're talking about that Foxcatcher movie hold on. You know you're talking about that Foxcatcher movie, you're like you've said it a couple times in your podcast where you're like, once you've once you saw that they left Gary Goodridge out, you were like, I can't trust this movie. Right. I can't for the whole movie, I can't trust it. It may be real. It may not be real, but I need some proof.

I got you.

That's exactly how I feel about Space. No. No. Not space. The government.

The government.

So anything coming from a government agency, whatever. It's a government agency. I look at it like foxcatcher. You've lied enough where I'm like, I need some irrefutable evidence. Otherwise, why do I have to believe it? I just assume it ain't real. I I

get it but SpaceX isn't the government. Space SpaceX is a private company.

No. They're subsidized by the government, man.

Oh, they're subsidized?

They do. They got, like, $4,000,000,000 from So

they tell them to fake space?

No one's trusting NASA no more, so they're penning it over. Hey, let's let's get let's let's do this side thing and everyone's all into space now.

That's that's

Interesting way to look at it. Oh, yeah. And of course, EdiBrah, also known as Eddie Bravo.

Oh. Ejibra.

That's what they taught when we were in Brazil. That's what they call me. Ejibra. Joe Mararo.

It was Joe Mararo that was the the first giant tournament that there was in LA. Yeah. Joe Mararo was he was the main promoter. And in my division, it was 45 guys. We're all blue belts in my division. He's and you have to sit there and listen to him call out everyone's name. And I'm sitting there waiting for him to call my name. He looked he looks at the clipboard, then he looks up, there's Jabra.

I'm standing right in front of him. I'm standing right in

front of him. I'm like,

man, when are they gonna call my dad? It's his brother. My fuck. And then someone say, dude, I think he's saying your name. No way. When guys are telling this story, it's hilarious. Yeah. And he's like, she came up to me and started mad dogging me, and I was like, what the fuck you looking at? I paid for all that shit. And you didn't say none of that.

You just said, I was like that. I had that look on my face, but I didn't say shit. And if you don't question, did you actually say that? You're like, no. I was like I was I was thinking.

And, like, if I wouldn't have asked

you, you would have made it seem like you were this bad motherfucker in this story.

Saying the right shit. Reality. You didn't say shit.

And I was like, fuck you. Who paid for that shit? You said that?

No. No. I thought it. Like

I thought it.

And I was like, fuck

you, man.

Fuck you and all and where you came from, bitch.

Did you actually say that

to him? No.

Once you travel to a 1000 cities, you realize that it's an illusion.

Because

you're walking through the airport That's right. And you see the destination, the the be all end all. Some dude's feet on a fucking badass beach. Yeah. That's that's the the goal.

Yep. And then when

you get there, you, like, you realize, wait a minute. They're cutting off. They framed off like the people trying to sell you a fucking a crocodile floating. You know what I mean?

I I thought I was

gonna be alone on this island. I went to Thailand. I go, I'm gonna go to deserted fucking island on Thailand. And everyone said, yeah. You can. I go, where? I go, you need to fucking take a cab 3 hours. Jumped in a cab 3 hours. Like, I'm going to and we finally get to go, where are the islands? Oh, you wanna go to the island? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm I'm thinking I don't give a fuck how much it cost. Let's just go. It's cheaper if you go on a big ferry

Yeah.

To this island, or you could take a speed bar to go fucking speedboat. Let's go. Boom. I'm videotaping everything. I'm a speedboat. I wanna go on this fucking island that

I see

at the airport. I see them all the time. I don't give a fuck. You get there. Boom. And there's 200 other people there. Yep. And there's, like, snack bars and shit.

The secret is not

the first

your son? We were in, Denver, and I was doing stand up. And, Eddie and Tate and Brian and Duncan, and just as a goof, we decided to go in this wig store. We came up with the idea of having a fake band, and everyone decided that we were gonna play a band called 10 Foot Screws. Guys, 10

Foot Screws. They're in the house tonight, my favorite band.

We got 10 Foot Screws backstage, and they're playing a big show at the Hollywood.

The hall at

the hall of the dome? It's next to

the open.

At the Hollywood.

At the hall of the dome on 14th Street at El Pollo Loco. Everybody's invited. Bring your tickets up. You're getting for free.

It's 63

to no Pollo Loco. So people were like, oh, shit. There's a concert tonight. I didn't know about this. I got up on stage and said, who wants these tickets to the show tomorrow backstage? They were going nuts.

And you're some crazy man wearing a wig for a band that doesn't exist.

Yeah. So when the the the the concert let out, people had to walk by backstage. So we had the door open, and dudes are walking by going, where's that band? So we went we grabbed 1 dude. He just wanted to hang out with the band. So we go, we're gonna have to get on your knees. Okay. You're gonna have to pray for us. Pray with us.

Like, you know, van sometimes pray,

you know, before they go out. Thank you, Jesus. And he would replete. Thank you, Jesus. And you said for this dingle bells to suck.

Lord Jesus.

What? Dear, Paul. No.

The lord Jesus. Alright. Lord Jesus. You are my savior. You are my savior. Thank you for everything.

Thank you for everything.

And thank you for this dick I'm about to suck.

Get the fuck

out of my cock.

Have you spoken to us since the fight? We talk

all the time. Okay. Yeah. We hang out party,

and shit.

Just check.

Hey, got you.

What the fuck?

The guard. Oh, you weren't here for the guard talk. Eddie Bravo has the weirdest sense of humor, man. He used to say he was half

Yeah. You said something else.

Half Japanese and half Eskimo. He was something like one.

