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Disrupting the Norm with Love
The Inclusion Bites Podcast
Disrupting the Norm with Love
HE
Speaker
Heather Egginton
JL
Speaker
Joanne Lockwood
00:00 "Inclusion Bites: Conversations for Change" 04:10 Inherited Illusions and Self-Deception 06:44 Parent-Child Relationships and Independence 12:59 Complexity of Grief and Truth 15:07 "Questioning Reality and Self-Truth" 19:49 "Truth vs. Lies: Emotional Impact" 22:50 Cascade of Lies and Identity Crisis 27:07 Life's Travelator: Stopping the Routine 27:50 Finding True Path…
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Highlights
“Remember, everyone not only belongs, but thrives.”
“Inherited Self-Deception: "The lies we tell ourselves or inherited from past generations, significant adults in our life that have also gone through the same experience kind of had to try and make themselves be something they're not just in order to fit in or belong or all of those things.”
“Does Parenthood Define Us? "When you talk about having children defines you, it's a transient phase. You become an active parent to being a kind of a long lost parent or they don't need you anymore.”
“Navigating Family Transitions: "So I think, yeah, it's important to learn that transition, I think. But yeah, as you say, it doesn't define me.”
“Navigating Identity Loss "I probably go through the loss, let's say, of an identity every two or three, three weeks. And what happens with that is the, what I call it, and this is a lot of my work with individuals, private work with individuals, is about getting them to, I guess, navigate and lead themselves through the grief relief, disbelief and belief cycle.”
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Full transcript
Welcome to Inclusion Bites, your sanctuary for bold conversations that spark change. I'm Joanne Lockwood, your guide on this journey of exploration into the heart of inclusion, belonging and societal transformation. Ever wondered what it truly takes to create a world? Remember, everyone not only belongs, but thrives. You're not alone. Join me as we uncover the unseen, challenge the status quo and share stories that resonate deep within. Ready to dive in? Whether you're sipping your morning coffee or winding down after a long day, let's connect, reflect and inspire action together. Don't forget, you can be part of the conversation too. Reach out to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk to share your insights or to join me on the show.
So adjust your earbuds and settle in. It's time to ignite the spark of inclusion with Inclusion Bites. And today is episode 168 with the title Corrupting the Norm With Love. And I have the absolute honour and privilege to welcome Heather Egginton. Heather is a disruptor of the Norm and a truth, trust and love activator, passionate about creating deeper human connections in an often disconnected world. When I asked Heather to describe her superpower, she said it is the ability to bring strangers together and leaving them feel truly connected. Wow. Hello, Heather, welcome to the show.
Hello, Joanne. Thank you so much for having me.
Absolute pleasure. This is a return visit. I. Marie, actually my wife Marie and I came on your show back in January, I think it was.
Yes, you came on. It was such an amazing conversation. It was the wealth of you two and you were the one first couple that I went live with. It was amazing.
We talked about my gender transition, we talked about how Marie coped with that. So, yeah, that's online and I'll signpost that in the show notes if you want to listen to that as well, that'd be fantastic. So, Heather, you describe yourself as the Truth, Trust and love activator. Can you describe what that means to you and how it shapes the way you connect with people?
Firstly, Joanne, thank you. I know I'm giggling a lot. We've had such fun before we even got on to actually recording, so I'm just trying to rein in my. My giggles and so my. I guess what being a truth, Trust and love activator is all about is really, in my company, that is automatically what happens. There are people around me that cannot lie. They seem to find themselves trusting themselves more to be honest. Right self honest and be honest with what's going on with them and.
And through that they just love themselves more. Because they can see how much beauty there is inside them. Is just one of my superpowers. We all have them. It's just not always easy to really recognise, without us doing anything, what our actual powerful presence really creates for other people just by being ourselves.
It's interesting what you say there about the truth. The truth, and it starts as you. I think you're right. It starts with ourselves. Because if we're not careful, what we find ourselves doing is creating our own lie, which then becomes our. Which then becomes a version of our truth, doesn't it? If we're not careful, it's that inauthenticity, it's that pretence with the world that get either scared to come out or you're not prepared to face up to something. So you create this new normal for yourself and that becomes your story if you're not careful.
Yeah. It's like an illusion really, Joanne, Sometimes. And look, it's not even something maybe we consciously do. It might be unconsciously something that we kind of lead and live our life with and through and view the world through that's actually not even ours. Not most of the time. The lies we tell ourselves or inherited from past generations, significant adults in our life that have also gone through the same experience kind of had to try and make themselves be something they're not just in order to fit in or belong or all of those things. So it's actually something that we've inherited and it's not even ours. However, it does mean that taking radical responsibility, I guess, for what we're not willing to continue lying to ourselves about or lying to other people about.
Right. You know, a good example of this, and this is some of the work I do, is the wealth of Women programme that I run. A good example of this is we've been led to believe that you're not a woman unless you or you're not don't feel. Shouldn't feel complete as a woman unless you've had children. Right. And that's a lie. However, consciously or unconsciously we tell ourselves, I have no children, hands up, have fur babies, have two rescue doggies. And.
And I was led to believe that I was incomplete. And also women said to me, I'm really sorry to hear that you can't have children. And it's just like, nobody said I couldn't have children. They just weren't in my path. Right. So just a good example of where really we maybe are delusioned into thinking that there's something wrong with us if we haven't gone the same way as other people have and it's not true. It's just not true. So it's just a good example.
Yeah. I don't think having children has to define you. Okay, yes, it's a significant life event that occupies your primary brain for at least 20 odd years and then it's still in the back of your brain even now. So our children are in their 30s, so we've been through that ultimate responsibility phase and that hanger on phase and all those kind of phases. But now we're not post children, we're post worrying about children. And so having children no longer defines who we are. They're a fantastic part of our lives and people we love and treasure, but they're not what they were 20 years ago. So it's a transient phase.
And when you talk about having children defines you, it's a transient phase. You become an active parent to being a kind of a long lost parent or they don't need you anymore. So yeah, I think it's. But I also see what, how I'm now able to support my own mum who's in her late 80s now and she's. Our father passed away. My father passed away a couple of months ago and so helping her through this transition from being married, although my father was in the nursing home, to being a now a widower, single again and trying to reclaim our own independence and own identity around that is a really interesting journey and I hope I teach our children about how I've had to help my mum adjust to this so that they'll be there for either me or Marie at that point when we become a widow. So I think, yeah, it's important to learn that transition, I think. But yeah, as you say, it doesn't define me.
I just know that I've got hopefully two children who will look after me later. I've banked up that old age pension support credit.
I love it. Sparky's just woken up. I'm not sure that tin dogs would be able to support me when I get into my elderly years. However, they fully support me now Right. In bringing out the best of me now. And I would say, you know, speaking to that Joanne, firstly, sorry to hear about you losing your father a few months ago and please send my love to your mother. This is a really harsh statement to make, so forgive me if this is a bit triggery, but. But ultimately we don't necessarily mourn the person that we've lost.
We actually mourn the identity that person gave us.
Yeah, I can Relate to that. I mean, my relationship with my father wasn't great. And it surprised me how much I was emotionally connected to his passing, given that I had very little time for him when he was alive. And it was, you say, I think as you write, it's clinging onto that identity of him being a father and me being a child and just that, that break of the. That bond, if you like, in the living. And yeah, I think you summed up really well there. It hit me more than I thought.
Yeah. And it is. People find it really surprising they could have no real contact with a particular relative or friend and then they find out they've passed and it really hits them. And it is generally on a. I would say, depending on the person. Right. Because I believe currently that we are all the same, yet we're just living on different timelines. Right.
So depending on the person, on average, I would say me personally, I probably go through the loss, let's say, of an identity every two or three, three weeks. And what happens with that is the, what I call it, and this is a lot of my work with individuals, private work with individuals, is about getting them to, I guess, navigate and lead themselves through the grief relief, disbelief and belief cycle. So. And that's what we experience when we lose somebody that we love very, very much, whether we're really connected to. To them or not. And even when we don't really love them that much. But it was what they gave us. You know, the identity is, is, you know, we go through the, the kind of the disbelief that someone's actually not here anymore.
Right. And then we kind of feel that grief of. And we grieve what was. Right, what was before, that's no longer the same. And then we go through that kind of phase of relief. It's like, oh, now there's this thing that's leaving us these feelings that have probably given us a bit of dark days. And then we come out the other side in belief when we see that this person's not gone, they actually live on through us. And that is really powerful when we kind of get to that place.
And it's not always in the space that I've done it. Right. So it can take people a couple of three years if it's someone they've lived with on a daily basis. But it's just once, silly. Once somebody knows that's the kind of thing they're going to go through, that there's almost a little bit of peace that's found there.
Really. Yeah. I just think about how My mum describes it that if my father was in the nursing home for over two years, so she was very used to living alone, getting on with life. She used to visit him sometimes two or three times a week for an hour at a time, and she'd always save up things that she wanted to tell him on the next visit, so she always had something to talk about, because obviously his life was four walls and a window in the distance and he could probably see the same tree, the same building, and that's all he could see. So his life had no depth to it. It was very transactional. Eat, get changed, cleaned up, sleep, get up, not even get up, sit up, have dinner and then food, sleep, repeat sort of thing. So she used to save all these things up.
And she said that the strange thing is that she keeps thinking, oh, I must tell dad that, or I must tell dad that. And that's the biggest thing she finds, is that habit of interaction, I suppose. I was heavily involved last year with sorting out some issues around his medication, his wellbeing. He had some reactions to medication and infection, which meant his personality change really, really badly for the worse. And so I was dealing with care home issues, being hidden issues type thing with old people's mental health, those kind of events. So it's a real. I got really, really engaged in this for about two months, really trying to sort this out. And we got him onto this really nice level playing field where it was really fine.
And then, then he started to decline. So it's almost like could have done with another six months of him being really a really nice person again, having had all that trauma in the summer. So, yeah, it is strange. It's strange you become very invested in that relationship, even though, as I say, even though it's strange for me and my mum still sees it as well. So, yeah, grief is strange. You were talking earlier about these layers of truth and as you were talking, I was thinking about Breaking Bad at the series, for example, where Walter, his truth got away from him, didn't it? He kept laying and laying and laying all these different events and then he found he couldn't go backwards. The only way he could dig himself out was to dig deeper. And sometimes when you're inventing these truths or the language you're telling yourself who you are, you can become so engrossed in that.
It's hard to find your way back to the truth again, isn't it?
I've not never watched Breaking Bad. I don't know what you were referring to, but I think what you were referring to is the layers that we place on our. The layers that we have to kind of work through or keep up with and remember. Oh no, but I said I'm that type of person and now I'm with this person and I can't remember what person I am with this person person. And so we add all these extra layers. I think that's what you're describing.
Yeah. If you've seen EastEnders, I don't know if you're an EastEnders fan, but you had a recent character called Rhys and he became a serial killer and one problem at a time got away from him and he kept rationalising what he had to do based on the disaster of a situation he was in, rather than going back and going back 10 paces and going, if I don't take the left hand fork here and go right, things will be okay, even though they're tricky. But that's what we do. We make this poor decision and we can't go back, can we? We find it very difficult to reverse out of that one way street.
Yeah, it can be like that. I think also a lot of. Joanne, you know, as much as I don't watch telly, you know, that's why a lot of people are, let's say AKA and maybe addicted to like theories and soaps and, and characters identities within these dramas, right? Because what they do is they so much see themselves that it could be there, right? That they could get to that place where they do something that's a bit criminal and they're like, how did I even get to this place? And it's just like, well, one lie after another just led to this, right? So ultimately for us to understand within ourselves that, that there are these greater forces just as there are the powers that be, the universe, God, whatever kind of terminology, there's also these other greater forces that come and try and take you out when you are really living and leading in your truth, right? And it's being able to discern between is that my truth or is that something else? And it's really powerful. The questions sometimes that I find myself asking, personal one to one clients, is that like, is this really true for you, right, or is this another reality that you have maybe been witnessing or that you have been led to believe is yours in truth, like is it yours? Right? And it is quite a grounding question for the reason that you've just described with the characters in the TV shows. Because it does force somebody, the energy disruption there, like the norm disruptor, right? From my perspective, it does force Somebody to ask themselves and question themselves a lot deeper than the maybe others have before. Right. I like to play the why game. And I've done it with all amount different level of clients.
So they're millionaires, CEOs, entrepreneurs. Right. And it's five whys. Yeah. So someone would come with something that they want to create, let's say, and birth into the world. And then we play the why game with it. We're like, well, why? Is that really important to you? Why? Right. And it.
I mean, it is a little bit intrusive, I'm not gonna lie. And it is annoying as well, because I play it with myself. Right. And it gets frustrating. But. But once we get to the root of why someone wants to create something, it's really powerful because they can see what it's rooted in. And if it's rooted in truth, brilliant. If it's rooted in love and trust, brilliant.
But if it's not, it's like, well, that is not yours. You know, you're trying to create, let's say, in a false reality that's not actually yours. So it is really. I love that you've gone down this path. Have no idea. Can we say, whoever's tuning in, we did not know where this was going to go. Right. So I appreciate your inquiries so much.
Yeah. And it happens, you know, it's almost like that we were too afraid to tell the truth. That, you know, we're talking about that path left and right. Whatever reason it is, there's either shame, guilt, fear, whatever it is, causes us to want to take the path of easy. The easiest path, the one with less stigma attached to it. Less fear, less truth. How will I be judged? Whether we're having an affair, whether we've messed up at work, pushed the wrong button by mistake. You know, when you connect the first time earlier, I cut you off because I pressed the red X instead of the green tick.
And you said, oh, it didn't work. I could have just said to you, oh, that's strange. I don't know why that happened. I went. I thought I might have pressed the X button instead of the tick button because it's. I've learned over the years that it's much easier to just tell the truth at that junction because once you stop, once you start on that lie, you then escalate it all the way through and it becomes that relationship. It's built on that one mistruth or that easy excuse. If I'm late for a meeting, I just say to people, I'm Sorry, I was completely daydreaming and I had no idea what the time was and I suddenly looked at my watch and did omg, and I hope you forgive me.
So I'd rather say that than, oh, no, my computer was playing up. Oh, no. I had to dash to the doctors because I had a headache this morning. It's just to tell the truth and be honest because people go, oh, I've done that myself. You end up having this big conversation about how we're all just human, we all get stuff wrong, don't we?
Yeah, I mean, that's the loving and compassionate and empathetic way of seeing truth. Because if we're really honest, the. What I say is the truth, it kind of whisks up your insides and other people's as well. Say, for example, my example of not being complete as a woman without having children. You know, that is going to be polarising for a lot of people, right? And so therefore the truth whisks people up, whereas lies, they twist you up. And when I say twist you up, Joanne, I mean, physically, your body contorts itself, contracts itself. I mean, this is going really out there, right? And my belief is it does cause and create cancer in human beings the more we live a lie, right, My foundation, like now in life is I'd rather have the whole world against me than live a lie, you know, and. And I.
And that also is very polarising. But it's just like, why would I ever want to treat myself as something that's not valuable, that valuable enough to. To really honour its true power ultimately? And unfortunately, as I. On my website, it tells people, like, the five kind of stages to working with me from a transformational perspective. And the first one is like, we get rid of the lies we tell ourselves, right? So. And we get to the root of what created that, which is amazing because it's all working in our favour. It's just that normally we kind of lead with lies, or let's say, act a different way when we're a little bit triggered about something, because it just means we're not fully living in our true kind of path, you know, we're not living and leading in our true value as a person, which is all, like, easily kind of put back together. People can come back home to themselves, all easily remembered.
But it's just like you say, the layers of lies, once they come back, it's like, oh, of course I understand. Now I see why this was happening to me, or now I see why I have this hip problem. Or now I see why my digestive system's messed up, for example. And it's like, so once you notice and go back to the root of everything and, and see that it's all just because I started a lie here and then it just escalated and it's like, how powerful is that though? That is simply following that energetic trail back to the root causes. It's amazing.
Because we look at the escalation. The first lie is, is, is 10 centimetres. The next lie is another 10 centimetres. Another 10. Everything is built on that, on that first 10 centimetres. And to climb down from 10 metres after a year or whatever it may be then, then people start unpacking all the lies going, well, hang on a minute, you lied to me about that and you lied to me about that and you lied to me about that and, or, or I lied to myself about that or I lied to myself about that, whatever it may be. And you then become so invested in that new version of you, you look at bigger mists and other people, criminals, whatever it may be, become completely invested in this double identity, there's no way of backpedalling because then your truth is so far removed from who you are now that you'll never be forgiven. And then you're trying to hold onto that and thinking, hang on a minute, I'm protecting the person I'm lying to, that becomes your new truth as well.
You're doing it for them, not for you.
Yeah. I mean the biggest thing I picked up on there was there's almost like one, there's almost like a divide within ourselves. Yeah. And I know that you talk and you make a stand for equity, diversity and inclusion. Right. So there's almost a place where we become a divided person. And work is a really good example of this. As someone who worked in the corporate world for 25 years, previously leaving as a projects director for IT professionals and management consultancies.
Who I was at work was, not who I was at home. Yeah. And this like divide within us becomes almost the biggest point that you made about the 10 centimetres is, is so true, Joanne, because it, we separate ourselves from, and specifically our body from. Right. So we can always push through and make it into work. Yet when it comes to the weekend and have fun, we want to curl up on the sofa and just wallow in self pity or, or eat loads of crap food or like and just immerse ourselves in something so that we can forget about everything else. Right. And it's like when you, when I mean that, when you see that if that is Something you're experiencing, like I was experiencing.
Then there's almost a. Something that turns up to wake you up. Right. I'll put it that way. Right. Like a big jolt in something that's happened in your life that goes really like. And I'm really living my life this way. Way, because this clearly is not working for me.
And for me, that was losing my cat. I had Lester. Yeah. Such. I mean, I'm saying simple, but we all know, you know, living beings, whatever form they come in, right. Are really valuable. And. And I was like, hold on a minute, I haven't got anything to be responsible for.
Why am I slogging my heart out of work behind the scenes? I was already building a property portfolio for myself anyway. So it was like, why, why, why am I putting myself through this hell every day when I can just go and do this? You know, it was like, oh, I haven't got to have a fixed abode. You know, I can travel around now. So, you know, I so grateful for my cat harshly passing and where it took me in the end. And that was, what am I now? Seven. Yeah, seven years ago. Seven and a half years ago that I retired from having to work, as I call it. So it does.
There is like a thing that comes along because people don't necessarily always just automatically choose, I think, is what I'm going to say, Joanne, don't automatically wake up one day and go, I'm going to live my full truth to today, you know, and then, ta da, Right. Like it is something like turns up that sort of says, it keeps happening, doesn't it?
It becomes this kind of.
Yeah.
You could feel something stalking you from behind, going, I've been. And then you feel this pressure to keep on the status quo, don't you? And I often describe this as when I discovered this myself in my late 40s. The analogy I use is you get to Gatwick Airport and you get off the. Out the taxi and as you walk into the terminal, there's these really, really long travelators. It's almost like a mile of travelators. You get on, then you get off, then you get on and you get off and it takes you all the way into the departure lounge. And I describe it as, you know, I found myself on this travelator of life just getting on there and, you know, the ticket says you're going to Malaga, and you think, actually, I don't want to go to Malaga, I want to go somewhere else. So it's having the courage to hit the stop button.
The metaphorical stop button of life on that travelator, take all your luggage off and just park up and go, so where do I really want to go now? Otherwise you just carry on on that escalator or travelator of life doing what everybody else has told you you wanna do. The expectations you started probably when you were 12 years old. I wanna be this, I wanna be that. This is who I am. This is my identity that gets shaped as you get older and suddenly you go, hang on a minute, I should be over there somewhere. How did I end up over here? And it's really difficult. As you say, we built that truth of who we are. How do you go backwards to find that path again? And it took me to gender transition and sell my IT company to do it.
Not for everybody. But yeah, it's trying to have that bravery. I mean, you said you've got out of your corporate life and you now have a functioning new career as somebody who invests in property and does other things. So yeah, it's a different way of being, isn't it?
Yeah. And it isn't. It isn't the norm. Right. So let's just what you, your decisions, you know, to walk your truth. Like, that's not the norm, Joanne. Right. And the same for me, you know, who does that? Who retires at 39 and declares that and says, right, I'm never going back to the nine till five, even though mine was six till nine at night kind of job again.
Right. Like, who does that? Who buys their first house at 21 when everyone else has gone to university? Like, who goes against the grain? Right, Exactly. It is. They are out there. But, and I will speak this, those outer for greater forces, the ones that push against us living like this, will do everything in their power for us not to stand tall and be loud and proud about the decisions we've made that aren't the norm. Because that's societal conditioning. That's the systems and the processes. We're easily controllable if we're all nodding and going in the same direction.
And it's just like, I'm not willing to do that and, and there is like a recourse, you know, when we come home to ourselves, like, and who we have always been truly at heart. There's. There's no fight. You just be that. Like you said about the options. Now, my, the way my business works, the world view is an extension of my being. So why would I say my superpower is deep, truthful connection and be on a podcast with somebody and, and it not Feel like it's. We are deeply, truthfully connected and we've met twice online.
That's correct, isn't it, Joanne? Right.
Yeah, yeah, at least. At least twice. Yeah.
Yeah. And how do you feel in conversation with me?
Like you're an old friend, you know, like I've known you for five years.
See what I mean? So it's like a model completely what actually is possible. And look, it's. That's my value. I'm living and needing in my value and totally embodied in that. That's not going to be the same for everyone, however. It's being in the position where we're willing to really take a good long look at ourselves and see how freaking incredible we actually are without the societal programming, without those greater forces like you've described. Fear, regret, shame, all of those greater forces that suggest we should be this small thing that doesn't really matter. And it's just like we really matter, but we have to decide that, you know, we.
We make that decision. We have to make that decision within ourselves. The saying, that's quite trickery for some. I know that I am the chosen one and so are you and so is everyone. But do you choose you as the chosen one? Do you see what I mean?
I think. I'm not sure of the exact phrase, but it's something like you are a product of your six closest friends or something like that. So either either your six closest friends influence who you are, or you influence who you pick as your six chosen friends, whichever way you want to look at it. And if you hang around in corporate life with corporate people, that becomes your truth. And if you step out of that, everyone who's there going, oh, you're brave to go out into the cold and be shunned and go off and do your own thing, and they carry on doing their old. Their corporate slavery. But I hang out now. I'm sure you do.
You hang out with other, probably other property investors. You probably hang out in entrepreneur space. You hang out in small business space. And many of the people I meet now, professional speakers, trainers, consultants, have exited corporate life because the same reason I did it was just like it was bs. I wasn't getting anywhere. Most of my network now, most of my close friends are sole trader, independent entrepreneurs, trainers, speakers, consultants. Therefore, you don't feel out of kilter with the right way of doing things. You get this sort of solace in knowing that you are doing the right thing because it's working for everybody else.
So I don't feel alone anymore. Whereas Maybe in the early stages of exiting corporate life, I felt, yeah, like out on a limb, lonely.
Oh, I can totally relate to that, Joanne, totally. And let's star. Star this. Look, there are people that thrive in the corporate world and are really good at that, right? So it's not about us saying this is wrong and this is right and this is how right, but it's just recognising where do we fit, right? Why. Why we were put on this earth and. And it might be that somebody was put on this earth to disrupt and change, shift the paradigm within the corporate world, and that's brilliant. And I know that you're working really hard to already do that in your see change happen from a speaking and training perspective, but it's just knowing, right what. Where we lead ourselves.
