Ep 88 Reflecting on Pain: A Journey to Self-Love

Hello and thank you for listening to I'm speaking with Elizabeth West. I am your host. And in this particular episode, this is going to be a transparent one, in kind of one sign of the times, a little bit of vulnerability in here, talking about what I have been going through recent me. So the past several weeks I have had excruciating back pain. And I guess this episode could be titled anything to it might be titled what is this pain teaching me? What is this pain trying to teach me? Or what is this uncomfort trying to teach me? I'm not 100% on the title, but I digress. I'll just get started. So the past several weeks, I've had this excruciating back pain. Came out of the blue, out of nowhere, never had it before.

So I didn't know what was going on. And I'm not one to be like, woe is me ever. Or one to be like, I'm not telling this story for pity or for feel sorry for me. That's not at all where I'm coming from with this. If anything, I'm hoping to share what I've discovered, this uncomfort and or this pain. What is this uncomfort? What is this pain trying to teach me? So hopefully it will help those of you listening. It's something that you're going through. Maybe you're going through an uncomfortable, painful situation, difficult situation and a difficult situation.

And maybe this will help you as far as what I discovered is helping me. When I thought of the questions, what is this trying to teach me again? So the past several, several weeks, I've had excruciating back pain. And I've had back pains before, but this was in a different area and it kind of affected my whole upper back and also my whole right side. So like my right arm as well. And again, this is not for pity or anything, but everything hurt. Everything hurt. It's the worst. And since it was the first time that this pain in this area and the magnitude of it, it was all new to me.

So I did not know what to do. I was figuring out as I was going through it, okay, well, everything hurt, from brushing my teeth to sitting to reach. I mean, I know I wasn't going to reach for something that is, I definitely wasn't going to do that. But even just simple tasks, picking up a dish, putting down a dish, picking up a cup, everything hurt. Again, I digress. Going back to I had to think about what is this trying to teach me during the course of it I had attended, I had Michelle Rohr on my podcast a few episodes ago, and her episode is actually turning into be one of my most listened to podcast episodes, by the way. So thanks, michelle. I knew it was going to be good and it was better than I had even imagined.

And I had listened to that podcast episode several times. I believe it's episode 80, 81, but it's why leaders don't need followers in business and why shiny object isn't a bad thing. So that's the title of it. And I forget, and I did not think that I was going to bring this episode up. So I don't have the actual number, but I will have it in the show notes. So please look out for it in the show notes because I'm not sure if it's episode 80 or 81, but it's not too long ago. It came out on December 23, 2023. I do remember that the date, but yeah.

So that episode with Michelle Roar. So I'm in one of her programs, which is, and I talk about this on the episode that I'm interviewing Michelle on as well, this same episode. And her program is called say yes to desire. And they have a Zoom call once a month. And so I was already off that day anyway from work. And then I also wouldn't have been able to go to work anyway if I was going to be going to work because of my excruciating back pain. That had basically still prolonging, I guess is the best word I can think of. They were still prolonging at that point because they started earlier, but they continued.

And it was not going to go off on a tangent, but it was at the time, after they started out of the blue, then it would kind of seem like it was improving a little bit. So it's almost like with that saying one step forward, two steps back, that's how it was. So the first two weeks was like one step forward, two steps back. So I didn't know, is it going to get better? And then after the second week when it was just like two steps back or three steps back, one step forward, three steps back, one step forward, two steps back, I was like, okay, something's got to give because this is affecting my life. I can't do hardly anything. So I need to be able to help this situation. I need to figure out how to get better. So anyhow, going back to Michelle Rohr, I attended the Zoom because I was bedridden anyway.

I mean, I couldn't do anything anyway. I mean, I still had to do things because I still had to do things like make something to eat, make something to drink, drink water or whatever, going and getting the water. So of course you have to still live. You can't just sit there and have a maid, so to speak, like, get your stuff. Most of us have to do our own thing, have to get it for ourselves. So I still had to do stuff even though I was in pain. So anyhow, the zoom for say yes to desire. Michelle Rohr's, one of Michelle Rohr's wonderful programs, say yes to desire.