Yeah. You said half Japanese, half Mexican or something.

Yeah. I used to say that when I was a teenager just because I was an idiot, and I wanted to see who would believe it. And I'm like, wow. If people believe anything Tyrannosaurus rex is a giant kangaroo. That's what it is. That's my

guess. Look at it.

It looks exactly the same. It's got a tail, hops around on 2 legs. Tyrana that's a fucking they found a giant kangaroo.

And

when they figured it out, they go, dude, it's a kangaroo. They're like, let's get the

fuck up.

Bong is a sick grizzly.

He does a sick Kodiak and

a scarab to a couple noises. Let me see.

I got

a good grizzly too.

What's that happening? It's your it's easily

it's easily inhaling. That's a monster.

What is

that song? That's the abdominal snowman. Maybe that's what book Bigfoot's about. Maybe Bigfoot was about, dude, let's let's create this mythical monster and have people afraid. They don't want people to move in the woods.

The thing about

that sounds

That's not good for the NWO Right.

With the

New World Order. They want people to go into cities, so they create these Bigfoots. Bigfoots. And if they're not doing it, they should do it. Create another Bigfoot skin.

That's that's the That's the most ridiculous

reason for believing in Bigfoot I've ever heard. That's so funny. Bigfoot's been around forever though, dude. They talked

about it in the

CIA's been around forever. Someone did come up to me and say, hey, is have you heard that conspiracy theory where there's no forests? Have you heard about this? There's a conspiracy theory where there's no forest.

Look into it. UFOs are coming back right now. Everybody's talking about UFOs.

Bigger than ever.

Stronger than ever. That should tell you something.

That's what we're getting. We're getting, like, some some some bleed over from another dimension, and that's what UFOs are.

Does Bob Lazar have a Twitter? Wouldn't that be cool to have him on his shows?

It's a very ominous feeling because it's there are no at first of all, everything is one color. It's like a dark pewter color, and there are no right angles anywhere. It's as if somebody took, I've said this before, somebody took a model out of and fashioned it out of wax, and then heated it just for a short time, so everything melted. Everything looks like it's fused together. Everything has a radius of curvature where 2, items meet. It's, it's a really weird looking thing. But,

did you ask any questions about what the

fuck No.

There's no asking questions.

There's no asking questions. No.

I will tell you that, I won't get into specifics, but there there are people inside the United States government that are taking this serious. And I've been I went down to DC twice to talk to folks, you know, behind closed doors to go because they wanna hear the story, and I've got a lot of you gotta be joking. I mean, this this seriously happened, and and and I'm like, yeah. It did happen, and it is real. You know, what are you doing about it?

So what kind of people are you talking to?

High level government officials is what I'll say.

The 4th one that I saw, I was on my motorcycle leaving town to go, at Kingston, Ontario where I live there and I was driving out of the farm gate and and I saw there's a power line that runs on the opposite farm there, across the road. And I saw this winking red light just moving slowly along the top of the power pylons, and I thought, well, you know, helicopters did do that kind of work where they where they string power lines, but they don't really do it at night. And it goes along like this, and I'm watching it. And I I I stop the bike, you know, and I'm and then it stops and makes a right angle turn and comes right at me. I I put on the the the wigwags on the bike, and it stops above me and it turns on a light. And I'm going, it it look it where's the rotor wop? Where's the where's the wash? Where's come on. The helicopter at 3,000 feet, you can hear it. This thing's, like, 3, 400 feet above me.

Shines this light light on me, and I turned the lights on the bike on and and then turned them off, and then it winked the light off, and it just drifted out over the field.

What people don't know is that Hudson County, New Jersey, Northern New Jersey is the number one place in the country where they have the most UFO sightings.

Really? Northern New Jersey.

Look it up, Jamie, if you get a minute, please. Not to be rude.

And you don't have any access?

I don't. Honestly, I don't know.

Okay. So I have to ask you, does Tom talk about UFOs all the time?

Well, you know he's not in the band no more. Yeah.

I know.

You know?

What what what's your response to that?

You don't know what I know.

Right. Well,

what do you know though that they don't know?

I can't tell you some of the shit that I know. These UFOs, fold space time like this. And so it looks like, to them, they're going in a straight line. So if you're in a ship, you see that.

Mhmm.

But if you're on the ground, you see that.

Oh, okay.

That's why you see them blink off and on. A lot of those videos, they're on. They it looks like they're jumping. It's just because of this. So folding space time. And I'll walk over there. Can I walk over there for a second?

I'll show them

which one

it is.

Go ahead.

Is his mic on too?

To to yeah.

To yeah.

So we

can all talk to each other?

And do do your your people get to

But did

he always do that?

He always did. We used to get loaded and just look out the bus window for what and I used to do it with him as, like, I don't know. It's kind of a bonding experience. It's like if you wanted to show me bow and arrows, whatever, we're on tour together.

Of course,

I'd sit there and like, you know, check it out. So with Tom, that was his thing. Like, fucking let's get high and look for UFOs. So we would.

You know,

we just sit there and like stare out the bus window, look at UFOs or, like he would even go as far as when we're on tour. Like, let's go and fucking look for Bigfoot. What whatever it was. You know? And he would assemble a crew, and they would go do it. But nothing has changed. He's still the other day I talked to him. He's like, I'm on the way to the fucking White House, bro. And I don't ask any questions.

I'd be like, as you should be, you know, whatever. Like, let's fucking go.

As you should be.

Yeah. But you are afraid of aliens though. Right?