And also, I believe it's not necessarily you become the sum of the people you are around, what you become is the sum of the energy that you sit around, right? So if you're in a room full of people that are disrupting the norm, for example, like me, then it's like there you calibrate to more bravery, being more bold, right. Being more truthful, like, and open in the world, sharing it out loud. Yeah. If you're in the room with people that don't necessarily have that desire or burning drive, I guess, then you won't. So it's recognising, well, what is it that I actually stand for? What is it that I actually value? And am I in the room or what of people? Am I surrounded by people that are actually on the same path or similar path to me? Or am I in the room with people hoping that they will see me for what I value and what I'm trying to create and are driven towards. So it's being able to understand what table do I want to sit at? Because that table is energetically in the right kind of similar field to me, but it's being able to recognise that, Joanne, because speaking from my own experience, I tried my hardest to convince people and prove to people that the best place to be was fully, deeply, truthfully connected. And like, why don't you want this? Because I've got it and it's amazing. And you know what that did? It just knocked me out of being deep, truthfully connected to myself.
It was literally a vicious circle definition of insanity, Right. I was trying to convince everyone else this is the way to go, trying to get everyone to value the same as me, and then it's just like, no, Heather, I'd left a community because of it because of the way they kind of changed the community without coordinating or communicating with me. And I saw it right there. Hold on a minute. These people here don't value deep, truthful connection. And I consider in this room for two years, like I had been hoping, willing and with all my life wanting them to value the same as me. And it's just like. But they don't.
And that's okay. And then you can leave, you know, and you can find or be, or even start your own freaking table, which is what I did anyway. Right. So I love that you brought that up around the, you know, you are who you are surrounding yourself with. Really powerful.
Yeah. And I, I love to quote Chris Evans, the celebrity broadcaster, Top Gear Year 1 Radio 2 presenter and bring your own toothbrush. I appreciate you don't watch. I remember TV much. Remember that. Yeah. So I, I remember him saying that, you know, you have to be Marmite, half the world have to love you and half the world have to hate you. And there's another quote that I can't remember who said it was, I don't have to like everybody because I don't expect everyone to like me or whichever way around that is.
So sometimes by polarising people, knowing who you are, what you stand for, is a very powerful place to be, rather than trying to be a people pleaser, you've tried to please everybody, please the people that you want to please, because they won't ever try and please you. And I think sometimes we get so invested in our friend relationships where we often find there's a disconnect between how you view that relationship and how they view that relationship. And we have people who are. They never phone us, we always have to phone them. There are people who are pleased to see us and people think, do you want to see me or don't you? And you end up having this relationship where one of you doesn't care more than the other person. So you've got to try and find relationships where you both have an equal partnership in the success of that relationship. But we too often invest. I want to be your friend.
I'll keep phoning you. They never call me, they never text, they never write. Well, stop writing to them, stop texting them, stop calling them. And if they don't notice, then it.
Wasn'T meant to be, all values thing, Joanne, you know, you'd think that you would attract friends that value the same as you. And you know why? Most of the time you do. We are all magnetic. It's just what we are we attracting. Do you know what I mean? This is being able to be observant about, oh, I've attracted another friend who expects me to organise and sort everything out. What's that telling me? Right? It's telling me that I'm amazing at organising, but actually that's not what I want to do for my friends. And I love that you've spoken to this, because I'm just about to bring out my Frequency of values challenge on LinkedIn and I do a different, slight, different version. I do my Frequency of Love challenge, right? And I do that on Facebook and it's ultimately helping those that want to be in community with the people that they want to be in community with.
Right.
That going to have a reciprocal like you've described, you know, they'll phone you and you'll find them and it's not like feeling like you have to, you know, it's just a nice, easy community relationship. And that's what it's about this month. And it's about going from the lonely couch, right? To fully connected. That's what it's about because I was the one that was sat on the couch, lonely, never had any friends, didn't know anyone, Always thought there's something wrong with me. Just wished that I could be normal. I was one of those people. And it took a lot, I'm not gonna lie, for me then, to come to a place where I am today to say that that had I not experienced that, I would not be in the position I am today. To say, if you're wanting to create community and connect effortlessly with your people, can never say that word.
If you wanted to connect effortlessly, nailed it with your people, then that's the challenge to join, right? Because I managed to do it where I moved here two years ago into Shropshire. Never lived here in my life. Was living in Worcestershire for like 25 years and now moved to Shropshire. And I've literally created a community of women around me that are incredible, that all value the same thing as me and all into the same things as me. One of those cup of quizzes. We won three last month. Have a look.
Yay.
No, no, it's brilliant. But it's just a good example of, like, what's possible. And. And I. I got to experience that dark and light, like you say, you know, the, the Marmite let safe connection. No coincidence that had Marmite on toast breakfast this morning.
It's funny, I. I'm. I'm not really a Marmite on toast. I'm not. I've got this Thing in my head that says, I don't like Marmite, yet at Christmas I will pig out on Twiglets, which are basically Marmite sticks, aren't they? So it's a really strange thing. I could do Twiglets, but I just don't do Marmite. Raw Marmite, if you like. Maybe it has to be.
What you would love is Marmite with cheese spread on toast.
Probably because it's. I'm sure I've just got to try it. I've just got this story in my mind. You know, we talk about stories we make up and my own truth. My own. My own. The truth I've told myself for many, many years is I don't like Marmite. Yeah.
I like. To Eiglets. It's like. It's crazy, isn't it?
It is crazy and amazing at the same time. I can't wait to hear when you first try Marmont House.
It's been years. I mean, Marie has it all the time. She had some this morning as well. I think she loved a bit of Marmite and toast. Maybe I should get her to do some. Next time she does something, do something for me and just give it to me and I'll go, okay. After I chat with Heather, I need to go back and revisit Marmite. It's like, for years, I couldn't eat celery.
You know, as a child, I didn't like cheese, I didn't like celery. And then I went through a phase where I didn't like garlic. And then suddenly I broke those myths in my head. There was even a phase where I went through where I didn't like gin or I didn't like Southern Comfort. I didn't like vodka, probably because of a bad night out that my brain was going, oh, that's naughty for you. It took me a while, but I managed to break through that dislike of Perno. And, yeah, if you try anything enough, you'll start liking it. Sorry.
Well, for those of you who are listening, who don't know, I stopped drinking three years ago, so I don't drink anything now. It's alcohol. Yeah.
I link our taste buds to identity because I would not go any. You would not catch me anywhere near feta cheese. Yeah, I thought it was heinous. I mean, I'm not fan of.
Can be a bit dry, can't it? It can be a bit dry, yeah. Not careful.
Yeah. And then what it took is for me actually to travel with someone who was quite energetically, very high frequency for them. To order feta cheese and honey in Greece and I tried it and I was like, yeah, hello. That's really nice. So yeah, I do like. And taste buds to, to identity to like how high you are in vibration as a person depending on what your taste was like. Because the, the, the way I used to make food before wasn't necessarily with tender loving care. My partner will joke with you about this and take the mick out of my.
My throwing it all together skills. Right. This throwing it all together skills has got me in a lot of places and a lot of compliments from people because I do make stuff up to go along and then they ask me what the recipe is and I'm like, no idea. However. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. However, over like the last three or four years, what I've really noticed is my attention to detail, my presence while I'm cooking has then now more started to perfect the tastes and what goes together really well. And I've been making the most exquisite tartar tan.
Which if someone said you'd be baking a tartar tan, Heather, I'd be like, what? Because I didn't do baking cake stuff. Right.
Fancy French dish that you see on MasterChef.
Yeah, yeah, but. And it's so simple and yet unlike now at the place where. Yeah. And it is just down to like who I'm being in the moment while I'm cooking. Like how pleasant I am to it and just really noticing. And it's not even an effort thing. It's like the most satisfying thing in the world is to have made something and want to eat it at the end and find it delicious. Whereas I would make some it and just eat it because it was food.
Someone taught me how to make a roux. I don't know, about 10, 15 years ago, how you melt the butter really, really slowly and gradually introduce the flour and bake it into this. You gotta get it automatically like marzipan, haven't you, before you. And then you make this, then you can then use that as a base for any sauce. And it was like once you discover that magic about making a roux and suddenly it's parsley sauce for your fish and then suddenly it's gravy or whatever you want to do with it. And I just thought it was magic. This secret sauce. The roux is the basis of everything.
Yeah.
I did a masterclass about four years ago on secrets people's secret sauce. What's your secret sauce? I'm more of a white wine cream and onion garlic based sauce maker.
Yes.
Yeah.
With Muscles. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I love it how we've like immersed ourselves into food.
Well, it says in your show notes here that you're a food junkie. So it was food loving junkie. Is that so? It's not surprising we've got there. I mean, I love my food. I love, I love good food. But I'm with you on this. Chuck it in, see what happens. I don't.
I look at the recipe and go, okay, I've got half of those things. I can substitute the other half I haven't got with something else or it'll be a kind of facsimile of what said it was. And yeah, I love just playing around. I made an amazing garlic chicken with kale mash once out of a. I think it was a hairy biker's dish and it was just. It was like four cloves of garlic. You chuck it inside this chicken, you spread it all around and put it in the oven and it's like, you come out, you go, it's amazing with the garlic. So the mashed potato, kale and mash on the side of it, it was just this absolutely gorgeous dish and the whole family loved it.
I just never did it again. But yeah, it was one of those one offs, one off creations that was. If you love garlic, you like chicken, you like mash, you like a bit of kale in it. Google it. Hairy bikers, garlic and garlic chicken and kale mash. Yeah, it's brilliant. Absolutely fantastic dish. Very easy as well.
Just need a chicken, a couple of cloves, a couple of bulbs of garlic. Not. Not cloves. This is like a full, A full garden of garlic. You just chuck it all in there and you end up. The garlic goes really soft and mushy and it's like, yeah.
Oh, you might get hungry.
I know I'm gonna have to dig out the recipe because it's. I can't. I need it again.
Amazing that you've remembered it, though.
I'll try and remember. Put it in the show notes. So I'll find. I'll dig out the recipe and put it the show notes. If anyone's listening and they want to. Want to have a go with it. Heather. Heather.
I would describe you as someone who's extrovert, gregarious, outgoing, even though maybe on the inside, maybe you're not, but on the outside you are. I meet a lot of people who go, oh, I couldn't be outgoing. I couldn't. I couldn't go networking. I couldn't do that. I'm too reserved, I'm too shy, Fear of being judged again. This is a story we make up, isn't it, that I'm an introvert, therefore I can't do anything, whereas I would, by the definition of introvert. Introverts get power from self, extroverts get power from the room, energy from the room.
I describe myself as an introvert, but I perform in a very outgoing, gregarious way when I want to, but when I don't want to, I turn the light off, lock the cubicle door and hide in the toilet for 10 minutes, recharge and then come back out again. How do we overcome that lie with dental cells that only extroverts can do this?
Well, I mean, firstly we look at where that programming has come from, because I don't class myself as introvert or extrovert. I'm just a person who loves to be on my own in my own company, and I also love to be in the company of others. Right. So we have to look at where that condition or that programme came from. And when we go back to, even when we were growing up, what happened when we were extrovert around certain people and when we weren't around others. Yeah. Because when you're really quiet and not saying anything because a kid, people would think there was something wrong with you. Right.
So what does that programme in? Well, I shouldn't be quiet because people think there's something wrong with me. Yeah. So we have to go back and back and this is the layers that I'm talking about. Right. And we go back to the truth of that is we are everything. We are both extrovert, introvert and all the things in between. However, it's recognising that if there's a particular way that we sway. If there's somebody, for example, who seeks more solitude than being in a room full of people, then it's been in a position to ask yourself, is this really true of me or am I really afraid of people saying, seeing the truth of who I am? And I think that's a big question.
If. If there was smaller steps, I would love for anyone experiencing that to come and join the Frequency of Values challenge. Because I value being on my own, in deep, truthful connection with myself and I also value that with other people. I'll give you an example of a client I was working with a few months ago who were led to believe that they were shy. Yeah. So I asked them to. To. We worked on clearing that point of view because it was something which they were labelled with as a child, but it wasn't actually true.
Yeah. And I. So I think some of the introvertness can come from the labels we were given as well. So there's quite a few different angles to go at that question with Joanne. Not sure whether I've answered it fully, but.
No, no, we've done good there. We've done good. It's basically, I think what I was trying to get at really, is that it's another truth we're telling ourselves. It's another label we're owning without questioning. We haven't done that five whys on it, have we? Why does it bother me? Why am I upset? In fact, why does it affect me? And I guess it comes with age. I turned 60 the other month and you spend 50 is the new 40. 60 is the new 50, or whatever you want to say. And it gets to that point where you think you become more reflective about yourself, what you want, what you're looking at from the world.
I don't care if people see me sitting in the corner of the room on my own playing my phone or just staring out the window for an hour, say, are you okay? Just checking your right. You look like you're lost or you look like you're upset. I just want some me time. I don't want to go and sit in the toilet with the door shut for 10 minutes. I'd rather sit out here and just watch the world go by. I'm cool but relaxed. Just let me daydream. I.
Good. That's. That's strange. It's fine.
Also, you're speaking about what that might also suggest coming up for the other person, how it's making them feel as well. So, like I say, there's quite a few different angles to go with that because, yeah, I remember I was at a bite My tongue.
I was at a. I was speaking at a panel event, I think it was with ebay, a couple of years ago, before COVID Anyway, five, six years ago, and we were just talking away and we're talking about imposter syndrome and being introvert and this whole thing. And I just sort of said, look, when I'm feeling stressed out, when I'm feeling like I need a recharge, I just grab my phone, go sit in the end cubicle, shut the door and play Candy Crush for half an hour and recharge. And then I come back out, I'm good again. And the whole audience, you can see people in the audience go, yeah, me too, me too. That's what I want to do. I want to go and recharge. I want to take some time.
Okay, just do it. Don't be apologetic. If that's what makes you happy, if that's what tops your energy back up again and allows you to come back out and go, yeah, I'm ready. Do it. If you don't need to, don't. I used to drink through it, you know, have another glass of wine, have another beer, have something else that used to mask that. And you start. You take that out of your life and suddenly, actually, I'm exhausted.
Now I just want to go home. It's half nine. I'm tired. I've had enough. In the past, I'd have had another couple of hours. Large wines and I'd be life itself with a party for another couple of hours. And then suddenly it's five o' clock in the morning, isn't it? And you're absolutely wrecked. All your friends have now passed out and gone home and you're going, come on, then, who's up for it? I'm still ready to.
You're bouncing around like Tigger.
Yeah. I mean, what you're speaking to is kind of there's an energetic ceiling within us. The way we've had enough when we have to retreat and kind of recharge. My. My way of seeing that now, before it was my way of recharging was hiding away for a whole weekend and not see one. Right. And being on my own. That was before my way of recharging.
Now I just clear anything that's not mine. So if you're in a room full of powerful people, there are a lot of greater forces that are coming to take you out. Right. Without you knowing that. And if you're also in that room, fully embodied, living your living and leading with your true self, that also drains your energy. So you have like two prong approaches now. For example, on this conversation, had I done this about three years ago, what would happen is I would be amazing at the beginning and then become a little bit shrt towards the second half because I was trying to keep up a Persona and identity with that things that we've talked about. Trying to keep up a way of being right that wasn't truly me.
So that drains my energy. Take on the fact that there's all these other things going on around me that are also trying to take on some power away from me as well. Right. And consume it from me. That is what we would term energetic warfare. So I get why someone would want to go and hide in the toilet cubicle because they want to be away from that, and they also want to be away from trying to be something that potentially isn't them. And if you speak to when you did it before, Joanne, obviously at that point, you haven't transitioned either.
I had transitioned.
You already transitioned. Right. Okay. So it's definitely outside forces for you, right? Definitely.
It's. I just recognise in me now that I. If I've had enough, I've had enough. I don't need to keep pushing myself into spaces where I don't. I don't feel comfortable. I don't want to be there if I'm not in it. I'm just. I.
I said I'd rather say to people, look, I'm not feeling it. I don't want to stay here. You're obviously having a great time. I'm not feeling it. It's me. I'm off. Bye. And that's fine.
Yeah.
Whereas when I was younger, I just forced myself to stay in those spaces. And I think it's, again, going back to what we started with. Is that telling yourself the truth, being honest with yourself, do I want to be here? Do I want to go out tonight? Do I want to go and spend time with these people? And if it. If it's. It's trying to. It's a fine line between can't be asked. Cba, FOMO and Jomo. You know, joy of missing out, fear of missing out, or can't be asked if it's just being lazy.
You know that if you go in, go out, go and do it. You'll come back and go, I'm really glad I did that. So you can. You can do that destination planning, you can start thinking about how you'll feel when you get there. But sometimes you just think, I really don't want to. If you don't want to.
What I say is, is it a full body? Yes. If it's a full body, yes. Go do it. Do the thing, whatever that is. It's not a full body. Yes. Don't. Because it's not gonna.
It's not gonna expand your energy. Right. It's only gonna contract it. So that's my wave. Making decisions about where I spend my time and effort into whatever. Yeah.
On that note, Heather, we've. We've been yakking away now for best part of an hour and a half, an hour before we. We pushed the live button. So, yeah, it. It's been an absolutely fascinating conversation. I think we're both fully charged at the moment. And Neither of us are hiding in the toilet with our phone playing Candy Crush. So it's been absolutely fantastic having a chat with you.
How can people get hold of you and talk about your website, your podcast and other things? So tell us what you do.
Sure. Best way to I guess connect with me initially is either LinkedIn, which is Heather Egginton wealth of you or Facebook. I'm also on there quite provocatively sometimes, so you can connect with me there. Or if you want to find out more about the kind of work I do from a mentor or coaching perspective, then you can look at my website which is also Heather Egginton or www.henrygington.com. normally I had too many W's when I do that. So you can read. I know you can read more about the work I do with others there.
It's been fascinating. If you just remind if anyone is listening that we did a Marie, my wife and I, we recorded an episode with you I say back in January. So do, do look that up as well and that that was a. You've got a great podcast channel with loads of video video podcasts on YouTube with loads of guests that are really inspiring as well. So do look those up. Heather, it's been amazing.
Thank you Joanne. Likewise. Thank you for having me and for all those listening. Appreciate you.
As we bring this conversation to a close, I want to express my deepest gratitude to you, our listener, for lending your ear and heart to the cause of inclusion. Today's discussion struck a chord. Consider subscribing to Inclusion Bites and become part of our ever growing community driving real change. Share this journey with friends, family and colleagues. Lets amplify the voices that matter. Got thoughts, stories or a vision to share? I'm all ears. Reach out to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk and let's make your voice heard. Until next time, this is Joanne Lockwood signing off with a promise to return with more enriching narratives that challenge, inspire and unite us all.
Here's to fostering a more inclusive world one episode at a time. Catch you on the next bite.
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Episode Category
Primary Category: Female Empowerment
Secondary Category: Emotional Intelligence
🔖 Titles
Disrupting the Norm with Love: Redefining Truth, Trust, and Connection in Modern Life
Challenging Inherited Truths and Finding Belonging Beyond Societal Expectations
How Radical Honesty and Love Cultivate Genuine Human Connection and Inclusion
From Illusions to Authenticity: Unmasking the Lies We Inherit and Tell Ourselves
The Power of Connection: Breaking Norms and Building Inclusive Communities
Living Your Truth: Embracing Change, Healing Grief, and Rejecting Limiting Labels
Creating Deeper Connections in a Disconnected World: Activating Trust and Love
The Journey to Self-Belonging: Rejecting Societal Scripts for Authentic Inclusion
Beyond the Status Quo: Empowering Stories of Truth and Love in Inclusion
Being Marmite: Embracing Difference and Disrupting the Ordinary with Authentic Presence
A Subtitle - A Single Sentence describing this episode
Heather Egginton explores the transformative impact of radical honesty, self-compassion, and disrupting societal norms to foster genuine human connection, authenticity, and inclusion in both personal and professional spheres.
Episode Tags
Disrupting the Norm, Truth and Authenticity, Radical Self Acceptance, Breaking Social Conditioning, Human Connection, Facing Grief, Living Your Values, Rejecting Labels, Inclusive Conversations, Challenging Narratives
Episode Summary with Intro, Key Points and a Takeaway
In this episode of The Inclusion Bites Podcast, Joanne Lockwood invites Heather Egginton to unpack the concept of disrupting the norm with love. The conversation explores how embracing truth, trust, and authentic self-connection can forge deeper human bonds amid a disconnected world. Heather and Joanne confront societal expectations, such as the notion that parenthood defines womanhood, and illustrate the subtle but powerful ways that inherited beliefs shape personal identity. They delve into grief, the process of letting go of self-imposed roles and labels, and how truthfulness—not only with others but especially with oneself—leads to real liberation and belonging. The discussion traverses the difficulties of unravelling lifelong narratives, how lies can erode self-worth, and the courage required to challenge the status quo for genuine inclusion.
Heather Egginton is introduced as a disruptor of the norm and a self-described “truth, trust, and love activator.” Passionate about cultivating meaningful connections, Heather’s unique ability lies in bringing strangers together and empowering them to see their intrinsic worth. Drawing from personal experience of leaving the corporate world and championing new narratives for women, Heather demystifies the pressures of conformity and offers actionable pathways towards self-acceptance and deeper community. She is also active in creating inclusive circles, such as her Frequency of Values challenge, encouraging others to identify what truly matters and to build relationships grounded in mutual respect and authenticity.
Joanne and Heather discuss the emotional cost of inauthenticity, the legacy of generational expectations, and how polarisation arises when people dare to stand in their truth. The episode brims with real-life stories—ranging from experiences of grief and career changes to food preferences and personal growth—demonstrating how identity can be positively reconstructed through radical honesty and compassion.
A key takeaway from this episode is that meaningful inclusion emerges when individuals embrace and express their authentic selves, unafraid to disrupt inherited norms. Listeners will come away inspired to confront the narratives that hold them back, to cultivate genuine connections, and to foster environments where everyone can thrive simply by being true to themselves.
📚 Timestamped overview
00:00 Join Inclusion Bites with Joanne Lockwood for conversations on inclusion and societal change. Share your insights at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
04:10 We often unconsciously inherit illusions and lies about ourselves from past generations, requiring us to take responsibility for these falsehoods.
06:44 Parenting is a transient role, shifting from active involvement to becoming less needed. The journey of supporting a parent, especially after a spouse's loss, is crucial for teaching children about familial support and independence. Ultimately, these roles do not define one's identity.
12:59 Grief is complex and can feel consuming, similar to Walter's entrapment in "Breaking Bad" by his own fabricated truths.
15:07 People often identify with TV dramas because they see reflections of themselves, which can lead to questioning their own truths and actions. This process of inquiry can reveal discrepancies between perceived realities and actual truths, prompting deeper self-reflection and understanding.
19:49 Truth is uncomfortable but necessary; living a lie causes inner turmoil and harm.
22:50 A chain of escalating lies creates a false identity, making it difficult to return to the truth.
27:07 Feeling pressured to maintain the status quo is like being on a travelator at an airport; it's essential to have the courage to stop and choose your own path.
27:50 Reflect on life's path and expectations, reassess true desires, and make drastic changes if needed, like a career shift or gender transition, to find your authentic self.
33:24 Recognise personal fit and purpose; some thrive in corporate disruption and change.
34:10 You become the sum of the energy around you, not just the people. Surround yourself with those who align with your values to enhance your true self.
37:20 Focus on authentic relationships with mutual care, rather than pleasing everyone. Seek balanced partnerships.
43:01 Tasting feta cheese and honey in Greece with someone vibrant changed my perspective on food and its link to one's energy and identity.
46:09 Adaptable cook enjoys experimenting with recipes; created a popular garlic chicken and kale mash dish.