So we had it in. It was interesting because at the time, Michelle Rohr was also sick. She had a different sickness at the time. Again, this is a Zoom call. So she was also sick. And it made me think, what is this? And she talked about it as well on the Zoom call. But it kind of made one thing that she talked about on the call during the program, the Zoom call. And something that I've realized myself at this point going through this pain, excruciating back pain for the second week now.

At the time, I was trying to think, what is this trying to teach me? What is this pain trying to teach me? And it's interesting because Oprah talks a lot about when I believe it was she was going through a situation at the time and she was just kind of like, why is this happening? Kind of like the quote unquote woe is me, which I did go down that road, I'm not going to lie. I did go down that, woe is me. Why is this happening? It's the worst time because I needed my physical health. I mean, I need it anyway every day. All of us need it, right? We all need to be doing something. I mean, we all have to be like wells to be able to walk around, to be able to get around, to be able to live. So going back to the Oprah story. So she was talking about, this was at the time when Dr.

Maya. Maya Angelou. Or is it Dr. Maya Angelou? I think it's Dr. Maya Angelou, the correct pronunciation. So it was at the time when Dr. Maya Angelo was alive and Oprah was going through a situation and it's kind of like, why is this happening? What a pain. This sucks.

And then she was talking to Dr. Maya Angelo at the time, who was alive, and she was saying, kind of know this, woe is me. And then Dr. Maya Angelou said, be grateful. Like, you know, Oprah was, why? Why would I be grateful for this pain, this difficulty, this uncomfort, this horrible situation? And it's kind of like, and then Dr. Maya Angelo said something to the effect of be grateful that you're going through this because it's teaching you something. It's teaching you something. It's trying to tell you something.

It's teaching you something. You'll come out of it much more stronger, much more resilient. And basically, like, shut up, deal with it. And when you're out on the other side, you'll look back and you'll see why you're going through this. You should have gratitude right now because you're going to be grateful later on is basically what Dr. Maya Angelou had told Oprah at the time. So going in accordance with that is what I was thinking about at the time, too, going through this excruciating pain that I never had. I've had back pains in my lower back, but never in this upper right area.

And then also affecting my right side, which was my right arm and everything over on the right, basically not my right leg, but my right upper back and arm and everything hurt again. And so I was thinking, what is this trying to teach me? And I ended up writing out some things. I thought about it and I thought about what is this trying to teach me? Because another thing about it is that you couldn't even sleep. Like I was telling some relatives about it and some friends. It's like, well, wow, that's strange. What is it? Do you know what? I don't know what it is. Do you know what it is? No, I don't. I don't know what it is.

I never had it before, so I don't know. I'm like dissecting it and trying to diagnose it as I'm going through it because I don't know what it is. And, and it was like, well, get some rest. Well, at the time, I could not rest because I sleep on my back. I could rest, but I would wake up and it would be like 100 times worse. And I tried to change my sleep position and nothing was working. So I wasn't on top of everything. I couldn't even quote unquote rest because the way that my sleep position was making it worse as well.

So nothing. I couldn't even go to sleep and rest. Like if you were to have the flu, you know what I mean? A fever or even any kind of other sickness, most, more times than not, you're able to sleep or stay in bed and kind of rest. Well, I wasn't even able to do that at the time. So this was really a teaching lesson for me because I was like, this is the worst, because everything I do hurts. And on top of it, I can't even really get good sleep because my sleeping position was making it worse, essentially making it worse, like, making myself worse. So I couldn't even sleep and even have a couple of hours of Zen, basically. So I was never in Zen.