Yeah. I'm afraid of a

lot of aliens. Does it true that you have, like, a a path mapped out in your house? How to get out if the aliens show up? No. No? That's the rumor, man. That's what I heard. No. That's I heard you have a plan because I know you like to use game plans. So I figured you had a alien.

I have I know I know karate, and I know jujitsu. So the alien show up, I I put a triangle choke on him. And I also have a kata I have also a kata, a Japanese kata. So if they come, I can slice them apart. Like, is the best way to see someone who does the the best,

you know, and learn from it? It's hard to do it right now because we're this floor is so slippery.

The per the human being that I've hit that had produced the highest amount of force that I ever witnessed in my life is you, man, with your free

I

I I am not gonna say that this is the truth. I never seen a human being physically capable of hitting something with that much force than you.

Straight back. Always straight.

That's why is when you turn and you make that spill out, I don't care who you are. If you Francis and Ghandu, you you hit that shit on the face, you gonna be dead, you know. Not not dead, but you're gonna be knocked out, man. Did you ever light up someone with that particular video

of me when I was 19 from a Taekwondo tournament making a guy fly through the air. Yeah.

Are you serious?

On YouTube. Yeah. Jamie Oh

my god. Is he okay now? Is he alive?

I don't

know. Here it is right here.

Are you kidding me, man? Oh, yeah. Casey. No. No. That was that was perfect.

And he just sailed through the

air. Like,

that's terrible.

It's not gonna God.

You gotta pick your knee up. You have a nope. See, it's not bad, but you have a inherent flaw in your technique that probably was never never explained to you.

This is what I do.

For 49, though, it ain't bad. It's pretty good.

It's not right.

Just be careful. Get hit by that.

Don't throw the kick until your knees up high. Lift your knee up way high past your waist and then throw the kick. Yes. Knee up first and then don't look over your stomach. Look over your shoulder. Yeah. But knee first. Here.

Hold on. And look. Right from here. Watch. Oh, son?

Okay. Damn. Even in the air even in the air, it's fucking Chuck Norris's blushing.

I know.

I know.

Lift your knee up and then watch. 1, 2. Okay. Ready? I'm not mad at Joe's form at all. No. Dude, I'd love to

see our actual taekwondo match, Trink Allen and Rogen.

That's better.

I would just stare at their asses.

And then they had these little microphones. Right? So with yeah. I don't know, but fast. It was, like, it was 5 guys, 4, 5 guys. And they start fighting, and the guy that I knocked out constantly because he will wake up. Right? And everything went good and went good and but then I start realizing, wait a minute. This these guys are gonna come back up all the time. You know? This is gonna come to an end.

They gotta get the hell out of here.

So you're knocking them down. So you're hitting them, they're falling down. Everyone that's coming at you, you're knocking down, but you're realizing you gotta get out of here.

I had to get out of there. They looked at me and they all stepped back.

So I go, woah, they can see I'm in business. Right? But behind me is the whole police force outside because there were windows.

So they, they throw me in jail and, because apparently one of those bouncers was a cop. And, yeah, and I knocked him out, of course, also, but he never told me that he was a cop, otherwise I wouldn't have done that. Anyway, we're there, and this is also this is actually a funny story because before this all happened, I'm talking to my wife, and I'm already tamed. Right? And she says, why are you laughing? Why are you having so much fun? I said, honey, I'm drunk. I'm having a lot of fun. She says, no. You're there with 2 Swedish blond girls, I said, honey, don't worry about it. You know me.

If I'm drunk, you know, I don't care about anything, especially not that. I just wanna have fun. So after 2 days, they allowed me to give my first phone call, and, I'm calling my wife, and she's freaking out. I said, honey, you gotta be okay. Relax. Relax. I say, I got some good and some bad news. What do you wanna hear first? She says, the good news.

I say, I didn't fuck 2 Swedish girls.

She says the bad news. I tell Michelle, you think this is funny. She gonna hate me for this story because every time

she says,

you should tell us.

You know, it's not funny.

I think that's a hell of a story. Right?

You can't you can't

write it. Movie.

He looks at his recent role sheet, calling names, and he goes, Kamaru. Who the fuck? Who the who is this kid? Who the fuck is this kid? And I'm like, that's me, coach. He's like, that's your name? I'm like, yeah. He's like, I'm not saying that because my whole full name is Kamarudin. Kamarudine. Kamarudine. He's like, I'm not gonna say that. Like, Kamarudine? Kamar Mart I'm gonna call you Marty.

So, you know, for him to bring it out, I thought he was silly, but you know these fans, fans wanna they because Ben is a representative of the trolls. Like, most of the trolls look like Ben Askren.

If I

can give you any info, that's hilarious.

Yeah. That is hilarious.

If if you look at him from a skill set, Ben's not even worth waking up before, like, 10 AM in the morning, But I don't like this dude, man. Before my alarm goes off, I'm already awake. I wanna break his fucking face, man. I wanna break his fucking rib cage, and I don't wanna knock him out early on. I don't I just wanna torture that guy, man. If I get the chance to torture him 14 minutes and 50 seconds before I stop him, that's what I'm gonna do, man. You know? I just I don't like to do it at all. I met him a long time ago.

He's a fucking prick, man. I don't like him, man. There's not too many people that I genuinely dislike. He's one of them.

Them. Gamebred is in the building, and these guys just flapping gums

at each other.

Any chance I get. The fight clock is

Oh, in the back. Frosty.

Flawless victory.

How did that scene come to play where you were with Hicks and Gracie?