49:04 It's about self-reflection on one's social tendencies, questioning whether they stem from true personality or fear of judgement.
51:53 At a panel event years ago, the speaker shared how playing Candy Crush in a cubicle helps recharge from stress, resonating with the audience.
54:19 Feeling drained by external pressures and seeking solitude, akin to energetic warfare; hiding to avoid inauthenticity.
58:08 Expresses gratitude to listeners, encourages them to subscribe to Inclusion Bites, share it, and contact jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk with thoughts or stories. Joanne Lockwood promises more inspiring content.
📚 Timestamped overview
00:00 "Inclusion Bites: Conversations for Change"
04:10 Inherited Illusions and Self-Deception
06:44 Parent-Child Relationships and Independence
12:59 Complexity of Grief and Truth
15:07 "Questioning Reality and Self-Truth"
19:49 "Truth vs. Lies: Emotional Impact"
22:50 Cascade of Lies and Identity Crisis
27:07 Life's Travelator: Stopping the Routine
27:50 Finding True Path Amid Life's Expectations
33:24 Finding Your Place in Corporate Life
34:10 "Choose Your Influential Circle Wisely"
37:20 Embrace Authentic Relationships
43:01 "Energetic Travel and Taste Transformation"
46:09 Creative Cooking with Substitutions
49:04 Exploring Extroversion and Introversion Layers
51:53 "Recharging with Candy Crush"
54:19 Energetic Warfare and Retreat
58:08 "Join the Inclusion Conversation"
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🎙️ 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗪𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗼𝗻 𝗜𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗕𝗶𝘁𝗲𝘀: 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗿𝘂𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗼𝗿𝗺 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 🎙️
💥 What happens when you stop fitting in and start telling yourself the truth? Will you dare to disrupt your own ‘norm’? 💥
This week, I’m delighted to welcome Heather Egginton — a disruptor of the norm, ‘Truth, Trust and Love’ activator, and expert at forging deep human connections in a sometimes disconnected world.
Together, we unravel:
🔑 Why self-honesty is the spark for radical transformation – the essential first step in true inclusion.
🔑 How inherited stories and unspoken truths shape our identities – and how shedding them unleashes authenticity.
🔑 Practical ways to connect, belong, and thrive – beyond society’s labels or expectations (yes, even if you think you’re ‘just’ an introvert!).
𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻?
If you’re ready to challenge old narratives and replace the ‘shoulds’ with self-compassion, this bite-sized episode will give you thought-provoking insights for truly inclusive cultures.
𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝗱𝗰𝗮𝘀𝘁
As your host on Inclusion Bites, I bring you fresh, thought-provoking episodes every week. Tune in for challenging, witty, and heartfelt conversations to inspire inclusion and belonging for all.
𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
Who would you be if you dropped the old labels? 💭 Tell us below 👇 – what’s one truth you’ve reclaimed about yourself or your work culture?
🎧 Listen to the full episode and more: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
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TikTok/Reels/Shorts Video Summary
Focus Keyword: Culture Change
Video Title:
Disrupting the Norm: Leading Culture Change with Love | #InclusionBitesPodcast
Tags:
culture change, inclusion, positive people experiences, workplace culture, diversity, belonging, authentic self, truth, trust, empathy, challenging the status quo, podcast, HR, organisational change, wellbeing, leadership, community, personal development, disruptive thinking, love in leadership, societal transformation, trust building, honest conversations, see change happen, Joanne Lockwood
Killer Quote:
"The truth whisks people up, whereas lies, they twist you up – physically, your body contorts itself, contracts itself." – Heather Egginton
Hashtags:
#CultureChange, #InclusionBitesPodcast, #PositivePeopleExperiences, #Inclusion, #Diversity, #Belonging, #Truth, #Love, #Leadership, #Empathy, #Authenticity, #SocietalTransformation, #Community, #CorporateLife, #Wellbeing, #HonestConversations, #Connection, #DisruptTheNorm, #SeeChangeHappen, #Equity
Summary Description:
Are you ready to spark real culture change and ignite positive people experiences? Join me, Joanne Lockwood, and my guest Heather Egginton as we tear down the barriers of pretense and challenge what it means to truly belong. In this episode, we dive into honest conversations, exploring the power of self-truth and the liberation that comes from living authentically. Discover why trusting yourself and embracing vulnerability leads to deeper human connections, stronger communities, and workplaces where everyone thrives. Whether you're leading the charge for inclusivity or seeking personal transformation, this episode will leave you energised and ready to take positive action. Don’t just listen—join the movement for genuine culture change today.
Outro:
Thank you for joining me on this journey into culture change and Positive People Experiences. If you enjoyed this bite of inspiration, do like and subscribe to the channel for more conversations that drive inclusion and challenge the norm. Hungry for more? Visit SEE Change Happen at https://seechangehappen.co.uk and listen to the full episode of The Inclusion Bites Podcast at https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen.
Stay curious, stay kind, and stay inclusive – Joanne Lockwood
ℹ️ Introduction
Welcome to Inclusion Bites, where we challenge conventions, spark change, and champion belonging. In this episode, “Disrupting the Norm with Love”, host Joanne Lockwood is joined by Heather Egginton—a passionate disruptor, truth-teller, and connector. Together, they delve into the transformative power of living authentically, confronting the inherited narratives that shape our sense of identity, and the courage it takes to break free from society’s expectations.
Expect honest conversation as Joanne and Heather explore what it really means to bring your whole self to every space—whether at work, in relationships, or within your own community. With reflections on truth, grief, identity, and the power of radical self-acceptance, this is more than just a discussion—it’s a call to interrogate our own stories and make room for true connection. Whether you’re relaxing at home or on your daily commute, get ready for perspectives that both disrupt and inspire.
Join us as we ignite the spark of inclusion and encourage each other to challenge the status quo—one bold conversation at a time.
💬 Keywords
inclusion, belonging, societal transformation, diversity, equity, truth, trust, self-acceptance, identity, authenticity, societal norms, corporate life, personal growth, grief, loss, relationships, self-discovery, polarisation, vulnerability, storytelling, superpower, labels, community, connection, self-honesty, women’s experiences, disruptor, gender transition, mental health, workplace culture, friendship dynamics
About this Episode
About The Episode:
In this episode, Heather Egginton joins to explore what it means to "disrupt the norm with love," delving into how truth, trust, and genuine connection challenge societal expectations and create inclusive cultures. Heather brings fresh perspectives on identity, authenticity, and overcoming the inherited narratives that shape our lives, drawing from both personal experience and her work connecting communities. Listeners are encouraged to examine their own stories, embrace radical self-honesty, and reflect on the transformative impact of living in alignment with their values.
Today, we'll cover:
The power of self-honesty and how adopting authentic truths can reframe personal and collective narratives.
The way inherited beliefs and societal conditioning inform self-perception and shape choices, particularly around identity and belonging.
The impact of grief and loss on personal identity, challenging notions of completeness and familial roles.
How living authentically can disrupt entrenched systems, reframe relationships, and foster deeper human connections.
Practical approaches for confronting the lies we tell ourselves and recognising when we are leading from inherited stories rather than personal truth.
The role of community and conscious relationship-building in finding belonging—highlighting the importance of shared values and energy over labels or roles.
The interplay between vulnerability, bravery, and the ongoing work of questioning assumptions, embracing change, and supporting true inclusivity in everyday life.
💡 Speaker bios
Joanne Lockwood is the visionary host of Inclusion Bites, a transformative podcast dedicated to bold conversations on inclusion, belonging, and societal change. Driven by a deep commitment to ensuring everyone not only belongs but thrives, Joanne invites listeners to join her in exploring the unseen and challenging the status quo. Through storytelling and reflective dialogue, she inspires action and connection, welcoming diverse voices to be part of the ongoing conversation. Always approachable, Joanne encourages listeners to share their experiences and insights, fostering a vibrant and inclusive community intent on making a difference.
❇️ Key topics and bullets
Certainly! Here is a comprehensive sequence of topics covered in the transcript for Inclusion Bites Podcast, episode "Disrupting the Norm with Love," including sub-topics for each main theme:
1. Introduction to the Podcast and Guest
Welcome and tone-setting for Inclusion Bites
Joanne Lockwood’s role as host and intro to the podcast’s mission
Introducing Heather Eggington: background, superpower, and approach to disruptive love and truth
2. Defining ‘Truth, Trust, and Love Activator’
Heather’s philosophy on bringing out honesty in herself and others
Self-honesty as the starting point for authenticity
Unconscious inheritance of ‘lies’ and societal expectations
3. Societal Narratives and Personal Identity
Example of women’s identities and the expectation of motherhood
Heather’s personal journey with not having children and societal pressures
The transient nature of parental identity and stages in life
Joanne’s reflections on family transitions and multigenerational shifts in identity
4. Grief, Loss, and Shifting Identity
The mourning of lost identities, not just people
Personal experiences of grief and surprising emotional responses
Explanation of the 'grief, relief, disbelief, belief' cycle
Navigating and communicating with aging family members through loss
5. Self-Deception, Truth-Telling, and Social Conditioning
The escalation of self-created narratives or ‘truths’
Analogies to popular culture (referencing Breaking Bad, EastEnders) to illustrate compounding falsehoods
Distinguishing between inherited and owned realities
Application of the ‘Five Whys’ technique to uncover root motivations
6. The Emotional Cost of Living a Lie
How lies ‘twist’ us physically and mentally
The value and discomfort of telling hard truths
Adverse health and wellbeing consequences of sustained inauthenticity
7. Work-Life Identity Splits
The phenomenon of divided self: professional vs. personal persona
Heather’s corporate experience and departure from work-based identity
Events that catalyse personal transformation (loss, life changes)
Joanne’s analogy of the ‘travelator of life’ and breaking free from predetermined life paths
8. Disrupting Societal Norms
Stepping outside social conformity and the mechanisms enforcing ‘the norm’
Experiences of early home ownership and entrepreneurialism
Bravery and resistance faced by norm disruptors
Joy and challenges in building new identities and careers
9. The Impact of Social Circles and Community
Concept of becoming the ‘sum of your six closest friends’
Transition from corporate to entrepreneurial or alternative circles
Energy, influence, and choosing the right social ‘table’
Creating and sustaining community based on shared values
10. Polarisation, People-Pleasing, and Relationship Dynamics
The value of being ‘Marmite’—embracing polarity rather than universal approval
Recognising unequal investment in relationships
Understanding reciprocity and the role of values alignment
11. Building and Nurturing Connection
Heather’s approach to building connected communities
Initiatives like the Frequency of Values and Frequency of Love challenges
Real-life examples of moving to new places and establishing meaningful relationships
12. Food, Taste, and Shifting Self-Perceptions
Personal stories about food likes/dislikes linked to identity
Trying new things and breaking assumptions
The joy of cooking as a metaphor for presence and care
13. Extroversion, Introversion, and Social Comfort
Deconstructing introvert/extrovert labels
Influence of childhood labels and conditioning
Strategies for self-reflection and gradual exposure to connection
Joanne’s and Heather’s experiences of navigating social spaces authentically
14. Energy Management and Authenticity
Recognising personal energetic ceilings and when to recharge
The relationship between authentic presence and energy expenditure
Embracing honesty about needs in social situations
15. Closing Reflections
Summary of connection, self-acceptance, and finding belonging
Heather’s details for further connection (LinkedIn, website, podcast)
Encouragement for audience engagement with the podcast
This sequence captures not only the flow of conversation, but also the key learnings and reflective moments that underpin the episode’s exploration of disrupting norms, truth-telling, and building authentic inclusion.
The Hook
Ever caught yourself living a life that wasn’t really yours? The comforting lie. The polite facade. But what happens if you call yourself out—and start telling the radical truth? Get ready to shatter limits (and maybe a few old stories...)—because today’s conversation is all about disrupting the norm... with LOVE.
“I’d rather have the whole world against me than live a lie.” Woah. Pause. Think on that. What if stepping out of the expected is your first step towards REAL connection, fulfilment…and a truer YOU? This episode is a challenge—are you bold enough to join in?
Do you feel stuck on that travelator of life—heading somewhere you never truly chose? SAME routine. SAME roles. SAME old script. Wondering what it really means to break free and discover ‘the real you’? Unpack the power (and relief) of uncovering your OWN truth...starting right now.
Forget what you’ve been told about who you “should” be. What lies have you inherited—about success, identity, belonging? Ready to question (and maybe flip) the script, to finally build YOUR version of connection + meaning? The answers might surprise you...
Ever feel disconnected—even in a room full of people? Maybe you’ve been living someone else’s story. It’s time to reveal the simple-but-uncomfortable truths you’ve been avoiding... and dare to disrupt the ordinary, all in the name of deeper human connection. Ready to wake up?
🎬 Reel script
On this episode of Inclusion Bites, we disrupt the norm with the power of love and radical self-honesty. Joined by Heather Egginton, we unpack the stories and labels that hold us back – from inherited expectations to the courage it takes to tell our real truth. We dive into breaking free from societal pressures, embracing our authentic selves, and building human connections that last. Whether you’re searching for belonging or ready to challenge your own status quo, this is your spark to live boldly, love deeply, and create change from the inside out. Subscribe now and join us on the path to true inclusion.
🗞️ Newsletter
Subject: [Inclusion Bites] Disrupting the Norm—with Love, Truth, and Connection! 🌍💬
Dear Inclusion Bites Community,
Welcome back to another thought-provoking edition of the Inclusion Bites Podcast newsletter! This week, we invite you on a journey into the heart of authenticity, with an episode destined to challenge the stories we tell ourselves—and encourage us to embrace deeper connection and truth.
🎙️ Featured Episode: “Disrupting the Norm With Love”
Guest: Heather Egginton, Truth, Trust and Love Activator
This week, Joanne Lockwood welcomes Heather Egginton—a self-described “disruptor of the norm” whose superpower is building connection between strangers and leaving them feeling seen. In episode 168, Heather and Joanne dive into powerful, candid conversations about the intrinsic power of honesty, the danger of inherited ‘truths’, and the freedom that comes with self-acceptance.
Here are some highlights from the episode:
Truth Begins With Ourselves:
Both Heather and Joanne unpack how easy it is to inherit beliefs and stories that don’t serve us. Many of us create “normal” lives based on deeply ingrained social scripts—scripts that can, over time, alienate us from our authentic selves.Breaking the Mould:
Heather shares her personal journey—from questioning conventional definitions of womanhood (must you have children to be ‘complete’?) to forging a path outside corporate expectations. Joanne adds her own reflections, including how her gender transition was about re-writing her life’s narrative with courage and honesty.Radical Responsibility:
The episode explores the impact of taking “radical responsibility” for our own truths—shedding the layers of inherited or self-imposed lies, and reclaiming agency over our stories.Dealing with Grief & Change:
In a moving segment, Joanne opens up about the recent loss of her father, and how, surprisingly, the grief was more about letting go of identity than the person themselves. This honest reflection leads to broader questions about navigating change, legacy, and personal evolution.Connection & Community:
Ever felt like you don’t quite “fit in”? Heather offers practical wisdom on finding your people and creating your own “table” rather than waiting for validation from circles that don’t truly resonate with your values. Both guests affirm the importance of seeking environments—whether in work, friendship, or community—that support your authentic self.Letting Go of Labels:
The conversation closes by debunking the myth that only extroverts can connect, network, or lead inspiring lives. Heather and Joanne challenge listeners to question labels (“introvert”, “extrovert”, “shy”) and reclaim the freedom to move between solitude and connection as their truth requires.
One Key Takeaway:
“I’d rather have the whole world against me, than live a lie.”
—Heather Egginton
Ready to disrupt your own norm?
If you’d like to catch up on this episode, or explore more bold conversations, visit the Inclusion Bites Podcast archive.
Want to share your thoughts or even join the conversation? Reach out to Joanne directly at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
Let’s continue to prove that inclusion starts within—and that the power to ignite change is in every truth we dare to live.
With gratitude,
The Inclusion Bites Team
Subscribe, share, and connect—because every bold conversation is one step closer to real, lasting change.
#InclusionBites #DisruptTheNorm #BelongingMatters #TruthTelling
🧵 Tweet thread
🧵1/ Inclusion isn't just policy—it's personal, powerful, & provocatively transformative.
On the latest episode of #InclusionBites, Joanne Lockwood welcomes Heather Eggington, “Truth, Trust & Love Activator,” to discuss how we can corrupt the norm with love.
Let’s unpack the real talk 👇
2/ Heather believes our deepest superpower? The ability to bring strangers together and leave them truly connected.
Are we underestimating the strength of human connection in a world obsessed with individualism? #Belonging #HumanConnection
3/ The root of inclusion? Radical self-honesty.
If we aren’t truthful with ourselves, Heather points out, we create illusions—living stories inherited from others, not our own. When did you last question whether your “truth” is really yours? 🤔
4/ Societal myths can be stifling.
Take the expectation: “A woman isn’t complete without children.” Heather debunks this, sharing her own journey of defying such narratives. We are not incomplete just because our stories differ. #SmashTheNorms
5/ Joanne adds: Even the greatest life events—like parenthood—are transient. Identities shift, and who we are isn’t determined by a single moment or choice.
So, are you clinging to a story that no longer fits? #PersonalGrowth
6/ Grief isn’t just about losing others—it’s losing the identity we had with them.
Heather guides clients through the “grief, relief, disbelief and belief” cycle, helping them accept new selves, even in loss. Powerful reframing for any transformation.
7/ Small lies snowball.
One slip, then another, and suddenly we’re lost in a web of inauthenticity. Sound familiar? Joanne ties this to popular culture—think EastEnders or Breaking Bad—where layered lies become impossible to maintain.
Why not just lean into the truth?
8/ But speaking your truth? It’s radical.
Heather: “I'd rather have the whole world against me than live a lie.” For her, healing starts by uncovering those first, deep-seated untruths and coming home to ourselves.
When was the last time you examined your founding stories?
9/ Choosing authenticity is disruptive.
Leaving the familiar—like corporate life—can be daunting. Both Heather and Joanne share stories of choosing brave, unconventional paths. When you dare to step off the “travelator of life,” who might you become?
10/ Energy is contagious.
Surrounding yourself with people on their own authentic journeys fuels growth. You’re not just the average of those around you; you’re the sum of your shared energy.
Are you at the right table?
11/ Friendships too are about values. Stop pouring into connections where you’re not valued. Seek or create communities that resonate with your real self—not a watered-down version.
12/ Craving those deep connections? Heather’s doing the work: community, mentorship, and her “Frequency of Values” challenge supports others moving from isolation to true belonging.
13/ Final word: Full-body yes or full-body no—listen to your intuition. Don’t force yourself into spaces that drain you. Inclusion starts with including your own needs.
14/ Tune in to the conversation that boldly challenges the status quo, and join us as we corrupt the norm—with love.
🎧 Listen: Inclusion Bites Podcast
📝 Join the dialogue: jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
#Inclusion #Belonging #LoveAsDisruption #DiversityMatters
💥 RT if you're ready to disrupt the norm—with love!
Guest's content for their marketing
Disrupting the Norm With Love: My Experience on the Inclusion Bites Podcast
Recently, I had the privilege of joining Joanne Lockwood on her celebrated platform, the Inclusion Bites Podcast, for an episode entitled “Disrupting the Norm With Love.” As someone committed to fostering truth, trust, and love, it was an invigorating opportunity to connect with a community passionate about belonging and authentic connection.
Embracing Authenticity and Radical Self-Honesty
In my professional and personal journey, I identify as a disruptor of the norm—a truth, trust, and love activator. Joanne and I delved deeply into the roots of this ethos and how it shapes my work. We explored how self-honesty and genuine connection enable individuals to love themselves more fully, often by dismantling inherited narratives or “lies” that have shaped our identities over generations. Rather than wearing a mask or building our lives on stories not our own, I discussed how radical responsibility and authentic presence can transform not only how we see ourselves but how we interact with the world around us.
The Power of Connection Through Shared Experiences
We touched upon profound personal experiences, including both our journeys through major life transitions and the complexities involved in redefining identity—whether due to societal expectations around parenthood, loss, or personal transformation. In sharing vulnerable moments—be that my decision to forge a path without children or navigating grief when losing a loved one—I highlighted how adopting radical honesty allowed me (and those I work with) to connect more deeply, with ourselves and with others.
Challenging Societal Norms—With Compassion
One of the central themes of our conversation was the way in which societal narratives can become engrained truths, often limiting us. For instance, we discussed the myth that women are only “complete” if they have children, a belief that I’ve actively worked to challenge. By revealing our own stories and supporting others in questioning the status quo, we can disrupt those norms in compassionate and constructive ways.
Practical Insights for Inclusive Living
Throughout the podcast, we explored practical ways to live and lead with integrity—including the importance of being honest in everyday situations, recognising when our actions are driven by the fear of being judged, and embracing the discomfort that sometimes comes with truth-telling. I was able to share techniques, like the “five whys,” that I use with clients to uncover their authentic motivations, as well as the necessity of choosing to surround oneself with communities who reflect one’s values and frequencies.
Living as a Truth, Trust and Love Activator
Being featured on the Inclusion Bites Podcast provided a wonderful platform to model and champion the sort of fearless, loving disruption I stand for. Joanne’s welcoming style allowed for a truly meaningful exchange—one that felt more like a conversation with an old friend than an interview. It was a chance to demonstrate that connection, honesty, and love are superpowers available to us all, no matter where we find ourselves.
Listen and Connect
I invite you to listen to this thought-provoking episode, now available at Inclusion Bites Podcast. If my message of truth, trust, and love resonates with you, and you want to create deeper community or foster connection in your own organisation, I’d love to continue the conversation. You can connect with me on LinkedIn or visit heatheregginton.com to discover more about my work, mentoring, and upcoming challenges.
Let’s disrupt the norm—with love.
Pain Points and Challenges
Certainly. The episode “Disrupting the Norm with Love” delved deeply into the lived realities of inclusion, identity, and authenticity, surfacing several pressing pain points and challenges faced both personally and collectively. Drawing directly from the transcript, here’s a focused exploration of those challenges, accompanied by practical content designed to address each issue and foster tangible change.
Key Pain Points & Challenges Highlighted in the Episode
Inherited and Internalised False Narratives
Guests described how many “truths” about identity—such as the notion that women are incomplete without children—are internalised from family or society, and often go unchallenged (e.g., “the lies we tell ourselves or inherited from past generations”; “it’s not even ours”).
The Escalation of Living Inauthentically
Both Joanne and Heather discussed how building one’s life around these inherited falsehoods can lead to layer upon layer of inauthenticity, driving individuals away from their true selves and increasing the difficulty of returning to their authentic state (“you become so engrossed in that…it’s hard to find your way back to the truth again”).
Grief Rooted in Identity Loss
The challenge of grief was reframed: it’s not only the loss of a loved one, but also the loss of the identity or role that relationship provided (“we actually mourn the identity that person gave us”).
Societal Pressure to Conform
There is a powerful undertow of societal messaging pushing individuals to maintain the status quo, discouraging disruption or deviation (“who does that? Who retires at 39 and declares it?”; “societal conditioning…we’re easily controllable if we’re all nodding and going in the same direction”).
The Division of Self: Work vs. Authentic Self
Heather highlighted the toll of showing up as different selves in different spaces, particularly in corporate life, resulting in personal division and energetic drain (“who I was at work was not who I was at home”).
Relationship Imbalances and Community Building
The episode addressed how friendships and communities can become one-sided, with individuals finding themselves investing energy without reciprocity—and the importance of finding (or forming) communities that truly resonate with one’s values.
The Introvert/Extrovert Label Trap
The conversation examined harmful self-labelling, such as “I’m an introvert therefore I can’t…”, and the limiting beliefs these labels can create.