I was always in pain. Pain. I digress, because I know that there's a lot of other people that are going through much worse than that, and probably they can't walk or they literally, physically cannot walk, or it could be something to that effect. So I get that. And I am not by any means trying to. I know that this is not the worst that it could be for anybody. That's not at all what I'm trying to imply or say, but I'm just basically telling my story of what I was going through at the time. And so everything hurt trying to figure out what's going on.

And what is this trying to teach me? I did have to call in sick to my day job, which I hate to do because I was raised like, you never call in sick. You know what I mean? It's like, don't ever call in sick. So that was something that I had to do. I was like, I had to do it. I had sick days. So I was like, I have to use these because I am sick. You know what I mean? And not by sick by having a fever or the flu sick, but sick by my back pains that I can't go in to work. So what is this trying to teach me? What I'm thinking about? What is this? Pain.

Uncomfort. Horrible. Like this. One step forward, two steps back. What is this trying to teach me? And so one thing that I figured out that it was trying to teach me was I feel like it's trying to teach me is that it was reminding me to take self care and to take self love, to take more self care and self love. So it reminded me that with that, being a woman, getting older, as none of us are getting younger, right? None of us are getting younger, we're all going to get older. We're all getting older and will get older, continue to get older. And it reminded me of, like, okay, and going back to being a woman.

Our bones deteriorate as we get older and we have osteoporosis, right? Is they're, like, around the corner for all of us just because that's just the way it is. So it reminded me to take better self care. It reminded me that I'm not invincible and that I am getting older and I have to be careful. I have to be careful. I have to take more self care than I had been taking just because of getting older. In general, being a woman, getting older and osteoporosis is just right around the corner for all women. We all have to deal with that. So it reminded me with that, taking self care and self love, loving myself more.

It reminded me of, because I used to lift weights, like just a few pounds, like five pounds or something, like they're three pounds. Even two pounds is fine. I used to do that continuously, like a few times a week, I used to do that. And then the last few years due to life. But yes, life happened. The pandemic happened in the last five years, a lot of things that have happened, but not to make any excuses, really getting to the point is that I shouldn't have stopped. I should have still continued. So another thing is, I've been a dance instructor and a choreographer for many years as well.

Well, the last few years, I have not been doing that either. Now, what I do do, and I'm not trying to sugarcoat anything of what I'm doing, but I do still keep in pretty good shape. I take walks three to five times a week. Let me try to think, how many times do I take a walk? Yeah, between three and five times a week, which I'm going to add more days because I should take a walk every week, and I'm just talking, thinking out loud to myself. But I do take my walks, at least a 30 minutes walk almost every day. So that is something that I always do. Even when I was in pain, it actually helped me to feel better, and it was the only thing that I really could do. I could get outside, I could get some exercise.

I wasn't hurting myself. I wasn't making myself in more pain because it was walking. It wasn't affecting my upper body and my upper back and my right arm. So I was okay. And actually I felt better after every walk that I took. So I still took my walks even though I was in pain. And everything hurt to do anything and everything hurt, but I still could take my walk. So I continued to take my walks even though I wasn't having that excruciating back pain at the time.

And so I take my walks and I'm going to add in the weights, free weights, which is strength training. And when a lot of people think of strength training, you're thinking of, oh, I got to go to the gym, I got to do 50 pounds. Well, no, you don't. You can just do, especially me as a woman. I'm speaking, and I'm speaking to women as well. Is that obviously kind of like repeating what I was saying a little bit earlier? Our bones deteriorate as we get older. Osteoporosis is on, is like around the corner and we're all going to get older and we're all going to be affected by this. Our bones are going to deteriorate.

We're all in the same boat. It's going to happen to all of us. And so something that I'm going to add back into my quote unquote regimen, exercise regimen, self care regimen, I might as well say that self care regimen is doing the free weights. So I actually will need to buy some free weights to have, because I have them. I'm not going to go off on a tangent, but they're not at my current house, like where I'm at. So that was actually what was quote unquote stopping me, but I shouldn't let that stop me. So I've decided I'm going to buy them. I'm going to buy some new ones.