Oh, because I because I was I studied Aikido Oh. When I was in college. But because my interest in that for years, when we went to Rio Rio and I had been working on the script of that movie and stuff and I was, like, I was really interested in this idea that Banner is is desperate for control. Right? That he desperately desperately needs to control his heart rate, his breathing, that it's a massive liability in his mind if he can't control his emotions and his adrenaline. And I was like, well, who in the world And I I had seen the videos of Hicks. I'd never met him or any of them, but I'd seen the videos of him doing the, amazing stuff with his stomach.

Yeah. The yoga.

Yeah. And the breathing.

Fire breathing.

And I was like and I I just was like, we have to and and everyone was like, who's that? I was like I was like I was like Philistines. You're all Philistines. Like, I was like and I was like, find me Hickson Gracie and ask him if he'll do a scene with me in the movie being the guy who's training Banner to, like, calm himself. And he was there and he and he did it with us. And it was like I was like

So that's his that's a very essential thing, which sometimes slip through people's fingers and and the priorities and the daily, you know, and the the payments. And so I put you in a role where, I feel like, if you tell me in the past, what's the courage, what's the opposite of courage, I wanna say cowardness. Because either you're tough enough to to challenge and to fight or to or in the new coward and you chicken out. So that's in the past was like the the the the the opposite of of of courage. It's very hard to measure this in those days. And I believe the opposite of courage today is conformity. You know? These people get conformed. Oh, I I don't like my wife the way I used to like, but I'm never gonna divorce because I'm afraid to lose my house or the situation is so established.

So I gonna keep so I don't like this job, but I gonna keep here because better than his So in in in other hands, if you if you get caught on that kind of compromise to to maintain because you you're afraid to risk, let's keep you, like, one step behind from you. Follow your heart. Follow your ambition. If you're 18 years old, you don't think twice. The guy say, hey. Let's go to Australia. You think, okay. Let's go.

Boom. But when you're 5th, you say Australia. What I gonna do there? Maybe I'm gonna so it's different.

You know? That's me.

And that's kind hate or what?

Why why

are we going?

Yeah. So that's kinda pretty much where keep you from be at your best. Because if you're willing to sacrifice, if you're willing to to broke new new challenges, if you're willing to you in the stage of liveness and and excitement and unpredictability who make you feel like you're in heaven.

Well, I I write a I write letters to everyone that's close to me before we fight. Really? Yeah. And every time I come back alive in the fight, I burn them all.

Wow. And

so literally, I'm I'm training the the 3 months that I'm training for a fight. I'm literally training not to die. And if you knew there's a possibility you're gonna die in this certain area, most people would avoid it. But we have to do we I have to walk there in my own will. And the stress level for me, I mean, I wish I could just take it lighter and say it's a sport. I mean, every time I fought, after I fought, win or lose, I always felt like shit. It's over. I'm alive.

Because I was willing to die in

the fight. You know?

You know, you were on death's door and recover from it and then put yourself back in risk.

Yep. I mean yeah. Saying it like that, it it it there's no there's no justifying that other than I was in this sport that that I really wanted to to to be in and stay in, and I and after the disease, I wanted to

go back

to. And that was the that was the landscape. And so you viewed it. You thought, okay. This is not ideal. But you asked the question, what am am I really you know, having knowing my health history, right, with cancer, with all all that I went through is going back to my sport and taking EPO a risk to that to that you know, to my to to my disease or to my health? And I and the answer to that, obviously, my answer to myself was no.

Joe, without a shadow of a doubt, none whatsoever, death is not the end.

You don't think so?

I know. I know, Joe.

How do you know?

Because I've been dead. Right. Yes. I've been dead.

What what what about that experience cemented it in your head?

When I like I said, it was the most peaceful, and and I I don't feel like it was the most peace, most restful, most, I was I woke up laughing. I was yeah. Yeah. I was jealous. I was overjoyed.

Yeah, man. Still think about it?

Nah. See, because I what happened to me was I woke up in the hospital and had emergency heart surgery, like, 98. So it was like I was like, oh, I'm done smoking. What happened was I went to bed, was I'm real tired. I'm not feeling good. Went to sleep and woke up in Cedars, like, after surgery. You know, it was my extreme fortune to live in a neighborhood, that would the the the closest hospital was Cedar Sinai.

Oh, nice.

And that is it was, you know, also my, Irish luck that, the best heart surgeon in the world who doctor, William Trento, who's chief of heart surgery over there, I think maybe even of all surgery, saw my case and told somebody else that you can't do that. I have to do that. And what I have in there now is a St. Jude's heart valve. It's a titanium heart valve. Like, I ticked like a watch, man.

Woah. You wanna

you wanna hear? Hold on.

Hold on. Get real sensitive on this mug right

here. Oh, my god.

Holy shit. Wow.

But then my brother says this thing probably defined my life. My brother goes, he died screaming. And I go, what? What? And he goes, he he died screaming. And I was like, the what I mean, is is that a figure of speech? And he goes, no. He literally he died screaming. And you could see my brother was haunted by it. And my father wasn't like a I wouldn't say he was a butch man or strong man, but he wasn't a soft man, money stretching the imagination. And I never heard him get real loud or anything like that.

And the notion of my father dying screaming changed my life because I was like, even a good man in this world. You play the game, you play it straight, you play it by the rules, you do everything you're supposed to, you're gonna die screaming. And at that point, I was like, there's no point in not trying to accomplish every stupid fucking dream I've got. Chase it all down. Chase and whimsy is what I've been doing for the last few years. But chase it all and do it all because we're all gonna die screaming. And as I was laying there, I was like, oh my god. I got a lifetime.