Content Addressing Each Challenge
1. Challenging Inherited False Narratives
Solution Focus:
Encourage self-enquiry: Use the “five whys” approach to question the origins of beliefs around identity and self-worth, actively separating societal expectations from personal truths.
Create safe dialogue spaces: Facilitate group discussions, workshops, or online communities where individuals can openly explore and deconstruct inherited narratives, guided by lived experiences and inclusion professionals.
2. Tackling Inauthenticity and Returning to Self
Solution Focus:
Normalise the process of “unlayering” inauthentic selves; invite listeners to share personal stories of returning to authenticity.
Promote daily self-reflection practices and journaling prompts specifically aimed at surfacing “small lies” we tell ourselves, empowering incremental shifts.
Highlight role models and stories of visible transformation (e.g., gender transition, career change), showing that reversal and reinvention is not only possible, but powerful.
3. Navigating Grief and Identity Change
Solution Focus:
Introduce resources and frameworks for navigating the grief cycle, especially as it relates to shifts in self-identity (“grief, relief, disbelief, belief”).
Offer support groups and mentorship pairings for individuals experiencing not only bereavement but significant life transitions—parenthood, retirement, empty-nesting, or relationship changes.
4. Resisting Societal Pressure and Embracing Disruption
Solution Focus:
Share tools and confidence-building techniques for those considering major life pivots or challenging societal norms (e.g., public speaking tips, stories of barrier-breaking).
Curate a directory of influential change-makers and communities where non-traditional paths are celebrated, making it easier for listeners to find their tribe.
5. Closing the Personal/Professional Self Divide
Solution Focus:
Advocate for authenticity in the workplace by spotlighting organisations successfully embracing “whole self” inclusion.
Provide practical templates for difficult workplace conversations—encouraging vulnerability and open disclosure without fear of repercussion.
Share self-care strategies for maintaining personal integrity and energy in high-conformity environments.
6. Building Reciprocal and Values-Aligned Communities
Solution Focus:
Run challenges (like Heather’s “Frequency of Values” initiative) to help listeners articulate their values and attract communities with shared priorities.
Offer networking tips and starter scripts for withdrawing gracefully from relationships or networks that no longer serve, focusing on mutual respect.
7. Breaking Free from Limiting Self-Labels
Solution Focus:
Present research and case studies on the fluidity of personality traits—normalise that introversion/extroversion is situational, not fixed.
Invite guests or community members to share stories of stepping out of comfort zones and defying their own labels.
Supply practical “small steps” for safe self-expansion, such as low-pressure networking or online forums.
Final Thoughts:
Every challenge expressed in this episode is an opportunity to create deeper inclusion—not only in the external world, but first and foremost with ourselves. By questioning inherited narratives, embracing authenticity, acknowledging complex grief, resisting normativity, closing the home-work divide, building better relationships, and rethinking self-limiting beliefs, listeners are empowered to foster genuine belonging. As always, reach out to jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk or explore https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen for more resources and to join the conversation.
Questions Asked that were insightful
Certainly! Drawing from the transcript of this episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, several questions and responses stand out as particularly insightful and could serve well as frequently asked questions (FAQs) for your audience. Here’s a series of FAQ-style entries inspired by the content and depth of discussion between Joanne Lockwood and Heather Egginton:
FAQ Series: Disrupting the Norm with Love — Inclusion Bites Podcast, Episode 168
Q1: What does it mean to be a “Truth, Trust and Love Activator” and how does it shape human connections?
A: Heather Egginton describes her superpower as bringing strangers together, helping them feel genuinely connected. Being a Truth, Trust and Love Activator is about cultivating environments where people feel compelled to be honest with themselves and others, leading to greater self-love. Many of our inherited beliefs and self-narratives are unconsciously adopted—her work focuses on helping people strip away these generational or societal lies to find their authentic selves.
Q2: How do the stories we tell ourselves become our reality, and how can we break free from them?
A: Both Joanne and Heather explore the idea that, over time, the “truths” we construct—often as coping mechanisms—can become so entrenched that reversing or updating them seems impossible. It often takes a conscious act of “radical responsibility” and deep self-questioning (“Is this really true for me?”) to challenge inherited or constructed narratives. Techniques such as layering the “five whys” can help unearth the real motivations or roots behind one’s actions and beliefs.
Q3: Does not having children define one’s identity or completeness as a woman?
A: Heather shares her personal experience of feeling societal pressure about not having children, illustrating how collective narratives can make individuals feel “incomplete.” Both speakers agree that parenthood—while significant—doesn’t define one’s lasting identity, as each phase of life is transient. Defining oneself beyond external expectations fosters both authenticity and resilience.
Q4: How can we process grief and loss beyond the immediate event?
A: The discussion highlights that the pain of losing someone (or even a role or identity) often revolves more around our sense of self in relation to them, rather than the individual themselves. Heather outlines a cycle of “grief, relief, disbelief, and belief” as common stages, suggesting that awareness of this can help people navigate loss more peacefully.
Q5: Why do people become “divided” between their work self and their authentic self?
A: Many live with a split identity—being a different person at work than at home. This is often the result of accumulated small “lies” or adaptations, leading to a disconnect that can sap energy and well-being. Only significant personal events (loss, transition, or conscious self-work) tend to jolt individuals into questioning and re-aligning these aspects of their identity.
Q6: How do we avoid being defined or limited by labels such as “introvert” or “extrovert”?
A: The episode questions whether binary labels truly reflect our nature, suggesting that people are complex, with needs for both solitude and connection. Many introverted or reserved behaviours stem from early labelling or social conditioning, rather than true self-knowledge. The advice is to test these assumptions—through self-inquiry and challenging inherited labels—to achieve a richer, more flexible self-understanding.
Q7: Why is authenticity often seen as “disruptive,” and how can we foster it safely?
A: Choosing to live truthfully and outside societal norms is inherently disruptive—systems and traditions often resist change and non-conformity. The discussion encourages listeners to find and build community with likeminded individuals, or to “start your own table,” thus creating supportive environments where authenticity can thrive.
Q8: How can “truth-telling” contribute to inclusion and a sense of belonging?
A: The podcast draws a direct line between honesty (with oneself and others) and inclusive cultures. By encouraging truth-telling over people-pleasing or self-censorship, organisations and communities cultivate deeper belonging—where individuals’ identities, experiences, and vulnerabilities are seen and valued.
Q9: How do our social circles reinforce or challenge our personal “truths”?
A: Joanne and Heather discuss the idea that we’re shaped not only by those closest to us but by the “energy” of the communities we choose. It’s important to be conscious about the company we keep, as this either reinforces our true values or draws us into inauthentic patterns.
Q10: What’s the best way for listeners to connect with the podcast’s themes and guests?
A: The episode wraps up by encouraging listeners to reach out (jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk), engage with the Inclusion Bites community, share their reflections, and, if interested, become part of a future conversation.
This FAQ series distils some of the most resonant themes from the episode, providing a valuable resource to start deeper conversations—both within your audience and the broader inclusion community.
Blog article based on the episode
Disrupting the Norm with Love: How Authenticity and Connection Transform Inclusion
What would it take for you to tell the unvarnished truth about who you are—not just to the world, but to yourself? Imagine for a moment what might happen if you stopped performing, people-pleasing, or burying your real thoughts beneath social expectations. Now, imagine a world where we all dared to do the same. This is no utopian fantasy. This is the heart of "Disrupting the Norm with Love," the compelling latest episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, featuring truth, trust, and love activator Heather Eggington in powerful conversation with host Joanne Lockwood.
Challenging the Illusion: Why We Fall For the Norm
Society offers us a ready-made script—a blueprint for what it means to belong. It seems simple enough: follow the accepted pathways, meet the expected milestones, and you’re safe from judgement. But, as Joanne and Heather bravely dissect, safety is an illusion when it comes at the cost of authenticity. The real cost? Disconnection from ourselves and each other.
Heather speaks candidly about the unconscious "lies" we inherit and perpetuate—those insidious narratives telling us what we should want, how we should behave, and who we ought to be. Whether it’s the idea that women must have children to be fulfilled, or that we need to hide who we really are to keep the peace, these falsehoods create inner divides. And it's these divides—the ways we separate our "professional" self from our "real" self, for example—that breed the isolation and burnout plaguing our personal and professional lives.
As Joanne illustrates with her own journey through late-life reflection and gender transition, such divides can be paralysing and painful. Yet, they are not insurmountable.
The Power of Radical Responsibility
The episode calls us to take radical responsibility for the stories we tell ourselves. Heather insightfully notes, “the lies we tell ourselves are often inherited from past generations, significant adults in our life… so it does mean taking radical responsibility for what we’re not willing to continue lying to ourselves about, or lying to other people about.”
This isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness. Are your beliefs truly your own, or are they relics of someone else’s agenda? The process is uncomfortable, yet liberating. Joanne and Heather both describe moments where a personal or professional crisis forced them to re-examine everything—those Gatwick Airport travelators of life that seemingly move us towards destinations we never chose. The wake-up call comes not when we’ve arrived, but in summoning the courage to step off, ask searching questions, and redirect our paths.
From Falsehood to Flourishing: Actionable Steps
Breaking free from these well-worn paths is daunting, but Heather offers concrete, actionable strategies honed from her work helping women and professionals reconnect to their authentic selves. Here are some of the most resonant touchpoints from the episode:
Play the “Why” Game
For any desire, ambition, or behaviour, ask yourself “Why?”—and keep going, ideally five layers deep. Surface answers rarely reveal root motivations. Is your goal to please others, or does it serve your truth?
Distinguish the Root of Your Truth
Is this belief or action genuinely yours? Or is it inherited, a reaction to fear, shame, or someone else’s expectations? Pausing to analyse the provenance of your narratives is the first step to reclaiming your story.
Choose Your Tables Wisely
Heather powerfully reframes the old adage, suggesting we become not just the average of those we spend time with, but a blend of the energy and values in those circles. Choose rooms where your authentic self isn’t just permitted, but celebrated. If the right “table” doesn’t exist, start your own.
Embrace Truth Over Comfort
The truth may be uncomfortable, even polarising—it may “whisk up your insides,” as Heather puts it. But the cost of constant self-betrayal is greater, leading to disconnection and sometimes even to physical illness. Honour your “full body yes,” and decline spaces or relationships that contract rather than expand your energy.
Normalise Vulnerability
By owning mistakes, being honest about your needs (even as simple as needing a 10-minute break alone during an event), and sharing your true story, you invite deeper human connection and give others permission to do the same.
Transforming Workplace (and Life) Culture
What does all this mean for inclusion in the workplace and beyond? As both Joanne and Heather illustrate, true inclusion is not simply a matter of policies or initiatives—it is an ethos grounded in authenticity, radical acceptance, and connection. Organisations must move beyond surface-level diversity programmes and create cultures where people are empowered to bring their whole selves to work. This cannot be achieved without addressing the inherited stories and societal scripts that keep us compartmentalised and disconnected.
Heather’s journey from corporate to entrepreneur, and Joanne’s from IT leader to pioneering D&I expert, reveal that thriving—individually and collectively—is only possible when we “disrupt the norm with love.” This could mean allowing grief to transform us (mourning not just those we lose, but also parts of our identity), or cultivating new communities aligned with our values rather than our fears.
A Call to Action
Heather Eggington’s life and wisdom, as generously shared in this episode, serve as an urgent reminder: The world does not change when we conform. It changes when we are brave enough to re-examine the scripts, tell our own truths, and create connections grounded in trust and love.
So, what is one inherited “truth” you’re ready to examine today? Where are you compromising authenticity for acceptance? Who are the people or communities that truly see and value the real you? Start with one radical act of honesty—whether with yourself, a loved one, or a colleague—and watch how the energy shifts.
And if conversation like this resonates with you, subscribe to the Inclusion Bites Podcast at seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen, and become part of a growing community committed to sparking change, one honest conversation at a time.
Ready to disrupt your norms—with love? Join us.
Inspired by Heather Eggington and the episode 'Disrupting the Norm with Love' on the Inclusion Bites Podcast. For more bold, transformative conversations on inclusion and belonging, connect with host Joanne Lockwood at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
#InclusionBites #DisruptTheNorm #Authenticity #Belonging #Podcast
The standout line from this episode
The standout line from this episode is:
"I'd rather have the whole world against me than live a lie."
❓ Questions
Certainly! Here are 10 discussion questions inspired by the episode “Disrupting the Norm with Love” from the Inclusion Bites Podcast:
How do inherited societal expectations (such as beliefs about motherhood or career paths) impact our sense of personal identity and truth?
In what ways can “radical responsibility” for one’s own truth contribute to building more authentic workplace cultures?
The episode mentions the idea of grief not just for people, but for the identity we held with them. How does this perspective reshape our understanding of loss and change?
What are some practical strategies for recognising and dismantling self-imposed or inherited “lies” that no longer serve us?
Heather Eggington speaks about being a “Truth, Trust, and Love Activator.” How might organisations cultivate similar qualities in their leaders and teams?
The discussion explores polarisation and the value of being “Marmite”—loved by some, disliked by others. How can embracing polarisation support authentic inclusion, rather than hinder it?
How does one reconcile the divide between professional and personal selves, especially for individuals navigating non-normative life choices or transitions?
What are the risks and benefits of “people-pleasing” versus prioritising deeper, value-aligned relationships in both personal and professional spheres?
To what extent do labels like “introvert” or “extrovert” hinder rather than help our sense of belonging and participation, and how can we rethink these labels inclusively?
The episode highlights the transformative power of community and connection. What small, actionable steps can we take to move from isolation to genuine connection, especially in unfamiliar environments?
These questions are designed to provoke deep reflection and facilitate rich, meaningful conversation—perfect for book clubs, workshops, or diversity and inclusion teams keen to challenge the status quo.
FAQs from the Episode
FAQ: Disrupting the Norm with Love — Exploring Truth, Identity, and Inclusion
1. What does it mean to be a "Truth, Trust and Love Activator"?
A Truth, Trust and Love Activator embraces the power of honesty, self-acceptance, and authentic human connection. This approach encourages not only being truthful with oneself but also extending that honesty to others, cultivating trust and deeper love in relationships. As Heather Eggington describes, it’s about living in alignment with who you are, dissolving inherited or self-imposed falsehoods, and empowering others to do the same.
2. Why do we construct alternative truths or 'lies' about our own identities?
Alternative truths or self-deceptions often develop unconsciously, typically formed by societal expectations, family conditioning, or inherited beliefs. As highlighted in the episode, such narratives help individuals fit in, avoid discomfort, or cope with shame and fear. Over time, these constructs can become so ingrained that they replace one’s authentic self, making it challenging to return to the underlying truth.
3. How can grief be linked to changes in personal identity?
The discussion explored how mourning is often tied less to the individual lost, and more to the identity that relationship conferred—such as "daughter" or "partner." When a loved one is gone, individuals often find themselves grieving the role or connection that no longer exists, requiring a recalibration of self-identity.
4. Is having children essential to a person's sense of completeness or identity?
No. Both speakers emphasised that the belief that parenthood is required for completeness is a societal myth rather than a universal truth. Identity and worth are not determined by whether one has children; each path is equally valid and transient phases, such as parenthood, should not define one’s core self.
5. Why do people find it difficult to break away from false narratives or 'lies' in their lives?
Falsities may begin as small "white lies" or tiny divergences from the truth, but as they accumulate, returning becomes incrementally more challenging. Layers of deception can become defensive mechanisms, protecting individuals from perceived judgement or fear. The longer these persist, the more invested and isolated people become in sustaining their false identity.
6. How does societal conditioning influence our life choices and sense of inclusion?
Societal norms, inherited values, and systems of expectation can make it daunting to step outside the 'status quo.' The episode illustrates that questioning, disrupting, or rejecting these norms invites resistance, yet it is crucial for authentic self-leadership and inclusion. True belonging happens when individuals align themselves with communities and values that resonate with their authentic self.
7. What is the significance of 'the people you surround yourself with' in shaping identity and belonging?
We are often influenced by those around us—be it their energy, values, or ambitions. If you find your values are not reflected in your current circles, it may be time to seek out or create more aligned communities, rather than seeking validation from those who cannot reciprocate. This approach fosters genuine inclusion and reduces isolation.
8. Can introverts and extroverts both build authentic relationships and communities?
Absolutely. The extrovert/introvert dichotomy is largely a social construct or label that may not reflect a person's complex reality. Authenticity, not personality type, is the cornerstone of connection. The episode encourages rejecting restrictive labels and instead embracing one’s full spectrum of preferences—whether that’s enjoying solitude, seeking community, or both.
9. How do food and taste relate to identity in this discussion?
Food was playfully used as a metaphor for changing identity and breaking self-imposed limitations. Taste preferences, like personal beliefs, can shift over time when we are open to new experiences. Questioning longstanding dislikes (e.g., Marmite or feta cheese) mirrors the journey of challenging and reshaping our personal narratives.
10. What practical steps can listeners take to ‘disrupt the norm with love’ in their own lives?
Begin by questioning inherited or habitual beliefs—ask “Is this truly mine?”.
Choose honesty, even when it feels risky, to foster trust and deeper connections.
Seek or create communities aligned with your authentic self and values.
Allow grief and transition to inform your evolving identity rather than define you by loss.
Embrace change—whether it’s in friendships, work, or self-perception—and be open to new experiences.
Reject polarising labels and celebrate your unique blend of traits, preferences, and strengths.
11. Where can I learn more or get involved in conversations like these?
You can reach out to Joanne Lockwood via jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk to share your story or join the podcast. For further episodes and resources, visit seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen.
12. How does Inclusion Bites contribute to the wider conversation around inclusion and societal transformation?
Inclusion Bites is committed to tackling the deeper threads of diversity, equity, and inclusion, moving beyond surface-level discussion to challenge the status quo and inspire genuine change. Each episode, including this one, invites listeners to reflect, participate, and take tangible steps toward fostering cultures of belonging.
For more thought-provoking discussions, subscribe to Inclusion Bites and become part of a community sparking real transformation, one conversation at a time.
Tell me more about the guest and their views
The guest on this episode, Heather Egginton, positions herself as a “disruptor of the norm” and refers to herself as a “Truth, Trust and Love Activator.” Heather’s work, ethos, and personal philosophy all centre on authentic connection, radical honesty, and self-acceptance—especially in a world that often pressures individuals to conform at the expense of their true selves.
Heather believes her superpower is the ability to bring strangers together, helping them feel truly connected. She frequently observes that people naturally find it easier to be honest and trust themselves in her company, which in turn enables greater self-love. This concept of contagious honesty and self-acceptance is fundamental to her approach, and she views it as invaluable in creating deeper human connections amidst widespread societal disconnection.
Key viewpoints from Heather include:
The Inherited Nature of Our 'Truths'
Heather highlights that many of the stories or “truths” we tell ourselves are not ones we consciously acquire, but rather, inherited—be it generational, cultural, or derived from significant adults during our formative years. She encourages radical responsibility: to question these assumptions and decide whether they genuinely belong to us, or if they are illusions we have unconsciously absorbed.
Breaking Free from Societal Conditioning
Using the example of womanhood being defined by motherhood, Heather explores how cultural narratives can enforce a sense of incompleteness or otherness. She openly challenges these norms, advocating for individuals to reject identities thrust on them by outside expectations, and instead embrace their authentic selves.
The Impact of Lying to Ourselves
Heather examines the psychological and even physical consequences of self-deception. She asserts that living inauthentically, or maintaining lies about who we are, ultimately “twists you up”—manifesting not just emotionally, but also physically. Her approach to coaching and mentoring often involves stripping away these layers of untruth to reveal the “root cause,” which she links to increased well-being.
Navigating Grief and Identity
Heather provides a nuanced perspective on grief, suggesting that when we lose someone, we may actually be grieving the identity and role they provided in our lives, rather than the person themselves. She applies this thinking more broadly to personal transformation, describing a cyclical process involving “grief, relief, disbelief and belief” as we shed old selves and embrace new ones.
Challenging Labels: Introvert, Extrovert, and Beyond
Heather resists traditional binary labels such as introvert or extrovert, seeing these constructs as further forms of restrictive social conditioning. She points out that individuals are multifaceted and dynamic—capable of thriving in solitude as well as in community. Whether you identify with being more reserved or outgoing, she urges a deeper interrogation of whether these identities are self-chosen or inherited labels.
Cultivating Community and Energetic Alignment
A significant part of Heather’s philosophy is about intentional association—choosing to spend time with people who share or elevate your values, rather than trying to fit into unsuitable environments. She suggests that the energy and mindset of our social circles are as impactful (if not more) than mere proximity or friendship, encouraging listeners to seek out or even form communities where authentic connection and shared values are central.
“Disrupting the Norm with Love”
True to the theme of the episode, Heather’s overall approach is less about rebellion for its own sake, and more about disrupting societal norms through compassion, truth-telling, and vulnerability. She exemplifies living out loud, being unapologetically herself (e.g., retiring from corporate life at 39, investing in property, and creating communities wherever she is), and emboldening others to interrogate and redefine what’s possible for themselves.
In essence, Heather Egginton brings a philosophy of radical authenticity, grounded in compassion and boundless openness, challenging listeners to disrupt their own internal and external norms—with love, honesty, and trust at the helm.
Ideas for Future Training and Workshops based on this Episode
Certainly! Drawing on the rich themes explored in episode 168, “Disrupting the Norm with Love” of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, here are several innovative training and workshop ideas for future delivery. Each proposal is directly inspired by the episode’s nuanced discussion around truth-telling, authenticity, challenging inherited norms, navigating identity, and building genuine connections in the workplace and beyond.
1. Radical Authenticity at Work: Disrupting Norms Kindly
Objective: Enable participants to explore and challenge learned workplace behaviours and assumptions that hinder authenticity.
Content: Unpack ways in which 'playing a role' at work can create internal divides, and provide frameworks for integrating one’s whole self into professional settings in a psychologically safe manner. Simulation activities where attendees practise ‘truthful conversations’ in common workplace scenarios.
Key Takeaways: Practical tools for “taking radical responsibility” for one’s truths; managing transitions from old narratives to more authentic personal and organisational cultures.
2. Breaking the Cycle: Recognising and Escaping Inherited Self-Limiting Beliefs
Objective: Equip individuals with analytical tools to identify inherited stories about their worth, identity, or capability—whether related to gender, family, career, or social roles.
Content: ‘Five Whys’ technique (referenced in the episode) to interrogate deeply held beliefs; group discussions exploring generational expectations (e.g., the role of parenthood in self-definition); strategies to reframe limiting narratives.
Key Takeaways: Self-reflection techniques, methods to replace inherited ‘truths’ with self-defined values, and action planning for personal liberation.
3. Navigating Grief and Identity Shifts in the Workplace
Objective: Help employees and leaders understand the psychological impacts of loss—whether bereavement, redundancy, or significant life transition—and how these affect workplace identity and inclusion.
Content: Frameworks for identifying ‘grief relief, disbelief and belief cycle’ as mentioned by Heather; small-group sharing circles; making sense of loss of role or status in professional settings.
Key Takeaways: Coping mechanisms for identity changes, guidance for supporting colleagues through transitions, and tactics for fostering belonging post-change.
4. Connection Beyond Convention: Building Powerful Communal Bonds
Objective: Develop skills for creating inclusive, value-aligned groups and communities, both inside and outside the workplace.
Content: Case studies inspired by Heather’s experience forming new community connections; exercises for mapping personal and organisational values; practical steps for building “reciprocal” relationships where both sides invest and benefit equally.
Key Takeaways: Understanding magnetism and values-driven connection, overcoming loneliness, strategies for inclusive networking, and community-building in new environments.