It's worth it. They're only a couple few bucks each and I have a store not too far from me. I can go and get some or even have them delivered or whatever. But the pain point is that I'm going to continue strength training again with lightweights. Again, five pounds and less. Five pounds, three pounds, even two pounds, even one pound. You know what I mean? Like whatever your capacity is and you can lift for, you can find things on YouTube as well. There's plenty of things online you can find.

I have basic lifting exercises that I'm going to do. So basically strength training that I'm going to get back into because I had stopped doing it for the last few years and so I'm going to get back into that. Something else that I had kind of stopped doing is taking my multivitamin daily vitamin. And I am going to start taking a daily vitamin. So I already have been starting to take one. And they even have some that are for women because of our bones and how our bones deteriorate sometimes they'll say, oh, for women over a certain age, they'll have a certain age on there. As long as you're taking something like a daily vitamin and of course, read the fine print. What's in the vitamin? What are the vitamins that are in there? You want to make sure you don't have any allergic reactions or anything.

But I went ahead and got some multivitamin for women and I started taking that for already a couple of weeks now. I bought them and I started taking those a day, once a day. So I've added that back into my, I'm adding that back into my regimen, something that I used to do all the time, like for many, many years. And I just happened to stop the last few years. So I'm going to continue that. I'm going to get some free weights and start lifting again. So that'll make my bones strong and muscles strong. Strength training.

Light strength training, still strength training, but light strength training. And something that I've continued to do because when I started, stopped taking my one a day vitamin, daily vitamin, it was because I read something about something, it didn't have all of the vitamin. I forgot why I stopped taking it the last few years because I had taken it every day, literally, for most of my life. And then I just happened to stop because of some article that I read about it. But the main point is to get a daily vitamin. Find a daily vitamin that works for you and take it. So, yeah, I've started that back up. And then something that I've continued to take is a fish oil vitamin.

I'll take one fish oil vitamin once a day. And so I've continued to take that. Even when I stopped taking the daily vitamin, I took the fish oil vitamin. And you can get fish oil vitamins anywhere and everywhere. Really. Every grocery store will sell them. Target has their own brand. Many, many places will sell them.

And so I suggest taking that, too. So currently I continue to take the fish oil vitamin and I am adding in the daily multivitamin for women. And then I'm going to be adding the strength training so that I can keep my bones and my muscles strong. So that was the first thing that I realized that it was reminding me this pain, the uncomfort, the excruciating back pain, what that was teaching me. So that was the first thing reminding me to take self care and self love number two. The second thing was, it was reminding me to be kind to myself, kind of going back to that I'm not invincible, you know what I mean? I'm getting older. We're all getting older. So it's inevitable we're all going to get older.

We're all not getting any younger. We're all going to get older. So it's like accepting that and the acceptance is huge, too. You're like, wow, I know, I'm not a spring chicken anymore, so to speak. But it's like, okay, this thing is a wake up call. Like, never having these pains where they are for me, where they are and how they're affecting my life, literally and physically. So number two was number one, reminding me to take self care and self love and to love myself more. Number two, reminding me to be kind to myself.

So with that said is realizing, accepting and realizing and reminding myself I'm not invincible. I'm not a spring chicken anymore. I knew I wasn't, but just, like, reminding myself, like, I have to take better care of myself. Not reaching to get stuff before my excruciating back pain that I'm talking about right now, I would kind of, like, turn and twist and, you know, like, no big deal. Well, after. Now that I've had these excruciating back pains, I'm like, no more of that. So that means that getting up, turning around the right way, instead of twisting my body, trying to contort my body and twist my body to try to reach something that's gone, that's out of the window, like, I can't do that anymore. I'm past that.