Like, that's that's what it was. Nothing more, nothing fucking less. And I did some shit in it, and now it's gonna stop. And people are gonna go on without you, and that's not terrible. Like, I I thought I'd be fucking desperate to live, and instead, I had that weird, like I understood what my mother said for the first time. Because I was laying there, I was like, oh my god. Like, I made it to the end. Like, this is it.

This is the finish line. And it had been something that I was terrified of ever getting to, but then when really kinda faced with it, I was like, oh, like, I'm done. Like, I'm not scared that I'm done. I'm actually kind of relieved that I'm done and, like, you know, fucking like, I didn't get killed, and I wasn't home invaded. A shark didn't eat me. All the things that, like, I've been terrified of my entire life, like, I don't have to think about anymore. I made it to the end, and it it's kind of okay.

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When you're here, your family.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. So for example, one time I had talked to a friend about it. I said, you know, I heard something about some zenu shit. She

Some zenu shit.

Pulled me into celebrity center so fast into a secured room, and she handed me my ass. She said, don't you ever say that word outside a secured room. I'm writing a knowledge report on you. She said, I'm writing a report

on you. Swear to die.

You never say that word out loud in a room that's not secured. Okay? And never say it again. So she wrote a a report

on me. A knowledge report.

She wrote a knowledge report on me. I got sent to what's called ethics, which is like the justice department of celebrities of of Scientology, and they said they brought me into another secured room because they have to get somebody who knows this information. And they said never ever say that say this. Never confirm it. Never deny it. Never give that information out ever. That just never discuss it. Just say I've never heard of it.

You sound crazy.

When I did SNL,

I think

it was the first season where he had he had just left, I think.

Oh.

Because I did it, pretty much probably if I had to pick a season, I would have been that would have been that one I did. Because you still had Carvey and you still had, you know, Hartman and Victoria Jackson, like the whole kind of group. I had to do it without cue cards because my father didn't want me to use cue cards. So I I had to memorize all that stuff plus

The fuck, dad.

Plus plus the skits that didn't even make into the show. So I, like, I had to memorize, like, skits that didn't even end up in the show. Yeah.

Kinda shit is that, dad?

Yeah. You know, I like I said, I had a good memory and he he didn't want me reading, you know, because it you can see it. You can see it when people are reading.

Oh, yeah.

And he didn't want me doing that. So Wow. So no cue card, but also that means the other actors.

No cue card for them either. Yeah.

Of course not.

You know

Oh, Christ.

So they

had like yeah. No. I'm sure my father made a lot of friends looking in like, you know, that into that that weekend.

Well, that's fucked up. Like, how can he dictate whether or not the other actors get cue cards?

I don't know because it's

because he because he apparently, he could.

So the Webster story. So so I'm you know, at one of these, network junkets where you go to promote your show and stuff, and all the other actors and cast are there from their shows. And this little man, black kid, this tall, is just cute as could be, man. It's just

like, I put him on

my knee and I started just playing with him and bouncing around. And he was giggling and laughing and having a good time. And then, like, you know, I liked kids. I've always liked kids. So I laid the kid back, and I blew, like like, in his neck.

Zirbert. A zirbert? Is that what it's called? That's what Dale calls it. Dale calls it.

I blew

him a couple of zirberts, and he's, like, giggling like a little like a little 4 year old. Right? And I put him away, and then go ahead now. You I'm done playing with you. And somebody comes over and says, you know, he's 16.

Right? No. No.

We were the

same age.

We're the same age, man.

Oh my

god. And

he didn't say anything.

Okay. Zurbert? Is that what it's called?

That's what

Dale calls it. Bill Cassey.

I blew

him a couple of Zurberts, and he's, like, giggling like a little like a little 4 year old. Right? And I put him away and go ahead now. You I'm done playing with you.

He's like, all the time. 24 hour

you call him up in

the middle of the night. He's dice man.

Years ago, you go out on a first date. What'd you do? You made out with

the girl a little.

Maybe you got some side tit through her coat that you could tell your friends the next day. I go, this generation of women, when you go out on a first date, if you don't come all over her, she thinks you don't fucking like her. I go, I went on a second date with a girl. She goes, I didn't even think you were gonna call because you didn't come on me. I'm going, honey, relax. I go, tonight, it's gonna be like I put your head under a fucking yogurt machine and pulled the nozzle. I go, that's what it is today, so why not be truthful about it and let people laugh over what fucking animals they've become?

I opened up for him for, like, 2, 3 years. He Really? Yeah. He picked me out of the the Comedy Store. He came up to me, and, at first he goes, you know what you should do? I said, what? When you go on stage, put a sock

in your

pants, and then you'll be like the comedian who's just got a big

cock. And this is like, this

is like my guy I looked up to, like,

and he's telling me, and then I

I actually went home then,

like, going, should I do that?

Should I be cocky?

Cocky. So

there was a part when they were kinda lighting De Niro and I, and we're standing face to face, and he's looking at me, and I'm looking right at him, and I'm I wasn't gonna say nothing. And then he comes in on my my tie, and he it needs to be tightened a little bit, and he cinched my tie. Oh, wow. He straightened out my tie.

So yeah.

I had a wig.

I didn't say nothing. They said, you're gonna wear a wig? No no problem. Scorsese was like, okay, there's a part where I'm gonna go through a window. And he's like, okay, when you go through the window and I'm like, oh, I'm going through a window? Because I knew there was a stunt guy involved.

Right.

But he's telling me that I'm gonna go through the window and I wasn't gonna say I don't do windows. Right.

You know, I you want me to

go through a window? Go to a window.