5. The Energetics of Truth: Wellbeing and Psychological Safety in the Face of Societal Pressure
Objective: Illuminate the physiological and psychological cost of ‘living a lie’—and the benefits of aligning truth, trust and love at work.
Content: Interactive analysis of case studies where suppressed truths have led to stress or illness; exploring how truth and authenticity can fuel wellbeing; guided practice in ‘full body yes/no’ decision-making.
Key Takeaways: Embodiment tools for workplace wellness, warning signs of inauthenticity burnout, and steps to create a culture supportive of truth-telling.
6. From Marmite Moments to Mastery: Embracing Polarisation and Individual Difference
Objective: Encourage teams to approach difference—opinions, preferences, life paths—with curiosity rather than judgement.
Content: Group discussions themed around personal myth-busting (e.g., challenging the ‘I don’t like Marmite’ mentality as metaphor for limiting beliefs), and exercises in healthy disagreement and constructive polarisation.
Key Takeaways: Tools for respectful debate, reframing polarising opinions as drivers for growth, and fostering psychological safety for divergent thinkers.
7. Introvert, Extrovert, or Whole? Moving Beyond Labels in Inclusive Team Culture
Objective: Debunk binary personality labels and nurture a culture where diverse energy types are acknowledged, accepted, and integrated.
Content: Interactive self-discovery exercises to identify when and why individuals may act ‘introverted’ or ‘extroverted’; discussion of contextual factors (socialisation, upbringing, unconscious programming) influencing these behaviours.
Key Takeaways: Building confidence for both quiet and outspoken team members, moving towards a spectrum-based approach to participation, and practical ways to structure meetings and events for all.
Each workshop could be enriched with storytelling sessions, reflective practice, and action planning—mirroring the Inclusion Bites ethos of depth, connection, and actionable change.
If you’d like further detail on any of these, or wish to align them with your organisational strategy, the concepts can be contextualised for managers, employee resource groups, or general all-staff sessions.
For more inspiration, visit the podcast’s home: Inclusion Bites Podcast.
🪡 Threads by Instagram
Challenging norms doesn’t mean chaos—sometimes, it’s as simple as being honest with yourself. When we stop performing and start living in our truth, connection and belonging naturally follow.
Ever notice how one small untruth can snowball? The further we stray from authenticity, the harder it gets to find our way back. Inclusion starts with honesty—first to ourselves, then to others.
Loss reshapes identity, not just relationships. When we grieve, we’re often mourning the roles we held, not just the person. True inclusion means making space for all the transitions we experience.
Community isn’t about fitting in, but about where your values are mirrored and nurtured. Ask yourself: am I surrounded by people who energise me, or am I shrinking to please the room?
There’s power in saying “no”—to certain paths, to pleasing everyone, to old narratives that don’t ring true. The more you honour your own values, the more you create space for real inclusion.
Leadership Insights - YouTube Short Video Script on Common Problems for Leaders to Address
Leadership Insights Channel
Script: Tackling Authenticity – The Leadership Advantage
As a leader, do you ever feel compelled to wear a mask at work—acting one way with colleagues and another way at home? You’re not alone. This split, driven by the fear of judgement or the pressure to conform, often leads to inauthenticity and stress.
Here’s the problem: Pretending to be someone you’re not builds layers of mistruths, distancing you from your true self and your team. Over time, these layers can sap your energy, hinder connection, and create a culture of mistrust.
So, what’s the solution? Start by embracing radical honesty, first with yourself, then with others. Take responsibility for your narrative—reflect on the stories you tell yourself about who you should be. Ask yourself: is that really my truth, or someone else’s expectation?
Next, choose openness. If you make a mistake, own it. If you’re late, simply say, “I lost track of time.” Modelling this candour shows your team it’s safe to be real and fosters genuine trust.
Lastly, surround yourself with those who value authenticity—people who inspire you to lead with integrity, not pretense.
Step away from the trap of “fitting in” and lead by example: be honest, be vulnerable, and watch how authentic connection brings out the best in everyone.
Remember—real leadership starts when you disrupt the norm with truth, trust, and a bit of love.
SEO Optimised Titles
5 Stages to Radical Self-Honesty | Why Deeper Human Connections Beat Social Isolation | Heather @ Wealth of You
Unmasking the Lies: 3 Steps to Disrupt Limiting Beliefs and Build Authentic Trust | Heather @ Wealth of You
Breaking the Cycle: How Owning Your Truth Boosts Wellbeing and Belonging in 2024 | Heather @ Wealth of You
Email Newsletter about this Podcast Episode
Subject: [Inclusion Bites] Unlocking Freedom, Truth & Love – The Episode You Can’t Miss!
Hello Inclusion Bites Family,
Ready for a fresh serving of insight with a cheeky side of disruption? Our latest episode, “Disrupting the Norm with Love,” is here—and it’s bursting with connection, candour, and courage. Joanne Lockwood, your passionate host, sits down with the fantastic Heather Eggington, a self-described “Truth, Trust and Love Activator,” to get real about what it truly means to break free from inherited narratives and live authentically.
What’s on the Menu This Episode? Five Unmissable Lessons:
Radical Self-Honesty: Discover why facing your own truth (no matter how messy) uncovers genuine self-love and deeper human connection.
Inherited Beliefs – Fact or Fiction?: Learn how many of our “truths” aren’t actually ours, but borrowed (or imposed) from society, family, or generations past—and how to break the cycle.
Lies Vs. Layers: Jo and Heather unravel how little white lies stack up, transforming into heavy burdens that distance us from our authentic selves. Sound familiar?
The Power of Saying No: Find out how choosing yourself—whether in friendships, careers, or even food preferences—can genuinely increase your sense of belonging.
Enter the Five Whys: Hear Heather’s game-changing method to uncover the real root of your desires using a simple, surprisingly effective technique.
Unique Fact from the Episode:
Heather revealed how her taste buds (and love for a contentious cheese) have shifted as her self-awareness has grown. She once reviled feta cheese—until a new experience, shared with a like-minded person, completely changed her perspective. Is our identity reflected in our taste buds? You’ll just have to listen in…
Join the Conversation:
Are you ready to ditch outdated labels, embrace your next big identity shift, or just want a nudge towards more truthful daily living? Tune in to this transformative episode now: Listen to the episode here.
We love to hear your reflections, stories and “aha!” moments. Drop Joanne a line anytime at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk or reply to this email.
Let’s finish strong:
Community is about showing up, being real, and chewing over the tough stuff together (yes, even Marmite debates!). If this episode sparks something in you, don’t keep it to yourself—share Inclusion Bites with friends, family, and colleagues who need a dose of realness. Subscribe, join the conversation, and help us keep challenging the norms—always with love.
Until next time, keep biting into the truth (and maybe try feta again?).
With warmth,
The Inclusion Bites Team
#InclusionBites #DisruptingTheNorm #TruthTrustLove
Potted Summary
Episode Intro
In this powerful episode of Inclusion Bites, host Joanne Lockwood welcomes Heather Eggington to explore disrupting societal norms with authenticity and radical self-love. The conversation delves into the layers of truth we tell ourselves, the complexities of identity, and the courage needed to step off life’s automatic travelator. With warmth and vulnerability, Joanne and Heather share personal stories and challenge listeners to look beyond inherited expectations and embrace their own journey towards genuine inclusion.
In this conversation we discuss
👉 Truth vs. Self-Delusion
👉 Identity & Belonging
👉 Disrupting Norms
Here are a few of our favourite quotable moments
“I’d rather have the whole world against me than live a lie, you know… why would I ever want to treat myself as something that’s not valuable?”
“You become so invested in that new version of you… there’s no way of backpedalling because your truth is so far removed from who you are now.”
“It’s being willing to really take a good, long look at ourselves and see how incredible we actually are without the societal programming.”
Summary
Joanne and Heather’s frank exploration of truth, identity, and breaking free from societal expectations provides honest insight and real encouragement. This episode is a must for those ready to challenge inherited narratives and truly belong. Listen now to be inspired and join the movement for authentic inclusion: Inclusion Bites Podcast.
LinkedIn Poll
LinkedIn Poll Opening Summary:
In this episode of Inclusion Bites, “Disrupting the Norm with Love”, Joanne Lockwood and Heather Egginton dive deep into authenticity, self-truths, and the impact of societal expectations on our sense of belonging. They candidly explore how inherited beliefs and personal narratives shape our choices at work, in relationships, and in communities. Are we living our truth, or holding on to stories that no longer serve us? Let’s challenge the status quo and uncover what truly connects us.
Poll Question:
What holds you back most from living your truth at work or in your community?
Poll Options:
😨 Fear of judgement
🤝 Wanting to fit in
🕵️♂️ Hiding my real self
😴 Following old habits
#InclusionBites #BeYourself #Authenticity #Belonging
Closing Statement:
Why vote? Your perspective spotlights common barriers and empowers us all to disrupt the norm, fostering more inclusive cultures where we can thrive. Let’s start the conversation—what’s your truth?
Highlight the Importance of this topic on LinkedIn
Just listened to the latest Inclusion Bites Podcast episode, "Disrupting the Norm with Love" with Joanne Lockwood and Heather Eggington—and it truly struck a chord. 🎧✨
In our field, we talk daily about authenticity, belonging, and psychological safety. This episode takes it further—challenging us to question the “truths” we inherit, discard the “norms” that no longer serve us, and embrace the discomfort that comes with real change.
Heather’s insights on the lies we tell ourselves (consciously or unconsciously) resonated deeply. Being honest—truly honest—starts with self-awareness and radical responsibility. Until we disrupt our own status quo, how can we expect meaningful inclusion in our organisations?
For HR, EDI, and senior leaders, these conversations aren’t just relevant—they’re essential. We set the tone. Our actions, our vulnerability, and our openness shape the culture around us.
Let’s champion communities where people don’t just “fit”—they belong and thrive.
If you’re ready to challenge your own narrative and ignite inclusion within your sphere of influence, I highly recommend giving this a listen. 🌍🗣️
#InclusionBites #EDI #Leadership #Authenticity #Belonging
Listen here: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
L&D Insights
Absolutely, here’s a concise, actionable summary designed for busy Senior Leaders, HR, and EDI professionals—highlighting the key learnings from “Disrupting the Norm with Love” from The Inclusion Bites Podcast.
Key Insights for Leaders & EDI/HR Professionals
1. Truth, Authenticity, and Identity:
The episode powerfully underscores the pervasive influence of “inherited truths”—beliefs or values often unconsciously absorbed from societal or generational expectations (e.g., the notion that women must have children to feel complete). Heather Egginton and Joanne Lockwood encourage radical self-honesty, both as individuals and as organisational leaders.
Aha Moment:
Real inclusion starts with challenging not just organisational structures, but the internal narratives we accept about ourselves and others. By holding space for truth—however uncomfortable—we model brave authenticity that enables true belonging.
2. Grief, Change, and Identity Evolution:
The discussion about managing grief is reframed: it’s not just mourning people, but also the roles and identities attached to them. This idea extends to both personal and organisational transformation.
Aha Moment:
Every change initiative—whether EDI-related or wider business transformation—triggers a cycle of loss, disbelief, relief, and new belief. Acknowledging and supporting people through these emotional dynamics increases resilience and engagement.
3. The Cost of Living a Lie at Work:
By drawing parallels to leading a “double life”—where who we are at home differs from who we are at work—the podcast unveils the toll of inauthenticity. This divide leads to burnout, disengagement, and even physical ill-health.
Aha Moment:
Leaders who create psychologically safe spaces, where truth is welcomed (rather than punished), see higher trust, wellbeing, and innovation. Inclusion is not a “programme”—it’s a lived, daily commitment.
4. Community and Environment Shape Behaviour:
Heather shares the magnifying effect of surrounding oneself with those who share similar values—whether in or out of corporate life.
Aha Moment:
Don’t underestimate the impact of social environments. Leaders can purposefully shape team and organisational cultures by being intentional about the values championed in their daily interactions.
5. Permission to Re-energise and Set Boundaries:
There’s an empowering message about erasing the myth that only extroverts can “show up” or be visible at work. True inclusion celebrates diverse working styles—people are encouraged to recharge and participate in ways authentic to them.
Aha Moment:
Encourage individuals to say “no”, to recharge, and to own their energy cycles—this prevents burnout and contributes to sustainable high performance across the board.
What Should Leaders/HR/EDI Pros Do Differently?
Model Vulnerable Leadership:
Share your own journeys of unpicking inherited truths and redefining identity. This humanises ED&I, encouraging openness at all levels.Normalise Emotional Cycles in Change:
Acknowledge the emotional components of organisational change—especially grief and loss of identity. Build rituals or forums where this can be safely explored.Audit for Inauthenticity:
Identify processes, policies, and cultural markers where employees feel forced into inauthenticity. Focus on equity of experience, not just compliance.Curate Communities of Belonging:
Enable employees to find and create communities where shared values are celebrated. Facilitate forums and resource groups that value difference and co-create solutions.Champion Self-care & Boundaries:
Promote policies and informal practices that support energy management, personal boundaries, and different engagement styles.
Hashtags & Emoji Summary
🚦🤝💡🎭❤️
#InclusionBites #AuthenticLeadership #CultureChange #BelongingAtWork #EDIAction
In summary: This episode makes it clear—EDI isn’t a checklist, but a daily discipline rooted in self-truth, emotional intelligence, and brave leadership. Inclusion efforts that fail to address the human, messy, and sometimes painful side of change will never deliver the belonging and innovation we crave. Let’s lead with love and disrupt the norm together.
Shorts Video Script
Video Title (for social media posting):
Unlocking Authentic Connection: Why Telling the Truth Changes Everything #Inclusion #Authenticity
Hashtags:
#InclusionBites #BeYourself #TruthMatters #BreakTheNorm #LiveAuthentically
[Text on screen: Disrupt the Norm 🧩]
Let me ask you—have you ever found yourself living a version of your life that just doesn’t feel true? You’re ticking all the boxes, following the script society wrote for you, yet something feels off? So many of us start out just trying to fit in, but somewhere along the way, we inherit beliefs that aren’t really ours. Maybe we’ve been told what “should” define us, whether it’s family, career, or even our identity.
[Text on screen: Let Go of Lies 🕊️]
Here’s the problem: every small lie we tell ourselves layers up, slowly distancing us from our real selves. Over time, we become so invested in these stories—these illusions—that it’s tough to peel them back. But truth is empowering. When you allow yourself to be honest—even about the smallest things—it builds trust in yourself. And that trust can transform your connection with others.
[Text on screen: Take Radical Responsibility ⚡]
The real shift happens when you take radical responsibility for your story. If you’re hiding behind a version of yourself that makes life easier on the surface, ask yourself why. Where did that story come from? Is it truly yours, or an old belief you inherited?
[Text on screen: Reconnect With Who You Are 🌱]
When you stop looking for external validation and connect deeply with yourself, something incredible happens. You attract people who actually value what you value. You stop dividing yourself between different worlds—work, friends, home—and start showing up as one complete, authentic person.
[Text on screen: Practical Step: Play the Why Game 🤔]
Try this: Next time you feel disconnected or unsettled, ask yourself “why” five times. Peel back those layers. You might be surprised at what’s really underneath.
[Text on screen: It’s OK to Change Your Path 🔄]
Remember, you don’t have to keep walking someone else’s path. Hitting pause and choosing a new direction is not failure—it’s growth. You get to decide who you become and what inclusion really means in your life.
Thanks for watching! Remember, together we can make a difference. Stay connected, stay inclusive! See you next time. ✨
Glossary of Terms and Phrases
## Uncommon Concepts and Phrases in "Disrupting the Norm with Love" (Inclusion Bites Podcast, Episode 168)
Below is a list of words and phrases used or discussed in the episode that are not commonly found in everyday conversation, along with definitions as implied in the context of this particular discussion:
### 1. Truth, Trust and Love Activator
**Definition:** A person who intentionally fosters honesty, confidence, and compassion in themselves and others, enabling deeper human connection.
### 2. Radical Responsibility
**Definition:** The practice of taking full ownership and accountability over one's own beliefs, actions, and self-deceptions, even if those were inherited or unconsciously adopted.
### 3. Wealth of Women Programme
**Definition:** A specific coaching or mentoring initiative run by the guest (Heather Eggington) aimed at dismantling societal or generational myths around women's identity and self-worth.
### 4. Energetic Disruption/Norm Disruptor
**Definition:** An individual or force that intentionally unsettles established norms or expectations—particularly those regarding identity and authenticity—in order to spark growth or change.
### 5. Grief Relief, Disbelief and Belief Cycle
**Definition:** The conceptual framework describing the emotional stages experienced when facing the loss of a person or an identity: disbelief, grief, relief, and eventual belief or acceptance.
### 6. Greater Forces
**Definition:** Internal or external pressures—such as societal conditioning, entrenched beliefs, emotional triggers, or cultural expectations—that influence behaviours and identity, sometimes preventing individuals from living authentically.
### 7. Five Whys Technique
**Definition:** An introspective practice used to uncover the root cause or motivation behind a desire or challenge, by repeatedly asking 'why' five times to peel back the layers of reasoning.
### 8. Living in/Inheriting a Lie
**Definition:** The act or state of upholding falsehoods about oneself (often unconsciously), especially those inherited from family or society, which form the basis for inauthentic living.
### 9. Energetic Trail/Calibrate to Bravery
**Definition:** Following the subtle emotional/energetic evidence of why habitual patterns exist, and 'calibrating' refers to raising one's own level of courage by association or through intentional action.
### 10. Frequency of Values/Frequency of Love
**Definition:** The individual or collective energetic 'signature' or vibe determined by one's fundamental values or the decision to live according to love; used here in the context of challenge-based personal development.
### 11. Deep, Truthful Connection
**Definition:** An intentional, emotionally honest relationship—whether with oneself or others—characterised by vulnerability, openness, and the absence of pretence.
### 12. Full Body Yes
**Definition:** A decisional benchmark, meaning a decision that resonates with the whole self (mind, body, emotions)—an embodied sense of rightness or wholehearted consent.
### 13. Energetic Warfare
**Definition:** A metaphor for the internal or external conflicts experienced when trying to maintain one’s authentic self in environments or situations where other pressures seek to drain or diminish that authenticity.
### 14. Energetic Ceiling
**Definition:** The personal limit or saturation point at which one’s emotional or social energy is depleted, necessitating retreat or recovery.
### 15. Marmite (as Metaphor)
**Definition:** Referencing the British yeast spread 'Marmite,' used metaphorically to describe the necessity or power of being 'polarising'—embracing that not everyone will like or accept you, and that's both normal and empowering for authenticity.
### 16. Chosen One (inclusion context)
**Definition:** The belief that each person has unique purpose and value, and the challenge is to actively 'choose oneself' rather than waiting for external validation.
---
These concepts underpin a sophisticated discussion of authenticity, belonging, identity, and the courage required to disrupt societal and personal norms in pursuit of a life rooted in truth and inclusion.SEO Optimised YouTube Content
Focus Keyword:
Disrupting the Norm with Love
Video Title
Disrupting the Norm with Love: How Positive People Experiences Drive Culture Change | #InclusionBitesPodcast
Tags
Tags: disrupting the norm with love, Positive People Experiences, culture change, inclusion, belonging, identity, truth, trust, love, diversity, Joanne Lockwood, Heather Eggington, corporate escape, authentic connection, grief and identity, societal conditioning, breaking the mould, inclusion podcast, personal growth, compassion in leadership, self-discovery, radical honesty, empathetic workplaces, transformative conversations, values based living,
Killer Quote
Killer Quote: "The truth whisks people up, whereas lies, they twist you up. Physically, your body contorts itself, contracts itself. I'd rather have the whole world against me than live a lie." – Heather Eggington
Hashtags
Hashtags: #InclusionBitesPodcast, #DisruptingTheNorm, #PositivePeopleExperiences, #CultureChange, #Belonging, #Inclusion, #TruthTrustLove, #Authenticity, #Leadership, #CorporateEscape, #GriefAndIdentity, #BreakingTheMould, #Diversity, #SelfDiscovery, #HonestConversations, #SocietalChange, #EmpathyInAction, #PurposefulLiving, #ValuesDriven, #Transformation
Why Listen
In this episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, “Disrupting the Norm with Love,” I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with Heather Eggington, a disruptor of the norm and a self-described Truth, Trust, and Love Activator. If you are seeking Positive People Experiences and striving to spark meaningful culture change, this episode is tailor-made for you.
We journey far beyond the surface into the heart of inclusion and belonging, tackling the complex ways that truth, self-deception, and authenticity shape not just our workplaces but our lives. Heather and I discuss the inherited beliefs we accept without question and how these stories, often born out of fear, shame, or a desire to belong, can contort our identity and hold us in patterns of inauthenticity. Using candid personal stories—from navigating gender transition and corporate life, to managing the grief of losing loved ones and even rediscovering Marmite on toast—we demonstrate how small acts of honesty can ignite profound personal transformation.
This episode will resonate with anyone working in HR, aspiring to culture change, or just hungry for real strategies to create Positive People Experiences. Heather challenges us to interrogate our inherited truths, always asking “Is this really mine?” and to play the ‘five whys’ game with our motivations. Her approach is part radical accountability, part compassionate kindness. By shining a light on these self-imposed barriers, we discover that inclusion and belonging must start with self-acceptance and the willingness to disrupt our own status quo.
We examine how societal norms—like being defined by parenthood, career milestones, or outdated concepts of success—can create deep divides within ourselves. We dig deep into the grief not only of losing people but also of identities we’ve outgrown. You’ll hear why the inauthenticity of ‘people-pleasing’ inevitably erodes our own sense of self, and how stepping into your truth, even when that sets you apart, is the ultimate act of self-compassion and the foundation for real inclusion.
The beauty of Heather’s message is its universality. Regardless of your role or industry—whether you are a CEO, a parent, or someone quietly questioning your own narrative—her insights on trust, love, and truth serve as guiding lights. This conversation is packed with practical wisdom, from Heather’s “frequency of values” approach, to actionable steps you can take to build honest, supportive communities around you. Even if you believe you’re an introvert or feel disconnected, this episode offers concrete ways to reconnect—with yourself and with others—and finally build the Positive People Experiences that underpin lasting culture change.
Stay with us until the end, where we unpack the journey from loneliness to authentic connection, interrogate the energetic costs of living divided lives, and share everyday examples of how small shifts towards honesty and compassion unleash your unique power—and help everyone thrive.
Ultimately, “Disrupting the Norm with Love” is a rallying call to take radical responsibility for the stories we live by. It dares you to reflect, connect, and bring your true self to the table—because only then can you inspire the kind of culture change that benefits us all. Whether you’re sipping your morning coffee or winding down with us at the end of the day, this episode will leave you with renewed clarity, purpose, and actionable insights to start making difference now.
Closing Summary and Call to Action
Let’s recap the key learnings and actionable insights from this episode, designed to help you catalyse Positive People Experiences and create meaningful culture change, both at work and in your personal life.
1. Challenge Inherited Truths
Many of the ‘truths’ we live by originated from external sources—family, community, or wider society—rather than from genuine self-reflection.
Utilise the “five whys” technique: Each time you find yourself acting out of habit or expectation, ask “Why?” repeatedly to get to the root of your motivation.
Take a critical look at beliefs such as “Fulfilment equals parenthood” or “Success is a corporate identity”—are these truly yours, or inherited scripts?
2. Embrace Radical Self-Honesty
Heather models the transformative power of self-honesty. Declaring the truth, even if it’s that you don’t want to go out, or simply admitting an error, creates space for authentic relationships.
Notice where small ‘white lies’ begin: one minor misrepresentation can quickly escalate, building a version of yourself that is far-removed from your core.