That's expired. I can't do that anymore. So that was the second thing was reminding me to be kind to myself and being kind to myself. That is one thing I realized also within taking self care, self love, and being kind to myself. Eating more fish. For me, I love salmon, so eating more salmon, which, I'm not going to lie, when I was a caretaker to my mom, my mom is so healthy, such a healthy eater. And I would usually, a lot of the times, there was always salmon. There's always, like, fish and or vegetables around.

That's why she's so healthy too, by the way. I was like, oh, that's why my mom is so healthy, because she's always eating healthy. And I was always around her for many, many years. So it was easy for me to kind of, like, eat healthy. Well, now that she's not been in my care, we're not together anymore, and so under the same roof anyway. So, yes, we haven't been under the same roof for many years now. And so, yes, I was eating, not horribly, but with her around and the fact that she eats so healthy, that definitely did help me for most of my life to eat healthy. So I reminded myself, like, I have to continue to do some of these things, like eating salmon, for example, which I eating fish, more fish in general, and then eating more salmon because there's so many nutrients and vitamins in that, and eating more vegetables again, I have not been horrible, but it's just reminding myself to always have, always having vegetables on hand all the time and having vegetables with every meal that I eat, which I've been doing pretty good at, but I'm going to bump it up a notch.

I'm going to make sure that I have even more vegetables in my diet, more vegetables that I'm eating with my different meals. So with breakfast, with lunch, with dinner, I'm always going to have even more vegetables than I had before. So that's something else that I'm going to be adding on. Again, I wasn't horrible, but adding that on, that's number two. And then number three is asking for more help, really asking for help and asking for help in a bigger way because I'm not going to lie. I still hate asking for help. Don't we all? You know what I mean? Like, most of us hate asking for help. Nobody likes it.

But come to find out, and there is a. Oh, gosh, I hope I remember, but there is a podcast episode on Glennon Doyle's podcast that I hope I remember to put it in the show notes. If I don't put it in the show notes for this podcast episode, it will definitely be in the show notes for my, I'll be having a podcast episode talking about what I'm watching, reading, and listening to. And it will definitely be in that one if it's not in this one. But she talked about how asking for help, how it helps both parties, basically, this episode that she had recently, Glenn Doyle's podcast, which is with her wife, Abby Wambach, the soccer champion, and with Glennon Doyle's sister, Amanda is also on there. And so she calls her sis sissy. I think it is sister. That's what she says.

She goes sister. So she always calls her, she doesn't call her by her first name. She says sister. And so Glenn Doyle's podcast called we can do hard, uh, again, so she talked about asking for help, how it helps every party involved, because you asking for help is obviously helping you, but the person that's helping you, we have these feel good endorphins that we feel better when we help people. So basically, it's just like all around, it just helps everyone involved. So me going back, that was my number three, that I feel like it's teaching me this pain, this uncomfort, this difficulty, what this is teaching me, this is excruciating back pain. It's teaching me to really ask for help, to ask for more help, and to ask for help in a bigger way. So I did start asking for help, more help and help in a bigger way.

I did start doing that as well. I kind of started asking friends. I was kind of quiet for a little bit, but then I went back to asking them for help. And of course they're all like, yeah, just let me know. You know what I mean? They're like, yeah, I'm more than happy to help you, but I didn't hear from you, so I didn't know you still needed help or how big of a way you need help. And so all my friends are like, yeah, just let me know. Basically. Let me know, let me know, let me know.

So now I'm being better about keeping in touch and asking for, like, okay, I actually said it was this, but I'm actually going to need it in a bigger way. So I have started doing that as well. So those are the three things that I feel like my excruciating back pain. What is this pain trying to teach me, I believe is what this episode will be called. What is this pain? What is this difficulty trying to teach me? What is this situation trying to teach me? What is this trying to teach me right now? You know what I mean? And going back again to that Oprah story when she was talking to Dr. Maya Angelou when she was alive and Dr. Maya Angelo was like, well, number start being grateful like that. And it's like Oprah was like, what? Why? Why would I be grateful about this? This is horrible.