Yeah. I'm not gonna tell Martin Scorsese, I'm sorry, I need a stunt guy.

Right.

But then they said, hey, Marty, there is a stunt guy here. He goes, oh, oh, oh, okay. So,

I

was ready to go through the window.

Yeah. I mean, business does never encourage fine suits.

No pocket squares? Occasionally,

you find a token pocket square, but you can tell their heart's not in it. The wife stuck it in there because she saw someone on TV that had a bit of razzle dazzle about them, and they thought, oh, I quite fancy my old man wearing them. They sort of stick it in. The old man's been embarrassed about it and tries to squeeze it out of the way.

It was a little pocket square and, Madonna came in to do the show. And, the whole building was like electric. It was like Madonna's coming. So I just walked into the dressing room and I'm like, hi, Madonna. I'm I'm Tom. She's like, nice to see you. She walks up and she goes, this has got to go. And she took the pocket square out and tossed it.

You know what? I got it. I'm not wearing it.

Because Guy Ritchie, her ex husband, is a proponent of the pocket square. How how did this catch me outside girl? How did this happen?

Oh, god. But, you know, you know, more power to her. If if she can turn into something positive, does she have talent? Have you ever heard any of her music

or anything?

I have

no idea. I've only seen her on your show, so catch me outside.

Yeah. Appreciate you bringing that up. Sorry.

I used to be upset by reviews until I saw who wrote them.

Mhmm. Yeah.

You know?

Yeah. And it's just like you as a when you're young and you're new and you're reading it, you think that the guy is writing it, writing all badass. You'll think, oh, this dude must look like Lemmy. He must be this hard ass guy. Yep. And then you see a guy like, that guy wrote it? Oh, fuck him. You fuck everyone else whoever writes anything again. I don't give a shit.

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Look at the fucking eyes in that thing, man.

He's giving it a a rat.

Look how stupid it is too. Yeah.

Right? He's an idiot. Look at him.

Look at him.

Look at him.

Look at him. Look at him.

I have a look at him.

Look at him.

There he

is. Look

at this guy.

70 day aged And, like, what's the temperature when they

age twice? That's 7 months.

Excuse me. 7 months, not 70 days.

That's a premature child.

Once there were many tracks, guys would come in and just wing it and go, okay. Let's try 1. Okay. Great. That's fine. Let's do it again. Track 2. And they just make it up as they go.

Okay? And then when it's time to mix, they'll put a little of track 2 and a little of track 6, and start moving those channels in a way that you would never think to play the guitar. For example, Ed started doing that on a couple of tracks. Alright? Original solos, Runnin' With the Devil. Okay. These are thematic solos. Most Beatles' solos. Thematic, you follow? Yeah. Listen to the solo and he ain't talking about, like, you know? These are thematic solos.

When he started going like this, he'd record 6 different versions of the solos. Okay? And then just start move the channel. Like, here, turn this one on, turn this one off. Turn this one on, turn this and then he'd have to go learn the solo. Wow. So you'll see his hand move from down here to up here and down there. It became a gymnastic effort, more elbow and shoulder, to get his hand from the far end of the fretboard all the way up to the pickup and back to duplicate that, Wabi Sabi Wow. Approach to making solos.

The the freakiest thing was I saw how it changed my inner world, meaning friends and family.

How so?

My step grandfather who was a World War 2 vet very closed down, classic Eisenhower Republican type of guy, smart, you know what I mean, had literally zero interest in me as a kid. I mean, negative zero interest. And and one day, I'm sitting there at Christmas, and now grandpa wants to talk to me about the economics of my success. Woah. And it's like like, that got through to him because some guy at work or somebody at the church brought me up, and it was like, oh, that's my grandson. You know? Nothing about childhood. You know? Childhood tears did anything, but that you know, I saw where it warped the gravity in my family. And then you get the friend like, you know, you're different.

It's like, yeah. Yeah. I'm different. Of course, I'm different.

You know what I mean? I I you know what

I mean? It's like, I've got a $1,000,000 in my pocket. You know what I mean? I could buy you know? Yeah. I mean, you know, I one day walked into Beverly Hills and paid cash for a Ferrari, and that's just dumb stuff.

Like

That's kinda awesome, though.

Yeah. Yeah.

I remember the People don't like the idea of that. No.

I think it's funny. Right?

It's amazing. You bought a Ferrari with money that you had on you. That's fucking crazy.

I and it was and it was the classic story I walk in that, you know, the guy didn't know who I was. Of course. He's like, so how are you gonna pay for this? And I was like, cash.

Like, he was the biggest person on the planet, and he had the demons. You know what I'm saying? And but he's fun too because he because you see him in a club and he sees he sees some girls and

he's like, fine. How you doing? You like BMWs? The girls be like, what? Do you like you like BMWs? You like cars? You like BMWs?

And crazy, he'd take the girls out and go get a BMW.

We were talking about the power of women and how, you know, it never no matter how much money you make and stuff and they're all women are always kind of in a rush. You know? And and, and and Mike Tyson said to Tony, he goes, man, I've had it all. I've had I've had, I've had money. I've had fame. But if God invented anything better than pussy, he's keeping it for himself.

That's a man who one time I went to his house, and it was 5 it was 6 limos, and nobody would get out the limo. And I said, I come to my house getting out the car. They said, you don't see that lion standing over there? Mike Tyson in the lion in his front yard. Like hangover stuff. That's the only man whose house I ever went over. There was a line in the front yard loose. Wow. He was on the steps like this with a heavyweight belt.

What? What?

What? How come the man went

to get out the car and play with my cat?

He was

like, no, man. No. That's not a cat. That's a lion.