Lead with curiosity instead of judgement—challenge yourself with loving self-inquiry rather than self-criticism.
3. Understand Identity Shifts and Grief
Grief often centres not just on losing a loved one, but the loss of the identity you held in relation to them.
Recognise and honour the various identities you’ve outgrown as you journey through life. Each transition—from caregiver to independent, from corporate high-flyer to entrepreneur—can trigger this process.
Support others in your network through their own identity shifts, modelling patience and empathy.
4. Disrupt the Divide Within
Living divided lives—acting one way at work and another at home—drains energy and erodes integrity.
Build routines that reinforce alignment between your values and your actions, such as journalling reminders of your core beliefs, or setting values-based intentions each day.
Check: Are you surrounded by people who support your true self, or do you adjust yourself to fit in? Decide which communities energise you—and consciously choose where to invest your time.
5. Demystify Introversion, Extroversion and Social Myths
Stop boxing yourself in with labels like “introvert” or “extrovert.” Accept that all humans live along this spectrum and your preferences might shift with age or circumstance.
Listen to your needs—sometimes opting out is an act of self-respect. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for needing solitude or disconnection.
Bring others into honest conversations about energy and capacity. “I’m not feeling it today, and that’s ok,” is a complete sentence.
6. Be the Disruptor for Positive People Experiences
Change doesn’t come from fitting in but from choosing love over conformity. Heather and I both modelled journeys of breaking the expected mould to define our own paths.
Small acts of disruption—telling the honest truth about your feelings, declining an invitation, leaving a misaligned community—move the needle for culture change.
Each time you act from truth and compassion, you open the door for others to do the same.
7. Build New Communities Around Shared Values
You are magnetic. If you feel your current ‘table’ doesn’t value what you do, it’s time to find—or create—a new one.
Align with people who share your values for a reciprocal, energising community. Heather’s Frequency of Values Challenge is a brilliant resource for this.
Remember: Real belonging grows from courage and intention, not from people-pleasing or fitting in.
8. Make Positive People Experiences Your North Star
Define your ‘why’—why do you seek inclusion, connection, culture change? Anchor your decisions and strategies in these positive intentions.
Tune in to the energetic costs and gains in all your relationships and take the brave choice to walk away when it’s no longer aligned.
Let go of ‘shoulds’ and focus on cultivating a sense of wholeness—bring your full self to every interaction.
9. Take Practical Action Today
Start one honest conversation—whether admitting a small mistake or sharing your true feelings with a friend or colleague.
Audit your close relationships: Are you surrounded by energy givers or drainers? Who do you want to connect with more meaningfully?
Explore new communities, podcasts, or learning platforms aligned with your values. Seek those who appreciate the real you.
10. Keep the Conversation Going
Subscribe to Inclusion Bites for more heart-driven, actionable conversations that inspire real transformation.
Share your own stories by reaching out—let’s amplify the disruptive, loving voices creating impact everywhere.
Remember: Culture change is a collective journey, sparked by each act of radical self-acceptance, honesty, and care.
Outro
Thank you, the listener, for joining me and Heather as we navigated the powerful terrain of disrupting the norm with love. If this episode has inspired you to reflect, act, or connect with your own truth, please take a moment to like this video, subscribe to the channel, and share your favourite insight in the comments. You can always find more transformative resources and conversations at the SEE Change Happen website: https://seechangehappen.co.uk
Catch the full archive of Inclusion Bites at: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
If you’d like to be part of the podcast, share your own story, or simply want to reach out—email me, Joanne Lockwood, at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
Let’s continue to be bold, disrupt the normal, and place Positive People Experiences at the heart of culture change.
Stay curious, stay kind, and stay inclusive - Joanne Lockwood
Root Cause Analyst - Why!
Certainly, let’s break down the root cause analysis as requested, focusing on the principal issues raised within the Inclusion Bites Podcast episode entitled “Disrupting the Norm with Love,” featuring Joanne Lockwood and Heather Eggington.
Key Problem Identified:
Individuals frequently struggle to live their authentic truth, leading to disconnection, inauthenticity, and a lack of belonging—both personally and within organisations.
1. Why do individuals struggle to live their authentic truth?
Because societal expectations, norms, and implicit standards often pressurise people to conform, discouraging divergence from the “norm” and stifling self-expression.
2. Why do societal expectations and norms have this effect?
Because from early life, people are socialised—by families, education, media, and workplace cultures—to adopt particular roles, identities, and beliefs, internalising messages about what is valued or deemed “acceptable.”
3. Why are these roles, identities, and beliefs so strongly internalised?
Because deviation is often met with fear, shame, exclusion, or perceived risk—whether that’s disappointing significant others, losing employment, or facing ostracism. The cost of non-conformity feels high, thus people create “safe,” socially acceptable versions of themselves.
4. Why is the cost of non-conformity perceived as being so high?
Because systems and power structures are built around maintaining the status quo. There is limited representation of diverse experiences and positive models of authenticity thriving; the dominant narratives reward compliance and invisibilise difference.
5. Why is there limited representation and dominant narratives that perpetuate these systems?
Because historical prejudices, structural inequities, and a lack of inclusive leadership have maintained rigid definitions of identity and success, making it difficult to disrupt traditional paradigms without intentional intervention.
Summary of Findings
The root cause of the lack of authenticity and belonging is multi-layered. Whilst it might manifest as personal reticence or self-betrayal, it originates from deeply embedded societal and organisational systems designed to privilege conformity over diversity—reinforced generation after generation. These systems shape beliefs, behaviours, and even self-worth, making truth-telling and authentic living genuinely risky acts for many.
Potential Solutions
1. Organisational Culture Shift
Promote Psychological Safety: Leaders should foster environments where truth-telling, vulnerability, and identity exploration are celebrated, not penalised.
Model Authenticity: Executive sponsorship and visible role-modelling of diverse identities can disrupt standard narratives.
Challenge Norms: Regularly review and question policies, practices, and unspoken rules for implicit bias or exclusivity.
2. Individual Empowerment
Truth and Value Alignment: Encourage and support individuals to identify their values and question where those values diverge from conditioning. The “Five Whys” approach used in the episode is a practical tool.
Storytelling Spaces: Create platforms for sharing stories of living authentically—helping others see that non-conformity can thrive.
3. Intersectional Education
Address Root Causes: Provide training on the origins of social constructs, inherited beliefs, and identity narratives to enable critical reflection and challenge internalised oppression.
Mentoring, Coaching, and Community: Facilitate peer-led and expert-led support networks that empower people to navigate identity transitions safely.
4. Systemic Disruption
Policy and Representation: Ensure policies affirm diverse life paths and challenge established norms (e.g., family structures, career progression, leadership).
Celebrate Divergence: Shift success metrics to value innovation, difference, and collective wellbeing, rather than mere compliance.
In conclusion:
The struggle for authenticity is less an individual failing than a symptom of wider systemic barriers. True inclusion requires dismantling old paradigms and constructing new, love-driven norms—where both organisations and individuals are empowered to live their truth, trust themselves, and forge genuine connections.
For further practical guidance or to join the conversation, listeners are invited to connect with Joanne Lockwood at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk or visit Inclusion Bites.
Canva Slider Checklist
Episode Carousel
Slide 1:
✨ What if telling the truth—about ourselves, our dreams, and our vulnerabilities—was the real act of courage society needs? 💭
Slide 2:
Meet Heather Egginton, a self-described “Truth, Trust and Love Activator” shaking up social norms! She brings strangers together and helps them feel truly connected in our often disconnected world. 🌍🤝
Slide 3:
How many of our “truths” are just inherited stories or old expectations? From gender identity to what defines a ‘complete’ life, Heather and Joanne challenge us to reflect: Are you living your story or someone else’s? 🧠✨
Slide 4:
Ready to disrupt your own status quo? Learn how embracing radical honesty can transform grief, reshape your identity, and nurture deeper human connections—all with a little bit of love! ❤️🔥
Slide 5:
Curious to go deeper? Listen to “Disrupting the Norm With Love” now on Inclusion Bites. Your journey towards authentic inclusion starts here. 👉
🎧 seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
#InclusionBites #TruthTelling #Belonging #ListenNow
6 major topics
Disrupting the Norm with Love: Six Major Conversations in the Inclusion Bites Series
Primary SEO Keyword: Inclusive Cultures
Building Inclusive Cultures From the Inside Out
Reflecting on my time with Heather Egginton, I was struck by the profound journey we took into the beating heart of inclusive cultures. Our conversation wasn’t just a casual exchange; we unravelled the layers behind what it truly means for every individual not only to belong, but also to thrive. Let’s explore the pivotal moments and insights that emerged—each offering its own springboard for curiosity and, I hope, actionable inspiration.
Radical Truth and Self-Acceptance: The Bedrock of Inclusive Cultures
We kicked things off by delving into Heather’s bold philosophy—the “Truth, Trust, and Love Activator.” The chat quickly centred on how authentic self-reflection is foundational to truly inclusive cultures. We both acknowledged that the narratives we tell ourselves, whether handed down by family or constructed out of self-preservation, tend to discourage honesty. Some of these fictions become our own ‘truths’, subtly altering how we present to the world and, crucially, to ourselves.
What fascinated me most was Heather’s conviction that shifting from self-deception to honesty not only liberates us individually but also sets the tone for communal trust. This means inclusion cannot just be a policy—it must start with facing our own truths, uncomfortable as they may be. How might workspaces shift if everyone put this into practice?
Challenging Societal Narratives: Parenthood, Identity, and Defining Enough
One area where these hidden truths shape inclusive cultures is the narrative around life choices—especially around parenthood and gender roles. Heather powerfully challenged the ingrained belief that a woman’s worth is defined by motherhood, recounting how she navigated life as someone with “fur babies” but no children. Her reflections reminded us that inherited expectations—often unquestioningly internalised—can lead us to feel incomplete or even apologetic for not fitting the norm.
We mused on how inclusive cultures require a dismantling of such measures of enoughness. If our workplaces and communities are truly inclusive, whose stories are being centred, and whose are being sidelined? The curiosity here lies in the possibility: what if we all rejected inherited definitions and let self-worth stem from lived experience, not outdated scripts?
Loss, Grief, and Evolving Identity: Navigating Change with Compassion
In sharing personal experiences of loss, both Heather and I uncovered a dimension of inclusive cultures that’s rarely discussed: the intersection between grief and belonging. When my father passed and Heather talked about the loss of her beloved cat, we found common ground in realising grief is often as much about mourning an identity or role as the person themselves.
Heather suggested that the process of moving through disbelief, grief, relief, and belief mirrors our evolving self-perceptions. I can’t help but wonder—if all communities embraced such cycles with compassion, could we forge a greater sense of belonging for those navigating life transitions?
Layered Truths: The Slippery Slope from Pretence to Disconnection
Riffing on cultural references from “Breaking Bad” to “EastEnders,” we explored how pretending can lead to an exhausting, layered existence. Whether at work or in personal life, each additional falsehood adds complexity until authenticity becomes almost unreachable—alienating us from ourselves and others.
In terms of inclusive cultures, the question that kept arising was: What is the cost of maintaining these illusions—for ourselves, and for organisational integrity? The five-why technique Heather employs with her clients offers a powerful route to locating the truth beneath our behaviours. How often do organisations, or we ourselves, have the courage to peel back the layers in pursuit of real inclusion?
Community, Energy, and Finding Your People
Another significant thread was the importance of community in cultivating inclusive cultures. Heather and I discussed the energy we absorb from our environment and people—how the company we keep can either lift us up or deplete us. Rather than merely reflecting those around us, genuine connection requires self-awareness and a proactive approach to seeking out and building communities aligned with our values.
This opens a delicious curiosity: if each of us actively sought the table where our presence resonates—rather than simply settling for proximity or history—how might this recalibrate the very fabric of inclusive cultures at work and beyond?
Embracing Polarisation, Marmite, and Unapologetic Individuality
Finally, we joyfully embraced the idea that, just like Marmite, we’re not for everyone. Inclusive cultures thrive on difference and authenticity, not bland consensus. Sharing tales of culinary preferences, taste buds, and polarising personalities, we acknowledged that leaning into our full selves often means encountering resistance. But, as Heather beautifully put it, we must choose ourselves as “the chosen one” rather than seeking universal approval.
So, here’s my challenge—for communities and workplaces alike: What would it look like if we all leaned into our ‘Marmite moments’ and allowed unapologetic individuality to lead the way for meaningful inclusion?
Conclusion: Disrupting the Norm—One Bold Conversation at a Time
Throughout my conversation with Heather, the key to inclusive cultures revealed itself not as a checklist, but as a lived, messy, glorious experience. It demands radical truthfulness, challenges inherited scripts, honours the cycles of identity, dares to dig beneath social pretence, seeks out synchronised communities, and isn’t afraid to divide opinion in the service of real belonging.
Let’s not leave the cultivation of inclusive cultures as a theoretical concept. Ask yourself: Where do your truths need re-examining? Which narratives do you need to let go? And most crucially, where are you holding back from bringing your true self to the table? That is where inclusion ignites—and where change truly begins.
Curious to share your story or join the conversation? Reach out to me at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk or visit Inclusion Bites. Let’s keep shaping inclusive cultures, one bold bite at a time.
TikTok Summary
Ready to disrupt the norm with a bit of love and a lot of truth? 🌈💥 In this episode of #InclusionBites, host Joanne Lockwood dives deep with Heather Egginton—a self-proclaimed Truth, Trust, and Love Activator—on ditching the lies we tell ourselves, smashing stereotypes, and building genuine human connections in a disconnected world. Expect bold chats, laughter, and real talk about what belonging actually means!
Want to feel inspired, challenged, or just fancy being part of a warm, inclusive community? Catch the full episode and join the conversation here 👉 https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
#Inclusion #Podcast #DisruptTheNorm #DiversityAndInclusion #Belonging #ListenNow
Slogans and Image Prompts
Certainly! Here are memorable slogans, soundbites, and quotes from the episode “Disrupting the Norm with Love” that would make brilliant additions to merchandise or as hashtags. Each is accompanied by a detailed AI image generation prompt to create compelling visuals for cups, mugs, t-shirts, stickers, or social posts.
1. “Disrupt the Norm with Love”
Hashtags: #DisruptWithLove #InclusionBites
AI Image Prompt:
A modern, bold script of the slogan “Disrupt the Norm with Love” at the centre of the image, surrounded by a softly broken geometric pattern symbolising “the norm” being disrupted. Use vibrant colours: magenta, teal, and gold, with subtle heart motifs woven through the cracks. The background is clean white, keeping focus on the words and disruption effect.
2. “The Truth Whisks People Up, Lies Twist You Up”
Hashtags: #LiveYourTruth #InclusionWisdom
AI Image Prompt:
A split illustration: On the left, a dynamic swirl of uplifting colours (sky blue, lavender, emerald) rises in smooth whisps, carrying the text “The Truth Whisks People Up”. On the right, tangled knots of muted grey and navy twist downwards with the words “Lies Twist You Up” entangled inside. Sleek, modern font with the “truth” side radiating light.
3. “I'd Rather Have the World Against Me Than Live a Lie”
Hashtags: #LiveAuthentically #TruthPower
AI Image Prompt:
A powerful, lone figure stands upright atop a small hill, city silhouettes in the background. The character faces a dark cloud labelled “the world”, but a radiant glow emanates from their heart. The slogan, “I'd Rather Have the World Against Me Than Live a Lie”, appears in strong, hand-lettered style across the sky. Colour scheme: sunset tones with a central beam of golden light.
4. “Find Your Table: Belong Where You Are Valued”
Hashtags: #FindYourTable #BelongingMatters
AI Image Prompt:
An inviting table set amidst a garden, with open seats and diverse silhouettes approaching. On the table is a sign “Belong Where You Are Valued”. A warm, inclusive palette—soft greens, sunshine yellows, pastel blues—and the table radiates outwards, inviting and glowing, symbolising belonging.
5. “Energetically, I Choose Bravery”
Hashtags: #ChooseBravery #EnergyMatters
AI Image Prompt:
Abstract energy waves in vivid electric blue and pink flow around the phrase “Energetically, I Choose Bravery.” A stylised lightning bolt intersects the words. Background is a night sky, with the text appearing luminous and energetic, suggesting personal power and courage.
6. “Be the Chosen One—Choose Yourself”
Hashtags: #ChooseYourself #Empowerment
AI Image Prompt:
A mirror reflecting a smiling, confident person with a golden aura. On the glass, written in stylish handwriting, is “Be the Chosen One—Choose Yourself”. The scene is softly lit as if at sunrise. Subtle flowers and stars surround the mirror rim, representing growth and possibility.
7. “Deep, Truthful Connection Over Everything”
Hashtags: #TruthfulConnection #InclusionFirst
AI Image Prompt:
Two hands reaching towards each other, mid-air, symbolic of real connection. Between them, shimmering light forms the words “Deep, Truthful Connection Over Everything”. Background is a soft gradient of lavender and turquoise, symbolising calm and trust.
8. “From Lonely Couch to Fully Connected”
Hashtags: #FullyConnected #InclusionJourney
AI Image Prompt:
An image of a cosy, empty sofa on one side, gradually transforming into a vibrant, joyful community circle on the other. Above, the phrase “From Lonely Couch to Fully Connected” arches across. Use warm oranges and deep blues, with the transition showing growth and connection.
9. “Be Marmite: Polarise with Pride”
Hashtags: #BeMarmite #LoveItOrLeaveIt
AI Image Prompt:
A stylised jar of Marmite with a pride-coloured label. Above: “Be Marmite”. Below, in playful block letters: “Polarise with Pride”. The background features bursts of confetti in rainbow hues, and the jar appears to glow, taking centre stage.
10. “Full Body Yes Only”
Hashtags: #FullBodyYes #AlignYourChoices
AI Image Prompt:
A silhouette leaping joyfully with arms stretched upward, surrounded by swirling, bright energy lines. The phrase “Full Body Yes Only” is emblazoned across the chest. The silhouette stands out against a fresh, sunrise background—peach, apricot, and pale blue hues.
These are directly inspired by the conversation’s themes: authenticity, bravery, connection, and the courage to disrupt the norm with love. Let me know if you’d like any variations or focus on a specific concept for your merchandise!
Inclusion Bites Spotlight
Heather Eggington, this month’s feature guest on “Disrupting the Norm with Love” from The Inclusion Bites Podcast, reframes our understanding of authenticity, truth, and belonging. As a self-described disruptor of the norm and a “truth, trust, and love activator”, Heather is passionately committed to fostering profound human connection in a world too often marked by disconnect and inherited expectations.
Heather’s ethos centres upon helping individuals shed the layers of stories, inherited beliefs, and societal programming that obscure their authentic selves, guiding them to embrace radical self-honesty and compassion. Drawing on personal experience and her work—including her “Wealth of Women” programme—Heather challenges us to interrogate the lies we tell ourselves, such as societal notions that conflate womanhood with motherhood, or require conformity over wholeness.
Through candid conversation with host Joanne Lockwood, Heather explores the cycles of personal grief, the identities we inherit or construct, and the liberating power of stepping into one’s own truth—even when it disrupts the status quo. Together, they unravel the impact of “normal” on our sense of self, discuss the energetic cost of living divided lives, and reframe concepts of introversion and extroversion, urging us to look beyond labels and embrace our full, multifaceted humanity.
Heather’s insights invite us to pause, turn inward, and gently ask: Is this really my truth? Or am I living within someone else’s narrative? In so doing, she champions a vision of inclusion rooted in self-love, radical responsibility, and community grounded in genuine presence.
This episode is for everyone striving to move from the lonely sofa to genuine connection, and for all seeking permission to disrupt the norm with compassion. Join us this month as we consider what it truly means to live—and love—authentically.
YouTube Description
YouTube Description – Inclusion Bites Podcast, Episode 168: “Disrupting the Norm with Love”
What if everything you’ve been told about living authentically is a lie?
In this unmissable episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, Joanne Lockwood sits down with Heather Eggington—renowned “Truth, Trust and Love Activator”—to dismantle the stories and societal scripts that stop us from thriving. Are you ready to question inherited beliefs, disrupt the status quo, and ignite your journey towards self-acceptance?
Discover:
The deception of “normality” and how inherited truths shape (and limit) your identity
Why radical honesty with ourselves is the gateway to true belonging, inclusion and wellbeing
The hidden cost of societal conformity—including its physical impact on our health and happiness
Practical, compassionate strategies for breaking the cycle of self-denial, reclaiming your narrative, and building courageous human connections
How navigating transitions—like parenthood, grief, or career shifts—can push us to redefine who we really are
The difference between living out of habit and living out of choice
How does this change you?
Expect to think critically about the expectations you swallow without question. Feel empowered to challenge the false identities handed to you. Act with greater integrity—choosing connections with yourself and others that are built on trust and genuine belonging, not pretence or people-pleasing.
Takeaways & Actions:
Embrace radical self-truth as a non-negotiable foundation for inclusion and authentic relationships
Explore “why” behind your beliefs—test whether they are truly yours
Recognise grief as not just for people we’ve lost, but for the identities that no longer serve us
Cultivate communities—at work, at home, in life—where you can “bring your whole self”
Model vulnerability and honesty to inspire belonging in others
Join Joanne and Heather in refusing to settle for fitting in. Dare to belong—on your terms.
#InclusionBites #DisruptingTheNorm #Belonging #Authenticity #RadicalHonesty #ChallengingTheStatusQuo #PersonalGrowth #TruthTrustLove #SocietalTransformation #SeeChangeHappen
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https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
💬 Share your thoughts or join the podcast:
jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
10 Question Quiz
Inclusion Bites Podcast - Episode Quiz: Disrupting the Norm with Love
Test your understanding of the core themes, concepts, and insights shared by Joanne Lockwood in this episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast. Each question offers four possible answers. Select the most accurate one based on the content of the transcript.
1. What primary role does Joanne Lockwood take on in the Inclusion Bites Podcast?
A. Diversity analyst
B. Host and facilitator
C. Human resources consultant
D. Marketing manager
2. According to Joanne, what is required to foster deeper human connection and disrupt the norm?
A. Strict adherence to policies
B. Telling personal truths and being authentic
C. Increased digital communication
D. Relying on hierarchy for inclusion
3. What metaphor does Joanne use to describe the process of following a path in life shaped by societal expectations?
A. Climbing a ladder
B. Walking through a maze
C. Riding a travelator at the airport
D. Sailing a boat in a storm
4. In discussing gender transition and other identity-related journeys, what does Joanne argue is essential for living one’s truth?
A. Maintaining appearances at all costs
B. Taking radical responsibility for one’s decisions
C. Seeking validation from peers
D. Minimising risks to avoid discomfort
5. In reflecting on grief and loss, what nuanced insight does Joanne offer about mourning?
A. People only mourn the deceased’s achievements
B. Grieving is purely about missing someone’s physical presence
C. People often mourn a lost identity or role as much as the person
D. Grief should be avoided through distraction
6. When talking about truth and lies, how does Joanne explain the escalation of dishonesty in people’s lives?
A. Lies only affect others, never oneself
B. Lies form layers that distance a person from their authentic self
C. Lies are easily reversible with time
D. Small lies remain insignificant
7. What does Joanne suggest is important when considering the roles and values we inherit or adopt in life?
A. Always conform to societal norms
B. Questioning whether these values truly belong to us
C. Accept everything taught by authority figures
D. Prioritising tradition above change
8. Joanne describes the impact of being truthful versus lying as having what physical or emotional effect?
A. Truth always makes others angry
B. Truth creates division whilst lies twist you up internally
C. Lies are healthy coping mechanisms
D. Both truth and lies are equally neutral
9. How does Joanne describe the shifts in identity or personal transitions over a lifetime?
A. Identity is fixed after adolescence
B. Identity transitions only happen after major trauma
C. Shifts can happen regularly and involve cycles of grief and belief
D. Personal identity is irrelevant to inclusion
10. In the context of inclusion and personal authenticity, whom does Joanne believe ultimately must make the choice to live truthfully?