It's like, you know what? This is teaching you something. And you're going to be, when you get to the quote unquote other side of this, you're going to be stronger. You're going to be more resilient. So just be thankful right now. So I changed my way of thinking and I said, you know what? I'm going to be grateful for this right now. And think about what is this? With that said, what is this trying to teach me? So number one, reminding me to take self care, self love, myself more. Number two, reminding me to be kind to myself. Reminding me to be kind to myself.

Number three, to really ask for help. Ask for more help and to ask for help in a bigger way. So I hope this has helped you. If you're going through something that's painful, uncomfortable, difficult, horrible, all of the above, hopefully this helps you to think about it. What is this trying to teach me? And as opposed to the latter, which we can all go towards, as far as, like, this sucks, this is the worst. Why is this happening? To me, woe is me, right? So I'm hoping to change your mind as I did mine, because I did go down that road at first. Woe is me. Why is this happening? This is the worst time.

I really need my physical health because of what I'm doing. I need to be physical for what I'm doing. Like, I'm doing a lot of physical things right now and more than usual. And it's like, I need to be well, physically well to do it. And it's like, I couldn't do it. Like, okay, what does this teach me? And having faith, if I can add something else on having faith that everything will work out, because I was really nervous and I blamed myself, too, which is, I feel like could be another podcast episode. I blame myself for what happened to me with my excruciating back pains. It's not my fault.

So I had to realize, this is not my fault. Why am I blaming myself? That's not being kind to myself. I'm blaming myself instead of, like, being kind to myself. I was being the opposite. And so that was another part of me being kind to myself. It's like changing my thoughts. Like, this is not my fault. Why am I blaming myself when this is not my fault? This is out of my control.

As a friend of mine told me. They're like, that was out of your control. Why are you blaming yourself? That doesn't make any sense. And I was like, you know what? You're right. It was out of my control. I don't know why I was blaming myself. And so it just reminded me to take it easy. Self care.

Take self care. Self love. Be kind to myself. Ask for more help. Ask for help in a bigger way. So thank you very much for listening. I appreciate you. And I will get that episode with Michelle Rohr in the show notes and the Glennon Doyle episode, how she talked about her and her sister and Abby Wambach.

They were all talking about how when they have asked for help, they hate asking for help as well. But when they did ask for help, how they realized that it was a whole support circle. It was like everybody felt good. The one asking for help felt good. They were getting help, so they felt good. The one that was helping them felt good about it. And then it was kind of like it ended up being a community of everyone, kind of gathering for Amanda, Glenn Doyle's sister, for her asking for help. So it became like a little community of helpers.

And then they ended up finding out more about each other and then ended up being closer than they were. So it was just like, what did they call that? The paying it forward? What do they call it? Like a pay it forward point of view? I can't think of a better word. But the pay it forward theory, which is like, you pay it forward and then basically it comes back to you anyway. And it comes back to you, like tenfold, is basically the premise of paying it forward. So that was really what it was about that podcast episode with Glenn Doyle. So how asking for help, even though a lot of us don't like it, it's hard for us, very difficult for us. We feel weak. We feel like we're bothering somebody or whatever, what have you.

But really, when we do, it really helps everybody involved. Thank you very much for listening. I appreciate you. If this episode was of value to you, if you would be so kind as to give me a five star review, would be great on either Apple or Spotify. And you can also, let's see, not to kind of quote unquote, what's that word that they say? There's a term that they say don't do too much stuff. Just like leave it at keep it simple. You can also reply to me on there's a reply button below this. So in Spotify, and I believe it's also in Apple, the same buttons there, but it has a reply button.

And you can reply to me via an audio message if you'd like. Anyhow, either way, I hope this helped you in some way, shape or form. Thank you very much for listening. If this episode was of value to you, please share it with friend. That's great and thank you very much again. Cheers to speaking up and for making your voice heard.