That's fucking real.

Oh my god.

Mike Tyson had a lion.

A male lion

or a female lion?

It's awesome. The mane, the lion in his front yard, loose. Shit. It was walking it was off the leash, man. He was not in the cage. He was in the yard.

Oh my god.

Then he came out and started wrestling with him and Oh

my god. Damn. He wrestled? How big was the lion?

It was big, man.

It was a lion, man.

He was wrestling with a lion.

Came over there and grabbed him and started tussling with him and all that. Jesus. And everybody was in the limous so the lion could come up to a limousine and bust the window open to come in there. I'm sorry. Easy. He could just go like this boof and come right in there Yeah. Just have lunch. So everybody was in the car.

He couldn't back out because it was all, like, 5 limos. So everybody's in the car heard, but I had thinking that Mike is getting ready to be eaten by this lion, but that isn't happening. He's he plays with him and he put takes him in the back. That comes back out, and I was like, you know what? I'm never gonna be in around another man in life that's gonna do that. And and you know what I'm saying?

Because to

me, he was Mike Tyson is not a line team. You ever heard about Mike working in Vegas? No. He just tamed lines. He had one in his front yard, man.

So I'm in prison. I'm talking to my car dealer at the time, and he has a he has some cars that belong to a friend of mine that's supposed to be a friend of ours, and he's discussing if he doesn't pay for these cars, I'm a sell these cars to somebody and get some horses and stuff. I said, what? You can get horses and show you horses and for cars? Because I had a lot of cars. I thought I'd probably get some horses too. And he said, yeah, man. You get you get cougars, lions, tigers. I know this guy got exact I said, you do? Can you get me some tigers? He said, yeah. And the guy told me and the guy said, man, imagine how cool that'd be.

You'd be because I had a bunch of friends because imagine that man, you'd be in the aftermath or Ferrari. You have a tiger right next to you, man. That'd be awesome. And I'm a young guy. I'm a tell I'm saying to myself, wow, that would be cool. Right? After, yeah, get me some Cubs, man. And then when I came home, I had those cubs right there waiting for me.

So you raised them as cubs?

Yes.

Because that's that's how you because I would see footage of you, like, fucking smacking them around and jumping on one of your tigers, and I was like, holy shit.

Oh, no.

I hadn't mentioned they were babies. I had their mothers. Their mothers and their babies.

Now, it never gets this is a crazy picture. You in your underwear with a tiger on a chain. That is one of the That's a chain right there. That's you at peak crazy.

Yeah, insane. What was going through my mind? I don't know what made me think about, my friend said Mike you can get some awesome animals and

I said, really, are you serious?

And I remember that American team was saying, oh well you never fought the best. I'm like, didn't fight the best. I thought American set them best team. Yeah. But one guy, he doesn't like taking plans and his manager don't like taking plans either. So I'm like, who's that? And they told me it was Mike Tyson, custom model. So me and my trainer, we left Canada and we drove all the way up there. And while we were up there, Razi Rudderick was up there and they said, oh, Razi Rudderick came and didn't spar with us.

I said, okay. I'll spar with you. I'm here for 4 days. So first time Tyson actually met me, you know, he was nice guy, really nice guy. Took me in his room, showed me some old flicks that I've never seen before of old time fighters. He would tell me about each fighter like he studied them and then you know this is where he got his old style his his style of fighting from. And first day in the first day in the gym, Bell went. He came across and he was trying to kill me.

Like, you know, I did my Muhammad Ali thing, obviously stayed away from his power, but the first day was really hectic. And then the second day was a little hectic and it got better as it went along. And the last day is I got actually the better of him the last day. And I remember Castamaro saying, Mike, you're gonna meet him someday. Don't you do that? And that always echoed in my mind that will we ever fight? Will we ever fight? Because Castamaro said that we're gonna fight. And it did happen.

Wow. That is crazy, man. God. That's crazy.

He was built back then too. He had a big neck.

Tyson, when I first had him, he was a 190 pounds, nothing but muscle, 12 years old. Okay? That's what he was. But that's what he was. I mean, that's what God made it.

That's crazy.

So I go down there and I put the first fight. Nobody's seen Tyson. Nobody's ever seen Tyson. But 12 years old, 0 fights. Okay.

Teddy,

now you go too far. You lie more than us. Nelson, I'm not lying. Okay? He's 12 years old. It's gonna be 13 soon, but he's technically he's 12 years old. Okay? Oh, come on. I said, alright. I'll make you feel better.

I'll put down 17. Thank you. Now you tell the truth. I think he's not 17.

He bit a chunk out of your fucking ear.

Right.

Like, what what were you thinking at that time?

Biting him back. I'm I'm I'm serious. I was getting ready to bite the daylights out of him. A week after that, I talked to Mike. We were we we was at the all star basketball game in in New York, and and I looked up and and everybody was streaming. And I wonder what they're streaming about, telling me to watch out. I'm like, watch out for who? I looked up at at Old Mike, and he had the big bear coat and he like this.

He had a big bearskin coat?

No. You know, he had a Big

fur coat?

He

had big fur coat and the stuff like that, and he wouldn't do nothing to shake hands.

And Wow.

And A week after.

Matter of fact, his room was next door to mine, I didn't know. We came we came out. We we come out at the same time. He looked he looked. He asked me, is it all good? I said, yeah. So we get on the elevator together. Woah. And we come down with the door open.

Everybody was shocked. So they were shocked wondering why we wasn't fighting.

Right.

And then I It was

just you 2 in the elevator or other people as well?

Yeah. That's right.