A. Employers
B. One’s parents
C. Each individual themselves
D. Government institutions
Answer Key & Rationales
B. Host and facilitator
Rationale: Joanne introduces herself as the guide and host on the podcast, leading conversations and facilitating discussion.B. Telling personal truths and being authentic
Rationale: Joanne and her guest discuss how being honest with oneself and others—living authentically—creates connection and disrupts norms.C. Riding a travelator at the airport
Rationale: Joanne uses the metaphor of a travelator at Gatwick Airport to describe how people often let life carry them along according to others’ expectations.B. Taking radical responsibility for one’s decisions
Rationale: Joanne emphasises radical responsibility as a prerequisite for living one's truth, particularly in identity transitions.C. People often mourn a lost identity or role as much as the person
Rationale: Joanne reflects that we grieve not only the person but also the identity or role associated with that person.B. Lies form layers that distance a person from their authentic self
Rationale: Joanne describes how layers of lies accumulate and separate an individual from their real self, creating complexity and internal strain.B. Questioning whether these values truly belong to us
Rationale: Joanne discusses the importance of critically assessing whether inherited or adopted values are truly our own.B. Truth creates division whilst lies twist you up internally
Rationale: According to Joanne, telling the truth can be disruptive or polarising, but living a lie is internally damaging and causes personal distortion.C. Shifts can happen regularly and involve cycles of grief and belief
Rationale: Joanne explains that identity changes can occur frequently throughout life, involving emotional cycles including grief and renewed belief.C. Each individual themselves
Rationale: Joanne asserts that living truthfully and authentically is an individual decision—each person must choose themselves as “the chosen one.”
Summary Paragraph
This episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, led by host and facilitator Joanne Lockwood, underscores the transformative power of authenticity and personal truth in fostering inclusion and disrupting societal norms. Joanne encourages listeners to take radical responsibility for their decisions, question the origins of their values, and challenge whether their inherited roles truly reflect who they are. She employs compelling metaphors, such as the airport travelator, to illustrate how many are carried passively by external expectations until they muster the courage to reclaim agency. The conversation highlights that truth, while sometimes divisive, is ultimately liberating, whereas living a lie can create profound internal conflict. Joanne thoughtfully examines the cyclic nature of grief and identity shifts, noting that we often grieve the loss of roles as much as people themselves. Above all, she champions the idea that personal authenticity is an individual choice—each person must decide to live genuinely for themselves to cultivate not only their own belonging but also a truly inclusive world.
Rhyme Scheme and Rhythm Podcast Poetry
Disrupting the Norm with Love
In silent rooms where truths disguise,
A whisper stirs behind the eyes:
Is life a tale we rightly weave,
Or borrowed myths we just believe?
From childhood’s rules to grown regret,
We’re taught to play, to not forget—
To fit, to blend, to mask our tones,
While hungry hearts ache to be known.
We hold the stories on our skin,
The “musts” and “shoulds” we fold within,
But comfort’s cloak, so softly worn,
Can leave the self concealed, forlorn.
To live a lie—a heavy feat—
Each layer stacked beneath our seat,
We twist and turn through every day,
While longing truth to light the way.
Yet see the strength in choosing wise,
To challenge norms and shed disguise;
For radical love starts inside,
Where honest voices coincide.
Our worth’s not shaped by others’ laws—
To not have children isn’t loss,
No parent badge defines our name,
Nor sorrow’s chain can keep us tame.
Grief reminds—identity,
Is fluid, shifting quietly.
In letting go of roles once played,
New freedoms dawn where grief has stayed.
The ties that bound begin to break,
New versions of ourselves awake.
Through self-compassion, trust is grown,
And deeper bonds from truth are sewn.
So question why you hide or strive,
For life is yours—your way to thrive.
Whether loud or quiet, lost or found,
All ways of being are profound.
It’s courage found in being real,
To name the wounds, to let them heal.
Connection blooms, and love expands,
When we disrupt with open hands.
If these reflections spark your heart,
Let voices shared become your chart.
Subscribe for more—explore and share,
For change begins when you are there.
With thanks to Heather Egginton for a fascinating podcast episode.
Key Learnings
Key Learning and Takeaway:
The core message of this episode, “Disrupting the Norm with Love,” is the transformative power of radical truthfulness and authentic self-acceptance in cultivating deeper human connection. Joanne Lockwood and Heather Eggington explore how challenging inherited or societal ‘truths’ and shedding the lies we often tell ourselves are vital steps towards inclusion, belonging, and genuine well-being. The discussion advocates for the courage to disrupt the status quo—whether in personal identity, relationships, or workplace culture—by embracing vulnerability and love as tools for personal and collective growth.
Point #1: The Value of Self-Honesty
Recognising and dismantling inherited narratives is crucial. Many of us unconsciously carry limiting beliefs absorbed from upbringing, tradition, or social norms. By taking “radical responsibility” for uncovering these internalised falsehoods, we become empowered to live more authentically, paving the way for an inclusive mindset.
Point #2: Identity Beyond Societal Roles
The episode challenges the idea that our worth or completeness is dictated by fulfilling traditional roles (such as parenthood). Instead, it highlights the importance of defining identity on one’s own terms, which liberates us to support ourselves and others with genuine compassion, rather than judgement or presumption.
Point #3: Grief and the Loss of Identity
Grief is not merely about losing people but often about losing parts of our own identity tied up in those relationships. Understanding this allows for healthier processing of change and transition, acknowledging the complexity of emotions and fostering empathetic support for ourselves and others during times of loss.
Point #4: The Power of Truth in Connection
Authentic connection flourishes when we dare to be truthful, not only with others but most importantly with ourselves. Disrupting the impulse to provide “easy” or socially acceptable answers in favour of honesty—even if awkward—creates space for real trust and empathy, both in our personal lives and within inclusive workplace cultures.
For more conversations that challenge, inspire, and equip you to foster inclusion, subscribe and join the Inclusion Bites community: Inclusion Bites Podcast.
Book Outline
Certainly! Below is a comprehensive book outline based on the guest’s perspective from the Inclusion Bites Podcast episode “Disrupting the Norm With Love”. This outline distils the key themes, insights, and examples, refines the conversational flow into a compelling narrative, and suggests supplementary content and interactive elements for an engaging reader experience.
TITLE SUGGESTIONS:
Disrupting the Norm With Love: Truth, Trust, and Human Connection
Beyond Belonging: Radical Truths for a More Connected Life
From Illusions to Inclusion: Awakening Authentic Connection in a Disconnected World
The Activation of Love: Rediscovering Self and Society Beyond the Norm
Awakening Connection: Living in Truth, Trust, and Love
BOOK OUTLINE
Introduction: Awakening to Authenticity
The journey from disconnection to deep connection
Early recognition of the “norm” and the drive to challenge it
Context: Why human connection and truth matter now more than ever
[Visual Aid Suggestion: Illustration of “The Illusion of Norm” vs “True Self”]
Chapter 1: The Web of Inherited Truths
Summary:
Explores how early beliefs and inherited societal expectations shape self-perception and behaviour, often unconsciously.
Subheadings:
The Inheritance of Beliefs: What Lies Beneath Our Truths
Unconscious Programming: Recognising Inherited Stories
Identifying the False Narratives
The Illusion of “Normal”: When Fitting In Means Losing Yourself
Real-Life Example:
Feeling incomplete as a woman without children due to societal pressure.Reflection Exercise:
Identify one “truth” you have inherited. Is it truly yours?
Chapter 2: Radical Responsibility: Owning Your Story
Summary:
Examines taking ownership for living authentically, breaking free from illusions, and confronting personal stories with honesty.
Subheadings:
The Power of Radical Self-Honesty
Breaking the Cycle: Why Taking Responsibility Matters
Escaping the Trap of Unexamined Stories
The Physical Effects of Living a Lie
Key Quote:
“I’d rather have the whole world against me than live a lie.”Interactive Element:
The “Five Whys” Exercise – unearthing the real motivation behind your choices.
Chapter 3: Truth, Trust, and the Activation of Love
Summary:
Defines the ingredients of authentic connection: personal truth, self-trust, and unconditional love for self and others.
Subheadings:
Becoming a Truth, Trust, and Love Activator
What Happens When We Live in Truth?
Disrupting Dishonesty: Setting Yourself Free
Real-Life Example:
Creating spaces where strangers feel truly seen and connected.Action Step:
Write a “truth statement” about who you are without external expectations.
Chapter 4: Loss, Identity, and the Cycle of Grief
Summary:
Explores the impact of loss, grief, and major change on identity and connection, acknowledging how we mourn not only people but the identities they give us.
Subheadings:
The Layers of Grief: More Than Mourning a Person
Navigating Identity Shifts Through Loss
The Cycle: Grief, Relief, Disbelief, Belief
Visual Aid Suggestion:
Diagram illustrating the Grief-Relief-Disbelief-Belief Cycle.Reflection Prompt:
Who are you beyond the identities others assign to you?
Chapter 5: Deconstructing Layers – How Lies Twist the Self
Summary:
Looks at how lies (to self and others) build up, and the journey of dismantling them to reconnect with authenticity.
Subheadings:
Building False Selves: The Long-Term Cost of Lies
The Energetics of Honesty vs. Dishonesty
Healing by Unravelling the Layers
Real-Life Example:
The guest’s personal journey from corporate conformity to entrepreneurial freedom.Case Study:
Relate to fictional series archetypes (e.g. Breaking Bad, EastEnders) to show escalation of lies.
Chapter 6: Disrupting the Norm: Courage to Choose Differently
Summary:
Celebrates acts of norm disruption, highlighting the challenges, consequences, and fulfilment in living authentically—whether around gender, careers, or relationships.
Subheadings:
The Energy of Being a Norm Disruptor
Societal Conditioning: What’s Keeping Us “In Line”?
Choosing the Path Less Travelled
Building Communities that Reflect Your Values
Direct Quote:
“Who does that? Who retires at 39? Who goes against the grain?”Action Step:
Find one small way to disrupt your own status quo this week.
Chapter 7: Connection and Belonging: From Loneliness to Community
Summary:
Addresses the journey from isolation to genuine community, and how intentional connection based on values is transformative.
Subheadings:
The Myth of Belonging: Why Proximity Isn’t Enough
Creating Value-Aligned Friendship Circles
Magnetism: Attracting the Right People by Being Yourself
Letting Go of Unreciprocated Relationships
Example:
Building a new circle from scratch after moving to a completely new region.Interactive Element:
Frequency of Values Challenge – mapping out your key values and seeking community accordingly.
Chapter 8: Reframing Identity – Beyond Labels
Summary:
Challenges societal and self-imposed labels such as “introvert” or “extrovert”, reframing identity as fluid and context-dependent.
Subheadings:
Are You Shy, or Are You Programme(d) to Be So?
The Origins and Consequences of Labelling
Embracing Both Solitude and Togetherness
Quote:
“We are everything. We are both extrovert, introvert, and all the things in between.”Reflection Prompt:
Which labels have you accepted without questioning? Do they still serve you?
Chapter 9: Everyday Practices: Living in Truth, Trust, and Love
Summary:
Shares practical strategies and mindsets for sustaining authenticity, setting healthy boundaries, and expanding one’s energetic presence.
Subheadings:
The Full-Body Yes: Honouring Your Energy
Clearing Outside Energies: Protecting Your Authenticity
Daily Practices for Radical Presence
Real-Life Example:
Cooking as a metaphor for presence and care.Action Step:
Learn to say ‘no’ to invitations and demands that are not a “full-body yes”.
Conclusion: The Ongoing Journey & Call to Action
Summary:
Encourages ongoing commitment to living authentically, nurturing connections through truth, trust, and love, and actively disrupting the norm for a more inclusive future for all.
Highlights that reconnection is ongoing, and every act of honesty strengthens both self and wider community.
Call to action for readers to join a challenge, community, or movement that reflects their values and commitment.
Invitation to reflect upon their journey and share their story with others.
ADDITIONAL SUGGESTIONS
Visual Aids:
Flowcharts for “Layers of Lies” and “Identity Transformation”
Venn diagram of Truth, Trust, Love as intersecting elements of connection
Reflection and Action Sections:
Each chapter ends with reflection prompts (“Pause and Reflect”) and a simple action step to implement the insight in daily life.Interactive Elements:
Frequency of Values worksheet
Guided “Five Whys” analysis
Connection challenge or journaling activity
Supplementary Research & Contextualisation:
Footnotes or sidebars contextualising cultural references (e.g. series and media)
Brief research insights into how authenticity impacts well-being and belonging
CHAPTER SUMMARIES (One line each)
The Web of Inherited Truths: Unpacking the origins and power of the stories we unconsciously live by.
Radical Responsibility: Taking ownership of your narrative and the power of self-honesty.
Truth, Trust, and the Activation of Love: Creating space for authentic connection by leading with truth and love.
Loss, Identity, and the Cycle of Grief: Understanding how change reshapes our identities and the new connections that arise from loss.
Deconstructing Layers: The process and liberation of peeling back self-imposed and societal lies.
Disrupting the Norm: The courage and consequences of challenging the status quo and reimagining life on your terms.
Connection and Belonging: Building genuine, meaningful communities by aligning with your core values.
Reframing Identity: Moving beyond limiting labels to embrace a fuller, more fluid sense of self.
Everyday Practices: Practical strategies for living unapologetically and sustaining deep connections with self and others.
Conclusion: A call to continuous action—live your truth, activate trust, and build loving, inclusive communities.
REFINEMENT & FEEDBACK PLAN
Draft chapters shared with inclusion and wellbeing experts for review.
Beta reader group composed of DEI champions to provide feedback on accessibility and resonance.
Structure revised in response to feedback, ensuring flow, clarity, and actionable outcomes.
End Note:
This outline transforms the guest’s in-depth exploration into a reader-centred, actionable, and reflective book structure, centred on themes of authenticity, truth, connection, and self-discovery. The resource is designed to be both practical and thought-provoking, supporting readers in making meaningful changes in their personal lives and communities.
Maxims to live by…
Certainly! Drawing on the themes explored around disrupting societal norms with love and truth, here is a comprehensive list of maxims to guide a more authentic, inclusive, and fulfilling life:
Maxims for Disrupting the Norm with Love
Begin with Radical Self-Truth: Embrace honesty with yourself above all. Authenticity starts within.
Refuse Inherited Stories: Question beliefs and expectations passed on by others. Only accept as truth what genuinely resonates with your experience.
Own Your Superpowers: Identify and value your unique abilities. Let your natural presence shape your connections with others.
Honour Your Journey, Not Society’s Timeline: Allow your life path to be defined by your choices, not societal milestones such as having children, status, or external definitions of success.
Challenge Illusions of Normality: Recognise when you are living according to someone else’s version of ‘normal’. Disrupt the status quo when it no longer serves you.
Recognise the Emotional Layers of Loss: Understand that grief often stems from a shift in your own identity, not simply the absence of another.
Let Go of the Lies We Tell Ourselves: Identify and dismantle the small untruths before they escalate into barriers that separate you from your real self and others.
Cultivate Compassionate Honesty: Choose to be direct about your mistakes or lateness; it builds trust and fosters genuine connection.
Prioritise Self-Love: The more honest and accepting you are with yourself, the easier it is to live authentically and to receive love from others.
Release the Need for Universal Approval: Embrace your uniqueness—even if it polarises. Not everyone will resonate with you, and that is perfectly healthy.
Surround Yourself with Energetic Equals: Seek out communities that share your values and energise you. If the spaces you inhabit no longer fit, be willing to move on or even create new spaces.
Ask Yourself ‘Why?’ Repeatedly: Go beyond the surface. Use the ‘five whys’ technique to uncover your true motivations and reveal what genuinely drives you.
Live by Full-Body ‘Yes’ Decisions: Commit to actions and events only when every part of you is aligned with the choice.
Sit with Discomfort to Find Growth: Don’t shy away from the uneasy truths—they are often signposts towards self-discovery and evolution.
Normalise Saying ‘No’: Declining requests or events that do not serve your wellbeing is a vital act of self-care.
Recognise the Energy of Social Labels: Terms like ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’ are only useful if they help, not hinder. Never let a label restrict possibility.
Acknowledge Transition and Change as Natural: Your sense of self and your connections will evolve; let go of static identities and outdated societal roles.
Honour Reciprocal Relationships: Invest in friendships and communities that give as much as they receive. If the balance is lost, let go without guilt.
Value Presence over Perfection: It is not the performance of connection that matters, but the energy and sincerity you bring.
Let Your Choices Speak: Whether it’s changing paths, leaving ‘secure’ work, or owning an unconventional story, let your intentional decisions inspire others.
Recognise When to Rest: Honour your energetic limits. Step back and recharge without apology, knowing this fosters long-term resilience.
Model the Change You Wish to See: Living truthfully, compassionately, and courageously provokes transformation in yourself—and those around you.
These maxims invite continual reflection and transformation, urging you to disrupt norms, love boldly, and trust your intrinsic value in pursuit of a life—and society—where everyone thrives.
Extended YouTube Description
YouTube Video Description – Optimised for SEO
Inclusion Bites Podcast | Episode 168: Disrupting the Norm with Love with Heather Egginton
Timestamps:
00:00 – Introduction to Inclusion Bites
01:03 – Meet Heather Egginton: Truth, Trust, and Love Activator
02:38 – Redefining Superpowers & Authentic Connection
05:03 – The Lies We Inherit and Tell Ourselves
10:32 – Navigating Grief and Shifting Identity
17:10 – Challenging the Stories We Live By
27:50 – Embracing Big Life Changes and Disrupting Norms
31:40 – How Community Shapes Our Self-Value
40:44 – From Loneliness to Meaningful Connection
48:07 – Label Truths: Introvert, Extrovert & Being Honest with Ourselves
56:33 – Full-Body Yes: Making Aligned Decisions
57:40 – Connect with Heather Egginton & Further Resources
58:59 – Joanne’s Closing Reflections and Call to Action
Inclusion Bites Podcast: Disrupting the Norm with Love | Episode 168 Summary
Are you ready to challenge the status quo and nurture true belonging? In this inspiring episode of the Inclusion Bites Podcast, host Joanne Lockwood welcomes Heather Egginton, renowned disruptor of the norm and Truth, Trust, and Love Activator. Together, they explore authentic connection, the stories and inherited beliefs that shape our sense of self, and practical ways to disrupt societal expectations with compassion and honesty.
Key Topics and Takeaways:
Breaking Through Inherited Lies (05:03):
Discover how societal and generational expectations—like the idea that women are incomplete without children—can shape personal identity. Heather and Joanne unpack how to spot these inherited narratives and replace them with empowering truths.Radical Honesty and Self-Compassion (17:10):
Learn actionable strategies for practising self-honesty and authenticity, avoiding the trap of layered ‘truths’ that distance us from who we are at our core. Heather shares the transformative “Five Whys” methodology for uncovering genuine motivation.Navigating Loss and Shifting Identities (10:32):
The conversation moves deeply into grief, identity, and the emotional impact of transitions—be that losing a loved one, gender transition, or redefining life direction. Joanne’s and Heather’s personal stories provide relatable insight for anyone experiencing change.Building Communities of Belonging (31:40, 40:44):
Understand why surrounding yourself with aligned, value-driven people can ignite positive transformation. Heather details her “Frequency of Values” approach to fostering meaningful relationships and community connection.Redefining Introversion, Extroversion and Connection (48:07):
The episode debunks myths around personality labels, encouraging viewers to embrace their authentic selves in both professional and personal life. Practical tips offer relief to those who feel labelled or constrained by expectations.Actionable Wisdom for Daily Life and Strategy:
Whether you're an HR leader, diversity champion, or someone eager to live more authentically, you’ll leave with renewed confidence to question limiting beliefs, embrace your values, and foster inclusive, thriving environments—at work and beyond.
Unlock More Meaningful Inclusion Content
➡️ Subscribe to Inclusion Bites for more thought-provoking conversations: https://seechangehappen.co.uk/inclusion-bites-listen
➡️ Visit our website for free resources and practical guides on inclusion and belonging
➡️ Connect with Heather Egginton: Search “Heather Egginton Wealth of You” on LinkedIn or visit heatheregginton.com
➡️ Take Action! Comment below—Which ‘inherited truth’ are you ready to challenge today? How do you build authentic connections in your world?
For sharing your story or joining the conversation, email Joanne directly at jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk.
Hashtags:
#InclusionBites #DiversityAndInclusion #Belonging #Authenticity #RadicalHonesty #CommunityBuilding #DisruptTheNorm #HeatherEgginton #JoanneLockwood #SEEChangeHappen #PersonalGrowth #WorkplaceWellbeing
For Anyone Seeking to Create Belonging
Join a community redefining inclusion. Perfect for HR professionals, DEI leaders, and anyone striving to break free from outdated narratives and ignite real, positive change.
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Substack Post
Disrupting the Norm with Love: The Power of Radical Truth in Belonging
How often do we find ourselves out of step with workplace expectations, bending and shaping our true selves in order to fit in? It’s a question that sits at the very core of DEI work—how do we move from simply appearing to include, to truly building organisations where authenticity is celebrated and every individual can thrive? This week on the Inclusion Bites Podcast, I welcomed Heather Eggington—a disruptor of the norm and what she calls a “Truth, Trust and Love Activator”—to shine a compassionate and challenging light on these very questions.
Stripping Back Pretence: Real Inclusion Starts Within
In Episode 168, “Disrupting the Norm with Love,” Heather and I dive straight into the tricky business of self-deception and authenticity. It’s all too easy (especially for HR pros, D&I leaders, and L&D specialists) to talk about belonging, but in practice, how many of us have unconsciously built personas that align with social or organisational norms—instead of our actual selves? This episode explores how we can begin dismantling those facades, at both a personal and systemic level.
Heather brings her unique, candid perspective as someone who helps people move past inherited stories and covert cultural scripts. Together we dissect how truths become buried, why so many organisations unintentionally reinforce masks over authenticity, and what it actually means to “disrupt with love”—from the boardroom to the break room.
What’s especially resonant for D&I and Talent professionals is how relevant these insights are for staff transitioning through identity-defining life events, and how our organisational cultures can either nurture or suffocate true belonging.
Key Threads from a Courageous Conversation
As we unravelled these themes, a few threads kept emerging—each one offering not only food for thought, but real guidance for those tasked with creating inclusive cultures at work.
Self-Honesty as the Foundation of Inclusion
We explored the trap of unconsciously living by inherited expectations—what Heather described as “creating our own lie,” where habitual stories about who we should be crowd out who we actually are. Her approach? Start with “radical responsibility.” If the culture around us whispers that we’re incomplete without certain achievements (be it children, career, or status), we must pause and interrogate: Who’s truth is that? Where has it come from? And, crucially, do we still want to carry it forward?The Grief of Letting Go (and Why It’s Essential)
As the saying goes, old habits die hard. Heather and I discuss the “grief relief disbelief belief” cycle—not just for bereavement, but whenever we shed long-held identities. Whether you’ve supported a colleague through transition or personal loss, or even struggled yourself after a redundancy or role change, this cycle is deeply human and underpins so much of the resistance to cultural change at work.The Five Whys: Digging Deeper into Motivation
Borrowing from root cause analysis, we both highlighted the power of repeated questioning—the “Five Whys” technique—to get to the root of our motivations. In DEI, this questioning isn’t just for policies; it’s for people. Are our inclusion initiatives motivated by corporate box-ticking, or a genuine belief in everyone’s worth? What happens if we keep probing our assumptions?The Perils of Accumulated Pretence
The longer an organisation (or individual) builds on a shaky foundation of inauthenticity, the harder it becomes to restore trust and psychological safety. We discussed how lies—whether in organisational comms or our personal lives—don’t just live in the mind, but can “twist us up” physically, affecting our wellbeing and our capacity to connect with others at work.The Power and Polarisation of Authenticity
We didn’t skirt around the truth: living authentically or “disrupting the norm” can be confronting for those around us. But, as Heather notes, being the “chosen one” in your own life means inviting energy, people, and cultures that resonate with your true values. For HR and DEI leaders, this is a call to be bolder, to model and reward authenticity—even when it means challenging longstanding norms.