Just you 2 in the elevator.

Yeah. And so and so at the shocking part, and they said, man, and we thought they would be fighting. And I told the guys, man, I said, you know how much money I got paid in that fight? How much money can you think we're gonna fight for fruit?

Do you work out anymore?

No. I mean, I keep away from that stuff, man.

You don't even like,

all that stuff, you know.

Spin class or anything?

No. All that stuff, reactivates my ego.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Wanna get ripped on us today, reactivate it.

That's the thing about, like, extreme winners. Yeah. Extreme winners that that that ego is hard.

Yeah. If I can do my ego, I'm a lose in life. I'm a lose. I'm a lose in this Canada. I'm a lose everything.

What if you, like, go jogging? Can you go jogging?

No. I'm not gonna

do I do my treadmill work and stuff.

Okay. Treadmill. That's it. But But

if I start to think that I'm special, if I get a glimpse of glimmer of that thing for you.

Yeah.

Look at you. You're better than them.

I saw a video you hit in the bag recently. It was like a couple years ago.

Mhmm.

You still hit the bag? No. I don't. You still throw some bombs?

I do probably for the camera.

Yeah. That's what you're doing, but I'm like, damn. You could still move. You still have it in you. Right? I don't know. I don't know. But it's in your body.

It has to be I don't want none to do that.

Does it feel weird? But what I was gonna get to when if you are standing in front of that heavy bag and you start rattling off combinations and people you start thinking like, oh, shit. I'm actually Mike Tyson. Like, I was that guy. I am that guy who went through that. I am the youngest heavyweight champion of all time. I am that guy that destroyed Tyrell Biggs. I am that guy that knocked out Larry Holmes. I'm that guy.

I I look

at that guy I look at that guy and somebody has given me a platform to help me forget about that guy.

Wow.

So it's so strange to hang out and talk to him. Like, party he was so iconic that whenever you're around him part there's, like, 10% of you that has to go holy shit. It's Mike Tyson. No matter what else you're saying, 10% of your brain is going holy shit. That's Mike Tyson. You know, I've been thinking about this podcast a lot, ladies and gentlemen. And, one of the things I've been thinking about is I appreciate the fuck out of everybody listening. And, I we we do try our best to make this as interesting as possible and as smooth and professional as possible.

But I gotta admit that I've been too stressed out about this. I've been taking it too seriously. I mean, taking it seriously in a good way whereas we improve the sound, we got a real mixer, we got us I mean, we're sitting on couches and shit and gonna get better cameras. There's a part of it that's really fun but there's a part of it that wasn't fun and I don't think that should exist. I don't think I should ever get too serious about this. This is for people who are working, who are just being distracted, that just want something because they're doing mindless shit. This is for people that are driving in their cars and you know, want something to listen to. This is for people on the train.

This is for people at the gym. Whatever the fuck. It's for you guys, alright? We've done this for a 100 episodes now. Give me some knuckles. We had a good time. RedBann and I have, we've, more than, surpassed our expectations. I I never had any going into it. I don't think you did either.

No. Never thought it would be like this. I thought this was actually gonna last a month.

And if if we take it too seriously, you stop being yourself and it starts starts being like this professional thing that you're trying real hard to do. And, I think, I think I've fallen prey to that. Listen, you guys have been, cool as fuck. You've been with us, some of you from the very beginning and that's that's ridiculous. I can't believe you stuck out this long. We we can't believe how many people enjoy the show. We love doing it and there's nothing more I could say. It should just be a weekly fun thing like it or not, you know, for for anybody who's like minded or anybody who's interested in some sort of a distraction from someone who's not like minded.

And I don't necessarily I'm not saying I agree with this because I don't.

Make some more apple juice.

Get some apple juice in your system fella. Okay. 30 more minutes.

I see you guys wanna give up. You're gonna be shocked though.

Dude, I'm fine, man.

A little more hours. Look, here's

the thing.

You're fine.

Listen I'm

gonna be honest with you. I'm kinda retarded. In that what I I pull up just just type in Alex Jones at YouTube, all the mean stuff's put up on top. I'm decompartmentalized.

Okay. But

this will be studied for years.

So with

so the aliens are already here. AI is alien. The chimeras are alien. And I also think it's not doing plants. I think it's a brain surgery program for microchips. And and so I'm here, and and my carol's like, David, I'm sick of these people, and you've already done so much for the 5th cup government. You're not gonna be, you know, I I want you out of this. So this is, like, you know, 7, 8 years old, you're not hearing about the you're hearing about the cyborgs.

So I'm saying no. No. No. I believe it happened. Stop saying I said it didn't happen, and stop saying that I'm saying no kids died. Because I wanna talk about human animal hybrids. When I had the globalist 15 years ago, 20 years ago, try to buy me off 10,000,000 a year, you know, whatever.

By the way, cheers.

Cheers, brother. Anyway. Jesus Christ. So, Joe, that's what I'm telling you is, were you at the kitchen table when you were 8 hearing about cyborgs? Listen. Here's the deal. Right here. You've got a total schizophrenic that thinks the sun is following around town and thinks their dog is watching him and works for the aliens. That's not happening.

You've got someone over here someone over here that believes everything they see on Fox News.

Yes. Okay? Yes.

Now questioning's good. Science is good trying to figure out what's real.

Yes.

And all of us get freaked out the nature of the world. No one knows what the universe is. We don't have all the answers. So it kind of people can't handle that bigness. They can't handle that question, especially low IQ. So they have to differentiate and create a model that allows them to put it in boxes so they can make it make sense because they can't handle it. As I know No.