Nuggets for your Inclusion Toolkit
Here are some practical lessons you can take away and apply directly to your workplace DEI and culture work:
Foster Personal Reflection at All Levels
Encourage employees and leaders to engage in self-reflection—not as a box-ticking exercise, but as a core part of professional development. Provide the space (and language) for people to question, “Is this really me, or is it inherited expectation?” Regularly review policies and practices to uproot assumptions that may reinforce outdated norms.Normalise Grief and Change
Change management so often ignores the emotional transitions behind workplace shifts. Make space for the “grief cycle”—allow for the discomfort, disbelief, and eventual relief as cultures evolve and individuals shed old roles or narratives.Practice and Promote Truth-Telling
From leaders to front-line staff, reward and model truth-telling, even (especially) when it’s uncomfortable. As highlighted in our conversation about coming clean after small mistakes (pressing the wrong button in a meeting, for instance), honesty breeds trust and a sense of safety.Challenge the Myth of Definitions
Be wary of labels. Introvert, extrovert, leader, follower—these can be helpful, but also dangerously constraining. Instead, let’s support people to flex between modes, honouring solitude and connection as part of the same inclusive spectrum.Build Communities by Shared Values, Not Just Shared Work
Encourage values-based networking and peer groups—whether through communities of practice or social activities—so that belonging is rooted in genuine connection, not accidental proximity.
Take a Quick Bite: Audiogram Highlight
Curious to hear how these ideas come to life in real time? Watch this short audiogram for a taste of our warm, honest exchange. It’s a snippet that really captures the spirit of disrupting the norm—with love, accountability, and a dash of laughter.
Ready to Dive Deeper?
These are just the opening notes of a conversation that went far beyond the surface of inclusion. To hear our discussion in full—complete with laughter, vulnerability, and solid practical advice—listen to the full episode here.
Share the episode with your colleagues, your team, or that friend who’s always questioning how to “fit in” at work. Let’s keep the conversation going and encourage open, values-led dialogue across networks and leadership communities.
A Moment to Reflect
Having peeled back the layers, I’m left wondering—and perhaps you are too: In what ways are we upholding norms that conceal true belonging, and what’s one story, expectation, or “truth” you could gently set down, for yourself or for your organisation?
The journey to inclusion begins within. Where will you start?
—
Warm regards,
Joanne Lockwood
Host of the Inclusion Bites Podcast
The Inclusive Culture Expert at SEE Change Happen
jo.lockwood@seechangehappen.co.uk
Listen to more episodes
#InclusionBites #PositivePeopleExperiences
Let’s challenge the status quo—not for challenge’s sake, but to build workplaces where everyone has permission to thrive. What truth will you dare to activate today?
1st Person Narrative Content
Disrupting the Norm with Love: Radical Honesty, Identity, and Choosing Our Own Table
“What if the greatest act of love is simply refusing to live a lie?” This question has quietly shaped so much of my life and career. I see it echoed in board rooms and family kitchens, between old friends and perfect strangers. Yet, too many of us—sometimes for years—let fear, shame, or inherited expectation nudge us along paths that aren’t truly ours. We become, in subtle increments, estranged from the truth of ourselves.
That’s why the conversation I had with Joanne Lockwood on The Inclusion Bites Podcast was so personally resonant and, frankly, necessary. We didn’t keep things surface-level. We went deep into truth, trust, and that word that’s easy to romanticise but tougher to enact at scale: love. Our exchange asked each of us—whether entrepreneur, leader, or everyday human—what false narratives are holding us back, and what it means to disrupt the norm, lovingly.
Joanne is not merely a skilled host. As founder of SEE Change Happen and a public advocate for inclusive cultures, she lives her message. She speaks about belonging and societal transformation the way a great CEO speaks about purpose: unwavering, unsentimental, and actionable. Her generosity, candour, and willingness to “go there” make her an essential voice for anyone serious about change.
More than [INSERT_VIEW_COUNT] people have already watched our interview on YouTube, with many more tuning in via Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
If this conversation sparks something for you—questions, pushback, or resonance—I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. I do read every one.
Unlearning What Isn’t Ours: The Inherited Lies That Shape Us
Too often, we make identity a fixed thing: a handful of facts, a LinkedIn bio, or a box ticked on a government form. But if you scrape away the surface, much of what we call “who I am” comes from outside ourselves—parents, teachers, friends, the ambient pressure of culture.
This isn’t always conscious. Joanne and I traded stories about how entire chapters of self can be inherited myths: the belief that womanhood pivots on motherhood, or that certain career patterns are “proper” and others are reckless. I found myself thinking, how many times have I watched senior leaders internalise an outdated story—about risk, “real” success, or their own supposed limitations—and then pass that bias on?
“You’re not a woman unless you have children,” Joanne noted. It’s a line that sounds absurd when you say it aloud, but quietly infects the narratives of so many. For years, I let my own sense of enoughness hang on scripts I never wrote. Even today, I see promising people shrink themselves to fit a shape given by someone else.
The greatest generational inheritance isn’t just DNA. It’s the invisible scripts we run—until, with intention and courage, we decide to rewrite the whole play.
Radical Responsibility: Tracing the Lie Back to Its Source
It’s not enough to simply name what’s unhelpful. As leaders or partners, we have to do the heavy lifting of self-inquiry. That means tracing beliefs and habits—however innocuous—back to their root.
Joanne articulated it well: “If we’re not careful, what we find ourselves doing is creating our own lie, which then becomes a version of our truth ... that inauthenticity, that pretence with the world that either scares us to come out or we’re just not prepared to face up to.”
Sometimes, these inherited stories run so deep that it takes a significant life event—a loss, a career-altering epiphany, a “travelator” moment, as Joanne described it—to jolt us awake. But more often, it’s a series of small, deliberate questions: Is this mine? Is this true for me, or am I simply maintaining comfort—mine, or someone else’s?
I see “radical responsibility” not as an act of solo heroism, but as a team sport. My most effective moments as a leader have come not from the loudest decree, but from holding a mirror up to myself and my team—inviting uncomfortable questions, pressing “why” again and again, until what remains feels unassailable.
Grief, Identity, and the Space Between
Leadership, like grief, is all about identity—both the roles we claim and those ascribed to us. When Joanne spoke about the passing of her father, I was caught by the vulnerability and pattern recognition: she wasn’t just mourning the man; she was mourning the identity his presence provided. The same is true, in a way, for every transformational moment: graduation, divorce, redundancy, or the leap into entrepreneurship.
Heather Egginton, my partner in dialogue that day, said, “We don’t necessarily mourn the person … we actually mourn the identity that person gave us.” Those words landed hard. Too many organisations and individuals structure themselves around durable identities—roles and expectations that outlive their usefulness, but feel too costly to shed.
What happens if we let that go? The discomfort is real, but so is the possibility. I’ve been through—and led teams through—these transitions. The trick is to coach yourself, and your people, through what Heather called the “grief, relief, disbelief, and belief” cycle:
Disbelief that an old structure or relationship is, in fact, over
Grief for what used to be
Relief (sometimes quietly at first) that the confines are gone
Finally, the belief that you and your contribution persist, alive in new form
No role, title, or relationship has ever defined my worth or impact. The real transformation starts when you realise you own the story now.
The Accrual of Lies: Why We Can’t Dig Our Way Out
Perhaps the most dangerous thing we do with unexamined stories is let them layer, one upon another, until we can’t find our way back to the real. Joanne drew the parallel to the television antiheroes: faced with trouble, they rationalise themselves ever deeper, a new narrative needed to cover each prior omission. It happens quietly in business and at home, too.
Each time we dodge the uncomfortable truth—late for a meeting, so we blame the train; struggling in a project, so we fudge the numbers; losing energy, so we mask with bravado or another glass of wine—we stack another brick in the wall.
The effect is subtle at first: a sense of contraction, a loss of connection. Left unchecked, it calcifies into something much worse—a state where reversing back to honesty feels impossible. Joanne put it simply: “It’s much easier to just tell the truth at that junction because once you start on that lie, you then escalate it all the way through and it becomes that relationship … built on that one mistruth.”
The solution isn’t grand confessional moments. It’s the micro-habits: radical candour in small conversations, admitting you pressed the wrong button, owning the daydream that made you late rather than dressing it in performative excuses. I’ve known entire cultures to shift on the back of a leader simply choosing love and transparency over incremental fear.
Choosing Your Own Table: Community as Energetic Calibration
There’s an old adage: you are the product of the five people you spend most time with. I’d update it after this conversation—your life is the sum of the energies you choose to sit with.
Too many times, especially early in our careers, we stay at tables where our values aren’t shared. We contort ourselves, play the pleaser, or shrink our bolder instincts in order to belong. Like Joanne, I’ve learned the hard way: if you keep calling friends who never call back, maybe it’s time to change your circle. If your workplace celebrates a version of you that isn’t authentically yours, that’s not belonging; it’s compliance.
Heather’s “Frequency of Values” challenge reframed this for me. Instead of asking, “Do they like me?” or “Can I fit in here?”, the useful question becomes, are we aligned on what matters? Is the feedback loop reciprocal, or am I burning out trying to convince those around me to value what I value?
This boundary-setting isn’t just social, but existential. Joanne’s language—of having the bravery to exit the “travelator,” to “choose your own adventure”—is exactly what’s kept me accountable in high-hazard business cycles. Only by surrounding myself with fellow norms-disruptors could I sustain the momentum needed to shape new paradigms.
Rejecting Norms for Their Own Sake: Being Marmite in Business and in Life
Any time you disrupt the norm, you trigger resistance—sometimes from those closest, sometimes from yourself. It’s a crucial lesson: being the outlier is a lonely path if you expect universal approval.
Joanne quoted Chris Evans: “You have to be Marmite, half the world love you and half the world hate you.” I’d add: the real risk isn’t in being disliked, but being ignored. Growth—whether personal or organisational—emerges from authentic friction, not endlessly appeasing the uncommitted.
When I left the well-worn path (buying a house at 21, retiring at 39, choosing work-life designs that others saw as “unusual”), it was only the company of fellow bold misfits that kept me energised. Whether you’re restructuring a startup or engineering your own life, the key is knowing your table, honouring your values, and never letting zombie norms set your limit.
Identity, Labels, and the Power of Refusing the False Binary
At some point, every leader confronts the challenge of labels—both those we pick up ourselves and those imposed by others. “Introvert” and “extrovert” are a perennial favourite in both hiring and self-doubt. But Heather reframed it beautifully: “I don’t class myself as introvert or extrovert. I’m just a person who loves to be on my own in my own company, and I also love to be in the company of others.”
It was a subtle, yet profound, invitation not to let category define capability. I see the consequences everywhere: teams who believe only “natural” extroverts can pitch or sell, professionals pigeon-holed for play-acting a self that isn’t theirs.
My advice, sharpened by our dialogue, is simple. When you feel boxed in by a label, ask: Where did this come from? Who does it serve? Is there another pattern—more dynamic, more flexible—that might serve you instead?
Pause, play the ‘five why’s’ game Heather espouses, and trace that script back to its original source. Most often, what you’ll find is a story that wasn’t even yours—or if it was, it’s no longer fit for purpose.
Courage, Bravery, and Living Fully Charged
Disrupting norms—lovingly, truthfully—is a continuous process, not an event. I left corporate life, yes, but the lesson is broader: the challenge is to wake up, again and again, to the gap between your present life and your actual values.
Some days, I need solitude to recharge; other days, I need a room full of bold misfits. Sometimes I cook with abandon and other times, I follow the recipe. There’s no glory or shame in either path—only in whether they are yours.
If there is a theme to this conversation with Joanne, it’s this: you must choose yourself as the chosen one. Not because it’s lonely at the top, or romantic to be a disruptor, but because the only sustainable path—to leadership, to legacy, to belonging—is truth.
Ask yourself, again and again: is this mine? Does this serve? And, if needed, have the courage to hit the metaphorical stop button on the travelator, pick up your luggage, and chart a new course—one built not on the slow accrual of comfortable lies, but on the galvanising, sometimes disruptive, always loving energy of your own truth.
If you take anything from this, let it be the necessity—and the freedom—of building your life, leadership, and community on radical honesty and chosen belonging. Love, connection, and authentic disruption are not for the brave few; they are available to anyone ready to reject the comfortable fictions we inherit.
If you’ve ever felt that something in your life or organisation needs disrupting—with love, not just anger—I hope you’ll share your own story below. I’m listening.
1st Person Narrative Content
Disrupting the Norm with Love: The Power of Truth, Trust, and Human Connection
“You become the sum of the energy you surround yourself with.” That realisation hit me like a full-body jolt—not the polite sort of insight that drifts in with a gentle breeze, but the disruptive kind that rearranges your mental furniture. It’s also the living, breathing theme that threaded through my conversation with Joanne Lockwood on her Inclusion Bites Podcast. As we traced the contours of belonging, truth-telling, and, yes, breaking the so-called ‘rules’, I found myself continually circling back to one notion: real inclusion requires disrupting the norm, beginning with fierce, uncompromising honesty—with ourselves first, then with others.
This isn’t about theory; it’s about practice—personal and professional. Whether I’m leading a boardroom or welcoming a group of strangers, what connects us isn’t politeness or credentials. It’s the raw, sometimes difficult, always rewarding act of meeting each other without disguise.
Setting the Stage: Why Connection Is My Compass
For most of my life, I’ve been preoccupied with a single, driving question: How do you get beneath the surface—to that place where people actually feel seen and want to stay? This isn’t a trivial curiosity; it’s a strategic imperative, especially as the world spins ever faster, tech isolates us, and divisiveness seems to sell.
I describe myself as a disruptor of the norm—a truth, trust, and love activator. What does that look like in practice? It’s the ability to bring strangers together and leave them feeling truly connected. This has nothing to do with social bravado or extroverted bravura. (Truth: at my core, I value solitude as much as vibrant togetherness.) It has everything to do with radical honesty and treating people as they are, not as they perform.
When Joanne invited me to join her on the Inclusion Bites Podcast, we dived straight in. Joanne isn’t simply a host; she’s a catalyst. As the founder of SEE Change Happen, she’s an advocate, an accomplished speaker, and a leader who refuses to settle for box-ticking around diversity and inclusion. She creates environments—physical and virtual—where real stories surface and old assumptions crack open.
More than [INSERT_VIEW_COUNT] people have already watched our interview on YouTube, with many more tuning in via Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
If this conversation sparks something for you—questions, pushback, or agreement—I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. I read every one.
Let’s unpack some hard-won truths from that exchange—some uplifting, some uncomfortable, all essential.
The Lies We Inherit, the Truths We Choose
If you had asked me years ago to list my guiding truths, ‘radical responsibility’ probably wouldn’t have made the cut. Not because I didn’t value responsibility, but because I hadn’t yet uncovered how many borrowed lies I’d been carrying.
We’re led to believe so much about what’s ‘normal’: that womanhood is incomplete without motherhood, that a good employee keeps a tidy divide between work and self, that adaptation is safer than authenticity. But stop for a moment—where do these ideas actually arise from? Joanne put it plainly, “If we’re not careful, what we find ourselves doing is creating our own lie, which then becomes a version of our truth.”
That landed. Many of these so-called truths aren’t conscious decisions; they sneak in silently, inherited from generations before us, culture, ‘significant adults’, well-meaning colleagues. I grew up, like many, absorbing notions that didn’t serve me—or anyone, really.
The first step to belonging anywhere is refusing to lie to yourself. What’s remarkable—and a little frightening—is how quickly a small self-betrayal snowballs into an identity. You tell yourself children are necessary for wholeness, or that perfection at work is a safety net, or that you’re not equipped for connection if you’re quiet or reflective. Before you know it, you’re not just living a story—you’re trapped in it.
Joanne’s take on this was insightful: “That first lie is 10 centimetres. The next, another 10. Eventually, people are so invested in the version of themselves they’ve built, there’s no way of backpedalling. The alternative feels too raw, too dangerous.”
The Power—and Cost—of Divided Selves
I spent 25 years in corporate environments, climbing, strategising, excelling. But if I’m honest, I lived a double life: one version of me for Monday to Friday, another for home. ‘Professionalism’ was just as often armouring up as it was genuine contribution. When you’re living two lives, your energy splits right alongside you. I see this everywhere now—in organisations, in friends, in strangers at networking events.
There’s a real cost to this. As Joanne put it, “We separate ourselves from our body. We push through work, collapsing at the weekend. We immerse ourselves in numbing routines—to forget, to endure, to distract.” The trouble is, the more we try to hide, the more that divided identity gnaws away at us—and the more distance we put between our real selves and any hope of genuine belonging.
My own wake-up call came when I lost my beloved cat, Lester. It was a piercing moment—suddenly, the scaffolding of corporate life made little sense without the soft responsibility of caring for another being. I suddenly saw how I’d been slogging through jobs and routines out of inertia, not authenticity. That loss cleared the path to a new life: property investing, mentorship, and, crucially, reconnecting with my own truth. In the end, I found that the world outside the norm didn’t collapse—it cracked me open to deeper connection.
Grief, Identity, and the Natural Order of Transformation
We all experience transitions—some chosen, some thrust upon us. Grief, I’ve learned, is less about the absence of a person or a role and more about mourning the identity that person or season gave us. Joanne’s experience with the loss of her father was a vivid reminder: even in estranged relationships, the ending stirs something elemental. It disrupts your understanding of who you are and the stories you’ve told about your place in the world.
For me, losing Lester illuminated this cycle acutely. There is disbelief (“did this actually happen?”), grief (“what I had is gone”), relief (“space to expand into something new, sometimes guilt-ridden but necessary”), and finally belief (“that part of my identity lives on, but it’s changed.”) These phases are universal—no matter the source of the transition.
Why do so many of us resist this cycle? Why does the idea of letting go—or even simply admitting we want to—feel so dangerous? Because the norm, however stifling, offers a measure of comfort. To disrupt it—especially with love and truth—requires stepping directly into discomfort, and, at least initially, loneliness.
Connection Is Not an Accident: Learning to Create Community
There’s a persistent myth that some people are just natural ‘connectors’, effortlessly pulling others in. But here’s my reality: I didn’t always have friends, community, or even the faintest clue how to build either. For years I was the one on the lonely couch, convinced I was abnormal for wanting something deeper than small talk.
It took years to dismantle that myth and see that true connection can be created—consciously, intentionally, and (here’s the secret) by starting with your own values. When I moved to Shropshire without a friend in sight, I got intentional. I asked: Who am I, and who do I want to surround myself with? What do I value, and am I willing to start my own table if I don’t find it?
Building community became a process of filtering for alignment—not just filling space for the sake of avoiding loneliness. Today, my circle is filled with women who value deep, honest connection, who want to show up as themselves, warts and all.
Joanne put it succinctly: “If you hang out in corporate life with corporate people, that becomes your truth. But as soon as you step into entrepreneur space, you find solace among others who’ve chosen the unusual path.” That’s critical—the people around us shape the boundaries of our audacity, our courage, and our sense of what’s ‘normal’.
Permission to Be: Truth as the Greatest Connector
One of the greatest myths we perpetuate is that belonging requires hiding, adapting, or toning ourselves down. I see this when people claim they’re ‘too introverted’ to connect, or ‘too different’ to be accepted. But here’s what I now know: the more I inhabit my own being—powerfully, quietly, sometimes loudly, but always truthfully—the more others do the same.
Joanne sees this pattern constantly: “It’s another truth we’re telling ourselves, another label we’re owning without question. If we stop, if we trace our reactions with five honest ‘whys’, we often realise we’re resisting visibility, not because it’s inauthentic, but because we haven’t practised self-trust.”
Now, I treat honesty as a sort of superpower. If I’m late, I say so. If I cut someone off in a video call, I own up. If I’m not up for a meeting, I just say it. And you know what? Far from cutting me off, it’s magnetic. People respond, “Oh, I’ve done that too.” That’s the connective tissue of humanity: not perfection, but authenticity.
Food, Marmite, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves
You might wonder what Marmite and connection have in common. Here’s the punchline: they both reveal the arbitrary rules we live by and the power of disrupting them. For decades, I told myself, “I don’t like Marmite.” But then I found myself enjoying Twiglets—Marmite’s crunchy cousin. Joanne had a similar story with foods she ‘couldn’t’ eat, habits she ‘couldn’t’ break, or identities she’d been given rather than chosen.
It’s about more than taste. Taste buds, I believe, link directly to identity: as we evolve, so does what we’re willing to try and, ultimately, to enjoy. When the stories change, so do the outcomes. I now find as much joy in making an exquisite tart tatin as I do in forging business relationships. Both require presence, listening to what’s actually needed rather than prescribed recipes—and the willingness to break out of the familiar, even in small ways.
When Two Truths Meet: Beyond Marmite, Beyond Roles
Sometimes, belonging isn’t about blending in—it’s about choosing yourself as the chosen one, then inviting others to meet you at your frequency. That’s the difference between collecting acquaintances and building real community. In the end, you cannot outsource belonging. You must begin by choosing yourself and then curating the energetic field you want to inhabit.
This isn’t always received warmly. The status quo is deeply invested in conformity. As Joanne noted, “The greater forces that push against us living authentically will do everything in their power to make us doubt.” But there’s no greater act of inclusion—personally or organisationally—than refusing to lie about who you are and what matters to you.
Bravery, Norm Disruption, and the Joy of Missing Out
People often describe moves like mine—leaving corporate life, retiring early, starting again in a new community—as brave. They use it as a compliment, sometimes tinged with curiosity, sometimes with a whiff of repressed longing. But bravery, I’ve found, is simply energy redirected: away from people-pleasing and towards living in the integrity of your own values.
The older I get, the more comfortable I am with saying, “This isn’t for me.” The joy of missing out (JOMO), replacing the fear of missing out (FOMO), is a product of clarity: if it’s not a full-body yes, I don’t go. Loneliness dissipates when you’re inhabiting your own truth, and the connections you make from that place are sustainable, reciprocal, and nourishing.
When Joanne shared her travelator analogy—about getting off the standard path and choosing your own destination—I recognised the journey instantly. There’s a cost to pressing the stop button, but there’s an even greater cost to never looking up and realising you’re not actually headed where you want to go.
A Final Reflection: Choosing the Audacity of Love
If I could leave you with one disruptive invitation, it would be this: Let your life interrupt the norms. Question not just what you believe, but why you believe it. Challenge the micro-lies that build up over years and the stories that others—family, culture, colleagues—have given you.
Permission to belong comes from within, not from the approval of others. As Joanne reminded me, “We all matter, but we have to decide that for ourselves.” The world doesn’t need more conformity; it needs more humans boldly activating truth, trust, and love.
If what I’ve shared resonates, pushes a button, or leaves you with more questions than answers, let’s talk in the comments below. None of us are meant to navigate this alone. Belonging—real, radical, joyous belonging—is an ongoing act of courage and an open door we must continually walk through.
Here’s to disrupting the norm, with love—one truth, one community, one imperfect, honest day at a time.
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